Lost: The Brig

OK, this is another "jumping back and forth in time episode" like Expose. At least it's a break from endless, pointless flashbacks, and this time we don't have to put up with Nikki and Paolo.

Locke sits by a hobo fire in the jungle reading a file. Something near him stirs and moans, and he says "save your breath." Then, showing a shocking lack of respect for good office supplies, he burns the file.

Eight days ago ...

Back at Othersville, Locke confronts Kidney-Stealin' Daddy. He's all "WTF?" to both KSD and Ben, but Ben says he doesn't know what's up -- Locke is the one who brought KSD to the Island. Oh, and don't get too close -- he bites.

Locke demands answers from Ben, who ain't giving them. Ben suggests Locke ask KSD, but when Locke removes the gag from his mouth, KSD takes a chunk out of Locke's hand.

Zeke zaps KSD with a stun gun, and Ben's all "I told you he bites, but noooo, you had to go get in his face!"

"Don't you know, John?" KSD says. "Don't you know where we are?"

Zeke pushes Locke and Ben out of the room and shuts the door. Locke asks Ben what KSD meant, but Ben says there's no time to explain -- the Others are leaving in the morning. Ben says they're going to a new place that's an old place too, and invites Locke to tag along. Locke says he will.

Ben tells Locke where the Others are holding Kate, and suggests he might want to say goodbye.

The present

Kate and Sawyer are snuggling in Sawyer's tent, but Kate doesn't look happy about it. She moves, and Sawyer wakes up.

Kate makes the lame excuse that she can't sleep unless she's in her own tent -- oh, and she's got an early racquetball game and a big day at work tomorrow but she'll call him later, OK?

Sawyer offers to go back to Kate's place ... but ... umm ... yeah ... when she said sleeping her tent, she meant sleeping alone.

Sawyer offers to escort her back to her tent, 'cause he's gotta take a leak anyway. That's ... romantic?

Why is Sawyer taking a gun to pee?

Sawyer passes Jin and Hurley, who are doing the "no, we're not up to something" dance. They claim to need a potty break too. Alrighty then.

Do we need to spend an hour of prime-time television on this?




Sawyer and his gun go to take a tinkle in the bushes, where Locke is waiting? Dude -- that's nasty! Sawyer freaks, but Locke says he's there to see Sawyer ... oh, and zip up your fly, because your little con man is flapping in the breeze.

"Okay, Tarzan," Sawyer says, "so now that you're back from your blow-up-everything-that-can-get-us-off-the-island tour, how about you tell me why you joined up with the enemy?"

Locke says he didn't join the Others, he's infiltrated them Dark Ninja style. And to prove it, he says he's got Ben tied up in the jungle, and he wants Sawyer to come and kill him.

Sawyer tells Locke to do his own killing, which seems to be a reasonable request. Locke says he can't -- he's not a mur-diddly-urd-ler! Sawyer says he's not either, but Locke's seen the Others' files on Sawyer, so he knows about the guy in Sydney.

OK -- I gotta call bullshit on this, as I should have when Juliet brought it up a few episodes ago. The Others are not omniscient. There were no witnesses to Sawyer's little incident in Sydney -- if there had been any evidence, the Australian police would have kept his ass in a cell, and he wouldn't have been on the plane.

So if Patchy's *that* good at Internet searches, he ought to be running Google, not being dead-not dead on the Island.

Sawyer says the files have their facts wrong, and Locke says he made a mistake. He turns to leave, asking Sawyer not to tell anyone that he was here. Sawyer, who should have brought his damn shoes, chases after him.



Three days ago ...

The Others are making a big ass camp in the middle of nowhere. Locke's helping the stewardess from the tail section put up her tent, and asks why everyone's watching him. Cindy says they're excited that he's here -- they've been waiting for him. Umm ... OK?

Zeke says Ben is asking for Locke, and takes him to Ben's tent, where Ben is listening to Juliet's message about Sun.

Locke asks him about it, and Ben openly admits that Juliet's a mole, infiltrating the Lostaways to find out if any of the women are pregnant. If they are, the Others are gonna sneak in and take them.

