Lost: Greatest Hits

Sorry for the RL interruption, I know you've been eagerly awaiting ...

Been kinda interested ...

Been bored and wanted something new to read.

Anyway, sorta flashback opening. Someone (we can't see who) gets in an outrigger canoe and paddles fast. Uhh, OK?


Hey look -- it's a nature hike! Super Jack is leading Charlie, Hurley, Claire, Juliet, Sun, Jin, Sayid, Kate, Sawyer and Desmond into a meadow, and nobody has a bloody clue as to why.

Charlie complains about how there's too much secret stuff on the Island, and I've gotta agree with the little stoner. Hurley brings up Parachute Chick, but Charlie says hiding her was different -- they weren't playing football with the enemy.

Desmond stops and stares. He's either having a vision, or he needs a potty break.

Charlie asks about the pained staring, but Desmond isn't talking.

They stop in the middle of *nowhere* and Jack announces that they're "here." He then grandly announces what everybody already knows -- Ben sent Juliet to the beach to find out which of the women were preggers.

Kate, who seems to be 10 minutes behind lately, chooses *now* to get upset. Shut up!

Juliet says the Others are coming for the women tomorrow, and oh -- sorry for lying to you, Sun. Juliet's a wench.

Sayid points out that Jack's honestly is about an episode too late, but Super Jack will not be upstaged! He calls out to Danielle, and Rousseau steps out of the trees holding some wires. Then she blows up a big f'ing tree.



Hey! No one gets to blow shit up on his Island but Locke!

Jack says that when he heard the Others were coming, he wondered where the Lostaways could hide this time. But there's no place to hide -- it's the Others' Island, after all -- so he wants to fight. He's going to load the marked tents with most of the sweaty dynamite from the Black Rock, and then blow them up in a big, showy, mostly useless explosion that will look super on a season finale, but be easy to explain how pretty much everybody lives through it.



Flashback!

Two guys are sitting in a van listening to the radio, and Charlie and his brother Liam are trying to change a tire in a downpour. Guess they lost the coin toss.

Charlie wants to chuck it all and go home, but that's kinda hard when you still need to change the tire, doofus.

Liam argues they've got to get to the gig, they've got fans, they're headlining, yadda yadda, and Charlie says they're a joke, no one's buying the album, and sod off!

One of the guys sticks his head out into the rain, and tells them both to shut it -- their song is on the radio! He cranks it, and sure enough it's that same damn Driveshaft song they've been playing for three seasons (Ya'll Everybody? You Are Everybody?)

Liam and Charlie do a happy dance -- they're on the radio, and they're gonna be rock stars.



On a piece of paper, Charlie writes, "#5 The first time I heard myself on the radio."

Parachute Chick wanders by, and asks him about the Others. He says it's a long story, and to ask something else.

"Are you having a laugh," Naomi says, and all of a sudden I'm having flashbacks to this season of "Extras."

Charlie ends up telling her he was in Driveshaft, because he's gotta tell *everybody* at some point.

Naomi tells Charlie's he's the "dead rock star." They made a big deal of it when the plane wreckage was found -- big memorial service, greatest hits release -- the whole deal. But, she says, the good thing is he's not really dead, right?

Charlie smiles, but then he sees Desmond and gets that "soon to be doomed" look on his face again.



Jack and Juliet are working on rigging the bombs, but Rousseau points out they're gonna need a lot more wire or someone's getting their nose blown off. Jack says he'll get some of the Lostaways to strip the airplane wreckage.

Sayid wants to talk about Naomi's satellite phone, but Jack's not interested in any plan that's not his -- he's Super Jack!

They pee on each other's shoes for a minute, and finally Sayid gets to explain that Rousseau's rescue beacon is blocking the phone's signal -- if she'll tell him where the transmitter is, he'll turn it off and then phone the ship.

Juliet says that won't work -- Ben's blocking all the outgoing signals from an underwater Dharma station -- the Looking Glass. She doesn't know where it is, other than it's under the sea with the mermaids and the singing crabs.

But Sayid thinks he knows.



