So You Think You Can Dance: The Top Eight Quick Thoughts

For the past two seasons, Top Eight week is where I have lost my favorites: Alison from Season Two and Sara and Dom from Season Three. This season my favorites have been Mark and Chelsie. Odds are this show is going to piss me off once again. Odds are also pretty good that I will hate everything about this show when I'm done with this episode. Since I couldn't get any screenies up I'm just going roll a little more scatterbrained than usual.

Okay this "IV Real" business has got to stop. The intro solos had every single one of the dancers posing with their "IV Real" signes on their shoulder. You know who else used the "IV Real" saying as their trademark? Chris Benoit, my favorite wrestler who went nutso and killed his wife and kid. Not saying there's any intended connection there, it just makes it all that more fucking annoying.

Cat grabbed the oranger cream instead of the bronzer cream tonight. Whoa Toni Basil is our guest judge. Thoughts immediately go to the fat cheerleader in the "Mickey" video. She would have been awesome on this show. I also flashback to the time I actually said "Yeah, that Mickey song is okay, but I think "Shopping From A to Z" is a hundred times better".

As far as the couple go Josh gets Chelsie, Will gets Courtney, Twitch gets Katee, and Mark gets Comfort. Guess who the jidges want to send home this week?

This week the dancers give an extended video piece on how they started dancing. The most interesting bits are that Comfort actually went to a performing arts school where she had technical training. Twitch choreographed videos in South Korea for nine months. Will was inspired to start dancing by Patrick Swayze in Dirty Dancing. What are the odds any other young African-American dancers were inspired to dance by Patrick Swayze? Sigh, I hate you Jidges. There's also this part where Mark explains that he was kind of an outcast and that he was the only make dancer at school and he was recalling the label which the other kids at school gave him. He stumble a bit bit before he settled on "the boy dancer". Yeah, Mark sure that's what the kids in high school called you.

All the routines were pretty good as a whole but when you add the judges comments to what was actually performed, it becomes a shit storm. Will and Courtney did an okay Samba which was overpraised. Mary even did a checklist of Will's technical mistakes but glosses over them. Meanwhile, Mark and Comfort did an okay Foxtrot. Every technical mistake was highlighted. The Samba by design was a bit more fun, but technically it was as flawed if not more than the Mark-Comfort Foxtrot. The audience reaction was pretty much the same. The Nigel and Mary trashed Mark and Comfort to the extent that Toni Basil had to remind everyone that their Hip-Hop was fabulous to balance it out.

Going back to earlier in the show Comfort and mark had an actual hard hitting Nappytabs Hip-Hop which was probably the best number of the night. Nigle used his time to criticise Comfort's solo. WTF? Mary thought it was great but no Mary scream. Meanwhile, Will and Courtney have a "lyrical hip-hop" piece by Nappytabs which of course revolved around another needy chick, who this time can't let go of a lover's memory. For the dance to be called hip-hop was bulshit. The Jidges loved it of course and there were screams even though this was not a make you scream kind of piece. I hate this show so much right now.

Other tidbits from the performances.

Joshua and Chelsea had a disco routine that had some amazing lifts . It also had the worst dancing of the night and at one point Joshua actually fell the fuck over. There was no mention of this at all. this was the last routine and I was convinced the jidges had prewritten all of their critiques tonight.

Katee and Twitch had a Mia Michaels contemporary routine which involved a door a pshyco girlfriend, an open mouth kiss, and some good old fashioned domestic violence. It was pretty much an educational film on when you should file a restraining order. K and T also did a Broadway to "Sweet Georgia Brown" a song I thought was only whistled at Harlem Globetrotter games. I had no idea the song had lyrics. It was as shocking to me as if someone busted out a singing version of the 90210 theme.

Will put on a wig and supposedly did a James Brown impersonation. Since when did the Godfather of Soul ever do ballet pirouettes? It was such a "look at me I've got personality" move.

This show was pretty much designed to boot Mark and Comfort out of the competition. So no predictions are necessary and it looks like Mark will be carrying on the tradition of the TC and M Top Eight jinx.

