American Idol Finale = Yacht Rock Lives!

If there's anything that can get me back on the blog tip, it's a Yacht Rock freakout moment. Blah blah blah Lee sucks blah blah blah Alice Cooper blah blah blah Janet Jackson's covered titty, the truly memorable moment during last night's American Idol finale was the reunion of the major players of the back alley songwriting duel of 1978 also known as the day Yacht Rock lost it's innocence.

After a bizarre Alice Cooper appearance, and a welcome chance to sing along to "How Deep is Your Love" They brought out the wrecking ball Michael Lynch and as soon as the song started, I nearly shit myself. Hey that song...it's so ...smooth. It's was the Doobies and OH SCHNAPP!!! it's Michael McDonald...and he's "Takin' it to the Streets" Motherfucker!



He sang it with the same steely resolve as he did when he defiantly drove off Geno the manager. Double M is like bulletproof glass, so hard, but yet so smooth.



So yeaa I texted my old Yacht Rock buds and just as I'm done exchanging "Dude!" "Wut?" "Fer Reals!" texts the traditional American Idol "Boys Only" medley starts and it's eventual winner Lee DeWeezy Jefferson busting out "I Can't For That" (no can do). The next few seconds went like this NNNNNNNNNoooofuckingWAY! hallandoateshallandoateshallandoateshallandoates hall and oates hall and oates then I made the double hook 'em horns sign, I ran across the room and did a leaping karate kick into the air HALL AND OATES!!!!


HALL AND OATES!!!

HALL AND OATES!!!

HALL AND MOTHERFUCKING OATES!!!


They rocked out "You Make My Dreams Come True" and after I ran to every mirror in the house to catch Han Solo winking back at me, all I was left with were questions.

Did Mike finally get revenge for Koko's death? Was Oates still daring Sara to smile? Was Loggins ever going to make out of the Danger Zone?

Then Chicago made an appearance...in 2010 everybody...okay YOU DID THIS ON PURPOSE IDOL!!! I would talk about the Chicago performance but as the man Oates said, "You're a fucking loser Cetera"


I will spend the next hour or so watching every episode of Yacht Rock again. Thank you American Idol finale. I am now going to keep the fire and sail the ocean smooth. I just have one question to ask. Has anyone seen my lucky harpoon?

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American Idol: Top Seven: Country Week

Mixing it up a little this week with the results show recap first.

Whole lot of filler this week for an hour show. So much filler we even get an unadvertised Fergie performance.

It's weird they would take one of the hottest pop artists and just throw them on without any fanfare. I can expect that treatment with Akon because he sucks, but I think people would actually tune in to see Fergie if only just to see if if she'll piss in her pants on live TV. I had no clue what the song was but she actually sang and showed us those vocal chops she developed on Kid's Incorporated K-I-D-S YEAH!

When we finally get to results time 6 of the 7 are split up into groups of 3. One group is Sanjaya, Lakisha, and Blake. The other group is Jordin, Chris, and Phil. Odd girl out Melinda is safe and she gets to play the George Huff game or as I like to call it "which group of your friends sucked last night?"

In an very smooth move Melinda refuses to pick the suckas and has a sit in as protest. Up yours Seacrest! It turns out the Jordin, Chris, and Phil group is safe!

The judges are pretty much shocked that Blake is in the bottom three while Simon's is grinning like he just had a cup of shit soup. He says he senses something tonight.

Blake is let of the hook early and it's down to Lakisha and Sanjaya. Then something totally unexpected happens. Lakisha is safe Sanjaya is going home!

He starts to cry...seriously the guy who had to have known he was playing with house money cries when he gets the boot. Anyway he changes a lyric in the song from "how about love" to "how about hair" Shoo, seriously, go now. Your tour of car dealership appearances and failing to be hip commercials awaits which is far more than you deserve. Good looking out there SOCIETY. HATE!

Anyway here's his butchered performance from last night


along with last night's recap...

Aight suckas, we start this week's edition of American Idol: Season Sanjaya with a very tasteful acknowledgment of the Virginia Tech tragedy. Hopefully the show will keep the balance between reverence and escapism.

