Monday, July 30, 2007

The Rant: The Simpsons Movie

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Hmm, a movie based on an animated television show that's still currently running on the air... my response was this, "South Park already did it!" Now I haven't seen a fresh episode of The Simpsons in roughly four seasons, but old school Simpsons is something I can watch all day. I think I hit the Simpsons wall somewhere along the "Grimey" episode and it stopped being a must watch for me. Still, the first ten or so seasons I'll rank up there with the best TV has to offer so I was excited to see the movie and was very curious to see what they would do with the extra hour or so of movie time. As usual this isn't an actual review, just some impressions. There will be spoilers, you are forewarned.

They hit you early in the 20 Century Fox logo with Ralph Wiggum trumpeting in the credits. From there the movie is non-stop gags and one liners. The jokes don't always hit, but there isn't much time to contemplate before the next gag hits. It's the Simpsons so you gotta be on your toes both with the dialog and any on-screen goodness they might try to sneak past you.

The movie plays like a Greatest Hits album. Almost every gag and plot device is a variation we've already seen in the television show. The big glass dome crisis hearkens back to Burns blocking out the sun. Homer's Eskimo vision quest parallels the one he went on with a Johnny Cash voiced Coyote. Simpsons have been the target of a vigilante mob before. Lisa's romance plays like all the others we've seen before as well. Even the style of joke telling is familiar and distinctive and will call back specific episodes. You know what though? It's not a bad thing. The lack of originality is bolstered by the exectution. For example, because of "Joey Joe Joe" I knew exactly what was going to happen the moment Bart doodled on a "Wanted" poster. I also know that Homer + Springfield Gorge is never a good thing. It's not original, but it didn't matter. It still worked. The movie is full of moments like these and instead of feeling tired and hackneyed, it's comforting.

Um, remember when Bart was the focal point of The Simpsons? Anyway after 17 years or so he's now an emo mess. WTF? Anyway, what they decided to do with that extra hour they had to work with by going in depth with the characters more than they ever have. Bart expresses a desire to be loved. Marge shows that she has a tipping point in her marraige. Homer accepts a guilt based responsibility. There were some touching moments, but the feeling was like when you hang around too long with your drinking buddies and all of a sudden they start talking about their real problems. It's just a tad unsettling.

Cameos! Green Day meeting their demise was cool and Tom Hanks's bit was my favorite in the movie. The only gripe I have is that I would have rather them use President Ranier Wolfcastle rather than his real life allegory President Schwarzenegger. It didn't seem right since they didn't even use the Guvenators voice.

All the bit players are back! From Gabbo to Drederick Tatum to Jacques the Bowling Lothario. I coulda used a little more Disco Stu though.

They did go the adult route on a few occasions. I could have lived forever without ever seeing Bart's wenus. Homer giving the finger was great. Otto took a big bong hit. Marge belted out a "goddamn". I remember the days when The Simpsons were seen as radical and now their extremes are still well below the tamest South Park episodes.

Still if you enjoy the Simpsons you'll enjoy the movie. They did it right this time.




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Monday, July 09, 2007

Songs You Should Know: Mistah FAB- Ghost Ride It!

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If there's anything I hate, it's admitting I missed the boat on some really cool stuff. Well yeah, since I've been relying on local radio for music, my exposure to stuff out of the Yay has been limited to E-40 and that "Fast like a NASCAR" song. So I missed this three minutes of awesome from Mistah FAB. Now I had been familiar with Ghost Ridin' for awhile so it was just a matter of time until they came out with an instructional song for it. I just missed it. I'm yo part-time sucka

Apparently this video has been anned for using the Ghostbusters logo in the video. Doesn't matter much since I haven't watched MTV or BET for months. Still a buddy of mine passed this on and even though it doesn't usually meet the criteria of current or forgotten oldie I had to put it down. There isn;t much I can say besides this video kick ass. So here's Ghost Ride It, by Mistah FAB. By the way if you don't appreciate the Patrick Swayze line, get the hell off my blog.




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Saturday, July 07, 2007

The Rant: Transformers

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If there's anything you can count on is Hollywood fucking up your childhood. So the last year or so I've been staying away from all the Transformers hype. No AICN, no comicbookmovies.com, nothing. All I knew going into this movie was that Bumblebee was going to be a Camaro instead of a VW BUG, the Optimus Prime would be voiced by the original cartoon voice and that Jazz was going to be one of the Autobots featured in the movie. Okay, first of all, I was a total Transformers junkie. Every day after school it was Transformers, G.I. Joe, and Thundercats. Every day. My first Transformer I ever bought was Jazz, back then he was a Porsche racing car, he was followed by dozens, but Jazz was and always will be my favorite. So my mantra as I was waiting for the movie to start was "Please don't suck".