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So You Think You Can Dance: The Top 10

There's so much to cover tonight with ten routines and ten solos. First off, the big news is that Jessica has suffered broken ribs and is out of the competition. Either Will dropped her during the disco a few weeks ago or the Jidges took a baseball bat to her for dragging Lord Will St. Dancington into the bottom three last week. I was suprised the Jidges didn't point that she was likely to be the girl eliminated this week, so the injury isn't a big deal.

So out goes Jessica, in goes Comfort and all the couples that we've grown accustomed to are now banished into the realm of SYTYCD fanfic. Even without the Jesscia injury, this would have been a whole night full of shenanigans. We're just going with bullet points tonight because there was some serious bullshit going on. I'm also going to roll a little old school and pick myself up with tasteless screenies of the female dancers which have nothing to do with the context of what I'm typing.


Mark and Kherington picked the Country Two Step? Seriously, what the fuck? I can understand new dances introduced during the early part of the season but really, Country Two Step for a top ten show? The problem I have with this is that you could have had the two greatest Country Two Steppers perform on the show and they would have still looked like assholes. In fact, chances are if the two greatest country two steppers in the world auditioned for the show they wouldn't make it to Vegas. Let's get real here! There are styles of dance that are more crowd pleasing than others. If you are given Lindy Hop, Steps, Quickstep, Viennese Waltz, Smooth Waltz, Dan Karaty hip-hop, and yes, Country Two Step, no matter how well it's danced you are hosed and the reaction will likely be a big fat "Meh". So yeah, Mark and Kherington didn't even come close to dancing it well, but it really didn't matter, they were screwed from the beginning. It didn't really help my disposition towards the routine when I saw that the choreographer was pregnant.


In contrast we have Will, the pre-ordained SYTYCD champion and the reality TV equivalent of a shot HgH he got this week. First, he was paired with Katee, who was one of the two girls who have avoided the bottom three. Then Desmond Richardson, supposedly one of the greatest dancers alive, decides to slum it and choreograph for a week and Will and Katee just happen to pull it out of the dance hat. Then they just happen to dance to David Archuletta's "Imagine" a recording which we were told for the last six months on American Idol "Up yours John Lennon, little David's version is the best song ever to grace human ears". You know there's a reason Blake, Travis, and Danny all came up short. If you try to manipulate the best guy and try to turn him into the most popular guy as well, people will turn on them. This is Ameriker and we like our reality show winners to be scrappy underdogs.

As if Archuletta and his shitty "Imagine" weren't enough, we also had to hear "Hero", by Enrique, the usual sellouts to SYTYCD Chris Brown, Celine Dion, Brian Setzer, and TWO Rhianna songs, neither of which were "Umbrella". Poor Mark and Kherington also had to dance to not only country, but Jamiroquai's Vote For Pedro song from Napoleon Dynamite. The worst moment had to be when Twitch and Comfort had to dance a Waltz to Journey's "Open Arms". They couldn't have been more like fishes out of water if they were on ice skates, in an Ambercrombie and Fitch, set in a Brendan Fraser movie.

Congratulations Tyce, your shitty choreography has now hit Dorianna Sanchez and Dan Karaty levels. Will and Katee did a piece to "Rockin' the Boat" where they actually danced in a boat, but then when they left the boat supposedly they werent in the ocean but on solid ground. Why the hell would you care about rockin' the boat when it's on land. Couldn't you have at least pretended that they were in the water when they were out of the boat. OF course the judges loved it. Then he goes on and give Mark and Kherington a Jazz piece with no story and no theme. Really? Like Jazz isn't a hard enough sell. This is the top ten where the audience half expects every routine to be elaborate in it's storytelling to really please the crowd. Of course Mark and Kherington got dinged for not showing any character in their dance. It's like blaming Katie Holmes for her terrible acting when...wait that's a bad example. Still, way to mail it in Tyce.

Nigel was pretty much ridiculous as usual tonight. First the "Gev isn't over Courtney" bit which was just an assy thing to say. Then there was the Will and Katee mistake in their ballet piece that was glossed over by his claiming that the mistake was a good thing otherwise the routine would have been so good they would have nothing else to live for.


