Survivor: I Wanna Try to Make a Deal

Boo's sneaking through the tall grass like one of my cats hunting a cricket. It's cute, in a dorky redneck kinda way.

Boo says he's cutting a secret path to the well, so that when people go there to talk about who to boot, he can eavesdrop. "Sneaky is fun," Boo whispers. Awww ... I can't help liking the doofus.

But he could have a good plan -- too bad the rest of Bula Bula is back at the cave. Talking ... about Boo.

Earl's telling everyone to make sure Boo doesn't win immunity this week, like they could jump on his back and make him lose. But Boo has gotten one clue to the location of the Hidden Immunity Idol, so he could have it. So if he's gonna go, they're going to have to blindside him.

Stacy leaps to join the plan, even saying that she and Earl could have a fake fight, Survivor Theater style. Stacy's gone from bitch queen to suck-up faster than Boo can fall out of a hammock.

Yau-Man says he's having a lot of fun, because there's a lot of "sneaky conversations." Yeah -- you should have them by the well -- Boo's still waiting! No, really -- he is. Sitting in the weeds all by himself, waiting for someone to wander by and spill their guts. Poor little hick.



When Stacy comes back with tree mail, it says the reward will be something big. Dreamz is doing the car dance, and once again pull out the "I'm poor and kinda dumb" card, telling everyone how much he wants a car, and how he's the only person without one. In fact, he doesn't even have a license, because he's never needed one.

He is so freaking shameless that he's *asking* people to help him win. Earl has a great "WTF!" face, but Yau-Man looks like he might be cooking something up.

But seriously dude, back the frag off. You want a car -- people in Hell want ice water. You're playing for a million bucks, although it's Dreamz, so I use the term "playing" loosely. Win, and you can buy yourself a car.



Sorry Dreamz -- you're not playing for a car. It's a truck. A big-ass black m'fing Ford F350 truck that can haul like three tons. This truck could drive over my little sedan and not even notice the bump. Everyone drools.

Split into groups of three and tied together, the Survivors will maneuver over a series of see-saws, climb up and through a cargo net tower to a sand pit, dig up a hatchet and chop through a rope to release a box.

The three that win will take the truck and deliver the box, which is chock full of school supplies, to a Fijian school. They will also be towing a mobile school office, because we gotta give the sponsor some good product placement and show how much the BABMFT can haul. There they will picnic with the happy Fijian kids.

So who gets the truck? There will be a hatchet throwing contest to determine that. The winner also gets to send someone to Exile Island.




The teams: Stacy, Boo and Yau-Man; and Dreamz, Cassandra and Earl.

Survivors ready? Go!

I think Yau-Man is totally sandbagging this, because he falls on the see-saws again and again and again. He's even sneaking peeks at the other team while he does it. Sneaky Yau-Man!

So Earl's team reaches the cargo nets first. When Yau-Man's team *finally* gets there, Boo is literally dragging them through the nets -- he could be doing this challenge alone, with 250 pounds attached to his waist.

Earl's team hits the sand first. Did anyone tell them they had to dig? Cassandra -- hell, I don't know what Cassandra's doing, and Dreamz is just throwing sand into the air. They suck at *digging* so bad that Boo and his dead weight have time to get through the nets, dig up the hatchet (and Boo's the one that finds it) and win reward.

Boo celebrates -- everyone else looks kinda pissed. I think they might have to jump on his back to make him lose.



On to the hatchet throwing! Cut two ropes first -- win the BABMFT. Stacy sucks at throwing hatchets almost as bad as the other team sucked at digging. Boo cuts a rope. Yau-Man cuts a rope. Boo misses. Yau-Man hits -- he's got mad skilz, yo. And now he's got a BABMFT.



Jeff starts to congratulate him, but Yau-Man interrupts and says he wants to try to make a deal. With the BABMFT. OMGWTFBBQ?

Wow -- that was a lot of random letters, wasn't it?

Yau-Man asks Dreamz how badly he wants the truck. Bad. So here's the deal Yau-Man offers -- he'll give Dreamz the BABMFT, and if Dreamz wins Immunity at Final Four, he'll give it to Yau-Man.

