Survivor: You've Got a Puzzled Look

OK, I've got three hours of Survivor to recap and a Lost episode that was so detailed that I had to take notes. I'm going to try to crank everything out in the next few days -- offerings of money and chocolate would be appreciated.

Back from Tribal, Yau-Man is happy to still be in the game, but having to play the Hidden Immunity Idol to save his butt has obviously affected him, and he tells Cassandra it was "brutal."

Earl tells him that it might have been a move to flush out the HII. But Yau-Man's still worried, and says that if he doesn't win the next Immunity he might have to "borrow" Earl's HII. Earl hedges, saying he might be a target too, now that the others know he doesn't trust them.

Earl says it's time to protect himself now, as the once-mighty Syndicate cannibalizes itself.

The next morning, Cassandra's worried because she just screwed her main alliance to no real benefit. Yau-Man's worried too, and says he has to win Immunity to stay alive.

Earl goes to Cassandra and just wants to know what's up. He says he doesn't care if they take out Yau-Man -- he's all about strategy and wants to know what's going down. He says he wouldn't have told Yau-Man about the effort to get rid of him, but he wouldn't have voted for it, either.

I don't know if Earl's telling the truth here, or is playing a good game to make Cassandra not see him as a target. It doesn't matter, because Cassandra doesn't buy it. She says that she can't see Earl cutting Yau-Man loose, so it's up to her, Dreamz and Boo to get rid of him while they still have the numbers advantage.



Immunity challenge time, and it's a big-ass maze -- almost as big as a football field. Oh, and did Jeff mention the blindfolds?

I'm impressed at how elaborate and difficult the producers have made the final challenges in the past few seasons -- tip of the hat to you!

The Survivors will make their way blindfolded through the big ass, five section maze. Each will be assigned a uniquely shaped medallion, negotiating the maze till they find a key station. They will feel for the shape that matches their medallion to retrieve their specific key. After making their way to the correct drawbridge they will use their key to unlock it, lower it and cross over to the next section of the maze. The first person to get all five keys and cross all five drawbridges wins Immunity and will be in the Final Four.



Boo finds his first key, followed by Yau-Man and Dreamz. Yau-Man gets to his drawbridge as Earl finds his key. Dreamz steps in the water, so he knows he's close, and Boo falls in with a splash. Hey -- it's Boo. Did you expect anything else?

Probst says each section is more complicated than the last. Nice!

Yau-Man has his second key. Boo and Dreamz slam into one another. Boo gets his second key, and Earl's still at the first drawbridge.

And just as I turn to my husband and say "Hey, what about Cassandra?" they show her. She's wandering aimlessly *outside* the danged maze. She's so far out of this challenge she could be at Loser Lodge.

She can't even blame her lack of physical skill for this one, because it's not a physical challenge. She just sucks.



Dreamz has his second key. Yau-Man's at the second drawbridge, and Boo's on his heels. Hey -- Cassandra found a key! Dreamz gets to the second drawbridge as Yau-Man gets his third key. Woo-hoo!



Dreamz gets his third key. Boo gets his third key. Earl and Cassandra are completely out of this challenge. Cassandra takes a header into the water. Sigh.



Boo crosses the third drawbridge. Yau-Man gets his fourth key, as does Dreamz. Yau-Man crosses the fourth drawbridge as Boo gets his fourth key. Then Boo hits the water. He and Dreamz get their drawbridges down at the same time.

Yau-Man finds his fifth key, and then hits a dead end and has to backtrack. He gets his drawbridge down and wins Immunity. Everybody dance!



Back at camp, Yau-Man tells Cassandra that Boo's the target. She agrees, but sounds kind of surprised -- maybe she thought she was on the block?

Yau-Man tells Boo he's one of the toughest competitors he's ever faced, and Boo finishes the sentence by saying "so that's why you're voting me out tonight." No hard feelings, Boo -- I still think you're a cutie.

Boo says he's seen the writing on the wall -- it's his time to go.

