Survivor: Ruling the Roost

We open with Candice coming back from Exile Island.

I know the hidden idol has been found and all, but we didn't get to see her there at all. For all we know, there's a Starbucks and a nail salon there now.

Raro's big with the questions: Why did Aitu send Candice to EI? Were they trying to protect her from being booted?

For her part, Candice flips her hair and giggles. People ask again, and she says she didn't have time to think about why she went. Besides -- thinking makes her ears smoke.

Candice says in confessional that she doesn't want the tribe thinking about why she went to EI. They obviously already are, though, so the Valley Girl dumb act isn't helping much.

Ozzy is sad. Sad, sad Ozzy. He's sad Cecilia was voted off, and says he's ready to get voted off too so he doesn't have to keep catching fish for everyone.

So, that "intentionally throw a challenge and lose a potential ally/easy boot" is really working out for ya, isn't it, Oz?

Over at Raro, the guys have bonded. In fact, they're chilling on the beach talking about just how cool they are. J.P. has a whole speech about how the women in the tribe need the men to survive.

But apparently the women are getting a little tired of doing the work while the Masters of the Universe compare their muscles. The women complain while working on the shelter, and Pavarti bitches in confessional about how what they guys are doing doesn't "fly with her."

Then they show her jumping to retrieve a machete for J.P.

Pavarti, since you designated yourself Tribe Skank last week, some stepping and fetching is expected. It's part of the job. Now go get me a coconut.

Speaking of Pavarti's plan, she's still vamping it up for Nate, and he's hooked. He says he's trying not to be stupid about it, but he looks wrapped. Pavarti tries to stir up a little anti-J.P. action, but Nate is having none of it. He says his plan is to "let the king sit pretty."

Reward challenge! Woo hoo! I didn't know they still had those!

Two members of each tribe are hooked to a rope and have to be pushed, pulled, lifted and dragged through an obstacle course. Someone swims out to retrieve a code wheel, then the whole team has to solve a puzzle. Winners get pillows, blankets and a hammock.


Aitu is throwing these women through the course at top speed. The conversation is hysterical. The hole's not big enough! Push her through! Ouch! I just left my tits on the other side of that log!

At one point, Jonathan suggests slowing down so they don't kill the women. "They can have a pillow tonight!" someone shouts in response. There's some love right there.

Raro has trouble working together and ends up with tied to a post. They make up some time when Aitu has trouble with the puzzle (and do their best to eavesdrop on Aitu), but it's not really a contest. Aitu wins.

Aitu picks FrankenAdam (Adam no want make floor! Adam like sleep on rocks!) to go to Exile Island.

Back at Aitu, Ozzy and Jonathan go fishing. Ozzy catches a bunch of fish, then complains about how he's the only one catching fish.

I realize that food-gathering is a big deal on "Survivor," but don't act like you just cured cancer, OK?

Aitu oohs and ahhs over Ozzy's fish, and he's happy again.
Cao Boi sees a boobie (the bird, you pervs!) sitting on a nest, and decides to shimmy up a tree and get boobie eggs for breakfast.
Yul and Jonathan are giving Cao Boi "Wow, that's a bad idea" looks, but he does it anyway, knocking the nest, and a baby boobie, to the ground.

Jonathan gets choked up about the baby birdie. The guys decide to put it, and the nest, back in the tree. Momma Boobie looks annoyed, but sits on the nest again.

The boobies have a chance to make it.

Even Cao Boi admits the boobie raid was a dumb idea, and he's not really sure why he did it.

At Raro, J.P. lounges by the fire and orders people around. The king is sitting pretty.


The immunity challenge is another elaborate obstacle course involving a stretcher puzzle, a race through the jungle, trussed-up girls and a race to build a fire. Probst running through the jungle while still narrating the challenge cracks me up.

As much hate as I have for Ozzy, I have to admit he kicked butt in this challenge, easily passing J.P. in the swimming portion. That boy is fast!

The teams are pretty even when it gets to the fire building, but oh no!!! Raro has Rebecca, Stephannie and Jenny building their fire! Didn't they read my recaps? Rebecca and Stephannie couldn't start a fire with a boy scout and a blowtorch!

Cao Boi starts a spark in a coconut shell, then does this wicked zen fire dance, swinging the tinder around and smokin' up the joint. Three cheers for Cao Boi!