Charlie plays with Aaron, as Claire fusses over whether the Others are out to kidnap the baby again. Charlie vows to protect them both.

Desmond interrupts this happy family scene to ask Charlie to help him with "something," and they walk down the beach.

Desmond did have a vision, and a potty break, so now he's ready to tell Charlie about the vision. He saw Claire and Aaron get into a helicopter and fly away -- they get rescued.

Charlie's all sorts of happy -- he thought Desmond was gonna tell him he was gonna die again!

Oops -- there's the catch. For Claire and Aaron to get rescued, Charlie's got to shuffle off the mortal coil.



Flashback!

Kid Charlie's standing on the side of a pool, afraid to jump in. His father keeps urging him to do it, promising that he'll catch him. Liam paddles by and says Dad won't catch him, and Dad tells him to shut it.

Charlie takes some tentative steps toward the pool, takes a deep breath, and then jumps in. Under water he panics a bit, but his father grabs him and lifts him. They have a happy father-son bonding moment.



Under what he wrote before, Charlie writes, "#4 Dad teaching me to swim at Butlins."

Desmond asks about his list, and Charlie shoves it in his pocket. He tells Desmond he wants to know how he dies.

Desmond says he's inside a hatch, in a room full of equipment. There's a switch with a yellow blinking light. Charlie flips the switch, the light goes off, and then ... Charlie drowns.

Lesson here -- avoid switches and blinking yellow lights near bodies of water!

Charlie asks if Desmond is sure Claire and Aaron will get rescued, if he flips the switch. Desmond says yes, and Charlie says it's time to find the switch.



Sayid, who took all sorts of goodies out of Patchy's house, shows Jack and Juliet a diagram of the Looking Glass. Juliet says no one she knows has been down there -- Ben told everyone there was an accident and it's flooded.

Jack asks how the jamming equipment is still working, and Sayid says that's irrelevant -- it is working, and they've got to get it to stop. I am so loving Sayid's attitude these days.

Sayid says the Looking Glass is attached to the Island by a cable -- the same one he found on the beach. Follow the cable, find the station. Swim down, go through the hatch where the submarine docked, find the switch and flip it.

Getting back -- yeah, that's a little trickier.



Jack says he won't let Sayid go on a suicide mission. Charlie and Desmond walk up, and Charlie says he'll do it -- flip a switch underwater? Hells yeah! He even says he was British junior swimming champion and can hold his breath for four minutes.

Jack says no -- he wants to focus on blowing up Others. Sayid and Charlie argue, but Jack says he's wearing the bossy pants, and he gets to make the decisions.

Please, please, can we vote this asshat off the Island?



Rose and Bernard tie knots in wire. I'm convinced they're here just to dissuade bloggers like me who've cracked on the producers for forgetting them. Look! Not forgotten!

Jin asks Sun when he's going to tell him what's up -- he heard their names on Juliet's tape, saw the concerned faces -- what's the deal? Is the baby OK?

Sun says that Juliet took her to a medical station, and that she saw the baby on the ultrasound. And that it's healthy. She does *not* mention the "btw I'm doomed to die before the birth" part. They hug. Awwww.



Hurley spots someone paddling toward the beach. Hey -- it's the dude in the canoe! He comes ashore, runs towards the Lostaways, and promptly gets tackled and beatdown by Sayid, because Sayid is *all* about the beatdowns these days.

Sawyer pulls Sayid off ... hey -- hiya Karl! We haven't see you in ages! You been hanging with Rose and Bernard in the extras' lounge?

Karl, aka Paul Revere Jr., tells the Lostaways that the Others are coming. Sorry Junior -- they already know that. But do they know that the Others are coming now?



Six hours ago ...

Alex confronts Ben when he comes back to Camp Othersville alone. He doesn't want to talk to her, but he does give back the gun she gave to Locke.

Ben tells Eyeliner Boy that Jacob wants them to attack the Lostaways five minutes ago. Eyeliner Boy wants to know where Locke is, and Ben says he had an "accident."

Ben calls over some dude named Ryan, and tells him to take ten guys and attack the beach. If Juliet hasn't marked the tents, then take all the women. And if anyone gets in their way -- kill 'em.

