It's the WWE Thanksgiving weekend tradition where "teams of five strive to survive!" Well that's how it started back in 1986, it strayed from the format, but for the 20th anniversary of the Survivor Series ,we're back where we started with "traditional" elimination style tag-team matches. Now I love the team gimmick and I love even more the team style atmosphere in the buildup, where the teams usually have a collective name influenced by the team captain. In the past this has given us Roddy Piper's "Rowdy's Rowdies" Jake the Snake's "Vipers", Mr. Perfect's "Perfect Team" and Rick Rude's "Rude Brood" I just like cheesy fun like that, 'cause...I just do, okay? Okay WWE, I haven't paid per view in a while, don't let me down suckas...
We're from Philadelphia tonight, which means any ECW alum will be cheered, John Cena will be booed, and one of the heels (bad guys) will make a Donovan McNabb joke.
5:05 WHOOO!!! Ric Flair's Legend's team is introduced. He's teamed with Sgt. Slaughter, Dusty Rhodes, and Ron Simmons. Thank God, Dusty is wearing a shirt. I could live 100 years without having to see Dusty's purple splotch. Jerry "The King" says that you can't look at the American Dream without wanting to talk like him. Word! On those special drunken evenings I break out my Dusty Whothes imperthonashun, if you weel. Okay, I'll be good. "The Enforcer" Arn Anderson is in the Legends' corner. The Arn Anderson who is most famous for being one of Ric Flair's henchmen in beating down Dusty Rhodes. Now if wrestling were real , and you're Dusty Rhodes, wouldn't you hold even a teeny grudge against these guys? I mean those three have a bloody history which includes a broken leg! One time, Arn and Ric Flair tied Dusty to a pickup truck and beat his arm with a shovel! How do you reconcile this if you're Dusty? Heh, Dusty has a suspicious look on his face, totally in character. Now that's a pro! Anyway, I love Arn Anderson, part of deciding to buy the show was to see Arn have one last great moment in the spotlight. I can't wait!
They'll be going against the Spirit Squad. Male Cheerleaders. They are so terrible they don;t even get last names. It's just Johnny, Micky, Mitch, Nicky, and Kenny (I Think).
5:10 Ron Simmons is counted out. He gives Mitch a Sidewalk slam before he leaves. What a bad sport. The referee is also sending Arn Anderson to the back for throwing Mitch into the ring post! BOOOO!!! I get five minutes of Double A? That's it? A small portion of the crowd chants bullshit or maybe that's just me.
5:14 Slaughter hits the Slaughter Cannon and the Cobra Clutch on Nicky. Johnny kicks him in the head while the ref was distracted by Dusty. Sarge is pinned.
5:15 Dusty hits the bionic elbow on Nicky for the 1-2-3. That's his 39th elbow of the match.
5:17 Dusty gets pinned by Kenny meaning that it's 3 on 1 against Flair. Personally, I think Dusty just collapsed from fatigue.
5:18 Flair Pins Mickey in vintage Flair fashion, with the feet on the ropes for leverage. Within seconds he rolls up Kenny with an inside cradle. WHOOO!!! Now it's just Flair and Johnny.
5:19 Chops, shin-breaker, chop block and WHOOO (Now we go to school) Figure Four!
Fair is the sole Survivor. After the match, the Squad lays out Ric Flair, while none of the legends come to help him. I guess that's how you reconcile someone breaking your leg. Fun match, except for the Arn Anderson ouster.
5:24 Chavo Guererro v. Chris Benoit for the U.S. Championship. Oh for Jeebus's sake, they are keeping the Mexican wrestlers in Telenovella mode. Okay, let me try to sum it up. Chavo is the nephew of the beloved Eddy Guererro who died last year. In the storyline, Chavo turned on Eddy's best friend Rey Mysterio, because he thought Rey was using Eddy's memory for his personal gain (which he was, actually). In the fight against Rey, Eddy's widow Vicky sided with Chavo and helped put Rey out of action by blowing out his knee. Longtime friend of Eddy's, Chris Benoit comes back to the WWE and has hired an attorney, because something is fishy with Eddy's estate and thinks Vicky is up to shenanigans. So naturally, they are gonna settle things in the ring.