Dreamz is in paranoia mode again, asking Cassandra and Yau-Man who's gonna go. They say Boo, but he doesn't believe them.



But Boo isn't going out without a fight. He pulls Earl aside and reminds him that Yau-Man will be really hard to beat in a final. His best chance is to boot Dreamz tonight, denying Yau-Man his Immunity deal, and then have Boo win the next Immunity.

Earl appears to be considering the deal, and Cassandra says he's got a puzzled look. Earl says he's always puzzled. Earl says in confessional that he'd rather go up against Boo or Cassandra in the final jury, because Dreamz will get the sympathy vote and Yau-Man is chock full of awesome.



Boo targets Yau-Man next, saying that Yau-Man can win against anybody but Dreamz. Yau-Man thinks it's a good deal too, but says he needs another vote. He goes to Earl, and asks if Earl thinks Dreamz will live up to his end of the truck bargain. If he won't, it's best to get rid of him now.



At Tribal, Probst asks Dreamz who he's most worried about -- a physical threat or someone who's untrustworthy. Dreamz says someone who doesn't keep his word is worse. Gee ... would that be you? There are four Horse Boys who think so!

Dreamz says in a game for a million bucks, sometimes you have to go with your gut. Is that where he's keeping his brain these days?

Earl is asked if it's coming down to the most deserving or who you can beat. Earl is honest and says that trust goes a long way, but even if someone's a good friend, if you can't beat them you might choose someone else.

Boo says he's the only one who was scrambling for votes at camp, and suggests how dangerous Dreamz could be. He says he's a better choice to take to the finals than Dreamz or Yau-Man, and Earl doesn't look happy that Boo's just laid out his entire game strategy.

Dreamz argues that he tells people his life story over and over again to show how far someone can rise, not to garner sympathy. He doesn't want the sympathy vote. Boo says he didn't say Dreamz was trying to get the pity vote, just that he will.

Probst asks Dreamz if he's uncomfortable being called out as a threat to win, given that Yau-Man has Immunity. Dreamz says he's part of Yau-Man's final four strategy, and he expects to be in the game at least that long. Probst asks if Dreamz is kind of tossing the truck negotiations back at Yau-Man, and Dreamz admits he is, because if Yau-Man votes him out, he gave away the truck for nothing.

Boo's still arguing that it's better to boot Dreamz now. Dreamz says if Boo stays, he's gonna keep winning challenges. Boo counters that he doesn't have and friends on the jury, so he's promised Earl and Yau-Man that he's safe to take to Final Two. Wait a minute -- I may be a liberal arts major, but Boo + Yau-Man + Earl = Three.

Time to vote. Earl uses his HII, which hey -- it's the last time he can use it, so why not? And I guess Boo's math didn't add up with anyone else, either, because Boo -- the tribe has spoken.



Boo leaves, saying that Yau-Man will be tough to beat, although he thinks it would be funny if Dreamz welched on his deal.

The next day, Dreamz is sucking up to Yau-Man, saying that they respect one another, and they have the same morals and they'll be buddies for life -- just like Rush Hour!

Hey Dreamz -- I've seen Chris Tucker movies. Chris Tucker once walked past me in a hallway. And you sir, are no Chris Tucker!



Dreamz says he knew he was screwed by taking the truck, but that he wants to show that he's a man of his word, and that it's super-duper important that he win Immunity so he can do that. He also says he found out that it's a $60,000 truck, and Yau-Man jokes he wouldn't have been so quick to make the deal if he had known the sticker price.

Dreamz blathers on about how it's not a truck -- it's one man giving another man a chance. Shut up, Dreamz! If I had wanted to see sappy hug and cry time, I woulda watched Oprah.



Tree mail tells them to row their canoe to a spot where they will gather the torches of their tribemates, and then burn them before moving on to the Immunity challenge. I wonder if any of them have figured out that it's going to be a Final Three, and not a Final Two?

Survivor rundown time!

Jessica: There was someone on this show named Jessica?

