Top Five - Paj's Past Halloween Costumes

As of Halloween Morning it doesn't look like I'm going to have a costume for tonight. It's the combination of fake pneumonia and chronic laziness again...I almost did a cop out costume for work. I was going to be grunge guy with a flannel shirt and a Lollapalooza '94 shirt, Doc Marten boots and ripped jeans. It felt cheap so I passed. Plus I think I actually wore that stuff out to the grocery store a few days ago. Anyway wearing a tie and a cashmere vest is the best I could do today, but it got me thinking that I've never been a big Halloween guy. It's strange though, I like costuming up and I like going out to see all the hoochies on Halloween, but I've never been big on dressing up ON the actual day itself. I mean I'll wear a Lucha mask all day just kickin' it, but I've never used a Lucha mask in a Halloween costume...I have no idea what that means, I'm just sayin' that's all...

Anyway here are my top 5 Paj Halloween Costumes

5. Ninja

Before the whole Ask a Ninja- Real Ultimate Power ninja renaissance, there was a TV show back in the day called "The Master” about an old Ninja and his cracker-ass apprentice. I don't remember much about it other than it was about ninjas and it was rockin' and it stayed on the air just long enough for me and all my friends to be ninjas for Halloween. We did the turn a black t-shirt into a ninja mask by pulling the sleeves through the hole and tying around our head. Come to think of it I should have done that today.

4. Old School Dracula

I swear I think I wore this costume five years in a row or something ridiculous like that. It had all my favorite elements in a costume: Face paint, fake blood, a cape, and plastic fangs. I think I stopped wearing capes with my Halloween costumes when I got my cape tangled while I was riding my bike. Shit, come to think of it I could have been killed! Stupid Halloween!





3. Vinyl Jumpsuit Batman

I think this is what happens to kids when their parents are either busy or uninterested in Halloween: they get the shitty vinyl costume in a box. SVCIB was pretty much a plastic one piece jumpsuit which was colored to look like whatever was popular at the time. Sometimes the designs would come close to looking like they were supposed to. Sometimes they actually had what it was supposed to be written on the front, like "Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle", which serves no one but the clueless parent who's buying a costume for a kid who wants to be Donatello for safety trick or treat night at the high school gym. Anyway, I had Batman twice and Superman once and the experience melds into one big horrible nightmare of dripping with sweat in a plastic cocoon and cutting my lips trying to stick them through the mask's little square pie hole. Then the mask string always breaks then you're just standing there in a pool of sweat looking like a retarded superhero in Keds. HATE!

2. ½ of the Nasty Boys

The Nasty Boys were a bulky wrestling tag team in 90’s known for their ability to be “nasty”, go figure. One of their signature moves was the “pit stop” where one of the boys would shove the face of their hapless opponents into his partners arm pit.

It was a natural choice for me and my bulky blonde friend. As far as costumes go it was easy. All it took was black sweatpants, biker boots, cheesy shades, and paint-splashed black muscle T-s. We even had a hot female manager in all black ta boot. It was great costume and we looked embarrassingly like them.

We actually entered the costume contest at our college Halloween party and as we lined up. The band broke out into an impromptu version of Janet Jackson’s Nasty Boys. We ended up losing to our Sikh friend who dressed up as Gandhi. It was aight though; after he got his prize we gave that pacifist a pit stop for good measure. Truly nasty.

1.Chris Farley-Chippendale Dancer

This was a lot of fun. I got many many compliments from the club goers that night and I even got on the guest list for a local radio station crappy concert series. The only thing that horrified me was that there were people who didn’t get the joke and thought I was just going as a male dancer. Anyway I made the top 3 for the 90’s costume contest but lost out to a killer Drew Carey and Mimi. It was fun getting to be center stage for a huge party, but I knew I was toast. Hmmm I still have that shirt and bowtie laying around and if I go to a different club…I gots to think on this a bit suckas. 5000.