Kill the ________ 2: Electric Boogaloo joke already

Aight, so I was watching How I Met Your Mother, which is my favorite sitcom right now and usually a wonderfully hip show, but I heard this exchange and what do ya know ...RAGE!!!!

Ted: This is a big deal for you it's like it's your virginity the sequel.
Stella: (laughs) Virginity 2: Electric Boogaloo?

Aight, fucksticks, this has to end now! Cut the shit, I'm serious! Breakin' 2 came out 23 years ago!!! NEWSFLASH kids like me who saw the movie in the theater used Electric Boogaloo to describe dumb as hell follow-ups all the time. Shit, there was a period of two years where any sequel trailer we saw we'd add "Electric Boogaloo" to the title. We also used to let off stink bombs and piss in the same cups we drank our graveyards for yuks in the movies...you grow out of it.

Not to say that I didn't appreciate it when I heard it in Kicking in Screaming as "Jane 2: Electric Boogaloo" but that was 1995 and slacker inspired nostalgia humor was still kinda fresh. In the last 13 years that joke has been the trademark for the wannabe hipster. Red state entertainment journalists, college newspaper music reviewers, dumb ass morning radio DJ are the biggest perps here. Well, you know what? You aren't being hip when you recycle a joke that's old enough to guzzle Cristal and you're being nostalgic, but not for when you saw the Breakin' 2 (which you probably didn't) You're being nostalgic for when you last heard the flippin joke! Seriously, it's the stand up comedian equivalent of bagging on airplane food or making fun of white people dancing (k so maybe that never gets old).

Don't get me wrong, Breakin' and Breakin' 2: Electric Boogaloo should always have their place in the lexicon of pop culture references. I mean if someone were to say "Sheeeit, you dance better than Ozone" to bust on someone doing the robot or "Aw shit. they brought out the fat break dancing chick" when someone is flustered and has the deer in the headlights look, I would be the first to say "what up!" and pound the potato. If you want a sequel joke just wait a year or two when you'll eventually get the follow up to Snakes on a Plane. On second thought, you'll have to pick another sequel because that movie is gonna be awesome!

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Leave Britney alone!

We all know how much I love to crack on Britney (because she just won't go away!) and I had a whole big thing planned about the VMAs, but ...

I'll just post this instead. :)

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Mr. Show - Josh Fenderman

Since Fyre got us going on a Corey Feldman tangent, here's my Corey Feldman retrospective in 100 words or less. The movie Tanner Boyle would have kicked his ass...Please Jason kill him..."Yeah, but you know what? This one, this one right here. This was my dream, my wish. And it didn't come true. So I'm taking it back. I'm taking them all back"..."My father stormed the beach at Normandy!" Please Ace kill him! Why does he keep pulling this Michael Jackson shit when it's Hammertime?


Anyway this lead to remebering one of my favorite Mr. Show clips ever and their take on a Corey Feldman-like child star. The best part is the Sonny Crockett wannabee int he background of the dance bit.

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Tortilla Chips and Milk Hall of Fame Showdown!

Aight suckas I was checking out some upcoming DVD releases and I saw two must haves for the TC and M collection. Both Monster Squad and Robocop are releasing 20th anniversary special editions. Yeah, I know, "Holy Shit!" Both of these movies have two awesome lines that have yet to be canonized into the TC and M Hall of Fame. Since we'll be celebrating our nation's independence, I figured we'd be democratic about this. So I present to you our first TC and M Hall of Fame showdown.

"Wolfman's got Nards" vs "Bitches leave"

Contender #1


"Wolfman's got nards" - The Monster Squad
Pros: Is there any quicker way to comedy gold than this equation: Wolfman+Kick to the Jimmy? The definitive line of this movie. Even if peeps haven't seen this movie they know the line. You relive the scene every time you hear this line.
Cons: It was a flippin kids movie. The line itself doesn't have that much utility in common conversation.
Best usage of line in everyday life: Someone in your present company gets hit in the nards. Said while the guy is reeling in pain.

Contender #2


"Bitches leave" - Robocop
Pros: Simplicity and delivery. The fact that it's delivered by the future Red Forman in a huge plus.
Cons: If you get the delivery right people get it immediately. If you get the delivery wrong, you're a rude motherfucker. Some people would think that "I'd buy that for a dollar" is the definitive Robocop line. They may be suckas but they do exist.
Best usage of the line in everyday life: There are bitches in your present company and you want them to leave.