Ben's tasted blood and he wants more ... more ... more ... MORE!



Alex gets emo and runs into the jungle to find Karl, who's apparently been hiding out all this time, and tells him to take the canoe and go warn the Lostaways -- Sawyer and Kate saved Karl's life, so they owe them a favor.

Karl protests that Ben will kill him if he catches him this time. "Is he my father?" Alex asks. She gives him the gun and a kiss and sends him on his way.



Super Jack's not sure whether or not to trust Karl, but Karl, ever the bringer of almost useful knowledge, points out that Juliet's a spy, and Jack's trusting her.

Sun wants to hide. Bernard wants to know where -- it's the Others' Island, after all -- they're gonna find the Lostaways sooner or later.

Rousseau doesn't have enough wire to blow the dynamite. Sayid suggests shooting, but Jack says they don't have enough guns.

Not the Others, you idiot -- shoot the tents. That old, sweaty dynamite is already unstable -- shoot it and it'll blow. Karl offers up his gun, and Rousseau says she'll be one of the shooters.

Super Jack overrules her, taking her gun, but saying that Rousseau is gonna lead the Lostaways up to her radio tower and disable her rescue broadcast. Because you really need like 30 people to do that.

Jack says that everything has to happen at the same time, because it's gonna be the season finale damnit -- we need action! So the Lostaways will go to the radio tower, three people will shoot the tents, and Charlie's going for a swim.

Desmond volunteers to go with Charlie, and they give one another "DOOM!" looks.



Flashback!

Charlie's asleep in a bed with two babes, proving that even geeky rock stars get laid.

Liam wakes him up, comments on the babes, and says that since they're in Finland, and it's Christmas, and Charlie's the only drug-free rocker in the world, he's got a present for him. Then Liam takes off a big, heavy ring with "DS" on it and gives it to him.

Charlie protests -- Ma gave that to Liam! And it's been in the family for three generations.

"And it's a family heirloom and that's why we named the band after Dexter bloody Stratton, I know," Liam says. "But, Charlie, let's be honest. We both know that I'm a sodding mess. But you, you're going to get married, have a family, a baby. I'll be lucky if I hit 30. The ring has to stay in the family, Charlie. So please, take it. Mom would want it this way. Pass it on to your little one someday. I need to know it's safe."

Charlie agrees to keep it safe, but says he's just holding it for Liam.



On his paper, Charlie writes, "#3 The Christmas Liam gave me the ring."

He goes over and asks Claire if she needs any help. She pouts because Charlie didn't tell her he'd volunteered to swim to the Looking Glass -- it might be dangerous.



Charlie says it has to be done so they can be rescued. Then he makes Claire promise she won't worry about him while he's gone.

Charlie smooches Aaron and tells him he loves him, and then puts him back into his crib. He kisses Claire and says he'll see her soon.



Flashback!

Charlie's singing in London, and it's the same song (Wonderwall) that he was singing in Desmond's flashbacks. It starts to rain, and he packs up his guitar and walks away.

Walking past an alley, he hears a woman call for help. She's being mugged, and Charlie runs down the alley and wallops the guy with his guitar case. The mugger runs.

He gives the purse back to ... Nadia! Sayid's Nadia! Is everyone in this crazy show connected?

Charlie makes some crack about having a heart attack, and Nadia tells him he's a hero. He protests that he did what anyone would do, and she says three other people passed by and did nothing. He's a hero.



Charlie writes on his paper, "#2 Woman outside Covent Garden calls me a hero."

Desmond's making Charlie a weight belt, to help him descend faster. He asks Charlie how long he can really hold his breath.

"Does it matter?" Charlie says.

Bernard's shooting Dharma brand cans like he's Doc Holladay. Rose protests that this isn't pheasant hunting, but he says nothing will happen to him.

Rose says she'll stay with him, but Super Jack overrules her, because he's f'ing Super Jack and he can tell a group of adults what to do!

Rose argues, and Jack says that if they don't kill the Others, it's not gonna matter where Bernard is.



"I like you better since you got back, Jack," Rose says. "You're almost an optimist." See why I like her? She takes Bernard to find appropriate clothes for hiding in the bushes.

