Debut Post!!! American Idol - Queen Night!!!

Welcome to Tortilla Chips and Milk. No radical theories or rants here tonight. Instead of starting the blog on a drunken Saturday nite/morning I picked Tuesday which means American Idol. Okay I tried to quit this show I really did for two seasons I ignored it completely but for some reason I got sucked into it somewhere around Hollywood week. I think, for the most part, the finalists they chose are all likeable to a degree and there isn't anyone who makes me want to throw my remote control through my screen. I'm a sucker for cheezy singing and competitive reality shows so here I am.

Queen night! Okay I was a child of the 80's so of course I went through a period where "Another One Bites the Dust" was my favorite song because it was the Junkyard Dog's theme song for awhile. I got psyched up for many many games to "We Will Rock You", I almost wrecked my car trying to recreate the headbanging scene in the Wayne's World video to "Bohemian Rhapsody" and I lived in San Francisco for five years...
Okay, knowing what I know about the show and Queen this has the potential to be a train wreck of massive proportions and it can also provide those with "big" vocals an opportunity to separate themselves from the pack. Sadly, neither really happens but I've already typed a few paragraphs so I'm kinda shit out of luck.

Bucky starts us off with "Fat Bottomed Girls". He's already living on borrowed time due to the fortunate timing of Country Night. It's too bad though because I actually like him. He's genuine, has a non-offensive voice, and apparently he's pulled the twin switcheroo to help his twin brother get out of trouble with the cops ala The Killer Bees WWF tag team from way back.

He's ,of course, going to treat us with a country fried rock version of Queen. Surprisingly, it works well and I'm digging it. Unfortunately, they don't show a second of Katharine McPhee on the screen rockin' out, too bad, that would have been GOLD!!! If you think about it is there a more "If-it's-not-a-country-song-it-should-be" song than "Fat Bottomed Girls" ? Think about that next time you drive though West Virginia.

The judges are kind of meh but it doesn't really matter at this point. See you in bottom threesville Bucky.


Next up is Ace...Sure as a guy, any criticism I give will be written off as hair, looks, cool scar envy... Don't care...HATE!!! Anyway we see his clip rehearsing with Queen and his song for the evening, "We Will Rock You". Honestly, it's a great song choice. It's one of Queen's most popular songs, it's upbeat, and it has the most recognizable handclap cadence of all time. Off the top of my head I can't think of any song from that era that has aged any better. I mean handclaps, primal beats, chantable chorus and a strong guitar riff probably won't go out of style during my lifetime. I'll probably be at the movies using my seniors discount 30 years from now and still see trailers for shitty movies using "We Will Rock You"
Anyway, Ace decides he wants to fuck with the arrangement...ACE wants to FUCK with the ARRANGEMENT. I hear something about "army beats"??? The band diplomatically as possible says "no". I'm screaming to Mr. TV "Who the fuck do you think you are muthafucker!!!!".
The song starts out sucky and gets even suckier as it turns into "We Will Rock You" the cute and cuddly remix. Whenever I hear this song I associate it with football or leading armies into some gruesome primitive hand-to-hand combat. The only army befitting Ace's version would be an army of kittens, newborn baby girls, and otters.
The judges, save Paula, are quite harsh. There is a sign that says "Ace is a Full House" Well if they mean a vapid piece of fluff that owes it's television life to prepubescent girls, then yeah.


Okay, turn around bright eyes, Kellie Picker is up next. She sings "Bohemian Rhapsody" It's surprisingly not annoying to me, even though her vocals are kinda weak and she warbles through it a little. I was entertained. She has the potential to be one of the most charming personalities ever on the show...until she starts the dumb-hick-fish-out-of- water schtick that leads her this week to ask Simon what he means by the phrase "on paper" as in Kellie plus Bohemian Rhapsody "on paper" should have been shitty but it wasn't by the grace of God. I want to stab my left eye and my right ear to make this stop. Hopefully in the next few weeks she'll be sent back home where apparently they don't have calamari, sall-mon, mynx, ballsies, or paper.



It's hard to criticize the remaining contestants since they are either the strongest vocally or performance-wise or both. Professor Chris this week in Rocker-Cred 101 decides to perform an obscure Queen song called "Innuendo" which has never been performed live before. His performances are like European castles , sure they are great, but once you've seen one you've seen them all. Simon calls this performance indulgent and he's right. On these theme sights focusing on popular artists, people want to hear songs they know, sung to them how they are used to. There is no place in this cookie cutter pop music show for bullshit like "originality", especially when you're not being original you're just ripping off styles that aren't normally featured on this show. The guy is gonna be successful regardless on how he finishes on this show, but you're on American F'N Idol for goodness sake save the pretentiousness for when you're washed up, chewed up and spit out by the public. Still best vocals of the night. He sang the shit out of whatever that song was.


Okay I'll admit it. I have a crush..The McPheever if you will. That's why I got all excited to see Katharine bouncing around, rocking out and shakin' dat azz in her rehearsal with Queen. I figured this would be a big breakout moment for her like Kelly Clarkson on Big Band night. Instead, she has a change of heart and reverts to stationary...Boring...McPhee...snoooooorrrreeee.

Now the most entertaining thing about McPhee isn't necessarily her singing, but figuring out whether or not she was nice to her stylist during the week. Her "should be featured in Astronaut Jones" backside poses a problem I guess but is that belt really the answer??? I couldn't stop staring at it and wondering how that ever got the green light. Oh well...


Elliott sings "Somebody to Love". The band drowns him out a little at the beginning but that's not his fault. He's one of my favorites so I'm biased to the performance, which I thought was solid.

However, as a fan of the song, Elliott commits my number one pet peeve on this show. Nothing pisses me off more than when singers don't capture the mood of the song. I've always heard it as a desperate, tired, broken man pleading to have someone to share his life with to help him ease his pain. I prefer longing, I can accept hopefulness, but there is no place in this song for a "just throw your hands in the air and wave them like you just don't care" moment. Grrrr!!! It's okay Elliott I still voted for you 12 times.


Ma! The guy from O Brother Where Art Thou is running amok on my screen again!!! Make him stop!

Seriously though, I enjoy this guy and he's sticking with what brought him to the dance. He's the dark horse sorta kinda. Well not really that dark.



Okay another one of my favorites so I'll keep it short. Simon's recurring theme of Paris criticism has been that she's playing "dress up" with her performances. So when I saw her in front Queen with a simple white shirt and black jacket and her natural hair I was psyched. Hey, she looked so comfortable and great in rehearsal, that I was sooooo hoping they wouldn't fuck it up for her. Apparently, after Paris left rehearsal with Queen she went Beyond Tunderdome. Still, I love her singing and she has the best voice on the show.

Prediction: Bucky, Ace, and McPhee as a curveball for the bottom three.

Later days, Bucky.

Tags: American Idol, Reality TV, TV