Grey's Anatomy 17 Seconds recap

Okay, screw sleep. Tonight's episode is the first of three hours of Grey's Anatomy in two days. I gots work to do so here we go.

We start out in Joe's Bar. Burke is still pissed at Christina for falling asleep while they were doin' it. McDreamy is still pissed at Mer for putting away the knitting needles, meeting a vet and doing him. They are emoting by playing darts. The female interns are sitting there complaining that they are imagining their faces with each near bulls-eye. Alex gets dissed for being captain of the Gyno Squad. George arrives with Dr. Husky who gives Mer the look of death, which by the way isn't much different than her normal look. Mer's voice over is about the seven deadly sins, mainly how anger gets neglected.

Back at the Batcave, Doc has been diagnosed with bone cancer and he's giving the prognosis to McDreamy, Addison, and Mer. Like one big car wreck of dysfunction they sit and simmer and stew. Well at least McDreamy is. Poor Addison, she finally has time in her busy schedule to stare at the wall. Apparently the wall is covered with one of those magic eye posters, so the writing isn't all that clear yet. Don't worry Addy, I suck at those too.

On to the Mer and McDreamy's elevator of love. Addy senses the tension and actually asks directly about it. They both say nothing is wrong...except that this elevator is not a home anymore.

Hospital time! Porn Star Burke is still pissed at Yang. Burke's found a heart for Denny and Yang wants to go. Burke pretty much says "Naw." Man that Burke sure is touchy about his partners being awake during sex...

Let's meet our patients of the week! There was a shooting in a restaurant 2 dead 14 injured. We meet an engaged couple who we'll call Hottie and Puss-boy. Apparently Puss-Boy dove behind Hottie when the shooting started. She took the bullet which went through him and into Puss-Boy. Hottie says" Love means never having to use your girlfriend as a human shield." Best. Valentine's Day Card. Ever! She wants to call off the engagement, but Puss Boy argues about survival instincts kicking in. He may have a point there. When I was in London, I was out with this girl I had a crush on and we exited subway train to an empty platform. This security guard yells and tells us that we have to get out of there because of a bomb threat! Now we were deep in the tube station but we could see the escalator way off in the distance about 150 yards or so. So we take off sprinting. Now we were doing the young cosmopolitan thing that night so I had my suit and overcoat on and she had a tight dress on and heels. I get on the escalator to safety and turn to talk to her and she's not there ...she's about 25 yards behind me. Needless to say we never became a couple. In my defense though, I had never even kissed the girl. Had she earned the inclusion into my idea of self preservation at that point? Nope. Sure I'm not proud of it but it's not like I pushed her out of my way or anything...she just couldn't run as fast as me on that given night. I guess my point is, he's still Puss-Boy and I'm not. So there!

We meet Waiter-Boy who got shot in the leg. A girl named Kendra who was shot through the head. And the manager who was the gunman's target played by Ken Marino of the MTV's the State. That guy was awesome as the "Italian" in the "The Jew, the Italian and the Red Head Gay", the priest in "Porcupine Racetrack" and Louie the guy who always dipped his balls in things. Anyway, gunman was a disgruntled employee, who didn't get the job done. He has glass in in his shoulder from jumping out the window. Ball Dipper starts to brag about his own survival instincts and that his restaurant management savvy saved his ass. He teases his co-workers who actually got shot.

Karev hears about the heart transplant and sprints to catch Burke. Yang is like, "nuh-uh" and chases after him. Burke has to choose and he picks the one who didn't fall asleep before he came. Hmmm, should I fix that? Nah. So Karev gets to go in the ironycopter and save Denny, while Sleepy McSleeperson gets left on the helipad with her Va-jay-jay in the wind.

Izzy knows about the transplant too and begs Bailey to put her on his case. Bailey does her usual awesome job of belittling banter but relents. Izzy is assigned to Denny, which can't be good at all.

McDreamy and George look at Kendra, whose bullet through the brain prognosis isn't so good, well at least she's not pregnant. Oh wait she is.

We go back to Ball Dipper and he's bragging to his employee how he's fully insured while waiter-boy isn't. If I had a gun I'd shoot him now. Waiter boy is concerned about Kendra and talks about how nice she is. Dr. Husky shows up to break things up and boss Mer around.

Izzy tells Denny that he's getting a new heart. Now I'm not a doctor, but seeing as he's been through the "Here's your new heart...psyche!" routine before. Shouldn't Izzy not be so cheery until the heart is actually inside Denny? I mean there's crossing the line but it shouldn't cloud your judgment absolutely. Maybe Izzy has just lost it? Denny tells Izzy that this is his last shot so he argues a bit and signs his DNR papers. He gets spiritual but gladly stays away from comparing Izzy to an Angel...whew.

Puss Boy begs Hottie to forgive him, in front of Yang, who isn't Ms. Sunshine to begin with. She's spewing misdirected venom all over them. So much so that Hottie calls her out on it.

Mercy West...the hospital which specializes in patients, not inappropriate relationships, which is why it hasn't been shown EVER. There are two hearts being extracted for transplant. The other heart is under the care of Female Burke who finished number 2 to Burke at Johns Hopkins. Apparently that also made the arch enemies and left Female Burke with a Jan Brady complex.

Addison is trying to get McDreamy's attention and keeps pushing about Mer. He's a million miles away. Psst Addie...he also shits on peoples houses!

Burke is gonna get his heart, but the heart dies the second he gets in...sucks to be Denny. Burke sprints across the hall. What? Is there a non-narcoleptic sex partner behind that door? He tells Female Burke to put down her scalpel...dun dun duh!