Jack tells Sayid to get ready to leave, but Sayid says he ain't leaving -- Jack is. Jack's gonna lead the Lostaways to the tower, and Sayid's gonna shoot some dynamite.

Jack whines that he owes the Others a good explosion, and Sayid says that if he's going to be a leader, he can start acting like one. So what is he more with concerned with -- revenge or helping his people get rescued?



Charlie and Desmond are getting ready to leave, and Hurley wants to come too. He says he's tired of nature hikes and explosions, but he's a good paddler.

Charlie says he can't come, and when Hurley asks why, Charlie says he's too heavy -- he won't fit in the canoe.

Hurley's hurt, and he turns to leave. Stoopid hobbit! But then Charlie stops him and hugs him.

Hurley's all "I didn't want to go on your stupid boat anyway," but Charlie tells him he loves him. They don't kiss or nothin' -- they're hetrosexual life mates. Awwww.

Everyone gets ready to leave. Kate tries to flirt with Jack again, and gets cock blocked by Juliet. Jin's gonna stay to be the third shooter. Hurley offers to help Claire with Aaron, and as they walk away, we see Charlie's ring in Aaron's crib.



Desmond and Charlie find the cable and follow it into the ocean.



Flashback!

The night after the crash, Charlie sees a very preggers Claire, and offers her his blanket. They make small talk about plane crashes, and he assures her that they'll be rescued soon.



Charlie writes, "#1 The night I met you."

Charlie gives the paper to Desmond, telling him to give it to Claire -- "The five best moments of my sorry excuse for a life. Greatest hits. Memories. They're all I've got."



Desmond offers to swim to the Looking Glass in his place. He says that maybe he keeps seeing Charlie die because he's supposed to take his place.

Charlie asks about Penny, and Desmond says Charlie's got to think about Claire. He gives him the paper back and gets ready to dive in.

Charlie konks Desmond on the head with an oar, knocking him out. He puts the paper back in Desmond's pocket, saying that they both know Desmond's not supposed to take his place.

Charlie jumps into the water, and damn it all, I'm actually shedding a few tears for our doomed, stoic hobbit. He does this scene very well.



Charlie lets the weight belt take him down, then drops it and struggles into the station. He swims upward ... and comes up in a room? With air?

Charlie does the "I'm alive!" dance. Then a door opens and two babes enter with guns. They don't look happy.

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A TC&M moment

So I'm doing the editor thing at work last night, counting down the minutes until deadline and when I can slack, and I get a bunch of pictures of Fergie, who was singing to a bunch of pre-teens at a cell phone store in suburbia.

So I start writing the photo captions like a good little person ...

And do you know how HARD it was not to call her Pee Pants?

I love this blog.

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Lost: The Man Behind the Curtain

Boy howdy! There is *a lot* going on in this episode!

I'm gonna start out by giving a shout out to the good peeps at Lost Easter Eggs, who are gonna help me illustrate a few points.

So get ready, and try to keep up. Lost is hot again.


Flashback opening!

A man and a woman are in the woods, and the woman's giving birth -- in a turtleneck sweater that seems to be a terrible choice for labor pains. She -- Emily -- keeps saying something is wrong, but her husband, Roger, keeps telling her to push and that she can do it.

It's a boy! Emily's crying because of the pain and she's bleeding -- a bunch. Roger shows the Bloody Palm of Doom.

He says no one knows they're out there, and he's got to carry her to get help. He puts the baby in her arms and runs a suspiciously short distance to a busy highway. A sign tells us we're 32 miles outside of Portland.

A kickin' red convertible with a man and a woman in it stops to help. Hey -- that's Samantha Mathis! They start bundling Emily into the backseat, and that's gonna be hell on the upholstery.

Roger says that they went hiking and Emily went into labor and she wasn't due yet. Dude -- you took your eight-months pregnant wife HIKING? In a turtleneck?

Emily tells Roger to name the baby Benjamin, and she dies.

Couple of points: Ben lied? Shocker! He said he was born on the Island, and he was born in Oregon! And wasn't Locke's mother named Emily too? Curious ...



