The Rant: Wanted

Wanted, is yet another comic book inspired movie to hit screens this summer. Since the (box office) failures have been few and far between this genre, it gives comic book readers like me a slight problem. At what point can I keep enjoying these movies when I know what's going to happen? When I've likely read the source material several times over, when is the novelty of seeing comic-book characters come to life going to wear out?

Wanted helps delay this conundrum for at least a few more movies, because after the first half of the film, the similarities between the movie and the comic arrive at mainly at the last scene. I said similarities, mind you, the movie does not end as the comic did with Wesley saying "This is my face, while I'm fucking you in the ass". Hollywood wusses.

So yeah, fans of Mark Millar's Wanted, you do not get the pleasure of seeing "Sh*thead" on the big screen. Sucks to be you assholes. I don't know about you, but I wanted to see a fucking poo-man onscreen. Dogma and the Golgothan was a long fucking time ago and I was digging the idea of a walking pile of doo doo in the movies again.

As usual, spoilers galore and this is not an actual review, just some impressions.


So, in the original Wanted comic book series, the premise is that an army of super villains actually rules the world and the plot involves an coup d'etat among those villains. Wesley, our main character, is recruited into the super villain army and the story deals with the struggle of accepting his new found abilities and dealing with a super powered civil war at the same time. Okay, I understand why they ditched the super villain portion of the story. The concept kind of a bit silly, expensive to produce, far-fetched etc. But did they have to have to replace it with a thousand year fraternity of assassins whose targets are chosen by reading imperfections in weaving of fabrics? This mystic loom determines the targets through fate as a defense system for society? The assassins believe that they are serving the greater good with a "Kill one, save a thousand" philosophy? The loom can pick out a random Chicago business man as an assassination target, but miss out on Hitler, Pol Pot, and Idi Amin? Good lookin' out there, Loom!

Two things involving the direction of the acting bugged me. James McAvoy, was great, but he reminded me a bit too much of Tobey McGuire during his milquetoast who slowly realizes he can stomp some ass progression. The douche bag who played Barry, the movie's douche bag, was way too reminiscent of Sean William Scott (Stiffler) king of the present-day douche bags.

One way to get around ridiculous premises and a dumb script is mask those holes with sperlative star-powered acting. It worked for Iron Man with RDjr. and it worked for Wanted with Angelina Jolie and Morgan Freeman. I swear, Morgan Freeman as the commanding voice in a movie really makes it easier for me to swallow a premise, no matter how preposterous. I think it all started on Electric Company when Easy Reader helped convince me that "Reading is heavy and outta sight!" Angelina Jolie can do so much to fill dead moments in a script. First of all, you can't help but stare at her while she's onscreen. While your staring you can catch all the littel nuances in her stares that range from mocking to emasculating, to "I really believe that you can curve that bullet around my head. I wish younger and equally hot actresses would take notice. I'm looking at you Jessica Alba!

While we're on the subject of Angelina Jolie, is there anything hotter than watching her kick a guys ass? I thought it was just a unique phenomenon after watching Mr. and Mrs. Smith (83 times) but that same warm fuzzy feeling happens in Wanted as well. Watching Angelina Jolie beat the shit out of someone > porn

Third Jolie bit. There's a scene where Jolie kisses Wesley in front of his hoebag ex-girlfriend. It was just a steamy kiss, no groping, no nudity, just a kiss. Well a good portion of the packed theater actually cheered. Phrases like "Yeah, boy!" and "Get some!" were actually shouted. Out loud. By real people.
The special effects and CGI motor this film to the point where it's almost exhausting to watch. It's 21st century Hong Kong action style film making and I'm digging it. Sure, it's excessively violent and maybe the scene where Wesley shoots the Repairman in the face, runs with his carcass, and shoots several more assassins while his gun is still implanted in the Repairman's skull is a bit much, it's quick and it's the kind of fun you can only get at the movies...well at least until the release of Grand Theft Auto 5.

Fucking, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck! This movie sure does love to say fuck!

Curving bullets with a twist of your gun, yo! If that concept alone bothers you, just try to wrap the idea that bullets can be fired to block or deflect other fired bullets

After two different car flipping-in-an-intentional-and-functional-manner scenes, nearly back to back, I really was anxious regarding what I would see next. It's been a long time since I've been absorbed like that in a movie.

Story?: Dumb. Acting?: Pretty good and times erection inducing. Fun?: Word

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So You Think You Can Dance: The Top 16

Sorry about not blogging results show last week, though we did see the return of Shane Sparks in the group number which included a rare "Check out my tain't" move from Marquis, I ignored the male flamenco dancer, was simultaneously aroused and disgusted by Flo Rida's backup dancers and the return of my favorite: The contrived Jidge's conference shot.