Locke asks if that's a good idea, but Ben says they've done it before and no one will get hurt.

Ben uses a walking stick to stand up, and says he's got Locke to thank for it -- before Locke came, he didn't have any feeling at all. Now he's gonna be on American Bandstand. He says this is only the beginning, and he can't wait to show Locke all that the Island can do. Unfortunately, Locke isn't ready.

"Am so," Locke says.

Locke is still the cripple he used to be, Ben says. He'll never be free until he deals with his daddy issues.

Aw, hell ... are we back to the magic box theory?

Ben admits that the magic box is an f'ing metaphor. But he says he can't show Locke anything until Locke shows he's ready to be an Other, by making a "gesture" of free will and commitment. That gesture? Kill KSD.

So much for the Others being the good guys.

The present ...

Charlie's rummaging for food in the kitchen when Jack wanders by and wants to know why he wasn't invited on the guys' big night out. Charlie mumbles something noncommittal and heads back to Hurley's tent with the supplies.

Charlie suggests that they tell Jack about Parachute Chick (whose name is Naomi), and Hurley thinks Jack should look at the giant, gaping hole in her chest. But Desmond isn't buying it -- Jack spent 10 days with the Others, and now all he does his hang out with Juliet. He can't be trusted.

Awww -- now no one's gonna invite Jack to play their reindeer games!

Desmond says that if they keep Naomi safe, she's their way off the Island. If they want to tell somebody, find someone they can trust.



Sawyer's bare feet are bloody as he stumbles through the jungle after Locke, and he asks Locke what else is in his file.

Locke says that he knows that Sawyer's father shot his mother and then himself, but not why. He says that must have been hard for Sawyer. (Gee, ya think?)

Other than that, there's his criminal record, all the con jobs he got busted for, his high school transcript ... damn those things follow you forever!

I'll save you the trouble of hunting down my high school transcript -- I got sucky grades in geometry.

Locke makes a comment about Sawyer using an alias, and Sawyer pulls his gun and conks Locke in the head with it. Sawyer gets him on the ground, takes Locke's knife, and holds it to his throat.

Sawyer says he got conned by Ben once before, and he's not going to let it happen again. Locke says he's taking him to kill Ben, but he's got to trust him. Locke says he can't kill him -- Sawyer's got to do it.

Sawyer says he'll play along, but that he's not killing Ben. They can take him back to the beach. Locke says that when he hears what Ben has to say, he'll change his mind.



Sayid is digging a random hole in the jungle when Hurley finds him. Hurley wants to know if he can keep a secret, and takes him to where they've hidden Naomi. Sayid says it's a good thing they haven't told Jack.

Sayid introduces himself to Naomi and starts asking questions. She says her helicopter crashed in the water, and that it had taken off from a freighter about 80 nautical miles away. She says the entire wreckage of Flight 815 was found in a ocean trench off the coast of Bali. Officials sent down cameras to survey the wreckage, and that the bodies were all there.

Sayid points out that they're not dead. "Obviously," Naomi says, as she's slapped with the Gauntlet of Foreshadowing.

Naomi continues to say that she was looking for Desmond. Her company was hired by Penelope Windmore, and given a set of coordinates.

Sayid asks if they knew about the Island, and Naomi says no. The coordinates were in the middle of the ocean, and they thought it was a fool's errand until the clouds cleared and she saw land. Then her controls went all wonky and her helicopter went splash.

Sayid asks if any of the guys saw her helicopter, and they say no. Naomi wants to know if Sayid thinks she's lying. Don't take it personal, Naomi -- Sayid's just a suspicious bastard. That's part of his charm.

Naomi gives Sayid her satellite phone, saying that she's gonna remember not to rescue him.

Locke takes a drink break at a stream and Sawyer soaks his feet.

Sawyer wants to know what Ben has to say that's so bad he'll murder him for it, but Locke says it's not his place to say. Sawyer tells Locke that about that thing in his file -- the guy in Sydney. Sawyer thought he was someone he wasn't. He didn't mean to kill him. Locke asks who he did mean to kill.



