So You Think You Can Dance: Previewing the Top 20

I'm back on the reality show recap train suckas! So You Think You Can Dance is back and we're through with the cattle call shows and the competition starts for real this Wednesday night with the Top 20. I'll admit usually the cattle call shows suck, but they did a better job this year of building some pretty good story lines culminating with the final Vegas cut down show (note: they really should devote two shows to this)

So, after lots of crying, dancers throwing tantrums and otherwise talking themselves off the show and what is the biggest upset ever, the daughter of the choreographer of the High School Musical franchise didn't make the top 20! I had her pegged as top 4 minimum. Anyway here's the top 20 and my early thoughts after the jump.


Gev, was introduced as the ice-skating break dancer who actually had a pretty cool audition solo. He'll be a contender for the non-threatening white dude vote, but he definitely has some competition. Other than that he's got some unique moves as a breaker, but he has to rely on his breaking he's got his work cut for him.


Kourtni L was a dancer they picked up in Milwaukee. She's a contemporary dancer whom Nigel stated bore a resemblance to Uma Thurman. He then said they should sign her up For Kill Bill:The Musical. Seriously, yo, I would be all over that show. I don't see her lasting all that long.


Joshua was called out by Debbie Allen, no less as possibly being more than a street dancer. He's athletic as hell and had to have at least some gymnastics training in there somewhere since he can pull out a backflip like it was nothing. He could go really far, if he's had some formal training. Even if he falls short with a partner his solo's are crowd pleasers.


Didn't notice her during the cattle call shows, but her bio says she competed in the Miss California pageant and her style is contemporary ballet. I don't see her lasting very long either.


I remember he was one of the contemporary dancers who rocked the hoops shorts during their auditions. I just thought that was strange. His bio says he'll be dancing in the movie "American Mall" released this Fall. This is the type of guy who might be a Travis type and get a strong following as the show progresses.


Courtney G. is continuing a trend on SYTYCD of NBA dancers making the cut. She's a New York Knicks City Dancer so she'll probably be able to hit any hip-hop routines they throw at her and her training goes across the board. I see her going very far in the competition, unless her personality sucks.


I thought this guy was cool when he auditioned to a spoken word piece. Of course they waited until Las Vegas to let the viewers know he was an actual protegee of Debbie Allen. Well then, I think dance world politics aside he'll do very well. One of my early favorites for top 4.



Katie almost talked her self out of the competition by having the nerve to tell the Jidges that she wasn't sure if she would come back next year if she were cut. They had the arrogance to equate that with giving up dancing and gave her the "how could you give up on your dreams at 19 speech". Yes the longer this show stays on the more the show becomes a parody of itself. I saw her in the auditions she was kind of boring and based on the negative screen time I'll bet she goes home early.



Twitch is my personal favorite to win this season. I thought he was great last year and should have been in the Top 20 last season (not over Hok, but over some other schlub). I hope he'll do well with a partner. He had a year to work on it.


We go from my favorite to instant hate. It's not that she's done anything offensive, it's just from that opening Avril Levine intro she got in her audition show she's been force fed. We didn't see much of her actual dancing in the Vegas show so I don't know how well she's going to do, but I do know is that even her name ahnnoys me.


Let's see this guy's specialty is partner dancing,he was a US West Coast Swing Champion (oh no) and his favorite dancer is Benji f'n Schwimmer. I thought we were done with these Schwimmer people!!! Fuck me, he's top 4 guaranteed which means lots of guest appearances from Benji, Heidi, and Lacey. Can't wait. By "wait" I mean "imagine how I can keep from poking my eyes out.


Okay, here's another partner dancer that they pushed quite a bit, this time with the financial hardship story. Sorry if I don't feel bad for someone who almost couldn't afford expensive dance lessons, living in Forclosureville and all. Still her bio says she's some sort of US team dancer and she is kinda cute...


No clue on this guy other than he is one of the many male contemporary dancers on the show. Even his bio is boring. I hope he gets Krump on the first night.


I have nothing to really say about this one either since she didn't get much screen time. Except hearing Kat call someone "Jessiker" makes me smile among other things. Her bio says one of her nicknames is Busty. She's got my vote!


Contemporary dancer with an oddball dance style. He had a solo to "BOhemian Rhapsody" that was pretty cool for the 15 seconds they showed of it. He doesn't seem all that faggy for a contemporary dancer.