After a WTF? comparison of the dancers Kobe Bryant of all people (Nigel, tell me how my ass tastes) we lost "Hot Teacher" Suzie and her partner Marquis. They were pretty low on my SYTYCD food chain so I'm not offended enough to stop blogging. On to this week's Soyouthinkyoucandance?



Our Jidges tonight are Creepy Uncle Nigel, Mary "Fake Bake" Murphy and Adam "Hairspray" Shankman. Adam mentions he just finished choreographing an Adam Sandler movie in which he casted Lacey and Travis from prior seasons. What he doesn't mention is that he's already worked with one of the dancers he'll be jidging tonight. I...call...SHENANIGANS! Twitch was a dancer in "Hairspray"! Shouldn't they at least address it for the sake of clearing any possible bias? I'm starting to get that feeling again, Show. I'll be keeping my eye on you.

There's a mention of Cyd Charisse and her passing. Then it's on to the routines where we'll also get to see what secrets the partners are willing to dish to Ameriker.

Up first is Twitchington. Instead of telling Ameriker that her partner was in "Hairspray", she instead dishes that Twitch laughs like a bear. Nu-UH! We get clips of Twitch laughing and sounding nothing like a bear...Kherington clarifies that if a bear could laugh that they would sound like Twitch or something. Loathing! Twitch reveals that Kherington has a shopping problem and has 427 pairs of shoes. HA! Them women be SHOPPING! This segment so far? Sucking.

They'll be doing a Napoleon and Tabitha Hip-Hop piece tonight. Apparently, tonight there's gonna be a jailbreak. They warn Twitch about coming down to match Kherington's novice level Hip-Hop. OF course, by the end of the training they proclaim that Kherington is kicking Twitch's ass. Whatever.

So they're in orange jumpsuits...I gotta stop right here...I don't know how I feel about NappyTabs style of narrative Hip-Hop routines. I don't necessarily want or need story lines in my Hip-Hop. I can be quite happy with "This girl is wearing pants. Look, she's got too much booty in them."

So to Busta Rhymes " Don't Touch Me" they run around pretending to be on the lam. The jumpsuits really help Kherington hide any awkwardness. This is just "okay" no spectacular moves. The song was actually a Hip-Hop song this time and allowed for some really hard hitting moves. Sadly there weren;t any to be seen. It was too "yacht-hop" for me, just a little too smooth. It had the annoying pantomime of the lyrics which is apparently a tm of Nappytabs. It was good for what it was so expect the slurp job from the Jidges.

Here we go, Nigel says he'll start of with the positives, counts the positives on one hand, and then proclaims no negatives! Mary says they're going to be on STYYCD's Top Ten Most Wanted. She said Kheri brought it and Twitch was great in his own style. They get a Mary scream. Adam gives tips, which is actually refreshing. Twitch needs to help Kherington more, they have a good sense of dance timing and Kheri needs to watch breaking character.

WTF? Kherington is now wearing neon green frameless glasses. I think I hate them now. Here's a new feature, their SYTYCD "vote for me" mugging shot.

Now it's Rumba time with Courtney G. and Gev. First Courtney fills us in that, when he was little Gev looked like a girl. Well he did...and I laughed.


Unfortunately, Gev doesn't lie and reveal that Courtney is cheating on her boyfriend with him, instead he takes the high and honest road and says she's in school to be a special ed. teacher and it shows what a good person she is. They're working with Tony Merideth and Melanie. The highlight of the training montage is the Gev working Courtney's side boobs and then being instructed to grab her butt. Gev is again lovin' it.

I think I sense a trend here, which will be confirmed if Courtney has to suck on Gev's fingers next week.

They rumba to "Wishing on A Star" by Rose Royce which always brings me back to afternoons listening to Kiss-108 in Boston. Which probably means I'll be in a good mood for a few minutes. It's actually really well done. It's got an improved hotness quality from last week. It doesn't hurt that Courtney's half dress is smokin'. The crowd absolutely goes apeshit when Gev grabs Courtney's ass, which must be awkward for everyone involved.

Nigel was very happy with it and loves them as a couple. He snarks at the butt-grab and says Gev reminded Him of Dominick from last season. He of course, mentions Courtney's dress. Mary thought it was great and actually gets technical and mentions some of the difficulty in their routine . I like this Mary so much better. Adam loved it as well, and gives advice. Gev needs to watch his hands if he does contempoary, Courtney needs to work on her arabesque. Mary and Nigel fake dozing off.


Comfort and Chris, who barely survived last week. Comfort thinks that Chris is a big moocher of food.