Tags: Wolfman's got nards, Bitches leave

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A TC&M moment

So I'm doing the editor thing at work last night, counting down the minutes until deadline and when I can slack, and I get a bunch of pictures of Fergie, who was singing to a bunch of pre-teens at a cell phone store in suburbia.

So I start writing the photo captions like a good little person ...

And do you know how HARD it was not to call her Pee Pants?

I love this blog.

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Random Paj Notes

My allergies have been kickin' like a mofo this week so I've spent most of my free time this week sleeping, yo. Still I was able to catch most of American Idol: Idol Gives Back, this week and actually had a blog ready to go. Thinking of the charitable nature of the show I decided I was way too snide about something that more or less will do some good. So nobody got eliminated, Jack Black is still awesome, and I'll be twice the jerk next week.

I had a Rant Movie review planned for the Aqua Teen Hunger Force the past two weeks, but there was only one problem. My shitty town wasn't playing it anywhere! Haters. In the words of the Mooninites:

Alright, when I say your name, you say 'here.' And we will assume 'here' is short for 'here I am...rock you like a hurricane.

For all you Mooninite peeps out here's the Mooninite Quote Generator

On my sick day I finally caught up with De La Hoya/Mayweather 24/7 this week and it is tremendous. I think it's going to get the recap treatment. All I have to say is Mayweather is the "Hip Hop" Ric Flair and De La Hoya is the Ricky "Family Man" Steamboat of Boxing, but wussier. Guess who I'm rooting for. Oh yeah, I have another thing to say, "50 Cent rides a Segway like a champ!"

I'm so hyped for the Golden State Warriors right now I pulled out the Retro Cable Car "The City" Jersey and with a matching "The City" Hat for the game last night...and yes I felt pretty dumb when they turned out to be the same ol' Warriors in the second half of Game 2. I was smoking on my balcony when the Warriors were down by teens in the fourth quarter when I got a random "Warriors Suck" from an unseen voice. There is nothing worse than rocking the gear of a team who traditionally sucks, that just got blown out. I'm still rooting but the matching jersey and cap combo will be retired...forever.

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This weekend kicks ass!

Tonight: Blades of Glory

Saturday: NCAA Final Four and WWE Hall of Fame Induction Featuring Dusty Rhodes, Jerry Lawler, and Mr. Perfect. All three of these wrestlers have recieved at least one drunken tribute from me and my friends.

Sunday: Wrestlemania XXIII

In honor of the Shawn Michaels v. John Cena match that I'm legitimately excited to see here's a battle of their Titan Tron entrances. (I'm pretty sure Michaels will be coming out to the DX theme rather than "Sexy Boy")

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Eddie Griffin wrecks a $1.5 Mil car

Oh man, TC and M Mt. Rushmore nominee for the role of male madame, T.J. in "Deuce Bigalow and the title role in "Undercover Brother" totally wrecks the shit out of this Ferrari.


How'd he get the money for that car in the first place?


Manwhorin'!

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Britney bottoms out

So here's what happens after you hook up with a pathetic skeezer like Kevin Federline.

You let him knock you up -- twice, you have a complete meltdown, you drop the kid, you get investigated by child services, you destroy your once-formidible marketability, and you end up on a public downward spiral.

Then you dump him ... by text message.

So what's next?

Apparently, you dump the kids on the nanny and party like it's 1999. You hang out with Paris, and then you show your poonani to the paparazzi.

After Paris dumps you for not being "high class enough" (ouch!), you hook up with a male model who is *almost* as skeezy as your ex.

Next you throw up in public a couple of times, make an incomprehensible post on your Web site about how you want to reconnect with your fans, and fall asleep at a New Year's party you got paid a couple hundred thou to attend.

If *that* wasn't enough, you check into rehab, and then check out a day later. Then you show up a beauty salon and *shave* your f'ing head, and then go to get some ink at a tattoo parlor.

What happened, Brit -- Sinead O'Connor pop up on your Ipod play list while you were on a Red Bull bender? What's next -- wandering around looking for the aliens to take you away to the mothership?

Get help ... because seriously, not only does that look *not* work for you, its a bizarro world when Fed-Ex can be considered the responsible parent.

Bald Britney ... you are officially on crazy watch.

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Stuff I was happy to see in 2006

Just to show I'm not all about hatin', here's some of the things I thought rocked in 2006 (in no particular order):

Survivor -- A kick ass season in the Cook Islands renewed my faith and interest in the king of the reality shows. It also challenged me to come up with new and interesting ways to say Raro sucks! I can't wait for the new season.

The late, great Yacht Rock -- Thank you, Paj, for introducing me to the smooth.