This season's token hot dancer, except that she's not really that hot and she's not all that great of a dancer. She dresses slutty though which is a plus. The show will remind us everyweek that she's on that she's a teacher...and hot! Looking forward to her Shakira wannabe solos though. Yum!

He had no screen time and he's a contemporary dancer who reminds me of last year's Danny. Next!


Jazz-funk, contemporary dancer and Dallas Mavericks Dancer to boot! She's gonna be tough to beat.


This dude was a dancer in High School Musical 1 and 2. He made it but the HSM choreographer's daughter didn't. Heh. He looks like a poon.


We saw Nigel call her the best female hip-hopper he's ever seen. We didn't see her dance all too much. Her bio says she does have some formal training.

Well it's gonna be a long night...I'm sticking with it as long as the Jidges don't get too unbearable. I don't trust how they roll though. SUCKAS!

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TC and M Test Drive: Nintendo Wii Fit

w00t! I just got an e-mail from Tortilla Chips and Milk's male model D'Artagnan which he sent me an exclusive photoshoot taken after he stood in line to buy the Nintendo Wii Fit. So here's some pictures of a hot male model workout with the latest new hot product from Nintendo.


Okay, I see he's starting with some meditation on the Wii Fit balance board accessory. Maybe it's a Swedish exercise technique.


Still no video screen. Is he looking for hookups? I don't own a Wii but I'm pretty sure the balance board is wireless.


Is that supposed to be a spotter? I don't understand...I need some answers.


D'Artagnan just texted me and asked what this "Wii" thing is all about.



Apparently, he has never seen a Wii in a store...


Well, come to think of it, I haven't either.


I explained to him that the Wii is a video game system whose supply hasn't really met consumer demand. I then told him that Wii Fit is simply an accessory for the Wii system.


He asked "Then how was I able to buy this how-do-you-say "Wii Fit", when I can't buy zee system used to make it work properly?"


I answered "Why did you bother sending me pictures of you doing leg raises with a three pound plastic balance board?"


He wasn't happy with that response.


Ok, maybe we should hire a Tortilla Chips and Milk female model.


Yes, I think he covered all the possible exercises.


Now that's just not setting a good example, D'artagnan.


...cause that's how we roll.

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Songs You Should Know: Steal My Sunshine- Len

100 f'n degrees already? After a really mild past few weeks, all of a sudden it's really f'n hot right now. So, I figured I'd bring back SYSK with one of my favorite summer songs, Len's "Steal my Sunshine"

I actually have their album "You Can't Stop the Bum Rush" and I remember playing the crap out of it. It was a really fun bouncy album with songs with a great Human League-esque balance between Mark's raspsy vocals and Sharon's baby-girl voice. Oh what, you too good for the Human League? Go listen to "Fascination" and suck on it. Plus the album had cameos by Kurtis Blow and Mt. TC and M figure Biz Markee. What I liked best about the album at the time is that it wasn't Limp f'n Bizkit. So yeah Fred Durst, you can suck on this too.

This band definitely deserved better, shame on you society!

L-A-T-E-R suckas!

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Kill the ________ 2: Electric Boogaloo joke already

Aight, so I was watching How I Met Your Mother, which is my favorite sitcom right now and usually a wonderfully hip show, but I heard this exchange and what do ya know ...RAGE!!!!

Ted: This is a big deal for you it's like it's your virginity the sequel.
Stella: (laughs) Virginity 2: Electric Boogaloo?

Aight, fucksticks, this has to end now! Cut the shit, I'm serious! Breakin' 2 came out 23 years ago!!! NEWSFLASH kids like me who saw the movie in the theater used Electric Boogaloo to describe dumb as hell follow-ups all the time. Shit, there was a period of two years where any sequel trailer we saw we'd add "Electric Boogaloo" to the title. We also used to let off stink bombs and piss in the same cups we drank our graveyards for yuks in the movies...you grow out of it.

Not to say that I didn't appreciate it when I heard it in Kicking in Screaming as "Jane 2: Electric Boogaloo" but that was 1995 and slacker inspired nostalgia humor was still kinda fresh. In the last 13 years that joke has been the trademark for the wannabe hipster. Red state entertainment journalists, college newspaper music reviewers, dumb ass morning radio DJ are the biggest perps here. Well, you know what? You aren't being hip when you recycle a joke that's old enough to guzzle Cristal and you're being nostalgic, but not for when you saw the Breakin' 2 (which you probably didn't) You're being nostalgic for when you last heard the flippin joke! Seriously, it's the stand up comedian equivalent of bagging on airplane food or making fun of white people dancing (k so maybe that never gets old).