Comfort used to be a pageant girl when she was younger. Tyce get to fuck with them this week and they're doing Jazz with sheets! It's supposed to be African Jazz, which doesn't make any sense aesthetically. I can feel the pull of the bottom three already. Chris is hoping for a Mary scream.

I am curious to what the music will be for this one...Hmmm Marilyn Manson's "Beautiful People". Exactly what I think off when I think of African Jazz. Poor Chris and Comfort. Given the right choreo they really could have ripped shit up.


Instead they're left with doing African Jazz hands all over the place. They aslo don't do anything really exciting with the sheets. This is the closest thing to a trainwreck since the jewel heist piece in week one.

Nigel was letdown by the "capes". He was disappointed with the lack of energy and it was too soft. Mary thought it should have been wilder and crazy. Hmm I agree. What's going on here. She then tells Chris she's not getting a scream. Adam thought their performance was lacking and they weren't feeling the music though them. He declares it "on the chain" Chris ends up beggin' like a strawberry.


The Disco Ruler mysteriously ended up on my desk which can only mean Dorianna Sanchez is up next with...Jessiker and Will. Will gives up that Jessiker's nickname is "Ariel" because she resemebled "The Little Mermaid" and sadly, not the sorceress from "Thundarr the Barbarian".

Anyway he thinks the concept of being nicknamed after the "Little Mermaid" is just CRAZY! Jessica's big secret is that Will is a (gasp) gentleman. It's just scandalous here this week.

Jessica is kinda emo about her critiques last week and the general feeling that she's in Will's shadow. Doriana makes it a point that she's gonna highlight Jessica, but she's just not absorbing things. This just seems like damage control for the sake of keeping Will out of the bottom three. Jessica get ready for your first slurp job tonight.

The song is "Heaven Must Have Sent You" by Bonnie Pointer. Awesome! A non-obvious disco song! They really are pulling out all the stops for Jessiker this week. This routine was supposed to highlight Jessica but really all eyes are on Will. I'll admit that Will knocked it out of the park tonight. He's really that good. Jessica, not so much. Instead of a cunniliftus or a flying gyno, we get an airplane spin which was actually pretty cool.

Nigel...is pretty critical of some of their tricks, but said they carried them off. Mary thought it was an extremely difficult and that Will owned the routine. She says Jessica stepped up to the plate. Adam points out that Jessica might be her own worst enemy and she shouldn't be because she's beatiful and a great dancer. He says Will is scary and so good. Will gives a Travolta point on request.


It's our 12 feet of dance! Matt reveals Kourtni's tattoo on the back of her neck...which is actually pretty cool.

Matt on the other hand wears a ninja mask from time to time leads me to believe that he really wishes he was a member of Supercr3w.


We get a new choreographer this week in Sonya!


I mean this with every fiber of my being. HAWT! She gives Matt some sword strikes when he tries to front on her dojo with his ninja mask on which makes her even that much more attractive. Her piece is about two comic book heroes chasing and flirting with each other. Let's hope Matt and Kourtni aren't supposed to be Filipino heroes otherwise they would explode at the end of the piece. I'm really looking forward to this.

Ugh. They come out to "Wrestlers" by Hot Chip...costuming just ruins it. Instead of looking like comic book heroes they look like two assholes. It's quirky and they're jumping all over the place and tie-grabbing. The look really killed it for me though.

Nigel thought they looked comfortable with the style. He thinks Ameriker is too stupid to get it while dancers will love it. Mary screeches something good about it and thought it was a good showcase for them. Adam loved Kourtni's control and thought they were great dancers. He blasts wardrobe for putting Kourtni in a shopping bag. Word.

Now to the part in the recap where I cut corners.

Chelsea and Thayne: Secrets: Chelsea steals flowers. Thayne embroiders his own t-shirts. I guess Thayne is a pansy isn't really a secret.

Quick Step + Phil Collins + The Charleston - the move where you put your hands over your knees as you knock them together = Bottom Three.

Nigel says get your solos ready. Mary gives a retarded gravity filled speech about how Chelsea is now off the HTT and Thayne is now barely hanging on. I don't care what Adam has to say unless it involves strangling Mary.


Let's see who's left...

Oh yeah, Chelsie and Mark are doing hip-hop this week, but before we get into that Mark has crooked pinkies and Chelsie is a tomboy. Napoleon and Tabitha admit that they choreograph to match the lyrics and he sings out "I-Don't-Care-what-they-say" which means that this is gonna be to Leona Lewis' "Bleeding the Love"

According to the script. Mark plays a workaholic and Cheslie is his clingy housewife. The costumes however suggest the dance they're doing tonight is the "Forbidden Love of Danny and D.J. Tanner"


Seriously! What is up with the costume people this season? 'Kay, just a few paragraphs ago I dismissed the storytelling in hip hop dance. I don't necessarily take it back, but what Tabatha and Napoleon have done best on this show has been to tell relationship stories. Mark and Chelsie were just as good if not better than Katee and Joshua in the "No Air" piece. It's watered down hip-hop but it's still entertaining.