Probst points out that Cao Boi will either be a hero, or look like a complete idiot.

But Raro can't even get a spark, and then Jenny cuts herself and bleeds over any chance they might have had. Aitu wins again.

Brad comforts Raro by saying they had no chance against Cao Boi's Mr. Miyagi-like skills. Stephannie says she's the weakest link, and she wants to say goodbye.

An uptight British woman appears on the beach and slaps Stephannie for stealing her catchphrase.

Nate says he doesn't want to vote off Stephannie because she's one of his "Supremes," but he'll do what she wants.

Stephannie regrets what she said, and now she wants to stay. Enter Jenny, who thinks the time is right to get rid of King J.P. Cristina and Rebecca quickly get on board.

Pavarti is hesitant, because even though she was leading the anti-J.P. revolution earlier this episode, voting him off leaves her one less man to throw herself at. The women turn to Brad, who says he'll think about it.

Tribal is pretty boring, although compared to two weeks ago a nuclear blast might be boring. Probst pushes Jenny to say who's in charge of the tribe, and she calls out J.P., who doesn't deny he's king.

Sorry J.P., 'cause the king is dead -- even FrankenAdam voted against you. J.P. looks shocked and amazed, but leaves with good-natured grace. "Wow! You really outwitted me!"

Next week: Aitu compares armpits.

BTW -- "Lost" is still chillin' on my DV-R, so I'll get that recap up in a few days. I've got to psyche myself up enough to get through an hour of Super Jack and the Wonder Twins.

Tags: Survivor, TV, Reality TV

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Songs You Should Know: Lady Sovereign- Love Me or Hate Me

I have been dying for the video to "Love Me or Hate Me" come out so I could finally pimp this song. I've been digging this song for a while now. It's even to the point where I'm listening to the mash-up on last month's Bootie SF top ten list non stop. The chorus is just way too catchy. And yes I do sing along with the high pitch "Thank You". Check out the video (note I have no sound so this could be a horrible mistake)


Seriously, I have this thing for snotty female British rappers. It all started with Shampoo. Pre-Napster I actually purchased the Mighty Morphin Power Rangers Soundtrack just for this song:


Sometimes I'm not all that happy with how I roll...yo!

Tags: Lady Sovereign, Songs You Should Know, Shampoo, Music

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Didn't Julia have a baby?

Well, well, well. It only took 2 weeks for the lobster claw baby to bow out of the Nip Tuck storylines; this week we didn't even see the male nurse. Fine by me. Those prosthetic ET fingers were getting creepy.

The episode begins with James and Christian having a visit in Christian's office. Apparently, Michelle is indebted to James for 2 more years, or about $500K. Of course, she'll also accept payments of $100K or $75K and a free procedure each month. Now, is it just me or is it completely unbelieveable that Christian actually cares about this woman? Maybe he's just doing it to stick a knife in his boss' back, but is that really worth half a million? I can do that just by blogging at work. Heh.

Anyway, speaking of buying people off, Christian takes Sean shopping for an engagement ring. As usual Sean tries to take the cheap route, but all it takes is a quick, "you banged the night nurse" from Christian and he agrees to purchase the $165K rock. You know, 'cause it looks better next to lobster claws.

On the way home, they spot Matt in his creepy Scientology costume picking up trash on the side of the road. Now that he is really in the fold, he gets to wear the cool khaki pants and blue button-down like the rest of the alien souls. While I'm on this topic, let's just get Matt out of the way as quickly as possible: Christian convinces Sean to buy him off with a Porsche, which he initially accepts and then gets p-whipped into giving it back by Kimber. She also convinces him that it's time to leave the nest and move in with the rest of the crazies. Julia actually tries to stand up to Kimber as she's moving Matt's stuff out of the house, but Kimber crushes her by calling out the guilt engagement ring which she has accepted from Sean.