On the Island, Ben's in his tent, looking at a wooden doll. Richard Alpert enters, and apparently he's located the gigantic stash of Dharma-brand eyeliner, because damn!

Eyeliner boy asks Ben about his dolly, and Ben says it's a birthday present -- today's his birthday. He asks Richard if he still remembers birthdays, because he obviously forgot Ben's Hallmark card!

Richard wants to know if he's supposed to take the tape recorder back to Juliet, and Ben has to whip off his freaky round glasses in order to hear better. He thought that Richard took the tape recorder back yesterday!

Tape recorder, tape recorder -- who's got the tape recorder? Oh yeah -- Locke!

Ben hobbles out of his tent to look for Zeke, who doesn't have the tape recorder either. But Zeke's a little busy at the moment -- he's staring slack-jawed at Locke, who's just walked into Camp Othersville carrying the corpse of his kidney-stealin' daddy.

Locke drops the body on Ben's foot and says that Ben said if he killed KSD Ben would tell him all the secrets of the Island. Now KSD is dead, and Locke wants Ben to start spilling his guts.



Ben pours Locke a drink, but Locke ain't interested in Dharma-brand bottled water.

Ben tells Locke that the Island's secrets are complicated -- there's no big book o' knowledge. And Ben answers to Jacob, who is the leader of the Others.

Locke wants to go see Jacob -- Ben says no. Locke says he'll find someone else to take him -- maybe Eyeliner Boy is free. Ben says that no one talks to Jacob but him, and no one else knows where he is.

"How convenient," Locke says. "You know what I think, Ben? I think there is no Jacob. I think your people are idiots if they believe you take orders from someone else. You are the man behind the curtain, the Wizard of Oz. And you're a liar."

Gee, ya think?

Ben tries to argue, but Locke says if it all were real, Ben's hands wouldn't be shaking.



Flashback!

Ben's a freaky little kid with floppy hair and round glasses -- Harry Potter hopped up on Evil. He and his dad disembark from the submarine and walk down a dock with lots of Dharma boxes and blue Dharma VW buses. People greet them by saying "Namaste" -- it could be a hippy budget vacation.

They come upon the man in the convertible -- Horace Goodspeed. Roger tells Ben that Horace was there when he was born and now he's doing them a big favor -- he's given Roger a job.

Horace smiles blandly and tells them they're gonna love it here.

Later, Ben and his dad stand in a room with other people, watching a television set. The orientation video doctor, Marvin Candle, is standing in front of Othersville. Marvin says, "For your own safety, we ask that you stay within the confines of your living quarters. Our barracks are surrounded by a high frequency sonar fence to protect us from the Island's abundant and diverse wildlife. You are now a member of the Dharma Initiative ..."

(BTW -- the video features two guys who got off the boat with them and were looking around like the place was new to them. So how did they get in the video, which was shot on the Island?)

Roger wants to know what kind of wildlife they need to be protected from.

They head over to a table marked "assignments."

Marvin says, "There are properties on this island that exist nowhere else on earth. Our mission is to study these properties for the betterment of mankind and advancement in the world."

Ben watches people getting shots. Does the kid ever blink?

A girl comes over, offers Ben a candy bar, and introduces herself as Annie. Awww -- freak boy made a friend!

"Work man!" Roger says. "What is this? Work man? I'm a janitor?"

Wait a tick ... Roger Work Man? From Dharma? The skeleton Hurley pulled out of his love van was Ben's daddy??? Dude!



Sawyer hides in the bushes outside camp until Sayid wanders by. They play a rousing round of "WTH is Locke," and then Sawyer plays the tape for Sayid.

Patchy runs into Camp Othersville, shouting for Ben. Hey -- Ben thought he was dead too!

Patchy's kinda confused as to why Locke's there, since Locke was the guy who tried to fry him. But he tells Ben about Parachute Chick, and says they've got to go "deal with it" now. Ben says they'll be at the beach in a couple of days -- Parachute Chick can wait until then.

Locke pipes up and says Ben can't go hunting for Parachute Chick -- he's taking Locke to see Jacob. Everyone stares at Locke like he'd just suggested a baby sacrifice and barbeque.