Borat: Cultural Learnings of America for Make Benefit Glorious Nation of Kazakhstan -- So freaking wrong, and so freaking funny. And to all those who are suing over the movie, I say grow up, deal with it, and try not to be so stupid in front of a camera ever again. Because no one held a gun to your head and made you act like an asshat.

Deadwood -- Damn the backstage maneuvering that got this amazing HBO show cancelled. I hope we'll see the movies that will wrap up the story soon -- I don't know how long I can go without the evil genius of Al Swearengen.


The Departed -- Martin Scorcese takes a Hong Kong remake and turns it into bloody art. Leonardo DiCaprio proves he can play a grown-up. Jack Nicholson chomps on the scenery with mad brilliance. And when you have a cast so deep that Martin Sheen and Alec Baldwin are playing minor parts, it's tough to go wrong. This is one of my Oscar favorites.

Who Wants To Be a Superhero? -- I watched the first episode expecting to cringe at the horror. I was hooked by the cheesy fun of it all. Be a winner -- not a wiener!


Doctor Who -- I'm a late arrival to the Doctor Who obsession -- my first real exposure was the 1996 TV movie. I'm a huge fan of the new BBC series, and while I thought I couldn't get over the loss of Christopher Eccleston, I've been taken in by the impish charm David Tennant brings to the role. I go around constantly quoting this show (I'm the tin dog!)

"Welcome to the Black Parade" by My Chemical Romance -- Is this the "Bohemian Rhaspody" of the MySpace generation?

Casino Royale -- James Bond made relevant once more. It's nice to see a Bond that actually looks like he could kill someone, but he should never, ever, drive a Ford again.


Rome -- "Thirteen! Thirteen!" Epic in scale, ambitious in story, this show was one of the reasons I'm happy to own a TV. Heartbreaking and action-packed, I'm watching my DVDs to get psyched up for season two.

Avatar the Last Airbender -- Finally, someone in America realizes that animation does not have to mean dumbed-down writing and barf jokes. I can't believe I'm addicted to a show on Nickelodeon. Many thanks to my friend Rosebride for forcing me to sit down and watch it.

Steven Colbert at the White House Correspondent's Dinner -- Sheer brilliance. I feel sorry for all the uptight journalists that didn't get it. Get over yourselves.

I couldn't find it on YouTube, but you can see it here.

Nextwave -- Foul, funny and wild, Nextwave stomps on some of Marvel Comics most beloved cliches with glee. I know every time I pick up an issue, I'm going to be cracking up. Fing Fang Foom put you in pants!


Big Love -- What would my life be without HBO?? Another show I was skeptical about but got quickly hooked on. Who would have thought that a series about polygamists would be so quirky cool?

Heroes -- I know this list is sounding like I watch too much TV, and I probably do. But I got hooked on this new take on superheroes, which proves that epidsodic TV can have some major plot action and still keep viewers hooked. (Catch the clue, "Lost"!) And Hiro warms my geeky heart. Save the cheerleader, save the world.

Fables and Jack of Fables -- Fairy tales with a wicked, modern twist. "1,001 Nights of Snowfall" was beautiful and breathtaking. Even if you don't read comics, you should read these.


Girls -- The Luna brothers continue to push the envelope in comics. Ultra was awesome. Girls is supernatural, sexy and strange. The last few issues in its 24-issue run should be spectacular.

Democrats take Congress, Rumsfeld resigns and Nancy Pelosi takes Speaker -- I try to stay away from politics, but for a while it felt like Christmas in November.

Should be on the list but this post is too long already: Pirates of the Caribbean, Athena Voltaire, Samurai 7, X-Men 3, K-Fed getting body slammed, The Illusionist, Boondocks and The Venture Brothers

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People I don't want to see in 2007

Britney Spears, or more specifically, Britney's used-up poonani. I agree with Paj on this one -- cover that thing up, girl!

I had some hope when you dumped K-Fed and showed up in New York with a makeover and a new attitude.



Too bad you dropped it, and your pants, a few days later. And while we're at it, stop popping out of your maternity tops and stop shaving Golden retrievers and wearing the fur on your head -- you can afford a stylist. And a hairbrush. And a mirror.



Prediction for 2007: Gets tetanus from walking barefoot in a gas station bathroom.

Paris Hilton -- Enough with the celebutants. It would be nice if people were famous for actually having talent. Although it's pretty sad when "friends" like Britney Spears and Lindsay Lohan make Paris look classy in comparison.

Go away, don't come back, and take Nicole Richie with you.

