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Would you believe that I had this post planned four years ago only to have to wait until the very last minute before I have to wait another four years to post this? In honor of a wonderful 2012 Summer Olympiad, Tortilla Chips and Milk presents to you my absolute favorite Olympic related movie scene brought to you by Douchebag Superman, not-quite-kryptonite, and my pal nicotine. Everything about this scene is perfection. From the pseudo-pageantry of the ghetto Olympics, to the gravity of the announcer's tone, to Superman waiting in the stadium lights...yup. Superdouche could have just snatched the torch miles away and thrown into the sun, but no he'd rather wait and pounce with his Ctrl button pushed. Like no one can see the blue and red tights up the lights yo! The idea of Superman sitting and waiting for anything is so perposterous that it's perfect here. He's just so casual in his olympic ruining dickery...and the look on the the torchbearers face!!!! Besides being funky fresh on the one, the Superman III olympic torch scene was the first time I ever lost my shit in the movie theater. Before Vincent got shot in the face, the American Pie trailer, Ben Stiller's zipper incident, Dirk Diggler singing "The Touch" the Superman scene was the grandaddy of me losing my shit. I laughed so hard for so long that my friends were embarrassed to be sitting with me and it spilled over the next five minutes of the movie and yes, some pee dribbled out, but not enough to make it through the second layer of my fruit of the loom dick flap. With next year's Superman reboot threatening to be angsty and filmed through grit covered digital vision, I'm holding on to this Superman, unless he can manage to be an even bigger tool.
If there's anything that can get me back on the blog tip, it's a Yacht Rock freakout moment. Blah blah blah Lee sucks blah blah blah Alice Cooper blah blah blah Janet Jackson's covered titty, the truly memorable moment during last night's American Idol finale was the reunion of the major players of the back alley songwriting duel of 1978 also known as the day Yacht Rock lost it's innocence.
After a bizarre Alice Cooper appearance, and a welcome chance to sing along to "How Deep is Your Love" They brought out the wrecking ball Michael Lynch and as soon as the song started, I nearly shit myself. Hey that song...it's so ...smooth. It's was the Doobies and OH SCHNAPP!!! it's Michael McDonald...and he's "Takin' it to the Streets" Motherfucker!
He sang it with the same steely resolve as he did when he defiantly drove off Geno the manager. Double M is like bulletproof glass, so hard, but yet so smooth.
So yeaa I texted my old Yacht Rock buds and just as I'm done exchanging "Dude!" "Wut?" "Fer Reals!" texts the traditional American Idol "Boys Only" medley starts and it's eventual winner Lee DeWeezy Jefferson busting out "I Can't For That" (no can do). The next few seconds went like this NNNNNNNNNoooofuckingWAY! hallandoateshallandoateshallandoateshallandoates hall and oates hall and oates then I made the double hook 'em horns sign, I ran across the room and did a leaping karate kick into the air HALL AND OATES!!!!
HALL AND OATES!!!
HALL AND OATES!!!
HALL AND MOTHERFUCKING OATES!!!
They rocked out "You Make My Dreams Come True" and after I ran to every mirror in the house to catch Han Solo winking back at me, all I was left with were questions.
Did Mike finally get revenge for Koko's death? Was Oates still daring Sara to smile? Was Loggins ever going to make out of the Danger Zone?
Then Chicago made an appearance...in 2010 everybody...okay YOU DID THIS ON PURPOSE IDOL!!! I would talk about the Chicago performance but as the man Oates said, "You're a fucking loser Cetera"
I will spend the next hour or so watching every episode of Yacht Rock again. Thank you American Idol finale. I am now going to keep the fire and sail the ocean smooth. I just have one question to ask. Has anyone seen my lucky harpoon?
This week on So you Think You Can Dance... The Top 8 perform! Ellen Degeneris tries to fill a half an hour worth of schtick. The worst hour ever in the history of the show. Back to back dance routines dealing with breast cancer and zombies. Paj and Erizzle recap it all...SUCKAS!
Double podcasts tonight. Paj and Erizzle recap the 7/08//09 Top 12 episode of So You Think You Can Dance. Six couples, twelve dances,one halo, halo, halo.