Survivor: Ruling the Roost

We open with Candice coming back from Exile Island.

I know the hidden idol has been found and all, but we didn't get to see her there at all. For all we know, there's a Starbucks and a nail salon there now.

Raro's big with the questions: Why did Aitu send Candice to EI? Were they trying to protect her from being booted?

For her part, Candice flips her hair and giggles. People ask again, and she says she didn't have time to think about why she went. Besides -- thinking makes her ears smoke.

Candice says in confessional that she doesn't want the tribe thinking about why she went to EI. They obviously already are, though, so the Valley Girl dumb act isn't helping much.

Ozzy is sad. Sad, sad Ozzy. He's sad Cecilia was voted off, and says he's ready to get voted off too so he doesn't have to keep catching fish for everyone.

So, that "intentionally throw a challenge and lose a potential ally/easy boot" is really working out for ya, isn't it, Oz?

Over at Raro, the guys have bonded. In fact, they're chilling on the beach talking about just how cool they are. J.P. has a whole speech about how the women in the tribe need the men to survive.

But apparently the women are getting a little tired of doing the work while the Masters of the Universe compare their muscles. The women complain while working on the shelter, and Pavarti bitches in confessional about how what they guys are doing doesn't "fly with her."

Then they show her jumping to retrieve a machete for J.P.

Pavarti, since you designated yourself Tribe Skank last week, some stepping and fetching is expected. It's part of the job. Now go get me a coconut.

Speaking of Pavarti's plan, she's still vamping it up for Nate, and he's hooked. He says he's trying not to be stupid about it, but he looks wrapped. Pavarti tries to stir up a little anti-J.P. action, but Nate is having none of it. He says his plan is to "let the king sit pretty."

Reward challenge! Woo hoo! I didn't know they still had those!

Two members of each tribe are hooked to a rope and have to be pushed, pulled, lifted and dragged through an obstacle course. Someone swims out to retrieve a code wheel, then the whole team has to solve a puzzle. Winners get pillows, blankets and a hammock.


Aitu is throwing these women through the course at top speed. The conversation is hysterical. The hole's not big enough! Push her through! Ouch! I just left my tits on the other side of that log!

At one point, Jonathan suggests slowing down so they don't kill the women. "They can have a pillow tonight!" someone shouts in response. There's some love right there.

Raro has trouble working together and ends up with tied to a post. They make up some time when Aitu has trouble with the puzzle (and do their best to eavesdrop on Aitu), but it's not really a contest. Aitu wins.

Aitu picks FrankenAdam (Adam no want make floor! Adam like sleep on rocks!) to go to Exile Island.

Back at Aitu, Ozzy and Jonathan go fishing. Ozzy catches a bunch of fish, then complains about how he's the only one catching fish.

I realize that food-gathering is a big deal on "Survivor," but don't act like you just cured cancer, OK?

Aitu oohs and ahhs over Ozzy's fish, and he's happy again.
Cao Boi sees a boobie (the bird, you pervs!) sitting on a nest, and decides to shimmy up a tree and get boobie eggs for breakfast.
Yul and Jonathan are giving Cao Boi "Wow, that's a bad idea" looks, but he does it anyway, knocking the nest, and a baby boobie, to the ground.

Jonathan gets choked up about the baby birdie. The guys decide to put it, and the nest, back in the tree. Momma Boobie looks annoyed, but sits on the nest again.

The boobies have a chance to make it.

Even Cao Boi admits the boobie raid was a dumb idea, and he's not really sure why he did it.

At Raro, J.P. lounges by the fire and orders people around. The king is sitting pretty.


The immunity challenge is another elaborate obstacle course involving a stretcher puzzle, a race through the jungle, trussed-up girls and a race to build a fire. Probst running through the jungle while still narrating the challenge cracks me up.

As much hate as I have for Ozzy, I have to admit he kicked butt in this challenge, easily passing J.P. in the swimming portion. That boy is fast!

The teams are pretty even when it gets to the fire building, but oh no!!! Raro has Rebecca, Stephannie and Jenny building their fire! Didn't they read my recaps? Rebecca and Stephannie couldn't start a fire with a boy scout and a blowtorch!

Cao Boi starts a spark in a coconut shell, then does this wicked zen fire dance, swinging the tinder around and smokin' up the joint. Three cheers for Cao Boi!

Probst points out that Cao Boi will either be a hero, or look like a complete idiot.

But Raro can't even get a spark, and then Jenny cuts herself and bleeds over any chance they might have had. Aitu wins again.

Brad comforts Raro by saying they had no chance against Cao Boi's Mr. Miyagi-like skills. Stephannie says she's the weakest link, and she wants to say goodbye.

An uptight British woman appears on the beach and slaps Stephannie for stealing her catchphrase.

Nate says he doesn't want to vote off Stephannie because she's one of his "Supremes," but he'll do what she wants.

Stephannie regrets what she said, and now she wants to stay. Enter Jenny, who thinks the time is right to get rid of King J.P. Cristina and Rebecca quickly get on board.

Pavarti is hesitant, because even though she was leading the anti-J.P. revolution earlier this episode, voting him off leaves her one less man to throw herself at. The women turn to Brad, who says he'll think about it.

Tribal is pretty boring, although compared to two weeks ago a nuclear blast might be boring. Probst pushes Jenny to say who's in charge of the tribe, and she calls out J.P., who doesn't deny he's king.

Sorry J.P., 'cause the king is dead -- even FrankenAdam voted against you. J.P. looks shocked and amazed, but leaves with good-natured grace. "Wow! You really outwitted me!"

Next week: Aitu compares armpits.

BTW -- "Lost" is still chillin' on my DV-R, so I'll get that recap up in a few days. I've got to psyche myself up enough to get through an hour of Super Jack and the Wonder Twins.

Tags: Survivor, TV, Reality TV