Prediction for 2007: Releases another "reggae-influenced" song and is later beaten senseless by a group of Bob Marley fans.

Jessica Simpson -- It's 14:50 on the fame clock, honey -- bleach and boobs can only get you so far. And every time I see that "I'm hot and stupid" commercial for the digital televisions, I want to hunt you down and kill you in the face.

Prediction for 2007: Grosses-out the entire nation by writing a tell-all book about her "special relationship" with her dad.



Michael Richards -- You're dead to me. Take your "Seinfeld" money and go.

Prediction for 2007: Attempted comeback gig at "Showtime at the Apollo" ends in disaster.

Tom Cruise -- I don't care if the spirit of L. Ron Hubbard told you to jump up and down on Oprah's couch. I don't care if you've transcended to a higher plane of existence, or if you're the second coming of Zenu. Just shut up, already!

You've assaulted me with your stupid baby popping out of your jacket like an "Alien" movie, and you've set back fashion 10 years with your stupid bangs. Can we have a few months that go by without yet another story about how weird you are?


Prediction for 2007: Shoots Katie Holmes when she attempts to escape.

Lindsay Lohan -- Let's see, was it the repeated bouts of "exhaustion" or the public feuds that pushed Lindsay from actress to alcoholic has been? Maybe it was when she went to AA meetings but didn't stop drinking, or when she told friends Al Gore was going to be her savior.

And while there may be appropriate times for a 20-year-old to wear a nude-colored bikini, the birthday party of a 42-year-old bachelor (Jeremy Piven) ain't one of them, unless you're stripping to pay for college (wink, wink)

Prediction for 2007: Enters a convent after waking up in K-Fed's bed after a four-day tequila and coke bender. Gets kicked out of the convent two days later for stealing sacramental wine and calling the Mother Superior the c-word.

Mel Gibson -- Isn't it interesting the things that spew out of your mouth when you're wasted! And isn't it fun watching you apologize but *not* apologize?

"Braveheart" was a cool movie. But you've lost your cred with me, especially since "Apocalypto" was a high-class snuff flick. There are some strange, dark things going on in your head. Seek help.

Prediction for 2007: Gibson's attempt at a kids' movie, "Goodnight Moon," gets an NC-17 rating for gore.


K-Fed -- Bye, bye, Fed-Ex!! Your rapping was a joke, you're a skanky little punk who got dumped by text message, and now you're going to be poor. Awww!

Prediction for 2007: Working at a Wal-Mart in Bradenton, Fla.

Mary-Kate Olsen -- You're over 18 -- the child molesters can't hurt you now. Please stop dressing like you're Tom Joad. Bobo makes you look bozo.

Prediction for 2007: Olsen's designer cutting kit is a big hit with the Tweens.

Ryan Seacrest -- You're just freaking annoying. And you're everywhere. Please go away. Now.

Prediction for 2007: Disgraced when sex tape showing Seacrest with an 8x10 glossy of himself hits YouTube. Simon disses his performance as "over-the-top."

Candice from "Survivor" -- Really, I just wanted another chance to hate on Candunce. Get thee to Exile Island, bitch!

Prediction for 2007: Still trying to explain why her mutiny was a good strategic decision.

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Tortilla Chips and Milk takes a look back at 2006

For the next few days we'll be taking a look back at the highlights and lowlifes of 2006. This was an awesome year notwithstanding that this was the year TC and M rolled up on y'all!!! Take that, suckas!

Disappointments!

Britney Spears babymaker shots

We'll start out by what could be the disappointment of the millennium. Now I don;t care how apathetic you claim you are to her bubble gum pop and her polished white trash existence, regardless of your gender the idea of one day seeing Brit's vajayjay had to have crossed your mind at least for a nanosecond. We all knew it would eventually happen. It was inevitable! Never in my wildest imagination did I think that "Damn that's nasty!" would be the first thought that popped into my head that fateful day. Now I know how the Griswolds felt when they found out Wally World was closed.

Grey's Anatomy is just a shitty soap for chicks!

I tried to deny it as long as I could, but I lasted about two episodes into the new Fall season. I thought it would be a clever, quirky, drama/comedy as the cast has great depth of acting talent. Nope. Jokes on me. It's just another dumb show with dumb women making dumb choices. It's psychotic all dressed up as cute. It's not what I look for in my free time. Not on TV anyways.

Yacht Rock's Channel 101 run comes to an end.