Dreamz doesn't event think about it -- he just agrees. "I promise to God," Dreamz says. Ah heck ... I hate it when these jokers start swearing on the Bible or their kids.

Probst clarifies the deal, and emphasizes that this is a favor for a favor -- CBS isn't going to step in and enforce it. It's in the rules that you can't split the million bucks with another player, so I expect the producers are covering their butts on this one. Yau-Man and Dreamz both agree, even to that if one of them is gone before F4, Dreamz still gets to keep the truck.



This could be a really good move for Yau-Man. It's likely that Boo and Stacy are leaving next, and Cassandra and Dreamz are going to be hot to get rid of Yau-Man. This could give him a huge advantage. I also think a little Asian computer geek would look ridiculous driving that BABMFT, and he knows it.

Also -- giving a brand new truck to a formerly homeless guy? That's gotta give you some karma points somewhere.

So now Dreamz is going to the picnic with Boo and Stacy, but Yau-Man still gets to send someone to EI. And he picks ... himself. Damn -- he is a playa! Nobody else is getting a clue to the HII, boyeee!

On EI, Yau-Man explains that Earl had been there too many times already, and Cassandra couldn't cut it. So he came himself. And he's pretty happy about being able to give the truck to Dreamz, too, and give him a chance to change his life.

But he's a playa, so yeah, this was his way of getting rid of Dreamz at F4 -- if Dreamz sticks to his word. Yau-Man gets the clue to the HII, which pretty much draws a danged map to it, and says he'll share it with Earl.



Dreamz gloats over the truck he "won." Thankfully, they're not letting him drive it, because while Dreamz crashing the sucka would be the height of comedy, I think the insurance guys would be cranky.

The happy little schoolchildren come running out in a scene that looks really staged, like the teachers had been coaching them to pretend they're happy to see the dumb Americans. Probst is there too, and if he's wearing a version of the school uniform, he's been on this game too danged long, and needs to retire ... pronto.



Stacy gets the "it was so life changing" to see the native kiddies edit. And the mobile school looks like a great place for the teachers to take a smoke break, with a computer and what looks like a version of the couch from Camp Hilton.

Dreamz talks about how the supplies are a "step up" for the kids, just as the truck is a "step up" for him. And with an almost audible pop, Dreamz gets it. He realizes what Yau-Man got out of the deal. And all of a sudden, his bad-ass truck isn't so bad ass.

The two brain cells rattling around in Dreamz's head run into one another and realize that getting rid of Yau-Man before the F4 is his best chance.



Back from commercial, Earl's off hunting for the HII. Dreamz is talking to Cassandra, and he's actually surprised that Earl's looking for it. Guess those brain cells are all worn out.

Dreamz tells Cassandra that the truck was a strategy move, and that's a surprise to *no one.* There are lizards that have figured this out already. Hell, Lisi could have figured it out already. He says he could buy twelve cars with a million bucks, but that would make each of those cars worth $83,333, and I'll bet the insurance would be hell.

In Confessional, Dreamz says that even though he might have made a bad deal, he'll keep his word, because he's a man of his word and he wants to set a good example for his son.

So Dreamz says the only thing to do is get rid of Yau-Man before the Final Four, which seems fair enough. And if Earl gets in the way, Dreamz says he'll get rid of him too, which could be kinda hard, when you've only got two votes on your side and there's six people left in the game.

Cassandra ... OMG, Cassandra can say something besides "mmmm-hmmmm"? Shocker! Anyway, Cassandra says offing Yau-Man is tempting, because he's going to be really tough to beat in the final jury vote, but Boo's a bigger physical threat. So she's torn.



Immunity challenge time!

Yau-Man comes back from EI, and Probst pushes Dreamz to talk about the truck. Dreamz says it's totally awesome and thanks Yau-Man, who looks genuinely happy. Awwww.