Three days ago ...

Ben nudges Locke awake and tells him it's time. He takes him to the big phallic symbol that KSD is tied to, hands him a knife, and tells him to do it quickly. All the Others are watching.

Locke thinks Ben is nuts.

"John," Ben says, "the hesitation that you are feeling is just the part of you that still feels like he has a perfectly good explanation for stealing your kidney."

Wow -- betcha never thought you'd see *that* line in TC&M!

KSD says Locke's a spineless so-and-so, and double-dog dares Locke to kill him.

Locke says he's got to think. Ben tells him not to.

"You're wasting your time, bug eye," KSD says, "me and him have been through all this. All he wants is his daddy." Props to KSD for calling Ben "bug eye"!

Locke tells KSD to stfu, and puts the knife to his throat. Then he asks Ben why he's putting him through this.

Ben says he's doing it to himself, and that if he doesn't deal with his daddy issues, he'll still be the same pathetic cripple who got kicked off his walkabout tour because he couldn't walk.

Locke raises the knife, but can't do it. KSD mocks him some more. Asshat.

Ben takes the knife and then turns to the gathered people and says, "I'm sorry. He's not who we thought he was." The Others turn away so they don't have to look at shame.

The present ...

Locke and Sawyer arrive at the Black Rock. Gee -- we haven't seen that plot line since the first season!

Locke says Ben's in the brig. They go inside the ship, and Sawyer makes a crack about the chained-up skeletons. Locke explains that it's an old slaving ship, and that he thinks the slaves were brought here to mine the Island. All the stuff in the boxes? That's dynamite.

Sawyer hears someone shouting, and gives Locke props for having the stones to kidnap Ben, but says he's still not going to kill him.

Inside the brig, Sawyer sees a guy with a bag on his head. He walks inside. Locke slams the door behind him, locking Sawyer in too.

Sawyer beats on the door, then pulls the bag off the guy's head to reveal KSD! Sawyer wants to know who in pie he is.

Sayid says Naomi's iPhone is the most sophisticated piece of tech he's ever seen, but gets it to work anyway. He's crafty. But whatever is blocking transmissions on the Island is blocking the iPhone too. Steve Jobs is hecka pissed.

Kate wanders over, sees the iPhone, and asks what's up. Hurley lies and says they found it in the luggage. Kate doesn't buy it, and Sayid says that if he explains, Kate's gonna have to keep her damn mouth shut.



Locke fiddles while Sawyer bangs on the brig door. The other door opens, and hey -- it's Rousseau, here for her monthly appearance!

Rousseau says she's at the Black Rock for dynamite. She pointedly ignores the screaming and banging coming from the brig.

Locke points out the large crates marked "explosives," as if Rousseau couldn't figure that out for herself. She hefts one up and leaves, as Locke tells her to be careful, because the dynamite is unstable.

OK -- first off, you've just gotta wonder what sort of nasty death trap Rousseau's gonna make. And Locke and Rousseau in a room and the *dynamite* is the most unstable thing? Gimme a break -- those two could make the Joker look sane in comparison.



Two days ago ...

Locke's pouting on a hill when Richard Alpert drops down beside him.

Alpert introduces himself, and tells Locke that Ben wanted to embarrass him -- he knew Locke wouldn't kill KSD, so he put him in front of the entire camp to look like an idiot. He says Ben has been wasting the Others' time with trivialities like fertility problems, and they're looking for someone to remind them of what's important.

Locke asks what Alpert wants from him. Alpert says he wants Locke to find his purpose. To do that, KSD has gotta die. Since Locke won't do it, there are other options. He hands Locke a file.

Locke takes the file, looks at it, and asks why Sawyer would want to kill KSD.



The present ...

Sawyer points his gun at the door and tells Locke to open up. Locke points out that Sawyer doesn't have any bullets -- if he had, he wouldn't have used the knife to threaten Locke earlier. Dang it!

KSD says he's glad that his bastard son isn't an idiot. "Huh?" Sawyer asks, and KSD says Locke is his son.

