Survivor: People That You Like Want to See You Suffer

Jonathan realizes that his move to Raro was A REALLY DUMB IDEA. He knows he's next on the target list, and he's going to do his best to make himself useful. Maybe if he's feeding the kiddies, they won't pack him off to a nursing home.

FrankenAdam and Candice make yucky googly-eyes at each other. "I really trust you Candice," FrankenAdam says as he kisses her fingertips. "You're the first girl who's ever let me get this close to her without Roofies."

"I really trust you too," Candice coos in reply. "Please put your thing in me."

Out in the water, Pavarti and Jenny watch and gag. Oh wait, that's me gagging. Jenny whines to Pavarti that she's worried Adam won't stick to their original Raro alliance. Who is she kidding -- FrankenAdam wouldn't boot Candice if there was a gun held to his head.

At Aitu, Aquaman Ozzy fishes while the other three gather wood. Ozzy talks again about how tough it is for Aitu Nano. OK, I realize you guys have gotten dumped on, and it's tough -- but don't overstate the case. Losing two members was not The Greatest Tragedy Ever.

The Tree Mail for the Reward Challenge has a list of nautical flags representing the alphabet. Aitu sits down and starts cramming like it's the bar exam.

At the reward challenge, Aitu is sad that Brad went home, but happy that he's the first member of the jury. FrankenAdam gets this big, stupid grin on his face -- does he think having a pissed off former tribe member on the jury gives him some sort of advantage? It's official -- FrankenAdam has the IQ of a rock.

The challenge is a tough one: Tribes send out teams of two with a compass. They race to a large compass rose, and use coordinates to dig out a treasure chest, drag back the chest to the mat, and get new coordinates off the lids. Gather four chests, and open them to retrieve seven nautical flags. Use the flags to spell "victory" (I hope you studied that list!) and win reward.

Wow, Raro sucks. While Aitu is busily moving through the challenge, Jenny and Jonathan are arguing about the coordinates -- and Candice is yelling the *wrong* coordinates at them. Then Jenny's not digging, and Raro bitches at each other some more. Then Probst calls 'em back because the first team wasn't on the mat yet, and FrankenAdam and Candice bitch some more. He's sorta digging, she's filing her nails. At one point, Jonathan's trying to dig, and Jenny's pushing dirt back into the hole. It's a truly pathetic performance, and Aitu cruises to an easy victory. Ozzy clicks his heels like a happy little elf.

Aitu wins a island feast and gets to send someone to Exile Island. In unison, they count "1-2-3 Candice!!!" It's silly and its juvenile and ... I'm perfectly OK with that. Probst asks why Candice again and Yul says "strategy, revenge, same thing."

On EI, Candice pouts and cries. "It's not fun to know that people you like want to see you suffer," she whines as she sucks on a sea cucumber. Awww, cry me a river. You liked Aitu so much you jumped to Raro at first opportunity. You broke an alliance they thought was solid. I think Aitu has the right to give you the big F.U.

Aitu wins a warrior's welcome and a feast with a group of islanders. Sundra shakes it like an islander, Ozzy smooches all the pretty girls, and Yul gets smushed into a big island love sandwich until he curls up in a fetal position and falls down.



At Raro, Alan Alda is getting fed up with the tribe's suckitude, and decides to try to lead by example. Apparently this means wearing a loincloth of raw fish. He catches *a lot* of fish, but I don't know if I'd want to eat anything that's been that close to his little Hawkeye.

Jenny says that Rebecca has to make a difference in the challenges or she's going home. Congratulations Rebecca -- you're the newest stop on the Raro hate train. The tribe gets a map to study before the challenge, and the responsibility of learning it is dumped completely on Rebecca. And was it just me, or did Pavarti sound really patronizing when she was "teaching" her the map?

Candice returns for the immunity challenge. Probst points out that she's spent more time away from Raro than with them, and she says "yeah -- quit cutting into my sex life, you bunch of haters!"

Here's the challenge. Tribe members swim out to pontoons, dive down and retrieve bundles of island names. Once they have four bundles back on the beach, they have to identify 10 islands on a map.

Ozzy gets Aitu out to an early lead. You know what's interesting? Two weeks ago, Nate was bitching about "nancy boy" Brad not swimming. Here's Nate in a swimming challenge, and he sucks! Ain't karma a bizzle, homie?

Jonathan and Pavarti make up some time for Raro. Sundra has trouble for Aitu, but Rebecca, once again, looks like she's a half a second from drowning and drags Raro down. Why, why, why put some of your weakest players in an immunity challenge when you've got the numbers to pick and choose?

Normally, when some of a Tribe have to sit out a challenge, they cheer and encourage their team from the sidelines. I guess FrankenAdam and Candunce had something better to do.

Guess what? Raro loses again. Have I mentioned they suck? Jeff gives them a bottle with a message in it, and tells them they have to bring it, still sealed, to Tribal. They can read the message after the vote.

Raro contemplates the bottle. They think it might contain magic unicorns and flowers and a merge! With feasts and presents and all the rewards they didn't win. Because they suck. FrankenAdam tells Candice that Jenny will be a threat after this vote, so she needs to go. So much for Raro's "family" alliance -- no one can stop their sweaty island luv.

At Tribal, everyone waves and smiles when Brad comes in, like they weren't hating on him and stabbing in him the back last episode. I don't think he bought it. Probst shoots down Candice's "Raro wins when it counts" theory by pointing out they've only won three challenges the entire game.

It's pretty much a foregone conclusion that Rebecca's going -- for everyone except Rebecca, poor girl. She walks off with tears in her eyes, and doesn't look back.

Probst tells Pavarti to open the bottle. In it is a message that says they have to vote off another member. "That ... not fun," Pavarti says. Raro whines and bugs out their eyes. Sorry kids -- twists happen. If Aitu would have lost, they would have been cut in half. Probst tells them if they're expecting a merge, it might never happen.

Raro votes again. At this point, I'm thinking "poor Jonathan -- he's gonna go, but at least he tried." Imagine my surprise when Team Whitey bands together and votes off Jenny! The only ones more surprised than me were Jenny (who is really frickin' pissed -- imagine the bitter hate she's going to spew at the final vote) and Nate, who looks around and realizes he's the Cracka Coalition's token. "Hey! My name ain't Falcon!" Nate says in disgust.

Poor Rebecca doesn't even get final words. Don't hate, CBS!

Next week: FrankenAdam and Candunce make kissy kissy.