Don't get me wrong, Breakin' and Breakin' 2: Electric Boogaloo should always have their place in the lexicon of pop culture references. I mean if someone were to say "Sheeeit, you dance better than Ozone" to bust on someone doing the robot or "Aw shit. they brought out the fat break dancing chick" when someone is flustered and has the deer in the headlights look, I would be the first to say "what up!" and pound the potato. If you want a sequel joke just wait a year or two when you'll eventually get the follow up to Snakes on a Plane. On second thought, you'll have to pick another sequel because that movie is gonna be awesome!

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The Rant: Iron Man

I really didn't want to see this movie. Iron Man has always been one of my least favorite comic book characters. I mean, Tony Stark is a wealthy playboy like my all time favorite character,Batman, but instead of beatin a sucka down, he hides in a suit of armor. That always made him seem like kind of a wuss. Like he was cheating, I like the superheroes with an underdog quality to them. Iron Man always seems like he has it too easy.

He's always been portrayed as a know-it-all, which isn't so bad, but throw in the alcoholism and this recent Civil War thing and he's at times insufferable to read. I can blame it all on this issue of the Avengers that I read when I was pretty young, where Tony Stark has a fling with the Wasp. So in case you didn't know the Wasp was the ex-wife of Hank Pym who along with Iron Man were founding members of The Avengers. So yeah, he's going after his friend's ex-wife. Strike One. Apparently, we learn that Tony Stark had not yet revealed to most of his teammates that he was actually Iron Man. So when they start seeing each other he decides not to tell her, which means Wasp is dating one of her teammates and she has no clue. If she knew she wouldn't have jeopardized team chemistry and never pursued the relationship. Strike Two. Anyway,Tony Stark waits until AFTER he hits it to reveal that he's really Iron Man. The furious Wasp then breaks it off. Strike Three! I remember reading that when I was a kid thinking that Iron Man was such a jerk. Of course, reliving that issue just now, I've come to the realization that Iron Man is actually pretty f'n awesome!

Warning!!!!! Spoilers galore after the jump.
I’ll say it right away; this movie is an absolute blast. I haven’t had this much fun watching a superhero movie since, Superman III and his evil nicotine mischief. It’s like they took my favorite elements of action movies and turned out a fresh batch of awesome. You have the cars of James Bond, the hi-tech goodies of Mission: Impossible, the one step ahead hero of Bourne Identity, mix that with a production that is every bit as kinetic as a Spider-Man movie and you have a blockbuster that doesn’t disappoint.

There were so many decisions that made this movie fun to watch. The main one being that they never allow Robert Downy Jr. any downtime at all during the movie, he’s constantly interacting with something whether it be the human characters, his robot assistants, or the armor (Jarvis) itself. The movie does not let him spare one ounce of wit and they wring out every possible opportunity for Robert Downey Jr. to carry this film.

Jeff Bridges beard and chrome dome is so unsettling at first glance you know he has to be the villain of the movie.

As a huge fan of “Hustle and Flow” I had a hard time seeing Terrance Howard playing second fiddle. I mean this is the guy who “Whupped That Trick” and slapped Skinny Black. Now I understand that he can’t be the star of every movie, but did he have to play such a wet blanket of a best friend. It seems like his entire dialogue was “Tony, grow up” “Tony you can’t do this. “Tony I don’t want to be involved” “Tony my pussy hurts”. I swear if this were a chick movie, Rhodey would be the girlfriend you love to see get dumped on her ass to a jangly pop tune.

As far as the pseudo love interest is concerned, is there less sexy name than Pepper Potts? Why didn’t hey just name her Herpina Hayes or Crabbie Cumquat? I’m glad they gave Gwen a little something beyond playing damsel in peril for RDjr. Hopefully someone will let these two carry a dialogue heavy indie movie.

I’m glad that the movie took the time to show the process of building and testing the armor. They could have easily gone the cheap montage set to that crappy version of “Iron Man” that they’ve been using to promo the film. Instead they took their time with it and gave us some of the funniest scenes in the movie.

Okay this movie wasn’t perfect, there was the disjointed plotline where the villains really weren’t developed at all. That guy was supposed to be bad-ass Mandarin? All he did was stand in menacing poses, get his face burned and put to sleep by Jeff Bridges. How did they soldiers not get overly suspicious when they saw what Tony Stark was building looked nothing like the missiles they were forcing him to construct? Why does a missile need a faceplate and devices that look like arms and legs? Stupid jihadists! Tony Stark powers up his boots for the first time and he goes flying into the lab wall. Obadiah Stane hops in his armor on first power up and has no problems kicking Iron Man’s ass…seriously, wtf?

