Songs You Should Know: Sweep the Leg - No More Kings

Take Mr. Belding of Saved by the Bell, the cast of Karate Kid (yes, almost all of them), references to the Cars, and Raising Arizona and what do you get? How about greatest video EVER!!! I really don't want to spoil anything for you, but if you love the Karate Kid like a good TC and M reader should, you won't be disappointed. First of all the term "Sweep the Leg" is near and dear to my heart and if any phrase deserves canonization into legendary status it's that one. THIR. The video is directed by Johnny Lawrence aka William Zabka, THE greatest teen movie bad guy EVER. Cobra Kai never die. So I only have one thing to say...SCREW YOU MELON!

Here's Sweep the Leg by No More Kings

as for the song? um...it's got a really cool video!

View the whole article suckas

Songs You Should Know White Rapper Edition: Here it Comes - MC Serch

I had heard about the new reality show Ego Trip's: White Rapper Show and pretty much decided at that time that I woould stay away. The initial promo highlighted MC Serch as the host which I thought was odd. Serch was the outspoken half of the duo 3rd Bass who took a negative stance against white rappers exploiting hip hop such as Vanilla Ice and the Beastie Boys (Though with the Beasties, the beef was probably personal) Something just didn't add up here. So on the drive home, "Kick 'Em in the Grill" from the superb 3rd Bass album Derilects of Dialect popped into my iPod "shuffle songs" playlist so I figured I would at least give the show a chance.

The show itself is standard reality format. Ten white rappers live in a house (The White House) and compete for $100,000 and a record deal with eliminations at the end of each show. After the standard cattle call sequence, which they mercifully limited to the first 10 minutes, the show was actually really f'n good. Prince Paul is also heavily involved with this show and anything that producer of Three Feet High and Rising, Prince Among Theives,and So...How's Your Girl? touches is something I've gotta watch. Oh yeah, Misfit, the Brit is hot as balls,so that's a plus

I'll have a full recap of White Rapper Show up this weekend.

So the intention of the post which started out as a call back to the old Mc Serch, is now more of a reminder how the host of White Rapper used to kick it back in the day.

"Here it Comes" - Mc Serch

View the whole article suckas

WWE Monday Night Raw: "Donald" vs. "Rosie"

Sunday night I was sitting through a pretty good New Year's Revolution PPV when out of nowhere Vince McMahon starts rambling about the feud between Donald and Rosie and how he'd love to have them settle their differences on RAW. I ignored it, but I guess everything in the WWE everything has a purpose, except of course when it comes to creating logical programs, new stars, and feuds that people want to pay to see. So here we are Monday Night Raw featuring Donald Trump "The Brash Billionaire" vs. Rosie O'Donnell "The Left-Leaning Lesbian". Yes, they actually used those terms. TV God are you there? It's me, Paj. Please let a lightening storm hit the transmitter so this doesn't air. No suck luck. So live from St. Louis, the former home of wrestling that was so sports-like that Bob Costas used to cover it, it's this bullshit.

We get our first look at "Rosie" and it's a bad lookalike. Probably an independent female wrestler who is gonna get the biggest payday of her life. So it looks like we're going the parody route here. Let's see...with Rosie there's the fat thing, the lesbian thing, the opinionated liberal thing, maybe they'll take the high road a little here and stick to the opinionated liberal thing. That's enough to get fans in the Midwest riled up it's a loud mouthed, female, liberal,New Yorker, right? Ugh, it turns out one of the items in Fake-Rosie's rider was a Carvel Fudgie the Whale Ice Cream Cake. 'Cause she's fat. And she likes fudge. Fat. Fudge. Guffaw!

Oh yeah, don't forget that she's fat and a lesbian. So here she is holding an ice cream sandwich and she's going to head into the WWE Divas' locker room. Ice cream AND fitness models. Fat AND lesbian. HAHAHA I can't stand it. She's a fat lesbian! I have pee pants now! 'Cause real life Rosie is fat and she's a lesbian! Kill. Me. Now.

Let's see, two fat jokes one lesbian joke. Oh here's the second lesbian joke. Fake Rosie checks out Maria while she's bent over. LESBIAN! Real life Rosie is a lesbian! Lesbians = Hillarity!