Ben says he's busy, and can't play with Locke today. When Patchy interrupts to asks again why Locke's part of the converstation, Locke jumps up and kicks his ass. This is another brutal, nasty beatdown -- Lost is getting to be a really bloody show.

Ben calls for Eyeliner Boy and Zeke to stop Locke, but they just stand and watch him pound Patchy into the ground. When Patchy's unconscious and bloody, Locke stands up, smiles, and asks Ben when he wants to leave.

Ben and Locke fill their canteens, and Ben says Locke didn't need to pound Patchy to make a point. Aw, c'mon -- it's so much fun!

Hey -- it's Alex! Remember her? She tells Locke that if he's going to see Jacob, he's gonna need this, and hands him a pistol. Then she wishes her dad happy birthday and leaves. Kooky teenagers!



Flashback!

Baby Ben's in a Dharma-brand classroom learning about volcanoes. Annie asks if there was a volcanic eruption on the Island, and Samantha Mathis says yes, but that it was a long time ago.

There's a boom and then shaking and an alarm sounds. Samantha Mathis grabs a shotgun and tells Annie to lock the back door. The students all huddle under their desks, except for Ben, who is either too stupid or too evil to huddle.

Annie comes over and gets Ben, telling him the people running around outside the window are "just the Hostiles. It's OK."



Later, Ben's in his bed with his pet bunny. (Is it the same bunny he gassed to con Sawyer?) Horace and Roger are talking in the other room, and Ben decides to eavesdrop on him.

Roger says he was on his way back from The Flame when there was an explosion and people shooting at him. Not cool, man!

Horace says that Dharma is having some skirmishes with "the natives," but that they're not quite sure who they are. Roger pitches a beer can at him. He's quite the gentleman, that Roger Work Man!

Horace says Ben's getting a top-quality education, but Roger doesn't care. He wants 30 grand in hazard pay. And more beer. And he wants Horace out of his Dharma-brand house!

Ben hears tapping on his window, but doesn't see anyone there. He closes the door and turns to see his dead mommy, who is *not* wearing a turtleneck. He backs up and falls over a chair.

Roger comes in and tells him to go to bed.

Baby Ben looks back to the window. No one is there. He picks up a picture of his mother and father and a single tear falls down his evil cheek.



Sawyer and Sayid go looking for Juliet, but can't find her -- she took off with Jack after Kate opened her big fat mouth about Parachute Chick.

Sayid asks Kate why she can't keep *anything* quiet, and she babbles something about Jack having a right to know, but really, she was looking for a chance to suck up.

Kate says Sayid should tell everyone about Naomi. Sayid says Sawyer should play her the damn tape.



Ben and Locke get ready to go see Jacob, with the Others watching them like they're preparing to go into space.

Ben says Jacob is very, very real, and that he isn't going to like having visitors. In fact, he's gonna be hecka pissed. Ben says that's why his hands were shaking -- because Jacob isn't a guy you just drop in on -- he's a man who summons you.

"Well," Locke says. "I guess there is a first time for everything." He's got quite an attitude on him since KSD died! I like it!



Flashback!

Baby Ben and Annie sit on the swings, and Annie gives Ben a present -- two wooden dolls. That way they can always be together. Awww.

I have a feeling that we're going to find out next season that Annie died in some awful way -- hanging out with Ben isn't good for your health.

At home, Roger's passed out with a can of Dharma-brand beer in his hand. Poor widdle Baby Ben's got a bad home life!

Ben takes the beer can, but Roger wakes up when Ben takes off Roger's shoes. He sees the dolls.

"It's your birthday. Sorry I forgot." Roger takes a swig of his beer. "It's kind of hard to celebrate the day you killed your mom. She was just seven months pregnant. We went for a hike. But you had to come early. Now, she's gone and I'm stuck here on this island with you. Happy birthday, Ben."

So being an ass runs in the family?



Ben starts to cry and runs out of the house and through the jungle, stopping at the security pylons. There are whispers. On the other side of the fence he sees his dead mommy.