As far as the routines went there weren't any real trainwrecks other than the Twitchfort Smooth Waltz, both Mark and Kherington pieces, and Will and Katee's Broadway. The solos for the most part were pretty much on par the level of each dancer. Kherington's was probably the weakest of the night.


There were several good things about the show. I liked Lil C as a guest judge even though he slipped into prisoner with a thesarus mode at times. He referred to Courtney as "eloquent" when he must have meant elegant, since Courtney wasn't saying a damn word at the time. Still he was fair in his critiques and managed to give the viewer insight on how a dancer and chorographer would actually see the piece.


Dave Scott was back on hip-hop and hit a home run with both of his numbers. His pieces were hard hitting, told a story, and were very entertaining. Comfort and Twitch were the best of the night. I've enjoyed some of NappyTabs work but they shouldn't be called hip-hop. Call them Pop, R and B, or Clingy Emo, just don't call them Hip Hop no mo.


I thought the best number of the night was actually Gev and Chelsie's Sonja contemporary. "These Arms of Mine" , the costuming, the lighting, all of it reminded me of the the Don johnson and Virginia Madsen movie "The Hot Spot" where it's all about sweaty sex. Nigel likened it to a diner where the customer hangs out and seduces a waitress...not quite the porn scenario I was thinking of, but it did inspire that kind of mindset.


Predictions:
Bottom three guys:
Mark
Gev
Will only so we can see the judges rant on dumb Ameriker



Bottom Three Girls:
Comfort
Kherington
Courtney



I'm thinking Gev and Kherington are the next ones to go. I find it hard to believe that a guy like Mark can go from avoiding the bottom three to being eliminated. We'll see though. Time for me to split.

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I've got a new side project

In an effort to keep all of my interests from co-mingling, I've made another blog at The Fake Sports Sketch Comedy Show.It's my running view of the sports world as sketch comedy in an SNL - Mr. Show, The State vein. Yes, I didn't list Monty Python's Flying Circus. I was never really a fan.

And yes, I do manage to center the meat of the 1st segment around two seperate dick jokes.

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So You Think You Can Dance Top 12: Part 2 w/results

Here's a quick bite of what I wasn't able to get to from last night's performance show.

Mark and Chelsie did a hot Broadway number. Chelsie probably needed her weight in adhesive to keep from flashing the crowd. Mark seemed to get some sharp criticism for the first time.

Comfort and Thayne did a contemporary piece to George Micheal's "A Different Corner". Out of nowhere Thayne was called brilliant which sent my conspiracy sense tingling.

Gev and Courtney seemed to have moved up a few notches with their "Secret Map" routine. Why do I call it that? Because they danced with a map that had" Secret Map" written on it. They were probably the couple of the night.

Will and Jessica did a quickstep to the fucking American Bandstand theme song. My Pavlovian conditioning suddenly made me feel like cartoons were over and I wanted to go outside and play. Either that or switch it to Soul Train. Then I thought about my favorite AB in which The Junkyard Dog lip synced the all time classic "Grab Them Cakes" with the chick who sang "Turn the Beat Around". It was just a nightmare. Jessica got the slam of the season when Mia told Will that he was tired from carrying Jessica all season and that it was time for a new partner.

Twitch and Kherington slept walked through a Tang which was supposed to be a Mr. and Mrs. Smith inspired piece. It sucked big time. Twitch was especially bad.

Joshua and Katee did a Bollywood piece. This show is kind of a little late on the whole Bollywood thing, but it was actually fun to watch and looked more like a hip-hop piece than a Nappytabs joint.

So that brings us to the results show and we start out with a group dance. It's Ne-Yo who must have a deal with SYTYCD since all of his fucking songs have played on this damn show. The dancers are all in tracksuits and it's supposedly hip-hop. The blacklight hits and the dancers are reduced to glowy stripes. Steal from the BoogieBots much? When the lyrics mention the word "star" the dancers formed a star which screamed Napoleon and Tabitha. There was a lot of dull hip-hop and the dancers in the back missed a lot of spots. It was the worst group dance ever on this show.

On with the Bottom 3 announcements! The first pair of couples is Thayne and Comfort and Joshua and Katee. I don;t know why they even bothered with any suspense.