The early part of 2006 turned on a Yacht Rock axis. The webisodes were the fuel for the TC and M machine. It's spirit actually inspired me to start this blog. Then it was gone. Just to remind y'all of how great it was here's a special edition of episode 2, featuring the songwriting contest between Hall and Oates and Loggins and McDonald. It's 20% smoother than the original version.

Remember to keep the fire burning at www.yachtrock.com

The rebirth of "Why can't we use the N-Word?"

Nothing irritates me more than people trying to debate this issue. It's simple, dickfaces! It's all about context. If you're reciting The Adventures of Huck Finn or singing along to Eazy-E nobody with any common sense should give a damn. Complaining for permission to use the word in it's offensive manner is the equivalent of asking "Why can't I insult somebody in the manner that will piss them off the most?". It's not the word, it's the context. People can tell the difference. Screw you Michael Richards for bringing this stupid topic back into discussion! The only positive that could come of this is if some celebrity calls a woman a C-Word and we start having a "Why can't we use the C-Word?" debate. That would be awesome!

Arrested Development gets canceled.

Best comedy of the last ten years. If I were to ever choreograph, it would be a piece based on the various Bluth family Chicken Dances.



Just warming up, yo!

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Happy Thanksgiving!

Thanksgivings are generally not high on my personal lists of memorable holidays. Not that I don't enjoy it, but other than eating myself into oblivion and passing out on the nearest couch, the memories all blend together.

There are some exceptions though, like in High School, when I was a Thanksgiving guest at a friends and in front of his entire family, I had cider go through the wrong pipe and coughed up half of my first serving of stuffing at the table. Good Times!

Also, when I was in Catholic School, we all got to dress up as Pilgrims or Indians. I always dressed as an Indian, but crying everytime I saw a can thrown out of a window got old. The raping of my women and having my land stolen sucked too...those Sacred Heart pilgrims didn't play, yo!

There was the year I drove around LAX for two hours looking for parking and barely made my flight, Seriously, they held the plane for me and I was a ball of sweat by the time I made it on the plane. Thank God it was LAX rather than say ATL or Charlotte. Otherwise, I would have spent Thanksgiving eating at the In and Out next to the The Spot. Hmmm, come to think of it, maybe the Turkey Burger 10x10 (ten patties, ten slices of cheese) is on their secret menu. If anyone *cough* J-Man, wants to try this out, let me know how it goes.

There was also the year I celebrated Thanksgiving in London, which is pretty disrespectful if you think about it...we're giving thanks to annexing from YOU! A friend of mine were on a hot Karaoke streak in London Pubs and we somehow convinced a band to play "Sweet Home Alabama". The band knew the music but they didn't know the words so they LET US SING!!! It was probably the most jingoistic moment of my life. Well,there was the time I started a "USA" chant under my breath at a friend's wedding, but I won't get into that.


One year, I miraculously ended up watching the first ever WWF Survivor Series and it was like Christmas came early . Was there ever a cooler team than "Macho Man" Randy Savage, Ricky "The Dragon" Steamboat, Jake "The Snake" Roberts , "Hacksaw" Jim Duggan, and Brutus "The Barber" Beefcake? The best part was I was a guest of a friend of a friend who was a Hogan fan. He nearly cried when the Hulkster got counted out of the main event leaving Bam Bam Bigelow to face One Man Gang, King Kong Bundy and Andre the Giant by himself. I still say Hulk did it on purpose because he was scared. "So Long, Butch Reed!" is still on the short list of my favorite Gorilla Monsoon calls.

There was also the Thanksgiving where I made this awesome spread of toast, popcorn, and jellybeans. Then, my future gym-teacher friend, who insisted on always wearing flip flops, even in November, came over and made the bitch-face about how we didn't have turkey or pumpkin pie. This was after SHE put me up to making food the whole gang! I was a n f'n kid what the hell did she expect? What an ingrate! Okay fine, you got me. MY DOG made the toast, popcorn, and jellybeans. Oh yeah, and it wasn't me it was Charlie Brown. 'Cause that's how Chuck rolls!


Anyway .here's something to tide y'all over until tomorrow. It's Adam Sandler's Thanksgiving song. Happy Thanksgiving, SUCKAS!

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You Can't Fix Stupid

Pop culture roundup!

OK, so the frat boys in the second half of "Borat" are making big lawsuit against the film's producers.

According to Newsday, the guys say they were duped into appearing in the film, that the producers got them drunk first and that they "engaged in behavior that they otherwise would not have engaged in."

Maybe the setup was staged, but I'm sorry, you can't fix stupid.