There is a pretty cool Stan lee cameo, but the best cameo comes during the final credits. Let’s just say Tony might be hopping on a plane …with snakes on it.

/em cue Cobra Starship’s “Bring It”

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The Rant: Harold and Kumar Escape from Guantanamo Bay

When Harold and Kumar Go to White Castle opened I was lucky enough to see it at an Alamo Drafthouse Cinema where they served imitation sliders as part of the theme. I loved the movie and knew immediately it would be a cult classic since this is the one film that could unite anyone who has made a late night slider run...I also knew it would be limited to cult classic since that particular audience wasn't the necessarily the type to plunk down 10 bucks to see a movie. So four years later, John Cho and Kal Penn get their sequel and I'm left to wonder if I can really enjoy this film without the Quixotic journey to White Castle lingering in the background. Who am I kidding? NPH is gonna be in this here movie, yo! I'm sold. Here's the Rant for Harold and Kumar Escape From Guantanamo Bay, let me remind you that this is not a review and that there are SPOILERS galore. Cause (I need a new catchphrase since two years is a long time to roll, suggestions please) SUCKAS!


So the movie starts off where the last one left us. Harold and Kumar are on their way to Amsterdam to chase after Maria.

So, following the cosmic order of things, anytime you have characters who have just eaten 30 sliders and 4 orders of fries just hours before you have to address the White Castle shits. Like Harold in the movie I have experienced a roommate busting in the bathroom and taking a huge loppy WCS while I’ve been trying to shower. I still have Post sensatory traumatic syndrome from my Cincinnati experiences. It’s like the steam from the shower reactivates whatever undigested onions pass through and sit in the toilet. Just reminiscing over that oniony aroma mixed in with fast food poo makes me want to throw up…but it also leaves me craving White Castle. Seriously. Go figure.

As far as story structure goes this movie is almost identical to the original which isn’t a bad thing. It’s movie by numbers…instead of Freakshow, you get an inbred cyclops baby, instead of Maria you have Kumar’s former flame, you have the obligatory giant bag of weed fantasy scene. The villains have gone from Saltines to Ritz for the sequel. They’re a little richer, have a bit more flavor, but they’re still just crackers. NPH is back…but more on that later.

Cock-meat sandwich is probably the catch phrase most people are going to take from this move.

They also decided to bump up the blatant mocking of stereotypes a notch to really, most of which comes from the government figures in the movie. My favorite scenes were the interrogation techniques used on the black dude, the dumping of grape soda in order to coerce a statement and on Harold and Kumar’s Jewish pals, the dumping of approximately $7.00 worth of pennies.

The bottomless party…yeah it delivered, but it left me wondering if grooming trends for women are going back to “more hair down there”. Based on my experience it’s the opposite…and yes they’ve all been over 18! Jerks. Another thing that bothered me was a missed opportunity for a penis gag when H and K were forced to go bottomless. A Dirk Diggler prosthesis on Harold would have been comedy gold! In a movie that both wallows in the gutter (Kumar rubbed one out and spooged in his own face in the first two minutes) and likes to mock stereotypes they missed the obvious gag regarding Asian penis size.

Then there’s NPH. Neil Patrick Harris is back as Neil Patrick Harris. He loses impact with me since I’ve been a fan of “How I Met Your Mother”‘s Barney Stinson which is basically Harold and Kumar’s version of NPH without the drugs but with a suit. Still the idea of Doogie Howser plowing down the road chewing on shrooms is quite awesome.

I mean it SPOILER:

I guess the best way to put it is the way I described it on the phone last night. NPH gets blown away with a shotgun trying to escape a whorehouse where he had just branded his initials on a whore’s ass with an actual branding iron. Needless to say, Mother was disappointed when she heard this.

The romantic subplot was a waste of time and done terribly. Makers of Harold and Kumar, it’s 2008, you can have a realistic romantic plot filled with dick jokes aplenty and still make money at the box office. Signed, Judd Apatow.

There is a longer than I expected George Bush scene…I actually sympathized with the guy for a few minutes after I saw the movie. DAMN YOU HAROLD AND KUMAR!

So the ending has Harold and Kumar in Amsterdam with babes in tow and all of them are in love…with weed.