This week's legend is country music singer Martina McBride...someone I know nothing about, except she's probably got a huge tour and album and her record company paid alot of money for her to get this gig. Like some of the other legends she really harps on the Idols connecting with their lyrics and work on their storytelling, which is still the main weakness of most of the performers on this show.

Still it's country and I'm not all too excited. The contestants can't be too psyched about it either since only one of the remaining contestants has gone country by choice this season, which was Phil when he bugged out to a Leanne Rimes song early in the competition. Maybe Tobacco Road could count as having a Country je n'ai sais quoit as well.

What do ya know? Phil's leading off the show this week. he and Martina are both Kansans or something. He's singing Keith Urban's "Where the Blacktop Ends" which reminds Phil of "rolling around in the dirt and living like a country boy". Whatev. Martina says pretty much that he's dull until he lets it go at the end and that he needs more energy. Still it's another legend who loves his voice.

Okay Phil, that fucking black shirt is not country. I mean you don't have to wear shit kickers and a fake cowboy hat because dressed like that you're more likely to be singing about where the Galleria ends. He keeps his non expressive creepy look about him for almost the whole song too. It's a shame really because he really sounds great and his voice really emotes. Perfect radio performance because all the visuals drag it down for me.

Randy is convinced that Phil could have a career in country music. Paula said it sounds good all the way through. Simon agrees and thought everything clicked and we saw some personality.

Jordin Sparks is up next and she's got the chutzpah to sing one of Martina McBride's hits "Broken Wing". Jordin blows her away and gets a "That was awesome" from Martina. She does give some advice though and tells Jordin that she should just plant her feet down and sing. Let's see if she heeds that advice.

Oh man that dress it so low cut I thought the top half was flesh toned or something. Girl you're only 17! Put some clothes on yo! Jordin has reached the "nothing bad to say" status as far as her singing goes. She's pretty great actually. She also listens to her legends, even thought she was fidgety I don't think her feet actually moved an inch when the song started. Good stuff there.

Randy loved her pacing and thought it was the bomb. Paula compliments her looks without following it with criticism. Simon admits that he can actually believe that she could win American Idol. Depending on how Melinda performs tonight, Jordin could be the one to beat.

Sanjaya time! Martina breaks the news that Sanjaya is singing "Let's Give Them Something to Talk About". Sanjaya rationalizes it because he gives people something to talk about. Martina thinks Sanjaya should project more. Sanjaya just want to do Bonnie Rait justice...like the kind they dole out in Singapore I'll bet.

Wow. He's got a bandanna that poofs his hair up and a distressed jacket and jeans. Just wow. At least he's trying to dress the part...of a fluffer in a biker porn movie. This may be the shittiest of all of Sanjaya's American Idol shit storms. He pretty much talks through half the song and just sounds painfully bad. It's beyond "irony laced" bad, it's just bad. There really isn;t any entertainment value out left in this act.

Randy calls it karaoke and that it was bland boring and not very good. Paula says he loves adversity and that he's a lovable guy, but doesn't actually say anything negative. Simon is at at the end of his rope and it's showing this week. He calls it horrendous and compares it to the bad audition clips you see at the beginning of the season. Ryan tries to play protector and Simon smacks him down and it's pretty funny actually calling him "big mouth".

Lakisha "Ignorer of Legends" will be singing "Jesus Takes the Wheel" by Carrie Underwood. Bad move there. The song was taylor made for Carrie Underwood and Lakisha's style can't possible fit. It's like putting a diva peg into a mediocre singing pretty face hole. Lakisha brings up the single mom thing again. He singing makes her get the sniffles.

Lakisha comes out and looks pretty good with the brown dress and gold boots. Normally I could just cruise through her performance and say it was usual Lakisha, but this week she was terrible. She kinda loses it and falls back on her big voice when this song really isn't meant to be sung with a big voice. It just sounds like horrible shouting.

Randy said it had pitch problems. Paula actually says that it sounded like she was shouting. Now not that I disagreed, but Paula will actually criticize one of the the more talented singers in the competition, while Sanjaya can come on stage serve up a turd sandwich and she won't say boo. Stupid Paula. SImon says it's like a hamburger for breakfast and the song wasn't right for her. He also lets her know that she's slipping and needs to be careful with song choice.