It was obvious the guys were trashed, but the Mel Gibson defense doesn't cut it with me. You were drunken, sexist, racist assholes, and you were on film. The fact that you thought you could be drunken, sexist, racist assholes with no consequences because you thought the video wouldn't be shown in America just means you were dumb.

If you don't want someone to see it, don't videotape it or write it down. Don't whine because now you can't get a date or a job because you will always be known as one of those drunken frat boys in the RV.

Next case!

Lindsay Lohan, who should know better because she's always being filmed, has added a new layer to her lame little feud with Paris Hilton (may they both fall off the planet).

Leaving an event, Lindsay is asked about Paris, and calls her something ... not very nice. Then like 30 seconds later, she says she didn't say it. Honey, it just came out of your mouth. And you can't call someone that and then say "oh, I love her." That ain't cricket.

Own up to it, and maybe you two can wrestle in creamed corn on pay-for-view.



And finally, I'd like to congratulate Britney Spears for losing 160 pounds of ugly baby weight, otherwise known as Kevin Federline.

Poor Fed-Ex. He's filed for spousal support and custody of the kids, but it's likely he's gonna have trouble paying for his wifebeaters and fantasy recording career. How much money is there in getting beat down on "Raw"?

But if a report on MSNBC.com is correct, props to Britney for using the most modern of messages to dump the little skeez! How pathetic do you have to be to get divorced by text?



And just because I love seeing K-Fed get his butt kicked ...

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Top Five - Paj's Past Halloween Costumes

As of Halloween Morning it doesn't look like I'm going to have a costume for tonight. It's the combination of fake pneumonia and chronic laziness again...I almost did a cop out costume for work. I was going to be grunge guy with a flannel shirt and a Lollapalooza '94 shirt, Doc Marten boots and ripped jeans. It felt cheap so I passed. Plus I think I actually wore that stuff out to the grocery store a few days ago. Anyway wearing a tie and a cashmere vest is the best I could do today, but it got me thinking that I've never been a big Halloween guy. It's strange though, I like costuming up and I like going out to see all the hoochies on Halloween, but I've never been big on dressing up ON the actual day itself. I mean I'll wear a Lucha mask all day just kickin' it, but I've never used a Lucha mask in a Halloween costume...I have no idea what that means, I'm just sayin' that's all...

Anyway here are my top 5 Paj Halloween Costumes

5. Ninja

Before the whole Ask a Ninja- Real Ultimate Power ninja renaissance, there was a TV show back in the day called "The Master” about an old Ninja and his cracker-ass apprentice. I don't remember much about it other than it was about ninjas and it was rockin' and it stayed on the air just long enough for me and all my friends to be ninjas for Halloween. We did the turn a black t-shirt into a ninja mask by pulling the sleeves through the hole and tying around our head. Come to think of it I should have done that today.

4. Old School Dracula

I swear I think I wore this costume five years in a row or something ridiculous like that. It had all my favorite elements in a costume: Face paint, fake blood, a cape, and plastic fangs. I think I stopped wearing capes with my Halloween costumes when I got my cape tangled while I was riding my bike. Shit, come to think of it I could have been killed! Stupid Halloween!





3. Vinyl Jumpsuit Batman

I think this is what happens to kids when their parents are either busy or uninterested in Halloween: they get the shitty vinyl costume in a box. SVCIB was pretty much a plastic one piece jumpsuit which was colored to look like whatever was popular at the time. Sometimes the designs would come close to looking like they were supposed to. Sometimes they actually had what it was supposed to be written on the front, like "Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle", which serves no one but the clueless parent who's buying a costume for a kid who wants to be Donatello for safety trick or treat night at the high school gym. Anyway, I had Batman twice and Superman once and the experience melds into one big horrible nightmare of dripping with sweat in a plastic cocoon and cutting my lips trying to stick them through the mask's little square pie hole. Then the mask string always breaks then you're just standing there in a pool of sweat looking like a retarded superhero in Keds. HATE!

2. ½ of the Nasty Boys

The Nasty Boys were a bulky wrestling tag team in 90’s known for their ability to be “nasty”, go figure. One of their signature moves was the “pit stop” where one of the boys would shove the face of their hapless opponents into his partners arm pit.

It was a natural choice for me and my bulky blonde friend. As far as costumes go it was easy. All it took was black sweatpants, biker boots, cheesy shades, and paint-splashed black muscle T-s. We even had a hot female manager in all black ta boot. It was great costume and we looked embarrassingly like them.