So…is it a well written story? No. Was the chased by the government theme a little gimmicky and charm tainting? Yes. Was it funny? Very. So it was mixed for me. I had a good time but wished for something better. Still early returns show that Harold and Kumar: Escape From Guantanamo Bay’s opening weekend did 3 times what the original did so there’s still a chance to make up for it in a third.

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The Rant: Juno

I was waiting for something big to get me out of blog hibernation and the combination of seeing Juno on the eve of the film recieving Oscar nominations for Best picture, Best Actress, and Best Screenplay seemed like a good choice to break my silence.

First thoughts: This film is like one big excercise of sarcasm and one liners as a defense mechanism for a serious situation (teen pregnancy) Since that's also how I roll, Juno fit me like a glove. As usual this is not a review, just some impressions. Spoiler Alert is on. Blogging cap on. Thunderbirds are Go! Thundercats HO!

Ellen Page plays the role of 16-year old Juno with a wonderful range and sensitivity. For the first few minutes I was worried that she would fall into the "I was a teenage Janeane Garofalo" trap, but that image was shattered. Her performance keeps you guessing and on your toes, but is equally engaging. Perfect for the coming of age story of a teenage girl who also happens to be preggers.

Michael Sera, who plays Juno's baby daddy, really needs to be cast as something other than the awkward, good-hearted, uncomfortable with sexual impulses teenager in his next project. There isn't much difference between his character in Juno, Paulie Bleeker, Superbad's Evan, and Arrested Development's George Michael Bluth. Still the film needs this type of character to work...I just don't want to see him playing this guy three years from now.

The dialogue is so over the top slang-mangling and sardonic that Juno becomes a Napoleon Dynamite-esque nursery for quoatables. When Juno becomes accessible at Blockbuster all your three-month-behind wannabe hip friends will say something to effect of "Home Skillet" or "Honest to blog!" and you will want to stab them in the eye.

As someone who grew up with a generation of teenage movies that portrayed adults as one-dimensional ineffectual foils for the know it all teen, I was happy to see all of the main adult characters given depth. they all have complications dealing with this situation and they all are sympathetic at appropriate times. J.K. Simmons of Vern Schillinger from Oz and J.Jonah Jameson from Spider-Man fame, plays a gruff but warm father, but I still half expected him to shank somene in a shower. Jennifer Garner slowly reveals there is more to her role as adoptive mother to Juno's child than batting cleaup for the Junior League All-Stars. Jason Bateman is perfect as the "clinging to the early 90's" guy who sold out and is reduced to having all the the things he feels defines him relegated to a spare room or boxes that are hidden away. He's easy to label as the "dick" of the movie, but I totally understood his aversion to the idea of becoming a father with the line "There are just some things that I still want to do". A bittersweet mix of both genuine and chickenshit at the same time, but I can relate.

Holy Shit! Sean from Degrassi sighting!!!

I loved that the movie wasn't afraid to take some luster off of Juno's wise beyond her years veneer. Her proclaiming the magic of '77s music scene when she wasn't even alive, her surprise that someone else might be familiar with "All the Young Dudes", and her emotional cracking when she realizes there are things beyond her maturity level that she can't deal with ,necessarily knock her down a few pegs. It sure beats having your main character lip synch "Shake it Up Baby" in the middle of a parade on a school day. Yes, once again, "Up yours John Hughes!"

The mood of the movie is set perfectly by the smother presence of Kimya Dawson on the soundtrack. Her sound becomes part of the films identity the way the Shins left their mark of "Garden State". Dawson, sorta-formerly maybe-still-is half of the Moldy Peaches, is just as quirky as the movie and creates an accompanying stream of conciousness that you end up sucked into Juno's world and situation whether you want to or not. Closing the movie with a cover of the Peaches'"Anyone Else But You" perfored by the main characters was absolutely perfect. Perfect enough that videos of emo couples performing their own versions may just outnmuber the "Soulja Boy Dance" videos soon enough.

I'm pretty sure that thousands of teenage dudes that left Juno with the same feeling I had when I first saw the movie Heathers. Ellen Page has Winona Ryder trumped with fanboy cred (she was X-Men's Kitty Pryde), and an Oscar nominatiuon. As of right now she is the defining young actress of her generation. The Juno Soundtrack is nearing the top of the charts, meaning the sounds of "The Moldy Peaches" could possibly reach Loggins-esqe proportions. Not bad...Society. Not bad. This almost makes up for "Snakes on a Plane". Now if you could just explain to me why you couldn't get behind "Walk Hard"

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