Cat comes out wearing a silver dress. Isn't that lame? By the way I'm not intending to have an accent over the "e" in lame. Seriously, that dress with her complexion ranks up there with Martha's green hat and the giraffe print dress as style mishaps of the season.
Aight, we're starting out with Travis and Heidi with a Doriana Sanchez disco routine. I just realized this will be my last chance to use the disco expertise granted me by once having a roommate who owned a ruler that said "disco" on it. Ah, memories of "disco" ruler, we've had some good times. As Heidi and Travis enter, the announcer voices over that the role of "featured vagina" on the show is now played by Heidi.
Pretty much that's what we get...a segment with a cunniliftus and flying gyno exam sammitch. The pulses I'm getting from the memories of the disco ruler state that the number was alright!
Before the judging Nigel comments that Cat looks like a disco ball. Cat responds in a voice laced with "teh sexay" that if you fix the wires you can hang her anyway you'd like. Either this show has that "week before graduation" vibe or there's a randiness quotient that they're scrambling to meet now that Natalie is gone. Nigel goes on to say that Heidi is the best girl partner in this competition. Very astute since she's the only female dancer who was a partner specialist and she's a championship level couples dancer to boot. Way to give an insider's analysis Nige. He says Travis was terrific too. Mary says Heidi is the first girl to dance the hustle well. She loved Travis's lifts. Brian thought disco was perfect for Heidi. He wished Travis would have locked his arms for the lifts. Isn't that bad for the joints?
The Benjelle is back for the last time with a Vietnamese Waltz. Joe Pesci Generaux is the choreographer. He wants to challenge them with the routine. The rehearsal theatrics are kept to a minimum. They perform the Viennese Waltz to a song by the renowned Austrian composer Edwin McCain.
Seriously, hearing "I'll Be", all I can think of now is F'N Dawson and Joey and how this was probably a storyboard for a scrapped Joey fantasy scene. Yeah, like I can really critique a waltz...it was either the Dawson's scenario or or telling stories of me and my former lllllady when this song was popular. I chose Dawson's. Ooooh this is the part where Benji and Donyelle are reported to have kissed.
I take it back, maybe he doesn't have to deep-fry a panda to lose votes. Now don't get me wrong, I'm totally down with interracial kissing. In fact, there's nothing I'd rather be doing now than interracial kissing. I'm just saying if the camera didn't cut away to confirm the loose reports of the taping, it might have cost Benji some votes. 
Anyway Cat call them on their smootching. They totally deny it in a manner that makes it 100% certain they were. Nigel asked if they have had classical training which he knows they haven't. He than rips into them for not looking graceful. He didn't like their legwork. Mary said it was a disappointment for her. She didn't see the power in the dancing. Brian says it wasn't smooth enough and says they need to bring it the rest of the show. Wow, they waited until the finals to rip into the Benjelle. What gives? Anyway Cat says get ready for Travis and Benji. Benji announces that the "Tranji" is coming at'cha! No he did ehnt!
We come back from the break to see the dancers and the "Step Up" crossover promo. So that's what the Nigel comment was all about last week...WHORES!!!! Besides, isn't "Step Up" 's plot of mixing a ballerina and a hip-hop dancer just "Save the Last Dance" taken a step further? I mean, that's what people who have seen the movie would have told me if actually knew anyone that watched that kind of stuff...yeah. In my defense, Julia Stiles was hot, yo!
I'll skip ahead to Heidi's solo, which is the pretty much the same as all her solos, but now flavored with imitation sluttiness!
Now we have the pairing of Travis and Benji for a Shane Sparks hip-hop routine. They are now known as "Tranji" complete with matching hats.
What was that spelling bee contestant? Use "Tranji" in a sentence? Tranji. In San Francisco, I lived across the street from a hotel, where I would see lots of "Tranji's" waiting for cabs. Tranji. Shane Sparks gets really clever here. He has the Tranji play the role or nerdy white guys. Brilliant! This way he can have a hip-hop routine where their limitations are masked by the dancers being in "character". It works really well too! The story appears to be Travis and Benji experience their first erections and that hormonal spike inspires them to get their jiggy on.
The click-clack noise you hear in the background is the cumulative sound of slash fiction writers typing furiously right now as they do the rolling 69 move from the "Poison" Group Number.
I really did enjoy their routine though. There's a Benji chant that I believe, overpowers a quieter Travis chant. Nigel loved the idea of the routing and calls them closet Krumpers. He says something about nipple rings that I ignore. Mary loved it so much she made a puppet with her hand that screamed. Brian follows with a mock Mary Scream and called them dorktastic.Donyelle does her solo and it's reminiscent of her audition piece. Sweet, we've come full circle with the return of pre-Benjelle, D. It was a great solo.
Travis does his solo and he pulls out the back handsprings and other athletic moves. Great strategy here to contrast he and Benji.
Next, we have Heidi and Donyelle. They don't have a cute hybrid name but apparently they have nicknames with a fire theme. Snore! They're up for Broadway with Tyce Diorio!
They dance to "Big Spender. Kinda boring all the way around except for the parts where I think that Donyelle's vest is going bust open and release her bounty.
Nigel thought it was simplistic and they didn't rise above the choreography. Heidi and Donyelle look silly being judged while wearing the big-ass silver eyelashes. Mary thought they didn't bring enough attitude. Brian thought they did the choreography but the performance was ordinary. Benji does his solo and spins a million times. Then he pulls out a pot and boils a kitten! Okay fine, he doesn't.
Next up we have Travis and Donyelle, with a Mia Michaels blues contemporary piece. How the hell do you dance the blues?
They dance to "Georgia on My Mind" and it really is beautiful to watch. They have period costuming and what do you know their dancing is controlled enough where I see how they are dancing the blues! Who knew? Nigel thought it was beautiful and captured him. Mary gets weepy eyed and thought it was unbelievable. Then she starts talking about her trips to Georgia. Stop! Brian said it was watching a painting that kept moving and it was art. Brian gives Donyelle a mini standing O. Now it's the Heidi and Benji dancing Alex DeSilva's Salsa. I start my prayer to the TV Gods for this last performance. Please please please please please, find a way to have Benji and Heidi make out at the end of this dance. I get my hopes up while Heidi looks as she's giving a primitive birth...but denied!
DRATS!!! They were both in their element so of course it was excellent. Nigel thought the leg movement was terrific yadda yadda yadda. Mary says she's hopping on the Love Boat again and compliments the lift. Brian asks them to perform this at his next birthday party. Really, if you didn't see it, I'm not joking. We end with a fun group routine by Wade Robson. It's to SexyBack, the song I'm JUST now hearing for the first time. Okay, I get the phrase now now. It's a high fashion, runway theme and they strike a pose at the end.
The judges gush over everyone and there's a notable pro Travis theme at the end from Mary and Brian. Is that enough to derail the Benji train? We'll have to wait a week to find out. I'm still pretty sure I know who I'm voting for.
Oh, like you didn't know that was coming!Tags:
No sir, there was not enough vaginal shots for me, please do a second take.
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