Nigel raves and takes a litle dig at America's Best Dance Crew. Mary gets all serious about the problem of work interfering with relationships. Adam labels them the couple to beat. I agree, which means they'll be gone on Top 8 week.


Joshua and Katee? Oh yeah, they danced and got their tounge bath. Kate is actually sexy and Joshua and his dad have big bums.


Fine, if you have to know. They danced the Samba and it was pretty good but it didn't cure cancer as the judges would have you believe.


Okay my favorites tonight:
Chelsie and Mark
Courtney and Gev
Twitchington

Bottom Three:

Chris and Comfort
Chelsea and Thayne
Matt and Kourtni

I'm willing to go as far as to predict that Chelsea and Chris get sent home so they can keep Comfort and Thayne.

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Songs You Should Know: Fu-Shnickens w/ Shaquille O'Neal "What's Up Doc?"

Looks like Shaq all up in the news today over his freestyle dis of Kobe Bryant (with a little wink to Kareem, Patrick Ewing, and homeless men on the side) check it out here:

"Kobe,tell me how my ass tastes!" Heh, that's pretty catchy and probably on a hundred cafepress t-shirts right now. I can't wait for Kobe's response rap entitled "Quick, PR people tell me what I'm supposed to say while I grin and stall for time"

In honor of my new personal Summer Anthem, "Kobe, tell me how my ass tastes!" (Gold I tell ya!) TC and M is continuing our "Attack of the Summer Song" series featuring a much younger, slimmer Shaq.

"What's Up Doc?" was a huge summer song for me 15 years ago. It had the combination of one of my favorite groups of the time and Shaq, for whom I rocked the pinstripe Starter LSU cap for years. I remember I first heard this on a road trip with my family. We were in Philly and headed to a huge outlet mall in the burbs. This song managed to play 18 times on the way there. I bought the cassingle and it played the rest of the summer (well, more likely a week or two).Unfortunately, this was kind of the end of the Fu-Schnickens, since this kind of mainstream hit moved them to from Tribe Called Quest's "quirky underground following) territory to the unfortunate one-hit wonder territory occupied by people like Positive K, Candyman, and Snow. They also had their gimmick improved and used to greater success by the Wu-Tang Clan. Meanwhile, Shaq went on to have MTV hits like "Biological Didn't Bother" and "I'm Outstanding" Oh yeah, add that to the over 100 million he's made in his basketball career and life really isn't fair.

I hadn't heard this song in awhile and the references to Tom and Roxie Roker, Randy "Macho Man" Savage, and the Mr. Rogers' Neighborhood shout out are priceless. Nuff talkey, here's "What's Up Doc?" by the Fu-Schinickens w/ Shaquille O'Neal

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So You Think You Can Dance: Top 18

A few days ago I heard a rumor about last season (no I'm not going to repeat it here suckas) that justifies every suspicion that this show is rigged beyond belief for certain people. It's one of the main reasons I stopped SYTYCD blogging for a few weeks. What's the other reason you ask? Heroin. Sweet, sweet heroin. Anyway, this season, hopefully, will ease up on the blatant dance politics favoritism and if they do play favorites, i hope it's with contestants that are actually likable.

Now on with this weeks recap of So You Think You Can Dance: The Top 18 suckas!


Cat comes out in a smokin' hot black dress and looks lovely as always. She's still sticking with the audience participation schtick where the crowd is expected to complete "Let's meet your____" It falls flat...again. Mia is the third judge and describes this cast as "banoodles" as in this shit is banoodles b-a-n-o-o-d-l-e-s ...where did I put that heroin? Since there's there's the requisite 15 minutes or so of bullshit to fill and the Pussycat Dolls can't be on every week, they're going to ask the dancers their favorite and least favorite thing about their partners.


Chelsea T. and Thayne are up first. Thayne thinks it's great that Chelsea is so positive. Chelsea thinks Thayne is generally happy and that balances her sassy side. Chelsea's kinda narcoleptic since she sleeps whenever their supposed to meet and Thayne is a bit superstitious and has to knock on wood for good luck constantly.

They're doing a jazz routine by Mandy Moore, and it's theme is forbidden love between a king and the other role isn't really quite mentioned, so we don't know if Chelsea is supposed to be from a rival kingdom, a lowers social class, or simply a black Jamaican-American. We get some extended clips of Thayne knocking on wood...maybe his real problem is ADD.