As the episode progresses Sean and Julia actually hire a deprogrammer to come and "cure" Matt of his allegiance to Scientology by kidnapping him, but that fails miserably and (thank goodness) we don't see him again for the rest of the episode. So much for Matt being normal this season. Julia freaks out and throws the guilt ring back in Sean's face--honestly I can't remember the reason this time. More importantly, why does Matt have to look so much like Michael Jackson? What producer made the decision, "I think it's great that he looks like a child-molesting freak! Let's give him more screen time next week, and can we make the eyebrows bigger?" Ugh.
And now, the moment you've all been waiting for: Rich Rosie. Rosie won $381 million and wants lypo so that "her body matches her bank account." Her daughter wants new boobs and a new bellybutton, and Rosie wants her new hubby to get a penis enlargement. McNamara/Troy agrees to do the procedures for triple the usual cost.

Once those procedures are done, Christian agrees to teach Rosie how to be high class for $50K. This is, ironically, exactly his share of Matt's Porsche. No wonder Dr. Doom gets to drive the Lamborghini.

Back at the office, Christian does a little work on James' hands as her first payoff procedure. As she leaves, and he wonders how on earth he'll raise the $75K he owes this month, Rosie appears saying she loves the look but now the house needs a makeover. Of course, Christian is happy to oblige for--you guessed it, $75K. She accepts the offer, but as they are touring the house discussing changes they discover the most horrible thing yet: daughter and step dad doing it in the master bedroom because "I just wanted to try out my new titties, mom!"

Well, Rosie doesn't take to kindly to that, and before you know it daughter and stepdad have moved back to Jacksonville together because Rosie was more fun when she was poor. Turns out Rosie still wants to have fun, though, and she wants to have it with Christian. She shows up at his apartment, admires the giant phallus sculpture, and offers to pay Christian whatever he wants for sex. Christian coyly demurs (like the true lady he is), but then agrees to do it for $400K. She offers an extra $20K if he'll do her on the zebra rug. What follows is the most deadpan, weird sex scene ever, featuring Christian's standard rear-view and Rosie talking the whole time.

Julia finally relents and proposes to Sean with his own old wedding ring, and he accepts. They are married in a small, cheap ceremony while Julia holds lobster baby (okay, sue me--he made it in one scene) and Christian looks on.

Christian pays off James with the $400K he got from Rosie, and she appears to leave. Silly Christian. James is waiting for Michelle in her garage, and tells her that the only way to keep her affair with JR under wraps is to go back into service, which she does. But did anyone really believe she was just an escort? Sure, escorts have to have their faces rearranged by a marble paperweight all the time to avoid being recognized. Hah. Turns out Michelle did a little better in evil medical school than we all thought, and she's actually the kidney stealer! Woo-ah-hah-hah!

See you next week.

Tags: nip/tuck, TV

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Degrassi: The Next Generation - Here Comes Your Man pt. 2

Aight suckas, back for part two of the Degrassi: The Next Generation season premiere. Since Degrassi does an A plot/B plot format for their shows without fail, I'll just split the recap into storylines. I'm actually glad I didn't have to wait a week for part two, because part one really didn't have much to it. It picks up though. Trust me.

Sean's Back in Town(Cont.)
Peter, fresh from his illegal street racing victory over Jay, and his first run in with the cops, decides that he's "down" and sports the ever so stylish cholo look with the locs and the wifebeater. Skinny arms and a Canadian tan don't really help his fashion statement.

Emma still denies that she has anything for Sean but Manny calls her B.S. She immediately bumps into Sean who drags her into a dark and empty classroom, so he can give her some really fugly earrings. Damn, Sean Cameron make out with a chick and buying her bling already? What happened to tough, beanie-wearing Sean? So disappointing. Emma digs the earrings but plays the boyfriend card. She tries to let him down easy but Sean's like, "NAW" He calls Emma on her B.S. too, but it doesn't stop him from being Emo.

Manny still will not lay off the "So what's going on?" interrogation. So Emma comes clean about her make-out session. Manny is really pushing the argument with the "now that Emma's over her anorexia she has to keep dating a toolbox so she'll be stable" line of reasoning. What? Wouldn't Emma's self image actually be better off if she actually liked someone she was dating? I take it Manny won't be studying psychology in University next Fall. I hate Manny.

After school Emma is walking home when Peter pulls up and wants to go BACK to the races. Emma's made her decision with "I just need to be by myself tonight." Peter immediately flips out and asks if she's eating. She says she needs space and suggests a hiatus. The best part is that she says "sorry" so it comes out sore-ee. Ah, I love this show. Anyway, Peter immediately becomes an insecure mess faster than his car can hit 60mph. Key questions here: dumping me for Sean? did you have sex with him? Well you how that's gonna turn out. Peter is left with another Degrassi trademark move. Guys kicking stuff in frustration...