Okay now it's Donald Trump's turn for the WWE junior lampooning. Sure he's hosted two WrestleMania's, but this is comedy right? All's fair, yo. Let's see...there's the Ivana thing, the Marla thing, the possibly not a real billionaire thing, the shitty reality show thing, the huckster thing. Lots of targets. WWE decides to go with the...bad hair thing? That's it. Bad Hair. It's not even implied that it's a hairpiece just heavily hair sprayed hair. That's it. Hmm. If one of these two were possibly negotiating to be part of an upcoming wrestling extravaganza such as WrestleMania, which one would you guess?

On to match time! Vince McMahon actually uses the phrase "Double Chin Diva" and "Lesbionic Fury" in Fake Rosie's introduction. Ya know, just in case we forgot that she's fat and lesbian. Her entrance music is this frumpy sounding tuba music and the Titantron shows a montage of very unflattering pictures.

Donald Trump on the other hand gets the WWE Superstar treatment with the graphics and the press release quality photos. He also gets the Money Money Money, MOH-NAY song from the Apprentice. The Apprentice also gets a plug as Jim Ross let's us know that he's a fan of the show. You can bet on wrestling by the way, and I regret not having the foresight to bet on this match.

Now I've endured lots of horrible, intelligence-defaming, sights as a lifelong wrestling fan. I've sat through the Ding Dongs, a wrestler dressed like Freddy Krueger who scared the bad guys, a black wrestler named G.I. Bro, a Judy Bagwell on a pole match, an old lady who gave birth to a plastic hand, a "fat chick" thriller, David Arquette as World Champion, the Gobbledy Gooker, the American Males, Lex Luger wearing FUBU, Konnan's rap videos...I've sat through alot and not once was I ever not proud to be a wrestling fan. I'm this close...

The look a likes are obviously trained wrestlers and they put on a basic monster vs. smaller guy match. Rosie has the size advantage so she starts the match pushing Donald to the mat and mounting him with punches. They don't attribute that to the lesbian thing. She didn't try to fist him either, which is the joke I would have gone for. Donald get the upper hand though with head butts because apparently his hair is like a helmet, because it's got so much hairspray in it. Hear that clicking sound? That's the sound of Trump's legal department preparing complaints. Bad hair. BURN! Donald tries to lifter hut falls back. Because...sigh...

Now for those of you who have a low opinion of pro-wrestling/sports entertainment fans, you must know the live crowd is pretty pissed off about this. Chants such as "This match sucks", "Boring", "We want wrestling" were audibly noticeable. There was even a call for the WWE's competitor as a spirited "TNA" chant started as well. Back to the match...
Since Fake Donald can't put Fake Rosie away with a body slam he get the next best thing. Fudgie.

Yes fatty fat fake Rosie had to bring her cake to ringside which makes no sense because if she were as fat and lesbian as they made her out to be, Fudgie would be history by now. Fake Rosie gets a pretty mean shot of Fudgie to the face.

Fake Donald follows it up with a main event worthy swan dive hair butt for the win.



I really don't know what say anymore. Fake Rosie's picture pretty might as well be a picture of my soul right now. There was still an hour of Raw to air. I heard Team RKO and Shawn Michaels had a great promo segment and John Cena wrestled in the main event. I wouldn't know. I turned the channel.

Tags: WWE, Raw, Rosie, Donald

View the whole article suckas

Grease: You're the One that I Want - Premiere

Aight suckas, Grease: You're the One that I Want premiered last night and if there are two things that will keep my attention, it's cheesy competitive reality shows and Grease. I'll have to admit that I am a die-hard Grease fan. I saw the movie tons in my child hood and I've memorized the soundtrack. I can recite the soliloquy to "Sandy" on cue, and I've stared at the T-Bird jacket in numerous Planet Hollywoods. So a reality show looking to cast the next Danny and Sandy pretty much fits the Tortilla Chips and Milk criteria for reviewing. Yes, I know, I Pity the Fool was a perfect TC and M show as well. Just because it's a perfect TC and M show doesn't necessarily mean it's watchable.