Erica: First double boot -- Erica and her massive 'fro.

Sylvia: Yau-Man says he's sorry she had to go so soon. In voiceover, she says she tried to hide her leadership skills, but her tribe figured out she's a bossy s.o.b.

Gary: Poor Papa Smurf, done in by bug bites.

There are a lot of people falling on their faces in these video clips -- I hadn't realized this was Survivor: Fiji's Funniest Videos.

Liliana: Never had a chance.

Rita: Earl calls her one of the best moms in the world.

Anthony: Poor Black Male Cinderella -- at least you got away from the Horse Boys.

Rocky: Rocky voices over that "a straight shooter, like myself, probably doesn't have any business in this game." Gee, is that what you call those sexist, homophobic diatribes? You're still an asshat. Get off my television.

Lisi: You suck, Faceplant.

Michelle: Done in by cruel fate. Paj, are you dating her yet?

Edgardo: Dreamz says he never saw it coming. Way to twist the knife, jerk.

Mookie: Uh ... bye?

These are some quiet Survivors. Usually someone has *something* nice to say.

Alex: Dreamz says Alex is his "brother for life." Yeah -- I'll believe that one when I see it.

Stacy: Yau-Man pulls Stacy's torch, saying that she learned a lot about life and herself. Seeing that she was voted the person mostly likely to squander her Survivor experience, I think her stock rose in the end.

Boo: No one's got anything nice to say about Boo? Buncha haters.



At the Immunity challenge, Probst takes the necklace from Yau-Man, and Dreamz says "you'll get it back."

Jeff then reveals the how big the stakes are because this time, one person will become the ninth and final member of the jury. Three of the Final Four will go on to face the jury for the million bucks.

The Survivors will lie on their backs on an elevated plank at an angle holding onto a wooden handle. Making things more difficult, water will stream out of a barrel, making the plank slippery. Every five minutes, Jeff will increase the angle of the plank, making it steeper and harder to hang onto. When they can't hang on any longer, they'll let go and slide down the plank, landing in a pool of water. The last person hanging on wins Immunity.



This would be way harder than it looks, because you're supporting your entire body weight. It's going to kill your hands and arms.

They start at a 35 degree angle, and most of them look OK. Probst starts talking about the truck bargain again, saying that a million dollars is closer than they think.



Cassandra drops at 15 minutes, as the boards are being moved to 50 degrees. Earl's barely hanging on, and he drops when the boards are moved to 55 degrees.

Now, at this point, if I'm Yau-Man, I start talking to Dreamz, telling him to fufill his side of the bargain, drop and let me have Immunity. But he doesn't, and then he drops, and Dreamz wins Immunity.

Probst points out that Dreamz has fufilled part of his deal with Yau-Man. But will he hand the necklace over?



At this point, I don't know what Dreamz will do. But if he hands it over, he's probably going to get booted. If he was smart, he'd hand it over, and convince Earl and Yau-Man to vote out Cassandra. Or even forcing a tie, and taking his chances in a firebuilding challenge. But he's not that smart, so he won't.

All I know is that if he doesn't live up to his end of the bargain, not only has he pretty much stolen a $60,000 truck from someone he claims is a friend and mentor, he's got absolutely *no* chance of winning. The jury will eat him alive.

At camp, Yau-Man appears confident in his deal, and tells Cassandra he's voting for Dreamz.

Earl tells Dreamz he wanted him to get Immunity, but now he's got a tough decision. But then again, Dreamz has been babbling for two episodes now about honesty, integrity and how he's a man of his word. He "promised to God" that he'd give Yau-Man the Immunity. That should make the decision easier, shouldn't it?

Yau-Man tells Earl and Cassandra there's not guarantee, but they try to convince him he's golden, saying that Dreamz is a "good kid" and Yau-Man shouldn't worry.

Yau-Man talks to Dreamz, saying that if he decides to back out of their deal, at least not to vote for him. In confessional, Yau-Man says that he thinks Dreamz will do the right thing, but he's always been a wildcard and now he's in control.