Chris is up nezt and he's going to be singing "Mayberry" by Rascal Flats, which is one of those cliched country songs where they romanticize about the simple life of long days gone by even though there are MANY towns whose quality of life matches what they are singing about they choose not to live there.

He pretty much sucks air through out the song and sings the song through his nostrils . When called out about it by Simon, he reminds Simon that "Nasally" is a a style of singing. Seriously dude STFU. then he gives a shout out to Virginia Tech and Simon seeming rolls his eyes. Hrm...

Okay tired time...

Melinda. Awesome. She's the only one who truly commits to the country genre tonight and it works. Best of the night.

Blake is the antithesis of that concept he says screw this and turns a Tim McGraw song into a Robbie Williams song faster than you can say "Hugh Grant needs a theme somg for his next movie"

Chris should go on principle. Nasally is a style of singing...so is "shitty".

Tags: American Idol

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American Idol Results

Not gonna say much this week. Tonight they present the finalists in three groups. One group is the top three, one group is safe and the other group is the bottom three.







Not fake outs tonight. The usual suspects all fall into place. Melinda, Lakisha and Jordin are the top three, the non-threatening boys are safe, and Hailey, Gina and Phil are in the bottom three.

Oh yeah the Ford Commercial was to Bob Marley's "One Love". As the Rizzle would say, "oh so wrong on oh so many levels"

Tony Bennett has the flu so he can't perform tonight. Michael Buble fills in for him even thought he burned his tongue on a cup of coffee before he went on. Well he sounded like it anyway. He does make a cool Antonella reference before he leaves so it's all good.

We're left with Hailey and Gina in the bottom two and I'm pretty sure this is gonna suck...


Ryan informs us that Hailey is...safe. Gina has a mini-breakdown but composes herself enough to have a very classy exit. Dang, Gina!

Next week's legend is J.Lo.! Can't wait.

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American Idol- Top Nine with Tony Bennett

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American Idol-The Results

This week featured a perfomance by Gewn Stefani and Akon. I'm not going to really mention it because I hate Akon. I swear I had heard that song a million times and had no idea he was even part of it. I mean hell I coulda done the "WEE-HOO's" in that song...

We kind of breeze through the eliminations with the bottom three being Phil, Hailey, and Chris Sligh. Yes, you read that right. Sanjaya is not in the bottom three and the reality of the situation is that he's not going to be at least for a few more weeks.

SHockingly, to me anyway, Chris gets the boot. Unlike last week, he gets to sing us goodbye. In a cruel twist of fate, he actually nails the tempo and does a much better job than he did last night. First Brandon forgets the words and Chris lost his timing. Looks like nerves has claimed two Idols prematurely.


One of my readers suggested that I feature the song that was butchered the most on Idol the previous night. Since pleasing my readership is how I roll here's the actual vdeo for No Doubt's "Bathwater" which was destroyed by Sanjaya last night.



Paj Note: These clips never last long, but here's Sanjaya's Bathwater performance.

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American Idol - Pop Music ala Gwen Stefani

Aight, suckas! I ain't gonna perpetrate here, I am totally pumped that Gwen Stefani is gonna be our sit in legend for the evening. I've been a fan ever since I first saw the video for "Just a Girl" with her wearing her little "Gwen" tank top. I've seen her in concert three times and have been left satisfied every time. Even though she's going through her "I don't give a rat's ass, I'm Gwen, dammit" phase, draggin' around those Japanese girls, I still think she's the bomb, yo! I don't care if she's a little B-A-N-A-N-A-S.

Ryan promises songs from No Doubt, and the bands that inspired them like Donna Summer (?), the Police, and the Cure. Did he say the Cure? Anger rising...not a good sign...all I gotta ask is which toolbox is going to sing "Lovesong"?

My anger stems a bit because Lakisha is leading off tonight's show. Her session with Gwen didn't have much to it other than it left Gwen wondering if she should be asking Lakisha for singing tips.

She's performing Donna Summer's "Last Dance" and like I've said before, it's not any fun when they pick obvious songs and they sing them well. She did step it up a bit from last week. She's in it to win it. Randy likes the tempo change for her. Paula says she did Donna Summer proud. Simon likes the boots and says she's 30 years younger this week and liked her big notes. It was a good way to start out the show.

