Survivor: Snakes Are Misunderstood ... We Have an Understanding Now

You were gonna get pictures, but then Blogger ate 'em. Maybe if you ask Paj nice, he'll hook you up.

Life sucks if you're Ravu. It's Day Four on Dehydration Beach, and they're licking dew off of leaves. Tasty, tasty leaves. They're trying to hydrate themselves with coconuts they've found on the ground, but it's not working terribly well, and their stumbling around like they're drunk on ... nothing.

But buck up, campers! It usually takes at least three days to die from dehydration! Unless you're in a hot climate that is ... oh, you're in Fiji? My bad.

Rocky's still got some spirit, though -- at least enough to mug for the Confessional Camera. "We're walking around into the walls and the trees! (Michelle falls into some bushes -- nice editing, CBS) Half of us can't even stand up for more than an hour and a half I'm telling you. It's crazy! We're starving here, bro!"

It's OK, Rocky -- we smell ya.

At Moto, the food is bountiful and the living is easy. They've got fresh fruit, crabs, salted rice -- damn, I had tacos for lunch! Wanna trade, Moto?

"This game is so vicious it's delicious," Lisi crows in one of those overly cute soundbites so beloved by Survivor contestants. Bet it took you an hour to think of that one, didn't it?

But all is not perfect in paradise. Boo Radley is an idiot. First he walks into the Moto tribe sign, and gouges his eye. Then he farts and waves it at his team. Way to make friends there, guy. Then he tries to chop some firewood with a dull ax, but it's pretty obvious he's never done that before, much less held any sort of sharp implement. So he chops up his hand and leg instead, and bleeds all over their pretty camp. Then when he tries to take a break, the hammock collapses.

But I'd still take Boo Boo over Dreamz. Shut up, Dreamz!

Sylvia bids farewell to the snakes at Exile Island and arrives at Camp Crappy. Everyone rouses themselves to greet her, but Yau-Man has an ulterior motive: He wants to feel her up ... and see if she found the hidden immunity idol. So he does, even going so far as to search her bag as he's giving her a hug. Sylvia never notices. Yau-Man is full of awesome.

Unfortunately, Sylvia is still wearing the bossy pants, and that causes some tension with her new tribemates at Ravu. She feels extraneous ... they mostly feel like she's a beeatch. Rocky and Earl are already talking about voting her off.

Dreamz scrambles like a monkey to the top of a tree to gather mangoes. Dang -- he's gonna talk ... maybe this is a good time for me to go get a soda.

Aw hell -- Dreamz is playing the homeless card again. "I know my tribemates don't know what it's like to suffer," he whines. I don't know ... does listening to you count?

Dreamz says he's got to stay in the game to help his family. That's great and all, but if you want to cry about your hard life, call Oprah. I'm here to watch a game.

Earl, Rocky and Erica search the island looking for food. They find some unripe mangos, but things are looking bleak until Erica finds a patch of pineapple. Woo hoo!

There is much rejoicing. "Me and Erica, we're getting married," Earl says. "She just saved my life, and I appreciate that. That's a good woman."

Combined reward/immunity challenge time. I'm not sure I like so many of these combined challenges -- it gives the editors too much time to fill. We've been watching Ravu stumble around for 30 minutes now.

Jeff Probst has his kicky cowboy hat, but he's on auto-pilot. "First order of business," he says, and gives Sylvia her Ravu buff. "First things first," he says two seconds later, and takes back Skeletor's staff from Moto. Wouldn't that be first things ... second?

Then he yawns, scratches himself, checks his BlackBerry, and finally gets around to explaining the challenge. Each tribe will paddle in a canoe, out and around a tribe flag and back. On the way back they will collect four supply crates. As the tribes paddle their canoes over each crate, one tribe member will clip the crates onto a length of rope spooled in the center of the boat. Once back, tribes will pull the crates to shore carrying them onto tribe mats. With all four crates on the tribe mat, the tribes will untie and open the crates to find puzzle poles. The first tribe to solve their puzzle pole and raise their tribe flag wins Immunity.

And since its a combo challenge, the winning tribe will also get a pieload of fishing gear and the right to send a member of the losing tribe to EI. Oh, and since Ravu's dying ... if they win, the producers will toss in a firestarter.

Survivors ready? Go!

Ravu jumps out to an early lead -- they're paddling well, and Michelle is working it with their rope. Moto gets their rope tangled, argues, and falls behind. Watching Moto, I'm struck by how many American adults have no clue how to paddle a canoe -- weren't any of these people in Scouts? (Homeless Scouts, in Dreamz's case) Put the damn paddle *in* the water!

Ravu hits the beach first. Moto's pretty close behind. Ravu is still ahead untying the crates, and is first to start their puzzle pole.

Then it falls apart. They can't get the pole together, they're not working as a team, and it all blows up when Erica and her massive 'fro throw a massive tantrum and demand that everyone stop what they're doing and listen to the queen *right* now. While they bicker, Moto solves their puzzle and wins again.

Moto opts to send Earl to EI -- great plan, guys! Send the popular, smart, athletic guy to find the HII. That worked so well for Raro with Yul last season!

At EI, Earl studies the clues to find the HI, and realizes he's got an advantage. The only other person who knows there's an HI at Dehydration Beach is Sylvia, and she's got a ticket on the boot train.

And life on EI isn't bad -- at least he's got a flint, so he can start a fire and boil some water. This is actually better than Ravu's camp! Except for the snakes, of course.

Earl sees a sea snake (not too hard, there's like a million of 'em) and grabs his machete. Chop, chop -- dead snake.

I thought Earl was cool at this point -- a little privacy, a fire, some water, and now a tastes like chicken dinner! But no! The doofus kills the snake, and just leaves it. Wimp -- Tom from "Survivor: Exile Island" would have eaten it raw.

"I really don't like killing animals," Earl says. "Snakes are misunderstood. We have an understanding now." Great, you've got a rapport with an ex-snake. What you don't have is food!

I bet the 999,999 other snakes on EI had something to eat.

Back at Ravu, Mookie and Rocky (that sounds like a bad cartoon) are hecka pissed that they lost another challenge. They're blaming it on Erica, with some justification, and want her gone. But somehow, in arguing this switch to their tribemates, they describe her as terrible at challenges *and* a physical threat. Why didn't they just call her chock full of crazy?

Sylvia's all for any plan that doesn't involve voting her off, But Anthony and Michelle still want Sylvia to go.

At Tribal, Sylvia astounds me by denying being bossy *and* making helpful "suggestions" in the same sentence! And Erica says her crazy was *just* trying to help, and if they'd listened to her, somehow the incorrect puzzle piece would have magically fit. Everyone agrees life at Ravu sucks.

Earl's gonna be surprised when he gets back from EI and finds out his new wife is in Loser Lodge. Erica manages to sound like my mom at her most annoying in her exit speech -- she's not mad, she just wants Ravu to sit down and think about what they've done.

Bah -- I'm glad you're gone.

Next week: Ravu's quest for fire.