Dreamz tells Cassandra that it's hard to give up a million bucks. Don't worry about it, Dreamz, because you aren't. You cannot win. There are lizards that have a better chance. The sea snakes will get the money first. So you're *not* giving up a million dollars.

Earl tells him to do the right thing, and Dreamz says he keeps thinking about his son, so he will. But just in case he doesn't, Earl and Cassandra better vote for Yau-Man, or else one of them is going home.

And at that point, I know Dreamz is a rat bastard. He's going to back out of the deal. All that remains to be seen is just how much of a bastard he'll be.

In confessional, Dreamz says if he gives up Immunity, he'll be booted, but people will know he's noble and honorable. Still, it's a hard decision -- keep his word or get a million dollars.

You know, if you'd get it through your thick freaking head that you *cannot* win, it might be easier. I yell at my TV, but he doesn't hear me.

At Tribal, Probst says the truck bargain is really the only thing they have to talk about.

Dreamz says he's thought about it (Dreamz? Think? That's a giggle) and that while it's a game of lying and deception, when humanity gets involved you have to try to make decisions based on relationships.

Or something like that. I still need a translator.

Probst says when Dreamz made the deal for the truck, he really wanted the truck, but pay back isn't so easy. Dreamz says it's not easy because it's a million dollars. He wanted the truck, but Yau-Man gave it to him for strategy. If he pays him back, he's going home.

Yau-Man says he hasn't talked to Dreamz about what to do, and that it's up to Dreamz to do the right thing. I don't know if I could have been this Zen-like about it -- I probably would have been campaigning like crazy.

But Yau-Man says his gut tells him Dreamz will do the right thing.

Cassandra dodges the question of what she thinks Dreamz should do. Have an opinion woman!! Quit annoying me!

Earl says he left Dreamz alone because it's a difficult position, but it's one that Earl would have never gotten himself into.

Dreamz whines some more about how hard it is to decide, and how being given a $60,000 truck sucks. Urge to kill rising ... rising ...

Probst gives Yau-Man a last chance to say something to Dreamz. He says, "I hope you've thought it over and hope you live up to your word. Whatever you do, you'll have to live with it." Nice! That's a guilt trip my mother would be proud of!

It's the moment of truth ... DREAMZ, YOU RAT BASTARD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Not only is he not giving up the necklace, he's not giving the truck back!!!!!

YOU SUCK!!!!! Cry your fake-ass tears -- you're pathetic. You've rocketed to the top of my list of "Survivors who need a kick in the [bleep!]"

If he would have said "It's a game, sorry sucka," I might have had some respect. But to promise to God and go on and on about honesty and integrity and honor and "being a man of his word" and a good example to his kid? And then do this?

He is the suckiest suck that ever sucked. In Sucktown.

Earl's eyes about pop out of his head. Cassandra sighs. Dreamz apologizes to Yau-Man, who doesn't respond. What could you say?

Bye-Bye Yau-Man. Everyone's sad, including me.



In his final words, Yau-Man says he's not sure why Earl voted for him too, but that he's proud of his accomplishments. And he's sorry Dreamz didn't live up to his end of the bargain. "Enjoy your truck."

Have I mentioned that Dreamz sucks?



(Sorry about the lack of photos from here -- my source has no photos from the last part of the episode. A little help, maybe?)

When they get back to camp, Dreamz apologizes to Cassandra and Earl for breaking his promise. Dude -- they are *not* who you should be begging for forgiveness.

Then he changes his tune, saying it's "just a game" Sure buddy -- did you decide that before or after the big "noblity and honor" speech?

At least he knows the jury's gonna rip him a new one. Earl's worried about the jury too, because he doesn't know how they'll react to him voting for Yau-Man.

I see these moves differently. Earl broke a promise to an ally, and he's gonna have to answer for that. But Dreamz made a deal with a $60,000 truck involved, broke it, and didn't even have the decency to give the truck back.