Chris Sligh is up next and he's in the hot seat for one of those bullshit questions. Is he sarcastic and unfunny? Maybe he is or maybe he IS. Anyway, during his session with Gwen where he's previewing "Every Little Thing She Does is Magic" Gwen tells him that he really has to work on the tempo because he's off like a mofo.

He starts out and ...good gawd...he's taken "Every Little Thing She Does is Magic" and turned it into a Police song!!! HOW DARE HE??? Oh wait, never mind. Gwen was right on the money about the tempo because at the end of the very first verse he's already fallen behind. Then he gets panicky and nasally, He still keeps extending notes too and falls behind even more before the second chorus. I swear it's like he's never heard the song before. It really is a disaster even though his voice sounds decent. Karen from "The Office" did a better job with this song though.

Randy totally calls him out on the tempo, and calls it a train wreck. Paula makes "staying in the pocket" this season's pitchy. Simon thinks it was mess, gets cut off by the music and has a mini hissy fit. Chris shrugs it off, but admits that he was off with a simple "My bad".

Gina's next and an emotional moment when she meets one of her inspirations in Gwen. She's singing "I'll Stand by You" by Chrissie Hynde. Gwen thinks it's the perfect song for her voice. I'm thinking it's the perfect song choice. If a rocker chick wants to show her vulnerable side why not sing a song by a rocker chick showing off her vulnerable side. "2000 Miles" would have been better but , whatev.

Gina's looking kinda yummy in her tight tight outfit and looks likes she's going to tip over when she starts out. The only problem I have with this is that I hate this song no matter who sings it. Still. she sounds great and gets to show off her rich voice with some big notes.

Randy calls it one of her best performances and it was the perfect song for her. Paula says she's coming into her own. Simon does a fake out with "It wasn't one of you best performances" (insert boos) "It was your best performance" (insert yays) Gina is totally psyched she's in tears. Good for her. She's back on my favorite list.

If you could hear me groan, that could only mean it's time for Sanjaya. Of course he was the subject of the most obvious parody ever on Saturday Night Live...my guess is that they will milk him for all it's worth. I'm not gonna harp on it but obviously I'm not a fan. It's to silly to even pull the righteous card. The only thing is I wish that they'd stop handling him with retarded kid gloves. I mean he deserves to be treated as harshly as all the other fame whores on this show, but for some reason they tiptoe around him like he's dying or something. This week Sanjaya will be singing "Bathwater" by No Doubt. Gwen pretty much says it's a tough song and good luck. Meaning this is going to suck...again.

Dude, really...you must stop with the hair. At first I though he was going for the Joakim Noah look, but it's actually a Mohawk made up of little ponytails. What really hurts about this performance was my FAVORITE No Doubt moment when seeing them live was seeing Gwen shimmy that fly booty to this song. Now that's ruined. Thanks a lot fuckstick. The sad part is that I think he knows he can just show up and suck and still hang around to suck some more next week. Thank goodness he didn't do the pleading "Why do the good girls always want the bad boys?" part. I would have puked all over my coffee table. To quote the great Kool Moe Dee, "Why in the heck won't somebody kill him?"

Still Randy and Paula are encouraging while Simon admits it really doesn't matter what they say at this point.

Hailey half naked is up and we catch her session with the Gwen in the middle of her torturing "True Colors" Gwen pretty much tells her to cut the shit. Will she listen?

Hailey's performance is notable only for two reasons. The first is that she's actually dressed this week and the second is that the performance is so boring that those "I'm trying so hard to reach you while I'm singing on the stage" gestures are prominent and extremely annoying. Anyway she did listen to Gwen and it was the safest song choice performed in the safest manner. Randy says she didn't grab him and was pitchy. Paula said she came off as an adult contemporary performance. Simon called the performance sweet but forgettable. Yay! If she sticks around next week we could see her in pasties and a thong!

Phil surprises Gwen with his singing of "Every Breath You Take" and says he sounds good when he sticks to the melody. That's the second week in a row Phil has gotten really high praise in the session. I wonder if it's just nerves or his poor wardrobe and song choices have been that distracting.