Luckily, we had it all explained to us before hand, because without the intro I would have no idea that this piece was supposed to tell a story. I mean a poofy shirt, eyeshadow, and a pocket chain do not a king make. It's not really getting the forbidden love idea across either..there's a green feather or leaf involved? Was there something I missed in history class?

Mia loved the concept but hated the execution. She said Thayne was too dumpy and not regal at all and lacked power. She then states "you've been kicked off the (hot tamale) train. Mary said it didn't have any impact and lacked chemistry. Mary relegates them to the (hot tamale) caboose as a reward for their poor performance. Nigel said it wasn't real and said the costume didn't help and that Chelsea looked like a clown and to make a train metaphor trifecta,says the train jumped the tracks.


Mark and Chelsie H. are in the dos spot tonight. Mark loves the scent of Chelsea's hair. Chelsie thinks that Mark;s best feature is that he's quirky. Chelsie thinks that his reserved nature makes him tough to partner with at times. He thinks she's like a pestering little sister at times.

They get Alex and Argentine Tango tonight...I wonder if there will be the usual kick in the nuts move? Anyway they confirm that the brother-sister feeling makes the close dancing weird. Chelsie hits him a bunch, but no kick in the nuts move tonight.

Their Tango starts out with some traditional tango accordion music, but then a funky beat drops. This is actually entertaining. Chelsie has great legs and does most of the work. I think Mark's quirkiness is his best asset since he's probably the best actor out of all the dancers, so if he's out of his element he can throw himself into a role and fake it. After seeing Thayne look more like a queen than a king, this talent cannot be understated.

Somehow Chelsie's pinky toe gets out of her shoe and Cat gets on her knees and fixes it. She's so awesome. Mia is in love with the two of them. Mary loved everything about that. She thought Chelsie's legwork was great and that Mark looked like a movie star tonight. Nigel fakes a negative comment with a groan but thought it was actually great. He felt that sweet little Cheslie wasn't sleazy enough to appease his filthy daydreaming during the routine. Nigel shouldn't be allowed near young girls.


Will and Jessica have hip hop with Cecily and Olisa. Will loves Jessica's personality and picks his mood up. She loves his focus, but sometimes he's too serious and internal. He thinks she's got confidence problems. Now what I remember about these choreographers is they let the female show off a bit. Alison had a great performance with them in Season Two.

Ugh...I spoke too soon about the Pussycat Dolls since they're performing to Nicole Sherzingwhatever. The routine involves chairs and Will and Jessica and they jump around and the steps are definitely women friendly. Will looks comfortable and Jessica is workin' it. There's no story or cool partner tricks, they just switch hats around alot. It's pretty good, just nothing new.

Okay to get the full effect of the the judges critiques you must do this while you read them. Make a fist with your hand and hold it in front of your face. Slowly move the hand towards your mouth and while doing so push your tongue against the side of your cheek. Mia tells Jessica with a partner like Will she has to set herself on fire to get any attention. She says Will is so powerful and is so much to match and she needs to step it up. She calls Will a genius. Mary agrees with Mia. She calls Will a dancing machine and that he is a force. Nigel agrees, but sticks up for Jessica, and says Will is going to be in the final. So to sum it up it's "slurp slurp slurp slurp" "Jessica killed a puppy with her bare hands" "We already have a chosen one, and he's nicer than Danny, so suck on it Ameriker"

Next up is our 12 ft. of dance Kourtni and Matt. Matt professes that "She has the best eyes" and Kourtni loves "that he is always complimenting me". Shallow much? She says he can't sing, Matt thinks she's tone deaf. They get Jean-Marc and a Fox Trot this week and he goes off into this rant on how this is a dangerous routine and then justifies every stereotypical French-Canadian imitation known to man. "Meh deh meh deh pleaze don't cresh!"

Fox trot...um yeah, not much but an untrained opinion, that I kinda liked it, but I don't know why or even why it's just "kinda"

Mia thought it was old Hollywood elegant and that Kourtni only shows strength when her leg is in the air...shush twelve year old Paj! She also thinks that she needs to own her size and length which causes me to do a Deuce Bigalow yell of "Hey Bigfoot!" Mary loved the choreography, but it was a mixed bag and that the turns were good but the foot work wasn't there. Nigel compliments Matt on being able to lift his Amazon partner and thought his arms were "twee" and that their facials were very fake. He liked it though.