Thayne and Comfort are in the bottom three. Mia says America got it right and she makes it sound like she'll be fighting for Thayne.

The next pair is a tougher call. Jessica/Will and Mark/Chelsie.

To my surprise Mark and Chelsea are safe. It turns out Debbie Allen is in the audience and there's no way in hell that Will is going home tonight. Mary says she'll be fighting for both of them.

Last spot in the Bottom Three is between Twitchington and Courtney/Gev. The recap edit had no mention of Kherington's exhaustion in the Krump routine.

In a shocker Courtney and Gev are safe! Nigel pretty much assures Twitchington that they're pretty much safe this week, but they need to step it up,

So we know Will and Twitchington aren't going to be eliminated right now, So the only real suspense is between Jessica and Comfort.

First we have the Alvin Ailey Dancers. If I remember correctly I think this was the group that accepted LeRoy from the movie Fame. The routine is pretty much three solos and a group ending sequence where it looked like someone was off by a beat. This is not the kind of dancing I enjoy.

We have the solos, nothing really to write about other than that Kherington's solo was probably the weakest of the night.

Katy Perry sorta sings "I Kissed a Girl" and it's such a poseur song that I want to throw up. I'm going to avoid going into a Gen-X rant and just offer this as a song that was 100% more clever.

"They can have their diamonds and we'll have our pearls" maybe one of the best lesbo lines ever written.


Nigel throws a change-up and a switcharoo before kepping Jessica over Comfort. Meanwhile when he eliminates Thayne, Nigel wishes out loud that they could have eliminated two girls this week. Somewhere offstage, Jessica whimpers.

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So You Think You Can Dance: The Top 12

Aight, now we're getting down to serious bidness on this show. This is the last week of established couples and the last week that the Jidges will have any direct effect on who gets eliminated. So I'm preemptively calling shenanigans right now because you know that there's going to be some serious manipulation before we get to the Top Ten. Already it's starting out wierd as my local weatherman cuts off the dancer intro just to remind the viewers that it's 8 pm and 103 degrees outside. No tornado, flood, or, fire warning, just that it's hot. Good lookin' out, yo.

Cat is very subdued in her look this week with straight hair and a pastel dress that the guys all try to flip up like they're in sixth grade and in catholic school. She looks great though. Our Jidges are Nigel the Perv, Annoying Mary, and Mia the bitch. No time to dick around this week with 12 routines so we hit the ground running with Mark and Chelsie.

They've given up on the themed rehearsal footage and are just playing it straight. TC and M's favorite couple is going to start out with an Alex Da Silva Salsa routine. This should be right in Chelsie's wheelhouse being a latin dancer and all. Mark should be okay since he's done well in character partnering pieces all season long. Alex is promising a very "hip" salsa this week. Whenever I think of someone trying to ass "hip" to a latin dance I always think that they're going to add "We Will Rock You" to the mix. Chelsie promises some sick tricks and apparently we're going to see a dangerous lift. See this is much better than "Twitch laughs like a bear" bs we've been getting backstage the last few weeks.

Chelsie's wearing this half dress with a feathered boa as a tail which both hides her ass and accentuates it at the same time. Lot's of turns in series which I think is impressive and Chesie's legs are a pleasure to watch. Mark looks like he's hunched up in the shoulders but facially he looks like he's into character. There's a cunniliftus to the side and the big drop to the floor, which was the dangerous trick they were referring to, takes place after the music stops. Kinda strange. Another solid perfomance from these two and they're still my favorite couple.

Nigel thought Mark's upper body was tight, he liked their footwork as a pair. Nigel pervs out on Chelsie's outfit and remarks that he would be tense if he was dancing with her. The salsa worked for Mary, and actually gets technical with the ballroom, SHe thought Chelsie was beautiful dynamite. Mia creeps out and says Chelsie is so gorgeous that she just wants to stab her. WTF? It's all like "hey baby you look soo hot!" then you take a knife to the eye. Why do I watch this show? Mia thought Mark was awkward but couldn't place why. She thought it was a great performance though.