Wow, immediately it all comes together for Phil. The song about stalking, the bug eyes, and the clothes which are perfect for peeping into a window from a tree...perfectamundo. The problem I have is that the bands tempo for this song is blazing fast. It's more like the "I'll be Missing You" Biggie Smalls tribute. Immediately all I can think about is Puff Daddy dancing around in a white suit. I hate you MTV. Phil's voice is on and he nails the song.

Randy thought it was solid and he kinda liked it. Paula thought the chorus (bridge?) sounded great. Simon thought it was very good and it was the first time he felt like Phil was taking this seriously.

We quickly jump into Melinda's session with Gwen and she's just blown away by her take on Donna Summer's "Heaven Knows" and says she doesn't need any luck tonight.

Okay, I actually have this song on my iPod and I'm really happy she'll be singing this tonight. The original version has a parroting male singer through the verses, but they left that out here. I think it could have been interesting if they left it in, but it works fine without. Now one of the things I like the most about Donna Summer in this song is the desperation in her voice. Melinda's take is just the opposite and the song becomes very assertive. As it should, since it's being sung by an OCD ass-kicking machine. She just rocks it and that's all there is to say.

Randy repeats his praise from last week that she's pretty much a pro in the manner she lives the words. Paula loves the way she tells stories. Simon says vocally she was outstanding but he hated the outfit.

Now we have Blake and naturally, he's the toolbox who'll be singing "Lovesong" by the Cure. Gwen says he should leave the beatbox at home, but she doesn't seem too impressed.

Hmm, it's a ripoff of 311's cover of "Lovesong". I wonder if the judges will miss it like they did with Daughtry's Live "Walk the Line" cover? Well, since Randy and Paula hadn't even heard of 311, I bet it will be one of them that gives him praise for "originality". He plays it safe by not beatboxing, no robot either. He's just pretty much Blandy Blanderson sucking out all the emotion of the song.

Randy didn't think it was the perfect song for him but he liked it. Paula thought it was the coolest take on the song (loser!) and thinks he makes this show contemporary. Simon says he's the strongest guy in the competition. he also compares him to Daughtry and warns him against becoming indulgent, because it's getting boring. Word.

Next we have the fast rising Jordin Sparks who shocks Gwen by picking "Hey, Baby". She shocks Gwen even more by showing her the song is more musical than she thought and that all she needs to add is some booty shake.

Jordin reminds me of last year's Paris Bennett, in that she's really talented, but really wants to perform her age and just have fun. This song isn't a disaster like I thought it would be. It doesn't help that she is wearing a jacket stolen from a picnic table. The booty shaking doesn't deliver, either. It was probably one of those situations where in your head your busting off all these moves but physically you aren't moving all that much...I mean I've heard that happens to people.

Randy thought it was risky, but thought it was brilliant. Paula said she's young and adorable. Simon says she's the most improved but thought it was a bit copycat-ish. \

Finally, in the "Let's put the screws to Dancing with the Stars" spot, is Chris Richardson. He's gonna be singing "Don't Speak". Gwen is keenly aware of his "vocal Olympics" thing that annoys everyone. Once again Gwen says to cut the shit and if he focuses on the melody he'll do well.

There's an R and B feel to the arrangement. It doesn't matter because all I can think of is Gwen walking around barefoot in that sun dress and her little black anklet... Sigh. Oh the songs over. I guess it was okay.

Randy liked the r and B flavor and said he should feel free to embrace his R and B side. Paula said is was good, but in a skeevy way. Simon thought it was a good choice, but that he struggled with his vocals in the middle. Ryan tries to stir up some Grease like smack talk by asking him if Blake being announced the front runner fired him up a little. Chris pretty much backs off which is a good move on a show like this.

My favorites this week were Gina, Melinda, and Jordin

Prediction for elimination: Hailey, with Chris Richardson being saved only because of his spot on the lineup.