The next morning Principal Hotsauce (Peter's Mom) pulls Sean out of class and drags him to his locker. She opens it up and finds a big honking bag of weed! Welcome back Degrassi writers! It' only took y'all about 25 minutes to put another teenager through the wringer! Poor Sean, for someone who's supposed to be bad news for Emma...this doesn't look good for the custom car shop. So Sean's suspended from school. Emma tries to talk to him but doesn't believe that Peter could set Sean up like that...Emma=dumb...Emma doesn't think the weed was even planted. Damn, Emma pretty much calls him Scarface. Sean is obviously devastated and tells Emma to "Go to Hell" Word Sean, you bury those cockroaches!

Emma confronts Peter and he denies making the tip. He actually says "Maybe he ripped someone off in a drug deal or something?". Emma buys it because Emma=dumb. Anyway, cut to Sean kicking stuff in frustration 'cause that's how kids in Degrassi roll. He wants to go back to Wausega. Jay talks Sean into hitting Peter where it hurts...Illegal street racing. Jay's just put a NoS system in Sean's car to boot! For the uninitiated Jay is like the thuggier Steve Sanders of 90201. Nothing good can ever come from listening to the thug Steve Sanders. Ugh...if the planted drugs weren't enough for Sean.

So they find Peter and it's on bitch! They race and Sean's winning, but this is Degrassi...so naturally we have to add a swerving third car that comes out of nowhere and a jogger...that's right a Flippin' JOGGER!!! Sean nails him and they all freak out. Jay drives up and start yelling to Sean that he's 18 and could do hard time for this so he tells Sean to scram so Peter can take the rap. That Jay...

We cut to Emma's house. It turns out Peter has made bail. The jogger is in the hospital but is stable. They also know that Sean bailed. Emma goes to her basement room and finds Sean. Sean is distraught and turns to Emma since she's the only one who cares. She's like "Naw" She tells him she can't care for him after what he's done and to turn his ass in to the po po.
Sean gets the closing still, crying in the back of a cruiser. Those Degrassi writers really don't believe in things like happiness.

Ellie's Roommate

The B-Plot is pretty light compared to the destruction of the life of Sean Cameron. Ellie gets into the random housing draw and is paired up with this freakishly perky Asian Chick named Amberly. She greets Ellie with a scrapbook and smiles which is new for Ellie, the former Goth girl, who has gone through an alcoholic mother, a father overseas in the military, dating and falling in love with Marco who came out while they were dating, a cutting disorder, dating Sean who left her to go back to Wasauga with an apartment she couldn't afford, and her pet ferret got electrocuted. Hell, her new roommate has been on the screen for a minute and I'm already eyeing the sharp objects.
Anyway, it gets worse, Amberly hides a macarbre print of Ellie's behind the dresser and has already unpacked all of her clothes and arranged them on the shelves. Amberly then tells some sort of platitude from her grandmother which she ends with "Gran Gran knows everything". Well at least she didn't say ancient Chinese secret.
Ellie, following her journalistic aspirations, decides to try to submit an anonymous article about her new roomie to the school newspaper. The editor is stand-offish and typically skeptical of freshmen, but they're so hooking up in the upcoming episodes so of course he'll like it.

Turns out the article was printed but wasn't anonymous. Ellie's mortified but the editor was impressed enough to her cover the tuition rally and probably impressed by the fact that they'll be hooking up soon. Amberly is understandably pissed and throws all of Ellie's stuff out and votes her off the island. Yes, they actually used Survivor terminology. So Ellie is going to live with Marco and Dylan. It's nice to see Ellie's hag status survived graduation.

Tags: Degrassi, TV

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Degrassi: The Next Generation-Here Comes Your Man pt. 1

From Chasing Amy:

Holden: So, uh, what do you wanna do tonight?
Banky Edwards: I dunno. Get a pizza, watch "Degrassi Jr. High".
Holden: You got a weird thing for Canadian melodrama.
Banky Edwards: I got a weird thing for girls who say, "Aboot."