Next our resident cute couple is up next Gev and Courtney G. Courtney digs that Gev is really strong. Gev goes for the obvious and says the best thing about Courtney is that she's really pretty and the worst thing about her is that she has a boyfriend. There's so much awesome behind that statement. What's the worst thing about your partner Gev? Um, we won't be hittin' it later. She says he's short. there's a bit about Gev wearing man-thong.
Meanwhile Courtney is rockin' the Valerie Bertinelli look and I keep expecting Schneider and his awesome tool belt to hop on by. Mandy Moore plays both choreographer and trouble maker for the Cutesies. She gives them a love story and she makes the comment that there's a connection there and that Gev really likes Courtney. Gev gives Mandy a thumbs up for the inanimateness she put in the piece.

It's a contemporary piece and they are pretty much all over each other> Courtney makes some pretty constipated facials which bother me. It's a slow slow piece and i guess it's okay. No real heat though.

Cat disagrees with me though and has goosebumps. Mia loves Mandy's choreo. She thinks that the performance was too jazzified. She expected her to melt into him more and that she was the man in the relationship. Mia was proud of Gev and that his movement was believable. Mary loves it and woos and I tune her out. Nigel Freuds that Gev has more emotion for Courtney outside of the dance than during the routine. So now we know who the Jidges have labeled as year's "Couple we want you to think are hittin' it". Interesting...sucks to be Courtney and her boyfriend right now.

Joshua and Katee (no J-Man I am not calling her "Asian") are up next and seem to be the favorites coming in from last week. Katee loves that Joshua is a caring partner and Joshua loves her smile. Joshua is always picking on her and Katee is always doing this dumb dance. Oh wait, no joke, Katee's dance is actually a pose we used to call the "suck me" pose.

So Tyce is in charge this week and it's Broadway. He's got them running around and they do a catalog of their various moves like "Mixing the Bowl" "Playing the Trombone"...wait this reminds of Andy Dick's telling of "The Aristocrats.

So they're doing a bit from "Godspell" and they are in 30's garb and high energy and they really do run around on stage...a lot. Joshua looks like he's got Demolition face paint on his eye, while Katee has a teardrop on her face, which I think means she killed someone in prison who tried to attack her or something. Anyway this was fun, they looked off in some spots, but the crowd is going apeshit.

Oh no Nigel is up and prancing around. Here comes another slurpie! Nigel freaks out over Joshua dancing Broadway because he's a popper. Um Nigel if we're aware that Joshua is more than a popper, you shouldn't be trying to pull that snowjob on us. He loves Katee's beautiful spirit and calls it entertainment at his best. I'm ignoring Mary now, because she's just annoying. Mia thought the connection between them is unreal. She puts Joshua into the Top 4. Ugh.

They jump into Marquis who says Susie has so much energy and that she always has an energy drink in her hand. Susie likes that Marquis is a goofball. She doesn't like that he's always eating and gets all in her face with his stank Sunchip breath. hE doesn't like getting smacked with Susie's hair.

They are doing an Alex de Silva Salsa routine so I guess this should ne up Susie's element. Heh, Susie starts complaining that she can't do some of the moves. Alex says to the camera that She's not really a salsa dancer and that she dances "street salsa" Susie overhears this and starts crying over the fact that she over heard him saying that she was a "street dancer"

Well, she kinda mis- air quoted him, but it doesn't matter because they start sucking in their dance immediately. It looks all awkward and Susie is just flailing around.

Mia loved the choreography but wasn't crazy about the performance. Marquis was rubbery and that Susie was hot didn't get what she wanted. Mary is back to normal (sorta) thought Susie was disappointing and there was no chemistry. Nigel thought it the Cuban and Puerto Rican Fire Brigade but the fire out before the routine started.

It's Twitchington time! Twitch likes the fact that Kherington tends to think everything is alwayss going to be okay, because he tends to freak out. Kherington loves that Twitch is muscular and that he can lift her. Twitch doesn't like Kherington's leg strength because he's Sir Kickedintthefacealot. She hates his eyeglass frames sans lenses. Seriously Twitch, what the hell? That's dumber than Kherington's "h".

Uh oh we have an early "very special" dance routine ala Mia's Dead Father Dance. Apparently Jean Marc's daughter has a condition where she lost all of her motor skills and she reacts strongest when people dance. So this Viennese Waltz is dedicated to uplifting his daughter.

I like the idea of not going to Hell so I'll just say that they danced dewinely. Well, except for Twitch looked heavy on his heels. They're also both barefoot. Oh yeah and Kherington with her hair that way looks like a slimmer version of an ex-girlfriend. Whose breakup kinda sorta sent me seeking therapy. Sigh...stupid "very special" dance routines. I will say that it was very touching and a nice moment for the show.

Mia thought Kherington needed more reality on the routine since she smiled a bit too much for her taste. Nigel interrupts her and disagrees on the purpose of the dance. Mia gets kind of pissy that she was cut off. Kherington and Twitch get some input. Mary is a crying mess. Nigel actually gives some interesting history of the Viennese Waltz and thought the routine was beautiful. So of course after a touching tender emotional routine, Twitchington still has to do this ...

unbelievable.