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American Idol- British Invasion with Results

Aight suckas! Tonight's theme on American Idol is the British Invasion. My hopes are high when they good music history video which includes alot of the the not as obvious groups and British acts. As I've mentioned before, I'll have these weeks where all I'll listen too are oldies stations, so I'm looking forward to this. Tonight's mentors are Peter Noone from Herman's Hermits. Hmmm, I wonder if we'll get to hear "Henry the Eighth" or "Something Good"? He'll be mentoring the guys. Meanwhile, Lu Lu of "To Sir, With Love" fame will be mentoring the Girls. Lot's of big voices available for "To Sir, With Love"...I wonder if we'll get that tonight as well?

Leading off the show is Haley of the improving stage presence. She gets a crash course from Lu Lu on staccato for "Tell Him". She also tells her not to sweat the lack of a big voice. Cool, I always loved this song...and all quirkiness is immediately taken out of the arrangement and replaced with rockin' guitars. Ugh, not a good sign. Hailey comes out wearing short shorts and a top with um alot of freedom and HELL-OOOOO

Haley is finally realizing she's the last of the conventionally attractive white girls left in this competition. So she comes out swinging and shakin' that plain white girl moneymaker. That combined with a fun performance has her shooting up the TC and M rankings!


Chris H. will be treating us to a Gerry and the Pacemakers song, "Don't Let the Sun Catch You Crying". Peter Noone tells him to cut out the fluttery vibrato wussiness in his voice. If only Peter could give that lecture to every one-hit R and B wonder who butchers a classic song

He keeps his voice in control but I really don;t think this is a time for ballads. Especially where there a plethora of fun songs to choose from this era. Anyway I've liked him from the beginning so I'm biased towards liking this. Even though it was a good job, not the best song choice for this point of the competition.


Stephanie and Lu Lu and hangin' and she pulls out the Beyonce comparison. Well I didn't expect lu Lu to call her "Gina" from Martin and give her a big "Wasssup?" Anyway Dusty Springfield's "You Don't Have to Say You Love Me" will be the song she's singing. I'm a fan of the song so this should be good.

Not so fast, me...Her voice is fine but this song is just so forced. I love the original and there's a flow to it that I just love, but Stephanie is just missing it. It's just really off. Paula leads with you look great comments and that's never good. Simon thinks that it was cabaret and she is getting too old for herself. He's got a point. If she sang it with the energy of her 19 years it probably would have worked better. It just really came across as stuffy.

Oh shit it's Blake. Now it's not like that I think he's a bad performer, he's actually entertaining. It's just really hard to root for someone when you hate what he stands for with every fiber of your being. Of course, he starts his Peter Noone session by beatboxing. (hate) Peter backhands that the little girls will eat it up. He does give him credit for attempting to modernize the song. The song in question is "Time of the Season" by the Zombies. Immediately I think of the movie 1969 and Wynona Ryder trying to coax Kiefer Sutherland into putting the moves on her with "What am I Ratgirl?". Just trying anything not to think about the crap that's about to follow.

It's the Blake blueprint. Beatbox. Sing. Beatbox. Do the robot. Sing. Beatbox. Shit-Eating Grin.(Hate) It's not horrible but his gimmick is getting old. He handles the "Tell it to me slowly" fine which is my favorite part of the song. He's going to be safe for a long time (HATE)

Next we have the chosen one, Lakisha and we have the first of our which song are they
gonna sing. Lakisha comes forward with "Diamonds are Forever" while Lu Lu thinks that "You Are My World" is perfect for her.

Anyway Ryan hints that Lakisha is wearing $1,000,000 worth of diamonds, so I guess Lakisha is telling Lu Lu to take "You Are My World" and shove it up her British birdy butt.

Our first blatant act of Idol hubris this season! The TV gods are not nice to Lakisha this week. I think it's the way she over enunciated the song especially the "L's". It just wasn't there. The judges weren't all that impressed wither. She's still far and away ahead of most of the pack but a few others may have passed her up this week. See what happens when you don't listen to Lu Lu? TC and M says SELL!

Phil gets the ultimate compliment from Peter Noone saying his singing of "Tobacco Road" was the best version he's ever heard of that song. Seriously? Oh well we'll see. At least he left the hat at home again so that's a plus.