Comfort and Thayne are next with a NappyTabs fake hip-hop routine. Now I saw this preview for a show where Napoleon and Tabitha are going to choreograph newlyweds for their first dance at the reception. Are all the dances going to be about clingy brides who can't be apart from their husband's ? Can you really be a true hip-hop choreographer and take that gig? I'm almost hoping for Dan Karatay to come back. Okay, I didn't mean that. During rehearsal COmfort is happy and Thayne can't stop smiling. Then there's a lot of shot of the "put your hand over your mouth and reveal a different expression than the the one you had before" move, which I hate. I don't like Comfort and Thayne. I really don't like Napoleon and Tabither.

The song is "Can We Chill" by Ne-Yo and it's going to be hip-hop lite AGAIN! There really isn't a narrative, which means the only redeeming quality of Nappytabs choreo is missing. Comfort dances so smoothly that it makes Thayne look really goofy and awkward by comparison. OF course the grinning like crazy doesn't help much either. I guess there was a little story reveal when Comfort reveals a ring at the end. Thayne act all upset but it's more of the "Aw Damn her boyfriend has a girlfriend" variety. Whatever. BOTTOM THREE

Nigel starts to compare Thayne and Comfort's routine to the Workaholic routine and they actually cut to a clip of it. That's kinda wrong. Then he goes on to say that what he just saw sucked compared to that one. He thought it was danced okay , but didn't relate to each other and banishes them to the Bottom 3. Mary harps on the lack of chemistry and compares them to Napoleon and Tabitha who are connected even when they are apart. WHAT DO YOU EXPECT WHEN SHE WON'T LET HIM GO NOWHERE!!?! It was just good. Mia thought it was a little better than good. She says she's jumped off the Comfort bandwagon because she's not bringing it. She thought Thayne was a little thin.

Ugh it's Tyce Diorio with a piece laced with the essence of the "Garden of Eden" . For Jessica and Will I guess it's has added symbolism as Will is the father of all dance and Jessica is the creator of all that is evil in the world. Poor Jessica. From the looks of the clips it looks like there's going to be a a lotta rolling around on the ground .

Will is wearing a loin cloth and Jessica looks like she's having a hot flash . The song is "Silence" from the UnFaithful Soundtrack and it's very Enya-y. There's alot of flow to this piece, but the meat of it is pretty much simulated sex. I think I would find watching real sex between Jessica and Will boring, so yeah I almost fell asleep during this. IT's the kinda of artsy fartsy dance that I hate and would never pay to watch

Nigel gives Tyce a slurp job and remarks of the eroticism. He says that Jessica is finally keeping up with him which is almost ghostly in it's praise. Mary thought it was one of the best pieces ever on the show. Mary also thought Jessica held her own this week. Mia loved that they went to a different place with the piece. She compliments Jessica which means she won't be hanging her self in the dressing room tonight. Tyce gets more praise than Will.

Cat pimps the tour briefly and we get to Courtney and Gev who are doing the Cha Cha. Cat promises old firends of the show and it's Pascha and Anya! Man, I forgot about Anya's hotness...anyway Gev speaks Russian with Pascha about giving her the "message" which is a hip thrust in Courtney's booty. Week after week Gev just happens to be the luckiest man on television.

Rhianna's "Please Don't Stop the Music" starts up...this is a cha cha right? The dancing is fast paced and with the music comes off as very disco-like without the lifts. I have no idea what makes this chacha. What I do know is that Courtney is half naked and looks smokin' this week.

Nigel thought Courtney lives up to Anya's sexiness. He thought Gev pursed his lips a bit much. He thinks that as a couple they are perfect for each other. Mary screams and breaks out into a Jimmy Durante Cha Cha Cha and I stuck a pen in my eye. There's some criticism on the technique but the performance overcame that . Then there's a hot tamale train scream. Mia thoguht it was "fabulosity at it's best". She says that there are better dancers on the show but there are great as a couple. Apparently, Gev shaved his chest and I go take a pee break.

Whoa Crumping and Lil C are back again and Twitchington are the victims this week. We get the usual fish out water scenes with Kherington saying things like "I can get buck" Hmm Lil C's assistant is a cutie! Not much more to this footage.