Comfort and Chris bump as out dancing Krump but they looked like effeminate Cowboys. We'll see...Comfort likes that Chris is humble.Chris likes Comfort's versatility. He thinks she talks so fast. She doesn't like that he's sweaty and he doesn't like that it get all over her face.

Lil C is back with some Krump, which is usually a mixed bag. Of course Chris has never Krumped before...

And it shows. Again the song hurts the routine. It's a Timbaland joint and it's just okay. Chris does look like a fish out of water. This routine looks so watered down and palatable for what they think the audience wants. It just doesn;t work There's nothing there that keeps the attention. Another whiff for Krump on this show.

Mia is a big Comfort fan. She thought Chris worked hard this week and pulled it off. Mary is just kinda meh on everything and thought Comfort could have hit it harder. Nigel just goes on this embarrassing rant on Krump and how he wants it hard and tells Chris his Grandma is more gangsta than him. Nigel wanted Nigel to get his Hulk on and then gets up and does a shitty crotch grab.

Ugh. Nigel and Mary are ruining this show. Maybe they'll decide the rest of the top 4 next week.

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Quick thoughts on So You Think You Can Dance: Top 18

I had some technical difficulties with the screenies that I couldn't fix this morning so the full post will have to wait until this evening.

Quick thoughts:

Was Will's critique the worst slurp job ever by the Jidges?

Will they ever acknowledge that Twitch might have spent all of last year training in other styles?

Do you think Alex would have referrered to Susie as a (airquotes) "street dancer" if she didn't buy her clothes from the "Whore Shop"?

Chris should have challenged Nigel to a Dance-Off right then and there.

Nigel was so pervy last night he even gave a guy who accentuates female crotch shots the creeps.


Just in case the post doesn't make it tonight here's my bottom three:
Matt and Kourtni
Thayne and Chelsea
Will and Jessica (even though Comfort and Chris weren't as good)
I forgot about Susie Trampskirt and Marquis

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The Rant: The Incredible Hulk

I really didn't really expect much from The Incredible Hulk starring Ed Norton, Liv Tyler, William Hurt and Tim Roth. I was a big fan of the TV show, but mainly because it was on right before the Dukes of Hazzard, which inspired me to write about the Incredible Hulk-Dukes of Hazzard effect. I passed on the Ang Lee Hulk movie based on word of mouth and that it focused mainly on emo, "I am the victim of abuse" Hulk. The Hulk I want to see is "Puny human, Hulk smash!" Hulk.

The concept of the Hulk is rare for comics as thres a duality that you can really explore and a psychology that you can take the time to examine since he's not really a hero, just a Jekyl and Hyde freak accident. Just because there's depth to work with doesn't mean it the end product will be any fun.

So, finally with a modern-day movie do-over five years later, I get what I want, and it's pretty damn fun. As usual, this is not a review just some observations. Spoilers Galore!


This movie starts out with an overview of Hulk's origin played as a background to the opening credits. It's about time that a superhero movie took this approach. We jump into the movie knowing that Hulk was the product of a military experiment gone wrong, he hurt some people including his chippie and is now on the run. Simple, easy, and it only took about two minutes of setup. I loved this sequence because the origin makes more sense this way, we don't need twenty minutes of establishing the back story, and there's no sign of that pussy Rick Jones.

So many nice little references to The Incredible Hulk TV show including a shot of Bill Bixby from "The Courtship of Eddie's Father", college newspaper reporter Jack McGee catching celphone cam footage and coining the term "The Hulk", a comical attempt to use the phrase "you wouldn't like me when I'm angry" in Portuguese,Lou Ferrigno as a security guard (and voice of the Hulk) and of course a hitchhiking scene set to "The Lonely Man". Those bits alone were worth the matinee price.

The pants jokes didn't work quite as well for me. I liked the first "mas stretchy" bit when he was buying pants in Mexico, but the big ass Magenta pants bit while they are on the run, just seemed too forced.

I;m not going to really take much credence with what I've read surrounding Edward Norton's unhappiness with the movie. All I know is that he was the perfect Bruce Banner. He has the natural ability to emote suppressed rage and does so much with what really isn't much for dialogue. Whether or not it was a final product he was happy with, his strength as a actor gave Banner the depth that the script may not have provided.

This is such a small bit, but it made me the happiest. Hulk is with Betty in a cave and he gets startled by lightning. So what does he do? He steps out if the cave, grabs a boulder, and chucks it at the sky. Perfect Hulk scene.


Now my favorite part of discussing comic book movies...the relationships!