There are going to be a bunch of spoilers and as usual this is not a review, just some impressions.

From the opening seconds, the fanboy inside of me was pumped. Hearing Optimus Prime narrate the opening set the bar incredibly high. I can honestly say that this movie did not disappoint when it came to providing nostalgic moments. Big props for using the original transforming sound effect from the cartoons. Having a VW Bug smacked my the movie Bumblebee was great. Having Jazz carry on a "black" persona... corny, but appreciated. Devestator's name still has that "Oh Shit!" aura about it. The best nod to the old Transformers was Optimus barking the line "One Shall Stand, One shall fall" I wanted to get out of my seat and start belting out "You've go the touch, you've got the powerrrr YEAH!

Holy crap is Megan Fox smokin'! If I could buy stock in her I would. Man, she's like the second coming of Jennifer Connelly, but with proportionate boobs. Seriously, I could not take my eyes off her yo!

The Bumblebee-Sam duo's characterization surprised me. Glad they made them a little tougher than in the cartoons. In the cartoons, Spike and Bumblebee were 100% cat. Sam loses points though for throwing his friend out of the car so he can give Megan Fox a ride home.

This movie had some unbelievable CGI, but some of the robots were hard to tell apart. At times it seemed a bit much but then again, It's Michael Bay. How he rolls is in slow motion with a setting sun in the background as the music build to a crescendo...yo.

I would have liked to have seen Anthony Anderson used a little bit better. The guys been in some of my favorite movies over the last few years. He should have at least gotten some nookie off the blonde. Oh well, at least he didn't get shot in the head this time.

There were quite a few "Autobots are jerks" moments. Bumblebee pulls off to a makeout point playing "Sexual Healing" . Ironhide nearly kills a Chihuahua. Optimus is a klutz who wrecks Sam's yard. Ratchet says out loud that Sam's wants to mate with the girl. Ratchet "peeing" on John Turturro. They aren't quite Superman level, but those Autobots can be jerks.

There's a scene where Sam finds out that Megan Fox had a a juvie record and he gets all self righteous and betrayed. I call bullshit. He's known her for two days and he wants to act indignant over a secret? Like a juvie record doesn't make her that much hotter? She has Daddy issues and you want to turn her away? Seriously, yo. Bullshit.

Worst moment of the movie: I'm not going to totally spoil it, but if I want to go as Jazz for Halloween this year I'm going to need a buddy to complete the costume. Stupid Megatron! I guess even black robots can't escape the "black guy always dies in science fiction movie" cliche.

The final scene had Sam and Megan Fox canoodling on Bumblebee's hood. Since he's like their pal, isn't that close to being a creepy threesome?

Anyway, I loved this movie and I have high hopes for the Transformers franchise. Still, if hear that Judd Nelson is going to be in the sequel, all bets are off.







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Tuesday, July 03, 2007

Tortilla Chips and Milk Hall of Fame Showdown!

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Aight suckas I was checking out some upcoming DVD releases and I saw two must haves for the TC and M collection. Both Monster Squad and Robocop are releasing 20th anniversary special editions. Yeah, I know, "Holy Shit!" Both of these movies have two awesome lines that have yet to be canonized into the TC and M Hall of Fame. Since we'll be celebrating our nation's independence, I figured we'd be democratic about this. So I present to you our first TC and M Hall of Fame showdown.

"Wolfman's got Nards" vs "Bitches leave"

Contender #1


"Wolfman's got nards" - The Monster Squad
Pros: Is there any quicker way to comedy gold than this equation: Wolfman+Kick to the Jimmy? The definitive line of this movie. Even if peeps haven't seen this movie they know the line. You relive the scene every time you hear this line.
Cons: It was a flippin kids movie. The line itself doesn't have that much utility in common conversation.
Best usage of line in everyday life: Someone in your present company gets hit in the nards. Said while the guy is reeling in pain.

Contender #2


"Bitches leave" - Robocop
Pros: Simplicity and delivery. The fact that it's delivered by the future Red Forman in a huge plus.
Cons: If you get the delivery right people get it immediately. If you get the delivery wrong, you're a rude motherfucker. Some people would think that "I'd buy that for a dollar" is the definitive Robocop line. They may be suckas but they do exist.
Best usage of the line in everyday life: There are bitches in your present company and you want them to leave.







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