The Jeff explains the challenge. On platforms in the ocean, the Survivors will toss a ball attached to a rope into a hoop to pull down a balance beam. From there, they'll cross to the finish. The first four will move on and do it again, with the first two to cross moving into the final round. They'll once again lower a balance beam, then move onto another beam to a small perch. Balancing on that perch, they will use a grappling hook to fish for a buoy. The first one to raise their buoy wins Immunity.

Dreamz gets the first beam down almost immediately, followed by Boo, Earl and Yau-Man. Cassandra actually chucks her ball and rope into the ocean -- she sucks so bad, she shoulda stayed back at camp.

In the next round though, Dreamz has trouble with the ball, and Boo and Yau-Man move on. Boo walks away with the victory and wins Immunity again, and no one looks happy about it but Boo.



Boo says he's "totally stoked" to win, especially because he's come to the realization that he was on the chopping block. If the rest of the tribe had just talked at the well, he woulda known so much earlier!

Earl and Yau-Man take a walk, and Yau-Man shares the clue to the HII. Yau-Man leaves, Earl goes HII hunting again, and in the hollow of a pine tree finds another turtle. He's a happy camper.

Earl shows Yau-Man the HII, and Yau-Man says that two HIIs and his deal with Dreamz should get them through to the finals.



But Dreamz is off talking to Stacy, saying that Earl and Cassandra want to take him and Yau-Man to F4, so she's outta luck -- unless they vote out Yau-Man now. It's a good deal for her, and she knows it, but she asks him how many votes he's got and he says two -- him and Stacy.

Then Cassandra arrives on the scene, and Dreamz is begging her to help. He mentions that every single plan he's come up with has gone wrong, and hey -- I can argue with the truth. But is he counting "run back and forth between the alliances like an idiot" as one of his plans?

Cassandra sees the advantages of getting rid of Yau-Man, but if he uses his HII and it doesn't work, she's screwed the pooch with Earl and Yau-Man, and the only person left in her corner will be Dreamz. Not a great position to be in.

Stacy takes Earl aside, and I think "OK, she's gonna tell him" but no! She totally feeds him a line about how she knows she going and has no hard feelings and yadda yadda. Earl says it's nice that Stacy is "going down with dignity," and am I a bad person if I think that phrase is really funny?



Yau-Man asks Dreamz if the plan is to vote Stacy out, and Dreamz is officially the worst liar in Survivor history. Yau Man says that although the plan is to get rid of Stacy, he's watching very carefully to see what's going on.

Dreamz tells Yau-Man he's changed a man's life, and ... you know, that sounds like a "you've changed a man's life, so don't feel bad about the knife in your back" speech.

Yau-Man tells Earl he's got bad vibes, but Earl waves him off. Listen to him, Earl!



At Tribal, Dreamz says *again* that he's "a man of his word," and gets a laugh out of the Horse Boys on the jury bench. He vows to win Immunity at F4 and give it to Yau-Man. For his part, Yau-Man says he expects Dreamz to keep his word, but that he knows by making the deal he's put a huge target on his back. But he's happy to have given Dreams the truck. "That's my big heart, I let him have the car." Awwww.

Boo doesn't care who has an HII -- he's got the tacky Immunity necklace, and that's all that matters.

Jeff asks Earl about someone making a "million dollar blunder" and not using the HII when they need it. That sneaky Probst -- is he giving Yau-Man clues? Stacy says she's nervous, because she came to the alliance late and ... well, let's be blunt. No one likes her. Dreamz babbles something about getting rid of him before he can help Yau-Man, but this guy's verbal spewage is giving me a headache. I need a "Dreamz to English" translation service.

Stacy says she thinks everyone's trying to play nice, but that there will be a split vote tonight. Thank you Stacy -- you may have snowed Earl earlier, but now you've told Yau-Man your plan.

Everyone votes, and Probst says if anyone wants to play an HII, now is the time. I hold my breath until ... yes! Is that a turtle Yau-Man, or are you just happy to see me? Yau-Man is safe from the vote.

And it's a damn good thing too, because he got four votes. Those are tossed out, leaving Stacy, with two, to go to Loser Lodge. Bye!



Next week: Dreamz or nightmare?