Okay we have Betty Ross and Bruce Banner we start the movie and Bruce goes into an uncontrollable rage and lands Betty in a coma. Bruce skips town and gives her the silent boot. Betty starts up with a respectable nice guy. Bruce comes into town, sees her with the new guy and decides not to tell her he's back. She spots him and he runs away into an alley and pulls the old hide behind a dumpster trick. She tracks him down and gives him a place to stay. against her wishes he decides he can't stay and then he hits her up for money before he goes.

I lost my shit there, but it gets better.

Then she discovers that he actually transforms into this green mass of muscle capable of a snapping a woman's neck by batting his eyelashes and she's not horrified, but turned on. When they're on the run and things calm down, which is traditional movie sex scene time, he won't give her any, even though she's willing to risk (or encouraging) him turning into a giant green monster capable of killing thousands. After all this, she's still left pining away for him at the end of the movie after he skips town...again. Come to think of it that relationship isn't nearly as preposterous as Carrie and Mr. Big.

Speaking of which, I really want to like Liv Tyler. I mean her back to back roles in Empire Records and That Thing You Do had her in the TC and M pantheon of hot actresses, but she's kinda ridiculous in this. Everyone else in the supporting cast is awesome though, Tim Roth especially.

When it comes down to it, The Hulk isn't a superhero movie, it's a monster movie. The director plays to this as we finally get a good monster versus bad monster throwdown with billions in collateral damage. This is what good monster movies are all about. Hulk doesn't disappoint. In fact, when he uttered his first words, "Hulk Smash", I nearly shed a father like tear. When Hulk vanquished Abomination and let out his victorious scream of rage, happiness, confusion and perhaps some sexual release, I wanted to give him a standing ovation, then run out into the lobby and rip shit up. I haven't had a movie inspire me to vandalize since Alvin and the Chipmunks.

Final Banner, scene? Not gonna spoil that one, but it's a killer.

As for the Tony Stark/RDjr cameo...I wish they hadn't plugged it and moved it from easter egg after the credits status. I know it's supposed to tease an Avengers movie, as it played out, all it did was leave the audience thinking, yeah I guess Hulk was good but Iron Man was still better.

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So You Think You Can Dance Top 20 Results Show

So we open tonight's show with a group dance to "Cobrastyle" by Robyn. The song starts out with some baby voice dialogue which I imagine is saying "Hey, Dad, I've decided I'm not going to do cobrastyle anymore". A few seconds pass and we have a shot of the guys in suits...


and the girls dressed like ...trannys?


We also see Nigel jotting down notes. Wha?

As soon as I can mutter to myself "Oh this is gonna be some bowl shi-" Nigel is gone, chair spinning and out he comes, bound gagged and carried out by the dancers.


Apparently Wade Robson and his wife were the choreographers, but you can't convince me that this isn't a Nigel fantasy ever since he started jidging this show. They break up any cool dancing with shots of bug-eyed Nigel...and yeah worst group dance ever.

Let's get to it. I'm gonna keep this short this week, but here we go with the results.



Our bottom three couples?

First is Kourtni and Matt who did the jewel thief dance off...
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Next is Jamie and Rayven who performed "Cotton Candy" hip hop last night. Nigel made it a point to state that the bananna hammock dance probably offended some people. I'd say it was desperate but not necessarily offensive.


And our final bottom couple... Will and Jessica? The judges are shocked as well and shocked judges usually = safe from elimination.


So I was actually 2 for 3 in my bottom three picks. I'm actually surprised I did that well. In the interim before the eliminations we have Poppin Pete and his son collectively known as "Electric Boogaloo" which will lead to shitty jokes when I read other recaps. grr Then we have the solos. Matt, Jessica, Kourtni, and Will all do some form of contemporary/lyrical whatever and they all seem the same to me. Jamie does the standard ballroom guy solo with hips swaying...he keeps his pants up this time though. Rayven looks flat-footed doing ballet. It looks really bad.


It was as she's the first gorl to go. Kourtni got the early reprieve even though she lost her balance during her solo. The jidges were disappointed with both Jessica and Rayven who was dancing demi-pointe which was unacceptable I guess. Since Jessica is cuter she stays.


Will gets the early safe notice on the guys side. He also gets a speech that might as well have said this "Will, you are our favorite dancer and we will never eliminate you unless you royally fuck up, so don't. You are this year's Danny and Benji rolled into one. Love, the Jidges"

Speaking of Benji...Fake Schwimmer Jamie and 6'3 Matt are left. One has technique, the other has personality, and tonight they say that they are going with technique. See ya Fake-Scwhimmer! Though he does seem like a nice guy.


Down to 18! Well 17 + Will who apparently gets a free pass to the final 4.

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