Earl was playing the game. Dreamz was a hypocritical, self-righteous bastard.

Earl says he was surprised by Dreamz's decision. Dreamz claims "he's not like this at home" (yeah, right) and that he loves God and puppies and kitties. He says that if he had given up immunity, he'd be on the jury, and not have a chance to win a million dollars.

Uh, you still don't have a chance. The only difference your back-stabbing butt will be on a different bench in the final Tribal Council.

Earl says in confessional that he's pissed about what Dreamz did and still can't believe he wrote down Yau-Man's name, after all they'd been through together.

Dreamz, for his part, is now singing that he has no regrets and that he planned this all along. Yeah, and if you believe that, please send me an e-mail -- I've got a lovely bridge to sell you. He tells Earl and Cassandra that he really did plan it out and hopes they respect it, though he doesn't care if they don't.

Ah, so here's the real Dreamz -- a sociopathic ability to rationalize anything, going from "I'm a man of my word" to "it's a game and everyone's lying" at the speed of light.

Final day on Fiji, and the two Survivors and a lying bastard talk about how happy they are to be there. They plan to savor the moment, but Tree Mail says there will be gifts from the sky. Then an airplane drops a crate into the ocean, and Earl has to swim out to retrieve it.

I was so hoping they'd drop the crate on Dreamz's thick head.

Eggs, cheese, veggies, bacon, drinks, and more self-congratulation. Get to the Tribal, already!

Then they burn a bunch of stuff left at camp, including a pair of skanky drawers that have more integrity than Dreamz. Cassandra offers up that she abandoned her underwear three weeks ago, which is way more information than I ever wanted to know about her.

Earl says he's proud of himself and that he's challenged himself, yadda, yadda. He does his "King of Fiji" pose on top of the rocks again.

Cassandra gets the "I'm an old woman and I overcame a lot" edit. Whatever.

Dreamz ... sigh. He says he's on top of the world, and that he "feels like he's standing next to Oprah."

OK -- standing next to Oprah is *not* the height of human existance. And besides -- you screwed your shot at an Oprah gig -- I'll bet Dreamz had given up Immunity, she would have given him a car, a house and a pony.

Earl makes the first statement at Tribal, saying that he's happy to see everybody that he saw ten hours ago and that he played a clean and honest game. He didn't want to be a rat or a snake, so he made the right moves to put himself in the right position.

He says no one ever wrote down his name and he never had to win Immunity. Good points. He played an intelligent game, and wants the respect vote, not the pity vote.

Cassandra ... sigh. She says she tried to stay positive and give everyone a friend who would listen to them. She got an alliance and stuck to it, and hopes people respect that. Translation? "I attached myself to Earl's butt and stayed there. But I was nice about it!"

And then there's Dreamz. Mister "I don't want the pity vote" opens up by asking for it, reminding everyone that they've heard his life story again and again and again. He says he's liked getting to know people (and stab them in the back) and that he wants them to help him and his family.

Michelle asks what was the biggest hardship or obstacle they faced. Dreamz shoulda said breaking his deal with Yau-Man, but instead he babbles about being thirsty.

Cassandra says not being able to swim, and Michelle asks if a fear of water is worth a million bucks. Earl points out that he's the only original Ravu member, and he practically lived on Exile Island, so he knows about suffering, yo!

Edgardo asks how the Syndicate found out Alex had the Hidden Immunity Idol. "Dreamz," Earl says, and Edgardo sits down, satisfied.

Mookie asks Dreamz if he told anyone about the HII, and when Dreamz says he did, Mookie asks if he considers that a betrayal. No, Dreamz says -- it was a lie, a con.

What what what??

Here's the definition of betrayal -- I think Dreamz's actions fit the bill. Mookie reminds the three not to be caught in a lie, especially tonight.

Alex goes all prosecuting attorney, grilling Cassandra about maintaining her integrity. When he doesn't like her answer, he rips into her about voting Stacy out. He won't let her talk and even snarks that he'll ask the question in Spanish and have Edgardo translate. It's part Perry Mason, and part asshole.