Sawyer asks KSD how he got to the Island, and KSD laughs and said one minute he was driving down the interstate in Tallahassee when somebody slammed into his car. He remembers the paramedics loading him onto a gurney, and woke up in Othersville. The next thing he saw was his dead son -- the one he'd tossed out a window.

Sawyer asks if Locke died from the fall. KSD says no, that paralyzed him. It was the plane crash that did him in.

Sawyer says he was on the plane with Locke, and he's not paralyzed. And the plane didn't crash in the ocean, it crashed on the Island.

KSD asks if Sawyer is sure that he's on an Island -- because it's a little too hot to be heaven.

Ah, so KSD is a proponent of the "everybody's dead" theory. "They found your plane on the bottom of the ocean," KSD says. "One minute I'm in a car wreck and the next I'm in a pirate ship in the middle of the jungle. If this isn't Hell, friend, then where are we?"

"Why did you throw Locke out a window?"

"He was becoming a nuisance. I conned him into giving me one of his kidneys. He never got over it."

That ranks up with "want me to make you a mix tape?" as the best Lost lines ever!

Sawyer asks KSD about his cons, and he starts listing off all the names he's used over the years, including Tom Sawyer.

Now Sawyer gets it -- his name is Sawyer too.

Yesterday ...

The Others are packing their camp when Locke wakes up. Ben tells him that they're moving, but Locke can't come, and neither can KSD.

Ben says KSD is Locke's mess, and he's got to clean it up. Locke asks if Ben's trying to embarrass him again, and Ben tells him to stop being stupid.

Locke whines that he thought he was super special. Ben tells him he made a mistake. The Others' are leaving, and if Locke wants to follow, he better be carrying the body of his daddy.



The present ...

Sawyer stares down KSD, and asks him if he's ever been to Jasper, Alabama.

"Yeah, I've been to Jasper." He smirks. "Don't tell me I'm your daddy."

"No, you killed my daddy." Sawyer pulls the letter from his back pocket and hands it to Anthony. "Read it."

KSD starts to read the letter, then stops and asks Sawyer if he took his name on some sort of revenge kick. Sawyer tells him to keep reading.

KSD mocks Sawyer's mother, and says that she was begging for it. He ran that con two dozen times, and it wasn't his fault that Sawyer's dad overreacted.

Sawyer screams at him to finish the letter, and KSD tears it up. Sawyer grabs the chains holding KSD to the wall and chokes him to death with them.

Patchy gets fried, Charlie gets an arrow in the neck and now this? Lost has gotten gory since it moved timeslots.

Locke opens the door and thanks Sawyer.

Juliet and Jack are on the beach talking about how much they miss Othersville when Kate walks up.

Kate, damnit -- did you miss the part about keeping your mouth shut????

Apparently she did -- she wants to talk to Jack. Juliet starts to leave and Jack stops her -- anything Kate wants to say she can say in front of his new special girl.

Kate says Juliet is the reason no one wants to tell Jack about Parachute Chick, and how if she can find a way to contact her crew, they'll all be rescued. Jack complains because he's not in the loop, but Kate says no one trusts him anymore.

Jack asks how Naomi's going to contact her crew, but Kate's still bitching about how the band's gonna break up unless Jack dumps Yoko. She finally tells him about the iPhone -- stupid, stupid Kate!

Juliet tells Jack that "we should tell her." But Jack's all "not yet" and walks away.



Sawyer tosses his cookies and is left with a nasty murder aftertaste. Locke tells him he can go back to the beach.

Sawyer wants to know why Locke did it, and Locke says KSD ruined both their lives. He had it coming. Then he tells Sawyer that Juliet's working for Ben, and that the Others are going to be coming for Sun and anyone else who's preggers -- Locke wants him to warn the Lostaways.

Locke says he's not going back -- he's on his own journey now. Then he gives Sawyer the tape of Juliet reporting to Ben so the Lostaways will believe it.

Sawyer asks if it was true -- did KSD throw him out a window, was he a cripple? "Not anymore," Locke says, as he hoists the body of KSD onto his back and walks away.