He starts to run to her, but she stops him. Dead Mommy tells Ben that it's not time yet, and then she turns and disappears into the jungle.

Ben and Locke cross a line of ash, which appears to be in a large circle, like a summoning or protection circle. Or maybe a warding circle? To keep something out, or keep something in?

The Lostaways all learn about Naomi -- and that they're supposed to be dead. But Sayid says that's not important now, and if Sayid says it, it must be so!

He says they hid Naomi to keep her safe, because she's their ticket off the Island. Who were they keeping her safe from? Jack -- Sayid says he's spent too much time with the Others, and can't be trusted. And Jack won't let Sayid torture Juliet for info, and it's driving Sayid crazy!



Sun says she thinks Jack and Juliet are okey-dokey, and Sawyer asks if that's because Juliet did her ultrasound. Then he plays the tape.

Jin says something in Korean. He does *not* sound happy.

Jack and Juliet wander up, just in time for their lynching. He and Sayid have a pissing contest, and then Juliet tells Sawyer to turn the tape over.

The recording says, "Juliet, it's Ben. I'm sending three teams to extract Kwon the day after tomorrow. We won't have time to run Austen's sample. So if you determine that she or anyone else is pregnant, mark their tents, and we'll take them too. Good luck."

Juliet says she told Jack what was what after doing Sun's ultrasound. Jack says he hadn't told anyone else, because he hadn't decided what they were gonna do yet.

Hey Super Jack -- who elected you king of the Island? STFU!

Jack tells Sayid they've got some catching up to do.



Flashback!

Baby Ben uses a code to disable the security pylons, and then heads into the jungle -- after using his bunny to test whether or not he's gonna get fried. I don't know whether that's smart, or just another sign of his evvviiilllness.

More whispers. Ben calls for his mother, but is startled when a man appears.

WTF? It's Eyeliner Boy, and not only is he dressed like an extra from Pirates of the Carribean, he doesn't look *a day* older than he does in the present! (Could he be from the Black Rock?)

Ben asks Richard if he's a hostile, and Richard asks him if he even knows what that word means. (Dharma can be considered to be hostile, trying to change the world to their vision rather than accepting its nature.)

Ben tells Richard he's looking for Dead Mommy. Richard tells Ben to go home, but Ben says he hates the Dharma-brand village and wants to go with Richard.

"Maybe that can happen. Maybe. If that's what you really want, Ben, if that's what you want. I want you to think about it. But you're going to have to be very, very patient."



Ben and Locke come upon some ruins. Ben says this is the place, and that Locke should turn off his flashlight -- Jacob hates technology as much as Locke does.

(This, I'm guessing, is either a clue or a red herring suggesting/denying that Jacob is actually a time-warped Locke, from either the future or an alternate reality.)

Ben lights a lantern, and Locke fondles his gun. Ben says once he opens this door, there's no going back. Locke says that's what he wants.

Ben calls out to Jacob, saying that he's there with Locke. There is a table and a chair. There are jars with red liquid by a window.



"Jacob," Ben says to the empty chair, "this is John." He looks at Locke, who stares back at him like he's nuts. "Aren't you going to say hello, John?"

(There is a *serious* Psycho vibe here, with the rocking chair and the tight shot of Ben's eye that implies that only Ben can see Jacob. Is Ben a Norman Bates-style split personality?)

Ben keeps talking to the chair, saying that he knew Locke wouldn't be able to see Jacob, but that he insisted on coming anyway. Such a killjoy.

"What is this?" Locke says.

"You wanted the secrets of the island, well here they are. This is the man who can answer every single ... " He looks at the chair. "I am not! He made me bring him here! Did you think that that was my .... Will you let me finish?"

Alfred Hitchcock wants twenty bucks.

Locke tells Ben he's crazy, and that he doesn't know anything about the Island -- he made it all up.

To the chair, Ben says, "Jacob, please, I can't hear him if you're going to talk ..."



Locke tells him to STFU, and quit putting on the crazy show. Ben says he's sorry Locke is too "limited" to see Jacob.

Locke walks to the door but hears a strange voice say, "Help me." That was way creepy, yo!