Then he moves on to Dreamz, saying that Dreamz has said his goal was to help kids. So explain how cheating, lying, and backstabbing to succeed would make a good role model? Dreamz sings his "it's a game" song, but I would rather let a child spend a week with the sea snakes on EI than a minute with Dreamz.

Alex finishes by saying he'd wish Dreamz luck, but he's a man of his word, so he can't. Ouch!

Lisi ... WTH? First she starts out with nonsense, then moves to lying then asks to see Cassandra's shoes? She says Cassandra's shoes are ugly, and that proves she was unprepared for Survivor. Is Lisi off her meds?

Cassandra says it's day 39 and she's still here and so are her shoes. And WTF does that question mean, anyway?

Now Lisi's off on a greed tangent, asking Cassandra if greed propelled her. Cassandra says no, then yes, she was playing to win a million dollars.

Lisi asks Dreamz the number of zeros in a million and he says six -- and Lisi looks to the jury for confirmation. She really is batshit crazy, isn't she?

Then she asks Earl why he put on a show for the jury and looked shocked when Yau-Man was voted off.

Earl says he was shocked when Dreamz broke his word, but that voting for Yau-Man was a smart move, so he made it. He just couldn't believe that the person he'd gone through the entire game with was going.

Stacy says the big difference between Earl and Dreamz is that Earl's got a college education and Dreamz doesn't. So she wants to know how to base her vote.

Earl says he had a rough upbringing too, and that a million bucks could change any of their lives. He's not going to feel bad because he has a job and a car, because he worked for them. If she's going to base her vote on need, they *all* need it. Good answer!

Rocky asks each of them how they manipulated the game. Cassandra starts the "I was nice" speech, and Rocky cuts her off. Then she says she didn't manipulate anybody. mmm-hmmmm.

Dreamz says he manipulated everybody, especially Yau-Man, and that every time he was on the chopping block, he found a way to put somebody else there instead. Yeah, that was more dumb luck than skillful gameplay, sucka.

Earl says he manipulated the game so well no one knew he was doing it.

Boo tips his hat to Yau-Man, who he says was the best overall player. But he trusted Dreamz and got burned. Boo says you can't make a promise in your heart and then change it, and Dreamz interrupts and says it wasn't in his heart. Dreamz is chock full of crap.

Boo asks Dreamz if he was playing Yau-Man when he took the truck or "as a Christian" he came back later and decided to play the game.

Dreamz says he came to play, but that he made friends and it messed with his fragile little mind. He keeps babbling until Boo brings him back on point by asking "as a Christian man" was he playing the game when he took the truck?

Dreamz gets up in Boo's grill and says Boo doesn't know what's in his heart or in his head, and that he was playing the game. Boo calls him an immature Christian, and says he hopes one day he'll be strong enough to turn aside the devil.

Ya know, I don't think Boo is voting for Dreamz.

Yau-Man's turn! He says that as a 54-year-old man, he is safe from testosterone poisoning, and that what happened at the last Tribal was his fault. The truck was given to Dreamz in good faith, so he should enjoy it and not feel guilty about having it.

If I were Dreamz, I think that would make me feel so guilty I would cry. Dreamz however, may be lacking a soul, so he does not.

Yau-Man says he's going to give Dreamz a chance to "have the gonads to stand up and say why you changed your mind." But Dreamz has no gonads, so he says he didn't change his mind. He played the game, and Yau-Man got played.

Yau-Man then asks Earl why he didn't take Yau-Man to the Final Three. "Because I wouldn't win," Earl says. "Because you played the best game by far." Honesty ... what a freshing concept!

Time to vote!

And the winner is ... Earl! Everbody Meke! In the first time in Survivor history, it was a complete shutout -- neither Dreamz or Cassandra got a single vote.

I wanted Yau-Man to win, but Earl was my second choice. So congratulations!

Reunion in another post, ya'll -- I need a break.