Apparently this particular production of Grease will include the songs from the movie soundtrack so that's a plus. The producer of the show, David Ian, was behind the "Grease is the Word" production which I was lucky to see in London over 10 years ago. That particular production starred some short Aussie dude who played guitar as Danny and Deborah Gibson as Sandy. She shook her love in a leather cat suit and I was in the fourth row. Not saying that's a good thing, but definitely unforgettable. I'm pretty sure that's when the trend started of bucking the original Broadway score and adopting the movie songs onstage. He's one of the judges, along with Kathleen Marshall, the shows director,and Jim Jacobs the creator of Grease. So they judges aren't at all random which is a good start. The Seacrest of the show is Billy Bush and his female sidekick is an attractive, blonde, Brit named Denise Van Outen. Naturally we start out the series with the cattle call audition shows. Grease held auditions in Los Angeles, Chicago,and New York City. Tonight we start in the fame-whore capital of the world and we end the episode with the Chicago auditions.

Okay, now the cattle call shows are are the same. We get the mix of fame-whores, the ugly and untalented, and the delusional. It's fun to watch, but I'm not recapping it. Here's some notes though.

There were many, many, MANY, renditions of "Hopelessly Devoted to You" they all started from the bridge, which is a bitch to sing. The "Look at me I'm Sandra Dee" Reprise is a much safer choice, yo!

A few potential Sandys auditioned with "There are Worse Things I Could Do", which of course was a Rizzo song. IT doesn't make any sense to sing a song that isn't sung by the part you're auditioning for...but my greatest acting experience was Joe the Paperboy in 5th grade so what the hell do I know.

The censored version of "Greased Lightning" pisses me off. It's tit, cream, and pussy wagon, or nothing at all.

A few non-traditional Sandys made it through to the first cut. Olivia Newton John also stated that it would be exciting to have an African-American or Latino Sandy. I would LOVE to see a black Danny or black Sandy. Wouldn't it be awesome for them to have the balls to make that type of casting? I want my interracial Grease, dammit! Don't wait until it's blackified, like "Love Don't Cost A Thing" was the black "Can't Buy Me Love" . Not that there's anything wrong with race flipping a project, I'm currently working on a piece called White Barbershop.

The tryouts consist of singing, cuts, dancing, cuts, and then 50 get to go to Grease Academy where they will undergo dance, singing, and acting workshops. They repeatedly referred to this as "The Prestigious Grease Academy". Prestigious. To quote Andre the Giant in the Princess Bride, "You use that word a lot. I don't think it means what you think it means"

In a strange twist, the Not-Seacrest, Billy Bush, broke the plane and intervened with a judges decision. It involved a young hottie named Fawn LeDesma. Her audition was terrible but she had a great look. Billy Bush was the first to greet her off stage and offered her a hankie to boot. He was just beside himself and swore that the judges got it wrong. Yeah, the judges got it wrong. Oh, Not-Seacrest we see through your ruse! Anyway, Not-Seacrest actually goes on stage and pleads Fawn's case to the judges, who reluctantly give her another chance. Fawn gets her second chance and her voice cracks. As does Not-Seacrest's plan to get into young Fawn's pants. Nice try though Not-Seacrest. You can't fuck 'em if they aren't around.
To tell you the truth, I probably would have done the same damn thing.

The beauty of this show is that, unlike American Idol, looks do matter and the judges will be justified in eliminating the singing, dancing, and acting, triple threat dynamos if they happen to be uggos! Sandy and Danny have to be attractive and This could lead to the best looking reality competition cast ever!

They spent an hour in L.A. and only in 30 mins in Chicago. I thought that was weird even if the wannabe ratio between the two cities is probably 1000:1

The producer, David Ian, makes all the cuts with "You're..." (Pause) followed by "...not Sandy/Danny" or "...the one that we want to go to Grease Academy" . Note to reality show producers... I HATE THOSE PAUSES!!! IT'S NOT DRAMATIC, IT JUST BUILDS HATE!!!

All in all, this show looks promising. I'll definitely be watching initially , with reviews to follow. Next week is New York. See you then SUCKAS!

Tags: Grease You're the One That I Want, Grease

View the whole article suckas

Stuff I was happy to see in 2006

Just to show I'm not all about hatin', here's some of the things I thought rocked in 2006 (in no particular order):

Survivor -- A kick ass season in the Cook Islands renewed my faith and interest in the king of the reality shows. It also challenged me to come up with new and interesting ways to say Raro sucks! I can't wait for the new season.

The late, great Yacht Rock -- Thank you, Paj, for introducing me to the smooth.