We actually entered the costume contest at our college Halloween party and as we lined up. The band broke out into an impromptu version of Janet Jackson’s Nasty Boys. We ended up losing to our Sikh friend who dressed up as Gandhi. It was aight though; after he got his prize we gave that pacifist a pit stop for good measure. Truly nasty.

1.Chris Farley-Chippendale Dancer

This was a lot of fun. I got many many compliments from the club goers that night and I even got on the guest list for a local radio station crappy concert series. The only thing that horrified me was that there were people who didn’t get the joke and thought I was just going as a male dancer. Anyway I made the top 3 for the 90’s costume contest but lost out to a killer Drew Carey and Mimi. It was fun getting to be center stage for a huge party, but I knew I was toast. Hmmm I still have that shirt and bowtie laying around and if I go to a different club…I gots to think on this a bit suckas. 5000.

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K-Fed gets the F.U. tonight

According to www.wrestlingobserver.com Kevin Federline makes an appearance on WWE Raw tonight (USA Network Mon. 9pm) The show, which was taped in Los Angeles last night, features an altercation between John Cena and K-Fed which starts as a freestyle battle and ends with K-Fed getting the F.U.

www.tmz.com has actually pictures and video. I'm not a fan of John Cena, but tonight I will be.

Also on tonight's RAW, the guys from Jackass get a taste of "The Samoan Bulldozer" Umaga. So if you wanna see some celebs get an ass whoopin' check out RAW tonight. SUCKAS!

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McDreamy and Burke Throw Down!!!

Okay, so there were no fisticuffs actually thrown, but imagining Ronald Miller in a fight with someone who once co-starred with Steven Segal, DMX, and Jet Li makes me happy. I don't care what they say caused it. I'm betting the altercation started because of two words: "sh*t" and "house"

From E! Online

"Grey's" Dempsey, Washington Get Physical
by Natalie Finn
Oct 11, 2006, 6:40 PM PT


Come Emmys season, does a series win extra points if its characters engage in some off-camera drama of their own?

Grey's Anatomy docs Isaiah Washington and Patrick Dempsey--who's no stranger to the on-camera tussle--reportedly threw down Monday, resulting in a temporary halt in production while the two hunky attending physicians cooled off in separate corners.

A source told E! Online TV columnist Kristin Veitch that tensions mounted while the men-masquerading-as-boys were off on location last week shooting a camping sequence. By the time the crew returned to Los Angeles, something was apparently bothering the actors enough to cause a skirmish on the set.

It seems that Washington was prepared to shoot a particular scene Monday and was peeved that his fellow cast mates weren't ready to go. He ended up making a nasty remark to T.R. Knight and Dempsey stepped in on Knight's behalf.

According to the New York Daily News, Washington then grabbed Dempsey by his McDreamy throat and shoved him. Washington told People Wednesday that no punches were thrown.

Not confirming that two of the stars from its biggest hit were engaged in an altercation that turned physical--but not denying it either--ABC has remained mum on the subject.

But all is well now, on the surface at least, back at Seattle Grace. E! Online's source said that Washington and Dempsey both met with the big cheese, executive producer Shonda Rhimes, and proceeded to metaphorically hug it out.

"There was an argument on set," a rep for Dempsey said. "In any close-knit family, sometimes people argue. But everybody made up and went back to work."

Washington's publicist echoed the sentiment, saying in a statement to E! News: "Differences are inevitable. They were aired, resolved, and everyone has moved on."

With their bizarrely good looks intact, luckily.

And as for those outdoorsy scenes that the gentlemen were filming last week, Dempsey told E! Online Sunday (the day before the "incident") that it was good being away with the guys and nice to not have to shave for awhile.

"We have a good time together," the actor, whose wife is expecting the couple's second child, said. "We bonded a little bit, in a good way."

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Worst. Porno. Ever?

From the NY Daily News

He may have played nerdy eighth-grader Samuel (Screech) Powers in the sitcom "Saved by the Bell." But former TV geek Dustin Diamond can now take his place with Colin Farrell, Tommy Lee and Kid Rock as the star of his very own sex tape.
Everyone who remembers Diamond as a lovable putz is in for a shock once they see a 40-minute video in which he engages in a kinky three-way with two women, sources tell us.

We can't get too graphic here, but word is that the action includes some bodily functions and an act known as a "Dirty Sanchez."

Phoenix-based agent David Hans Schmidt, who has brokered some of Hollywood's biggest celebrity-skin deals, confirms that he's acquired the rights to a tape featuring Diamond.

"Just when you think you have seen everything in this business," he tells us, "mankind has raised the bar another notch. Or lowered it."