Locke asks Ben what he said, and Ben says he didn't say anything. "Oh yes you did," Locke says, and glares at him.

The door closes, things shake, a window breaks, the lantern falls on the floor and starts a fire. Ben grabs the chair and says, "That's enough, you've had your fun!" He's thrown backwards.

Locke looks at the chair and sees someone. He runs outside.

WTF?? Who in pie was that?

This is what he saw. Some people are saying it's Jack's Bad Daddy, but I have my doubts. Christian Shepard has a more pronounced slope in his nose. Could it be Locke himself?

He waits and Ben comes out and hangs the lantern back in its spot. There's no fire inside the cabin now, and the lantern is unbroken. Error or clue? Ben stumbles over to Locke, who asks him what that was.

Ben shakes his head. "That was Jacob."



In the morning, Locke and Ben are walking through the jungle, and Ben asks Locke what he heard Jacob say.

Locke says he didn't hear Jacob say anything -- Ben said something. Locke says he wasn't taken in by Ben's show, that Ben's a fraud and it's time the Others knew that. Oh, and this isn't the way they came!

I had a taxi driver do that to me a few weeks ago -- rotten bill padders.

Ben says he's taking Locke to see something before they go back, and Locke says he's seen enough from Ben.

Ben admits that some of the things he's said aren't true, including him not being born on the Island.

Locke asks where Ben came from, and Ben says that's what he wants to show him.



Flashback!

Young Ben puts on his Dharma uniform -- he's a Work Man too. He looks at the wooden doll, and then puts it in his bag.

He walks outside with a crate and says hello to Roger, who's loading Dharma-brand beer into a VW bus.

Roger wants to know why Ben's so chatty, and Ben says it's his birthday -- he doesn't know why he keeps fooling himself that Roger will ever remember.

Roger says they've got to make a quick run to The Pearl and then they'll go up to the Mesa and drink beer. Is that his version of father-son bonding?

On the Mesa, Roger cracks a cold one and comments on how beautiful the Island is. Ben asks him if he still thinks it's Ben's fault that Dead Mommy is dead.

Roger says he doesn't know, and wants to know why Ben keeps checking his watch. He says if it will make Ben feel better, he'll try to remember his birthday next year.

Ben says he doesn't think that's gonna happen, and unzips his pack. "You know, I've missed her too, maybe as much as you have. But the difference is, that for as long as I can remember, I've had to put up with you. And doing that required a tremendous amount of patience. Goodbye, Dad."

Ben puts on a gas mask and opens a tube of gas, and then *sits* there as his father struggles and dies, blood spurting out of his nose. Gross!

Oh, and Ben's a hecka cold-hearted bastard.



Ben goes back to the Dharma village and there are dead Dharmaites laying all over the place, Jonestown style. He closes Horace's eyes.

A bunch of other people in ragged clothes and gas masks come in, and one of them takes of his mask. It's Eyeliner Boy, and he asks Ben if he wants them to get the body.

Ben tells them to leave Roger out there, and the rest of the men start dragging the bodies away.



Ben and Locke look into a mass grave full of Dharma-brand skeletons.

"This is where I came from," Ben says. "These are my people. The Dharma Initiative. They came here seeking harmony. But they couldn't even co-exist with the Island's inhabitants. When it became clear that one side had to go, one side had to be purged, I did what I had to do. I was one of the people who was smart enough to make sure I didn't end up in that ditch. Which makes me considerably smarter than you, John."

Locke pulls his pistol, but Ben's quicker on the draw and shoots him in the tummy. Locke falls into the grave.



Ben asks Locke what Jacob said, but Locke's all "WTF? You *shot* me!"

Ben says he shot Locke because he heard Jacob. Now he needs to know what he said.

"Help me."

He points the gun down at Locke. "John, now I'm not going to ask you again. What did he say to you?"

"He said, 'Help me.'"

Ben lowers the gun. "Well, I certainly hope he helps you, John." Ben walks away.

(Oh, and Locke is so not dead -- the Island will save him. Because really without Locke, there is no Lost. But dang! So much for Ben's "we're the good guys.")

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