Borat: Cultural Learnings of America for Make Benefit Glorious Nation of Kazakhstan -- So freaking wrong, and so freaking funny. And to all those who are suing over the movie, I say grow up, deal with it, and try not to be so stupid in front of a camera ever again. Because no one held a gun to your head and made you act like an asshat.

Deadwood -- Damn the backstage maneuvering that got this amazing HBO show cancelled. I hope we'll see the movies that will wrap up the story soon -- I don't know how long I can go without the evil genius of Al Swearengen.


The Departed -- Martin Scorcese takes a Hong Kong remake and turns it into bloody art. Leonardo DiCaprio proves he can play a grown-up. Jack Nicholson chomps on the scenery with mad brilliance. And when you have a cast so deep that Martin Sheen and Alec Baldwin are playing minor parts, it's tough to go wrong. This is one of my Oscar favorites.

Who Wants To Be a Superhero? -- I watched the first episode expecting to cringe at the horror. I was hooked by the cheesy fun of it all. Be a winner -- not a wiener!


Doctor Who -- I'm a late arrival to the Doctor Who obsession -- my first real exposure was the 1996 TV movie. I'm a huge fan of the new BBC series, and while I thought I couldn't get over the loss of Christopher Eccleston, I've been taken in by the impish charm David Tennant brings to the role. I go around constantly quoting this show (I'm the tin dog!)

"Welcome to the Black Parade" by My Chemical Romance -- Is this the "Bohemian Rhaspody" of the MySpace generation?

Casino Royale -- James Bond made relevant once more. It's nice to see a Bond that actually looks like he could kill someone, but he should never, ever, drive a Ford again.


Rome -- "Thirteen! Thirteen!" Epic in scale, ambitious in story, this show was one of the reasons I'm happy to own a TV. Heartbreaking and action-packed, I'm watching my DVDs to get psyched up for season two.

Avatar the Last Airbender -- Finally, someone in America realizes that animation does not have to mean dumbed-down writing and barf jokes. I can't believe I'm addicted to a show on Nickelodeon. Many thanks to my friend Rosebride for forcing me to sit down and watch it.

Steven Colbert at the White House Correspondent's Dinner -- Sheer brilliance. I feel sorry for all the uptight journalists that didn't get it. Get over yourselves.

I couldn't find it on YouTube, but you can see it here.

Nextwave -- Foul, funny and wild, Nextwave stomps on some of Marvel Comics most beloved cliches with glee. I know every time I pick up an issue, I'm going to be cracking up. Fing Fang Foom put you in pants!


Big Love -- What would my life be without HBO?? Another show I was skeptical about but got quickly hooked on. Who would have thought that a series about polygamists would be so quirky cool?

Heroes -- I know this list is sounding like I watch too much TV, and I probably do. But I got hooked on this new take on superheroes, which proves that epidsodic TV can have some major plot action and still keep viewers hooked. (Catch the clue, "Lost"!) And Hiro warms my geeky heart. Save the cheerleader, save the world.

Fables and Jack of Fables -- Fairy tales with a wicked, modern twist. "1,001 Nights of Snowfall" was beautiful and breathtaking. Even if you don't read comics, you should read these.


Girls -- The Luna brothers continue to push the envelope in comics. Ultra was awesome. Girls is supernatural, sexy and strange. The last few issues in its 24-issue run should be spectacular.

Democrats take Congress, Rumsfeld resigns and Nancy Pelosi takes Speaker -- I try to stay away from politics, but for a while it felt like Christmas in November.

Should be on the list but this post is too long already: Pirates of the Caribbean, Athena Voltaire, Samurai 7, X-Men 3, K-Fed getting body slammed, The Illusionist, Boondocks and The Venture Brothers

View the whole article suckas

People I don't want to see in 2007

Britney Spears, or more specifically, Britney's used-up poonani. I agree with Paj on this one -- cover that thing up, girl!

I had some hope when you dumped K-Fed and showed up in New York with a makeover and a new attitude.



Too bad you dropped it, and your pants, a few days later. And while we're at it, stop popping out of your maternity tops and stop shaving Golden retrievers and wearing the fur on your head -- you can afford a stylist. And a hairbrush. And a mirror.



Prediction for 2007: Gets tetanus from walking barefoot in a gas station bathroom.