5:34 Chavo pushes Benoit into Vicky somehow leading to Benoit winning with a Crippler Cross face.
He somehow endured Chavo and Vicky screaming "Stay out of our business" a thousand times. Vicky took a nasty spill on her backside. This match was pretty good, if not a typical Benoit match. Given a real storyline and about 10 more minutes, this match could have been great. JBL is incensed that Benoit won by hitting a woman and demands that he be fined or suspended. Michael Cole answers with n "Hey, open up your eyes, 1985 Color Commentator!" Awesome!
5:36 We get a back stage interview with Lita for her upcoming retirement match with Mickie James. Edge says "Mickie's gonna go down faster than Donovan McNabb". Who had 36 minutes in the pool? In the background we see Cryme Tyme sneaking into Lita's locker room and leaving with a box full of her stuff. I think after a few more of these segments, it's gonna be NAACP Tyme. 
I'm looking forward to the match Mickie James usually has a thong underneath her wrestling skirt...so, yay, y'all.
5:47 The "She's got herpes" chant starts. We got the "She's a crack whore" earlier. I love the Philly fans. Mickie is wearing a thong, but it's over some flesh colored shorts...BOOO, y'all. WWE hates me.
5:49 Mickie hits a swinging DDT for the win. Match started out sloppy but had some drama with the near falls at the end.
5:50 Lita calls for the Mic and starts to berate the crowd for not showing proper respect. Out comes Cryme Tyme! 
They're gonna sell her stuff to the crowd. They announce that it's a "HO-Sale"! Okay, I actually laughed at that. Someone buys her bra...they hawk her Monistat Seven, which she claims she bought for a friend...heh... wait, aren't the Monistats named based on the number of days of treatment? Isn't there a Monistat One and a Monistat Three...why would you buy Seven? JBL offers $100 for her panties...Cryme Tyme takes the money, but throws the panties to the crowd...DILDO!...they keep it covered, but Lita begs them not to sell her dildo , she offers to pay them for it...
they end by selling "Lita's Box" which is so big you can stick your head through it...that went a little too long...Happy Retirement Lita!
part two tomorrow, suckas!
Monday, November 27, 2006
TC and M Fight Night: WWE Survivor Series Part One
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If Lita really is retiring that is the absolute worst way to go.
Well except if you're Bret Hart, heh.
I'm pissed that "Ron Simmons" (Its Farooq sucka) go counted out like that. Jerks. I was so excited that Farooq is back.
Just think of this, come Raws in the future we could have Farooq come talk to JBL about how he left him, but he is back and wants to reconcile. Then Farooq gets tied into a tag match. He goes back to JBL thinking that OF COURSE JBL will be his partner, and JBL turns his back on him again. Farooq gets pissed and tells JBL how this new life has changed him. So Farooq finds a new partner (I donno, Carlito). Now after Farooq leaves we see how upset JBL is. He loves Farooq like a brother but had no choice on leaving Farooq, and has a secret contract saying not only can't be friends with Farooq anymore, he can't even let Farooq know about it. Then there is a knock at the door of his dressing room, when he opens the door he sees a beat up package. Inside the package is a tape. On the tape is the highlights of all the best APA momments. After he watches the tape we can see that JBL is clearly distraught.
Now time comes for Farooq's match, but his opponents viciously attack and take out his teammate leaving Farooq to fight this tag match one on two. Farooq how is not a sucka comes to the right with chair and a six back of beer (which is missing one). He sets up the chair, cracks open a beer then waits for the beating. Which comes hard.
Now get this, you see curiously only Michal Cole is annoucing this match, and he makes some excuses for JBL, but a few minutes into the match, when we can tell Farooq is getting completly dominated it cuts to JBL still distraught in his locker room. Another knock on the door comes, which reveals another beat up package. He opens it up to reveal one beer. JBL holds that beer up to eye level, he stares at it hard, crushes it in his hand. He then throws his had down and tears out of his dressing room.
Back in the ring Farooq is just about over, his opponents are bragging when out of nowhere comes the biggest meanest clothsline we have ever seen. Farooq sees one of the opponents go flying out of the ring then looks up to see Bradshaw above him with his hand outstreched wanting to help him up. Together they clean house and we get the APA back.
HALLALUAH!
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