Schmidt is in L.A., shopping the tape to Hustler's Larry Flynt, Vivid's Steven Hirsch and other major distributors of adult video.

Now age 29, the 6-foot Diamond is much brawnier than you may remember him. He's a black belt in karate, and, four years ago, he defeated Ron Palillo (Horshack on "Welcome Back, Kotter") on Fox's "Celebrity Boxing 2."

Diamond's manager, Roger Paul, said his client has become a successful standup comic and will appear on the ABC sitcom "The Knights of Prosperity."

"I haven't seen the tape," Paul told us. "I've heard rumors. Dustin has been trying to escape the Screech typecast. So this may help me get more bookings."

In 1996, former "Saved by the Bell" sweetheart Elizabeth Berkley bared all in the Paul Verhoeven-Joe Eszterhas trashterpiece, "Show Girls."

The sex vid's working title is "Saved by the Smell." Ewwwww.

It looks like I wasn't too far off when I joked about "Saved By the Bell: The Porno Years". Screech and the "Dirty Sanchez"? If you're wondering I am making the conflicted face right now. Still, I can think of about ten better working titles than "Saved by the Smell" I wanna hear yours though.

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Tidbits from the last few days

First of all, HBO has already decided to renew The Wire for a 5th season. I couldn't be happier and now I can be assured of 24 more episodes of the best show on TV. The first two episodes of the season are really setting the table for some riveting drama. Watch it, or don't, but you won't regret it if you do.

Okay, y'all probably know that I'm a YouTube addict, but is there a bigger non-story than the lonelygirl15 saga? I'll admit that I had seen a few of the videos in question, but is it really newsworthy? Really though, the internet thrives on contrived, attention-sucking stuff like this. Because when it comes down to it, we're all jerks! To see how a real lonely girl rolls, check out Hope is Emo, from the same crew that brought you Ask a Ninja.

Whitney Houston files for divorce? Put that in the "no shit" category. Which song pops in your head first regarding the Whitney Houston-Bobby Brown breakup? "Don't Be Cruel" and "My Perogative" are in my head right now just thinking about it. If you said "I Will Always Love You" you'd better be wearing a skirt, Alice. If you said "Mr. Telephone Man" we gots ta hang.

If you've ever wanted to pick up the car phone to perpetrate like you was talkin' http://popularitydialer.com/ will call your cell phone at a pretdetermined date and time AND play a prercorded half of a conversation ranging from a dude or chick asking to hook up later to your boss calling for business. I can think of at least three occasions when I would use this service. It's free with limit of five calls per cel number.

The controversial new Survivor season starts tomorrow. Personally, I can't wait. To see all those racial groups put together, then segregated...it will look just like every college campus I've ever visited. Good Times!

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Distractions...

You see what had happened was...

• I had to work on Saturday, but I did get to be in the presence of some peeps from the soap Passions so that was kinda weird.
• In the free time I did have, I sat down and thought to myself "man, I could really go for a movie about disco dancing and roller-skating "...then what do you know? Roll, Bounce a movie I had never even heard of, just happened to be on. It's kinda like the Karate Kid, without the karate, and on roller skates, and with Bow Wow as Ralph Macchio. Only not exactly...I just like to think that any movie involving class underdogs is like the Karate Kid without the karate. By the way, I pronounce "Karate" in Karate Kid as Kah-RAH-Tee, but when I say "karate" by itself, I pronounce it "kuh-rah-TAY". Just a little FYI so you can re-read the last few sentences again with my voice in your head.
• I am currently writing an extended Rent It which means I'll have to watch one more movie to write it properly...well, to write it with a fresh prespective anyway.
• I had forgotten how much I LOVE football, so Sunday was a total vegfest with the Jets game on internet radio and a different game on each of my TV's at the same time. All while keeping up to minute stat watch on the mighty mighty Yatta.
• I did intend to get up early and blog, but this happened last night: Next of Kin, 1 AM start time. Swayze vs. Stiller, Hillbillies vs. the Chicago Mob, Snake Man vs. me peeing myself... Seriously, how cruel is that for someone who wants to go to bed at a decent hour? Which reminds me, Patrick Swayze also played Ace in Skatetown U.S.A. which was the roller-disco movie I remember seeing most often as a kid. Skatetown was also like the Karate Kid without the karate...seriously it was. Swayze was the "Johnny" character, the villain. I don't remember if he swept the leg, but he danced a pairs routine to a disco version of "Under My Thumb" which involved alot of simulated belt whipping...really, I wasn't kidding when I said I was in a roller-disco state of mind.
  
  
  

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