Paris Hilton -- Enough with the celebutants. It would be nice if people were famous for actually having talent. Although it's pretty sad when "friends" like Britney Spears and Lindsay Lohan make Paris look classy in comparison.

Go away, don't come back, and take Nicole Richie with you.

Prediction for 2007: Releases another "reggae-influenced" song and is later beaten senseless by a group of Bob Marley fans.

Jessica Simpson -- It's 14:50 on the fame clock, honey -- bleach and boobs can only get you so far. And every time I see that "I'm hot and stupid" commercial for the digital televisions, I want to hunt you down and kill you in the face.

Prediction for 2007: Grosses-out the entire nation by writing a tell-all book about her "special relationship" with her dad.



Michael Richards -- You're dead to me. Take your "Seinfeld" money and go.

Prediction for 2007: Attempted comeback gig at "Showtime at the Apollo" ends in disaster.

Tom Cruise -- I don't care if the spirit of L. Ron Hubbard told you to jump up and down on Oprah's couch. I don't care if you've transcended to a higher plane of existence, or if you're the second coming of Zenu. Just shut up, already!

You've assaulted me with your stupid baby popping out of your jacket like an "Alien" movie, and you've set back fashion 10 years with your stupid bangs. Can we have a few months that go by without yet another story about how weird you are?


Prediction for 2007: Shoots Katie Holmes when she attempts to escape.

Lindsay Lohan -- Let's see, was it the repeated bouts of "exhaustion" or the public feuds that pushed Lindsay from actress to alcoholic has been? Maybe it was when she went to AA meetings but didn't stop drinking, or when she told friends Al Gore was going to be her savior.

And while there may be appropriate times for a 20-year-old to wear a nude-colored bikini, the birthday party of a 42-year-old bachelor (Jeremy Piven) ain't one of them, unless you're stripping to pay for college (wink, wink)

Prediction for 2007: Enters a convent after waking up in K-Fed's bed after a four-day tequila and coke bender. Gets kicked out of the convent two days later for stealing sacramental wine and calling the Mother Superior the c-word.

Mel Gibson -- Isn't it interesting the things that spew out of your mouth when you're wasted! And isn't it fun watching you apologize but *not* apologize?

"Braveheart" was a cool movie. But you've lost your cred with me, especially since "Apocalypto" was a high-class snuff flick. There are some strange, dark things going on in your head. Seek help.

Prediction for 2007: Gibson's attempt at a kids' movie, "Goodnight Moon," gets an NC-17 rating for gore.


K-Fed -- Bye, bye, Fed-Ex!! Your rapping was a joke, you're a skanky little punk who got dumped by text message, and now you're going to be poor. Awww!

Prediction for 2007: Working at a Wal-Mart in Bradenton, Fla.

Mary-Kate Olsen -- You're over 18 -- the child molesters can't hurt you now. Please stop dressing like you're Tom Joad. Bobo makes you look bozo.

Prediction for 2007: Olsen's designer cutting kit is a big hit with the Tweens.

Ryan Seacrest -- You're just freaking annoying. And you're everywhere. Please go away. Now.

Prediction for 2007: Disgraced when sex tape showing Seacrest with an 8x10 glossy of himself hits YouTube. Simon disses his performance as "over-the-top."

Candice from "Survivor" -- Really, I just wanted another chance to hate on Candunce. Get thee to Exile Island, bitch!

Prediction for 2007: Still trying to explain why her mutiny was a good strategic decision.

View the whole article suckas

Air Jordan is Flying Solo!!!

USA Today is reporting that Michael Jordan and his wife Juanita have divorced after 17 years of marraige. Now NBA All-Star Weekend is in Las Vegas and is less than two months away. The most famous basketball player alive today is now single. Think about that for a sec. I've never wanted to be in an entourage, but I think I'd sacrifice years off my life to hang with Jordan and Charles Oakley that weekend. You gotta think that there's some great potential for legendary groupie one-upmanship. Is Mike gonna stroll into Rain or Tao and lay down the Larry Bird three point contest speech "I want all of you to know I am winning this thing. Who's playing for second (place)?". Will there ever be a greater collection of opprotunistic snatch in one city? What are the trickle down possibilities? I gotta keep an eye on this one. Suckas gots ta know.

View the whole article suckas