Aight, yo. Like Kevin Smith, I was also a Degrassi worshipper back in the late 80's and I've carried that love over to The-N's Degrassi: The Next Generation. This year marks the beginning of the sixth season of the Canadian hit series and it's realistic, intelligent, handling of teen problems and issues has reaped much critical praise. The writers are among the most punishing I've ever seen on any TV show, so there's never a drama free moment and man do these kids have problems! Think of it as the anti-Saved By The Bell. Either that or my teen drama fix until the OC comes back in November.

I haven't missed an episode of any of the Degrassi incarnations, so I've decided to give it the full TC and M treatment. Now, I know many of my regular readers aren't familiar with the series so I'll do my best to give background information. Just keep in mind they're high school kids and Canadian! They roll a little different in T.O. (Toronto)

We start out with Peter(Principal's son,blackmailed a girl into sleeping with him with a topless video) and Emma (Connection to the original show, her mother was 14 when she had her, has a brain damaged biological father, witnessed a killing at school, had gonhorhea, and anorexia among other things.) It's Peter's birthday the first day of school is tomorrow. Naturally, his pops gives him a sweet blue convertible and they're off to drive to contemporary sounding music! So Peter in the first 30 seconds seems like the guy who has everything. Hot girl, hot car, starting Grade 12...this is Degrassi though, how long do you think that lasts? Guess who's back in town? It's Sean (abandoned by his parents, Dated Emma, but stole her Step's laptop, resident thug, earned welfare to finish school, stopped a school shooting, dated a cutter, moved back to Wasauga where he once had to leave because he beat a kid so bad he deafened him)

Sean's back to stay, Emma is glad to see Sean. Peter is possessive! Hit the credits! Blech!! They totally 90201'd the opening credits !!! They even took away the chance to sing "Whatever it takes!" since they instumentalized the theme!~All they are missing is the cheezy sax and the turns towards the camera and Nat...Not a good sign Degrassi.

We get a quick update with the regular characters before we get into the standard Degrassi A plot, B plot structure, JT, Toby and Libery are together, as are Jimmy, Spinner, Ashley, and Darcy. You'll meet them all in later weeks.

Emma assures Peter that Sean is ancient history and proves it by making Peter an ugly ass beanie. Manny doesn't buy it though.

Ah, our B-Plot with the college kids! We see Marco, Paige, Ellie, and Dylan preparing for Paige's move to Banting and Ellie and Marco talking about University classes. Marco and Dylan will be moving in together and Marco is nervous aboutliving with his first gay relationship roomie. Paige decides that they should throw her a going away party.

Manny and Sean discuss Emma. Overprotective Manny decides that Sean needs to stay away from Emma to keep the drama llama away. Sean's like, "huh?" Sean sees Peter screwing up his new ride and Sean offers his expertise and tells him to meet him at the illegal street races so he can hook him up with some real mods. Sean lets Emma know that he's trying to get his life together and is going to open a mod shop in TO after graduation. He has the blueprints and everything...okay.
Zoom forward to Paige's party. It looks like Ashley has taken Craig's spot as lead singer of Downtown Sasquatch. Darcy tries to confron Paige about having sex with Spinner last spring. She's like "pffft I was in that Antonio Banderas Ballroom movie Baitch!"
Anyway, Marco's very stereotypical Italiano father shows up to move some furniture in. He's my favorite! Dylan tries to be the polite gay lover and help Super Mario Dad, but of course, Mario falls and throwsa his back-ah! Looks like the party's over suckas!

Peter shows up at the races and challenges Jay, Seans thuggo pal. Peter surprisingly owns Jay,(even though he drives an automatic. wtf?) but the cops are on the way. Of course they all have to scatter and Sean and Emma end up in the same car...alone.

Marco and Paige end the B-Plot with the standard, it's going to be so much harder this year in University and moving in with my gay lover. Paige explains that everyone is scared, suck it up Alice! Awww. If this is Paige's swan song, I'll miss her.

Back to Sean and Emma in the car, Sean tells Emma that he's screwing things up for her and he's gonna stay away. Emma tells Sean that she doesn't want him too and they make out. Emma even ignores a call from Peter to keep going. Sean drops her off, but Emma makes it clear to Sean that she has a boyfriend. Psst, hey Sean, remember self destructive relationships work both ways! Run while you can!