Now if you're gonna sing a rock song about your shitty up brining and how you come from the wrong side of the tracks why the hell are you wearing a shiny button down? The clothes would really help sell this performance, because Phil we haven't forgotten that just two weeks ago you were singing f'n Leanne Rimes. Anyway I hate the song, he sings it pretty well. Simon says his voice lacked the grit to sell the song.

Jordin Sparks is next and she's quickly becoming one of my favorites. She has to field one of those e-mail questions from Ryan. Her question is: What song best describes you best? She answers "I'm So Excited" by the Pointer Sisters. The wheels just came for you there, Jordin. She's singing "I Who Have Nothing" by Shirley Bassie. Her takes every bit of wisdom passed down from Lu Lu so we'll see if the humility pays off.

Okay I'll forgive the Pointer Sister's love. She kicks this songs ass all over the place. Not much more to say here other than she might have leapfrogged Lakisha.

Oh man, Sanjaya is next and he's all rockered out with his sleeves pulled over his hands to look like fingerless gloves. He's also rockin' the Leif Garret hair tonight as well. He's trying to narrow the song choice down to "You Really Got ME"by the Kinks and "Something Good" by our guest legend. Peter diplomatically steers Sanjaya towards the Kinks which was made me laugh.

Well, if the clothes didn't give it away, the guitars did and Sanjaya comes out jumping around like a little kid playing rock star. It's as if you took an Amtrack and rammed it in the middle of a NASCAR pile up. An abomination but yet you can't take your eyes off of it. To top it all off the camera cuts to a girl who absolutely loses her shit. I think the producers wanted to create a Beatles on Ed Sullivan feel by showing the hysterically crying girl, but it's just one. Couldn't you have at least paid off a section of fans to go cuckoo f'n bananas over this pansy? Anyway they cut to the little freak show a few more times and congratulations American Idol, you've just ruined her childhood. I can just imagine the merciless teasing that's gonna happen at school. Maybe she and Star Wars Kid can be pen pals after this. Randy and Paula are just amused and encouraging while Simon only sums it up with "That little girls face says it all"

Okay true story. I was contemplating what songs rocker chick Gina was going to sing. I don't remember any female rockers from that era. So I thought that it would be a bad move for her to sing a guys song because of her voice. I thought to myself "Don't do the Stones" then I thought about what the obvious song and said to no one in particular "Girl, don't do Paint it Black"

And she does. Now the problem with doing the Stones is that they're too distinctive. It's impossible to hear the Stones without hearing Mick Jagger's voice along with an asshole singing along. Most of the time the asshole is you. Gina tries but it's just not very good. She tries to Evanescence it and it doesn't work. I'm worried about our rocker chicks chances.

Chris S. is next and he'll be a doing the Zombies "She's Not There" Peter gives him the smackdown after hearing him sing when he snatches the lyric sheet from him and asks him what the song is about. Meaning focus on the song and don;t worry about turning this into a f'n COLDPLAY song!

Chris comes out of the audience trying to add a populist vibe to his schtick. Unfortunately all the walking around and slapping hands tires him out and he runs out of breath for the big notes at the end of the song. Still it wasn't bad and best of all it wasn't COLDPLAY! He did try to start a "Fro Patrol" movement this week. Sigh. Just when you thought he was safe...

We end with Melinda which is good because I'm tired.

She sings "As Long as He Needs Me" She's awesome. I'll admit it, she's by far the best voice on the show.

My predicitons: Gina and Sanjaya on principle...but we all know how that goes.

RESULTS SHOW:

Lot's of filler here and only five actual minutes of eliminations. First we have Peter singing "There's a Hush" which was cool but I was hoping for "Something Good"

Lu lu gets to strut her legend status with her signature "To Sir, With Love". She runs the lyrics as someone would who has sung the same song for 40+ years. The highlight of the season for me.

Anyway we break the groups into three Phil, Melinda and Blake...all safe. Chris Sligh, Jordin, and Lakisha...safe. Then it's Gina, Halay, and Sanjaya...and they're ALL F'N SAFE!

This leaves us with Stephanie and Chris H. who are two I sorta like...nice job there America. "Lost her shit" girl must have dialed 35 million times after she calmed down last night.

Anyway Chris H. is safe and Stephanie is gone. She doesn't even get to start a sing off. Bye girl who reminded me of Tisha Campbell.

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