"2 Buck 4 TV" starts up and Twitch pulls Kherington on the stage and they hit the dance steps...HARD! Finally happy to see some real aggressive street dancing on this show. Suck it Nappytabs! Kherington's got her mad face on which equals HAWT! Twitch looked right at home even though he's not really a Krumper. He just finally been let loose where he can just go. They do this really cool chest pop thing and it's looking like this is the routine of the season. Then Kherington...got tired. She's suddenly transformed onto Kourtni from last week. She barely makes it through the last 1/4 of the routine.

Nigel conveniently says he's just going to ignore that part because he thought it was great! Really? You can ignore someone sucking for a good part of the routine? i mean I've become of Kherington fan, but this type of favoritism is the show at it's worst. SHENANIGANS! MAry says she's become a Krump fan. Mia goes off on her street cred soliloquy as she praises Twitch and he served Gangsta on a platter. Since when do gangstas dance? Mia also ignores Kherington's exhaustion and it looks like they are one of the couples the jidges want to see at the end.

Katee and Joshua get a Viennese Waltz with Jean Marc Genereaux without the sad family backstory . This time it's a sad cliched backstory where Katee is dancing with Joshua who is a ghost. Pirate ghost would have been much cooler.

THe Goo Goo Dolls "Iris" start playing and already the wavy lines of TC and M time travel start. Reminds me of my homegirl back in the Yay who started dating this guy around her birthday. I always thought the guy was shady and kinda of a loser. Anyway, I remember getting her 20 lbs of Jelly Bellies since she they were her favorites and she started gushing over how that was the greatest present that she had gotten. I played it off and asked what her new beau got her and she goes "A fucking GOO GOO Dolls CD" as she flung it across the room. Of course the relationship was doomed and of course he somehow blamed me for the break up. The best part was that on the night she dumped him we went to our bar to celebrate, meanwhile he also went to the SAME bar to commiserate. She thought it was too awkward and wanted to jet, but I made her stay long enough while I played "Name" on the jukebox as he sat there crying in his Guinness. Since I played it seven times it was the best 5 bucks I ever spent. I am teh awesome! Oh yeah and Katee and Jshua waltzed.

They all thought it was bouncy. Various levels of praise for Katee and I'm so tired that I'll have to do the second half of this from work.

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Quick thoughts: So You Think You Can Dance Top 14

My computer is being emo tonight so I only got halfway through my long-ass recap before I realized I'm not getting it done tonight. It was a really bad idea to have 14 f'n dance routines on the show. All the routines seemed like they could have used a little more attention. Instead dancers like Kourtni and Gev were focusing on just getting their steps right.

The sloppy routines along with Nigel trying oh-so hard to be the star of the show made this really tough to watch at times. The show did have some highlights though.

Kherington - Found a mad face in her Paso Doble which turned her immediately from annoying to "Dayum!" in a split second. I thought she was pretty good in the bed routine as well.

Mia Michaels - Both her routines were really good. Katee and Joshua's routine had so many really cool partner work. Twitchington's Bed dance was one of my favorites this season.

Mark and Chelsea- They weren't given the most crowd pleasing routines with Mandy Moore's jazz and the fox trot. Stil they are my couple to beat.

Courtney's hip-hop: She looked right at home being a Knicks City Dancer and all. This is why she's hot, yo!

The Bad:

Katee's hair: You know that one hairstyle which makes Gwen Stefani look like an asshole? Yeah, they gave Katee the pompadour mohawk look.

Eli Manning Jerseys - Courtney and Gev wore these during their hip hop routine. Eli Manning = hip-hop in BIZZAROWORLD

Jessica's critiques: Yes, Jidges, Will could have healed the sick with his dance if Jessica hadn't been on stage with him. She is the Charlie Brown of this competition.

Kourtni's hip hop: Joins the hall of shame for worst performance along with Cedric crying in a corner and fat Allen going off to war.

The Schwimmer's return: Both of them...I almost chucked my remote through the TV.

Nigel: His hip-hop critique saying Courtney wasn't ghetto enough to dance hip-hop. Um she's a Knicks City Dancer, hip-hop is kinda part of what she does kinda ALL THE TIME.

Predictions:
Bottom Three:
Courtney and Gev
Thayne and Comfort
Kourtni and Matt

Eliminated:

Kourtni and Matt

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