I'll have part 2 up tomorrow, Suckas!

Tags: Degrassi, TV

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Songs You Should Know- Lemonheads: If I Could Talk I'd Tell You

Make way for the PEE-AY-JAY!!! Aight. It's been a long time, I shouldna left you, without a Paj post to snark to... I've been out of town for 6 of the last ten days so that's why my Tortilla Chips and Milk post count has been pretty sparse lately. I wanna give big ups to The Rizzle and Fyre for picking up the slack while I've been gone. Thank you ladies, y'all are heaven sent.

So this weekend, I stayed in the same hotel as the Rolling Stones. I was staying there for a wedding so I got to hang with some of my old school peeps in all weekend long. The Stones check in the night of our rehearsal dinner and all of a sudden the lobby and the hotel bar get filled with batshit crazy Stones fans. Now I sorta understand the driving fanatacism of wanting to catch a glimpse of your favorite singer...if you're a 14 year-old Justin Timberlake fan. I can also understand if you were a child of the 60's and the 70's and the Stones were a big part of the soundtrack of your formative years, so for the people that were there 45 and up, I get it. They are one of the greatest racts of all time, I understand. What I'm trying to say though, is they had their day, and it wasn't anywhere close to this millenium.

Sadly, the majority of these people crowding up the hotel area were in their 20's and 30's. What. The. Fuck? Seriously, the night before the show there were all these thirty somethings stalking a hotel lobby to try to catch a glimpse of people older than their grandparents. These were children of the late 80's and 90's WAAAAY past the Stones prime. To have that kind of devotion to the Stones at that age, that means their musical focus totally missed out on Punk, Grunge, Hip-Hop, or anything else interesting not on Voodoo Lounge. So these people were actually reliving their halcyon high school/college days days when they rocked out to music their PARENTS grew up with.

Seriously, I tried to relate to the mindset and I just couldn't. The Stones hadn't had a relevant album since Tatoo You. Did these people close to my age group actually yell out for Harlem Shuffle, Love is Strong, or Mixed Emotions during the show? Fuck no!

There was this one sad sack group that brought a lamp to the hotel bar. Supposedly, Ron Wood had a lamp just like it in one of his gajillion flats worldwide. This group of guys sat in the entrance way hoping someone from the Stones Posse would see it. I have no idea what they thought this would accomplish. Maybe they thought someone would recognize the lamp and say, "Hey, you have great taste in lamps, come upstairs and you can blow the band!" Seriously, the sight was pathetic. What made it even better, was the group with the lamp were people we went to school with who weren't invited to the wedding. Thanks for the laughs at your expense...SUCKAS!!!

Cool thing though, I did have a brush with my alt-rock idol a few years ago back in the Yay. It was an hour before a show by Lemonheads' front man Evan Dando. Now, the music of the Lemonheads has played such a huge role in my life that people can like other musicians and much as like the Lemonheads, but they can't possibly like them more. When it comes to the Lemonheads I am that kind of fan. So, there I was, hanging outside Foley's Pub trying to get an early spot close to the stage. I was chatting with a small group of Lemonheads fans smoking, rollin' like I do. All of a sudden Evan Dando walks out the door stops to chat with Jon Brion who's like four feet away from me. A few minutes later he then strolls across the street back to his hotel. I yelled out "You're coming back, right?" He mumbled "Yeah" or something like it without breaking stride or looking back. The crowd dug it though, and started rattling off stories about his drug addled past. It was a moment, but it was a shruggable one as well. My life is neither better no worse for it. The main point is I didn't have to do anything I wouldn't normally do, and I didnt waste the night before lugging around a dumb-ass lamp.

Here's the latest song you should know: Evan Dando Live: If I Could Talk I'd Tell You


P.S. The Lemonheads have a new album that came out last week. It will be reviewed here.

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Night of the Pop Tarts

OK, so part of my RL job is to put together our newspaper's celebrity gossip column, which is how I ran across this little gem.

I'm so glad Jessica Simpson is embracing the zombie look! It's just in time for Halloween; if she makes it fashionable I can leave the house without blush and if her *snicker* music career is a bust she can always audition for a role in the sequel to "28 Days."

Way to go Jess -- next time, just give this pic to your stylist and tell her to do her best.

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