Burke gets all cowboy on Female Burke and is gonna beat up the hospital unless they are clear that the other transplant recipient is higher than Denny's. Is Burke in love with Denny too?

We have a Dr. Husky and Mer scene to establish that she really hates Mer. Mer asks the ortho doctor about bone cancer...in dogs. Dr. Husky cannot believe that Mer would waste her time about dogs when peoples lives are at stake!!! DQ! I don't mean that in a blizzards are yummy way. I mean that in a way that rhymes with "ama Queen" Dr. Husky rides off on her 8 foot tall horse.

Meanwhile, Burke and Female Burke are playing one-upmanship with their heart recipients. The speakerphone of justice claims that Female Burke's patient was .22 points ahead on the worthiness scale and that he was 17 seconds ahead of Denny as well. Izzy calls in check on the progress of the heart. Alex explains the situation. Izzy then reverts to a five-year-old and blurts out "Denny's getting sicker!" and then rambles off that he's getting worse by the second and pulls some numbers out of the sky. I'm even embarrassed for her at this point. Alex refuses to be a part of this lie. Izzy calls for Burke...oh man, well at least she can always go back to modeling.

Addie confronts Mer and asks if she's still sleeping with McDreamy. She's doing this while wearing a black low-cut cocktail dress under her coat. Wha? Mer explains she hasn't slept with McDreamy since she knew she was a mistress. Mer says she's moved on and dating the Vet Wonder. That's it Addy...the image is getting clear. Your husband...doesn't love you...he loves Meredith...Sucka!

We come back to 5 year old Izzy and her phone of lies. Burke is fished in. Izzy is pretending to give test results and readings while she's standing in the friggin' lobby. Burke presents Izzy's results and convinces the speakerphone of justice to give him an hour to verify the test results. Burke tells Izzy to get on it. What the fuck is she doing??? I mean seriously!

Back to Kendra, where the Shepherds are double teaming her. Kendra is brain dead but can still have the baby. The parents are insistent on having this baby, regardless of George's warnings.

Waiter-boy and Ball Dipper are side by side now. Bailey gets tired of Ball Dipper's mouth and gives him a smackdown like only she can. He takes his glass of shut the hell up juice like a champ though.

Mer and Yang whine about their men. Izzy tells them she fucked up royally. They try to reason with her, that he'll get the next heart and she pretends to agree, but then starts to wheel away a bunch of heart equipment. Mer and Yang notice the postal worker look on Izzy's face, but since it doesn't have anything to do with their boy problems they let it go.

Izzy wheels the "heart stuff" into Denny's room and explains the transplant might not happen. izzy has a master plan to worsen Denny's condition on purpose in order to qualify for the transplant. Oh no Izzy I really did used to like you...at first I thought you were just quirky...Denny's pretty calm about it but then again it's not like he can run away.

Denny is like no, this is wrong, you know speaking like a reasonable person. Denny threatens to call a nurse, but Izzy explains he was 17 seconds away from being the rightful donee. That still isn't enough to convince him. Izzy then pulls out the big gun...I start to hear a sound...a sound familiar and terrifying...a sound that makes you want to kill yourself...a sound that if your a guy will do anything, even if it means turning off your heart machine just to make the sound stop...Izzy pulls out the "Crazy". She gets all hysterical about how he has to do it for her, how if he doesn't she'll never forgive him for making her love him. CRAZY! Seriously, I'm curling up in a ball right now. Too many crazy flashbacks...and if you saw my face back then, it probably looked liked Denny's. The look that says I will do anything you say if you just please turn the "Crazy" off!!! Denny agrees to go through with it, not because it's the right thing to do, but rather just to shut Izzy the hell up. Sadly,I feel like turning my heart off right now too.

Now we have Dr. Husky who is going off on Mer to George again. She pretty much says I don't want you to be friends with her anymore. He pulls out the "we're a family" card. He can do what he wants and if he wants a chance with him she needs to get over it. Whew, the boys rebound a bit after that emasculation.

Burke and Izzy talk some more and Izzy reveals enough that Burke knows he has to get back to the hospital ASAP and also that Izzy has lost her damn mind.

Addy and McDreamy try to talk Kendra's parents into not making her a human incubator. They ain't havin it. After they leave the room Addy jumps into McDreamy and totally loses her shit. She calls him on their sham of a marriage and how she is just filling some wussy need of his to not be an asshole by leaving his wife. Addie then pulls out the 9mm and asks if she needs to date the Vet to get his attention. Bang Bang! Old Addy is back! Except the whole hospital heard this conversation. Curling up in a ball again.

George talks to Kendra's parents and his family speech not only wards off the crazy in girlfriends, it also convinces the family to reconsider keeping their brain dead daughter alive to serve their own selfish wishes.

Dr. Husky takes Meredith into the x-ray room to show her the effects of bone cancer. Apparently Robin was sugarcoating the diagnosis and Doc's chances probably aren't so good.

Puss Boy and Hottie made up, on the one last chance condition. So the wedding is back on. Yang has to do her best not to kill them both in the face. Puss Boy says he's changed and Hottie tells Yang that forgiveness feels better than anger.

Waiter-Boy is still worried about Kendra while Ball Dipper tells Waiter-Boy his job is safe and that he'll get him some time off.

Richard and Addison have a get yourself together speech. While Mer and Mc Dreamy share the elevator of love. They take turns looking at each other. Are there any viewers left that want to see them together? I mean come on!

Dr. Husky and George are in the locker room. She tells him she loves him. What has it been a month? Creepy. George says nothing while letting her fumble around when Izzy barges in for his help.

Mer calls out Robin on his lying. Robin explains that Doc is a goner. She hugs Robin while saying "I love him so much" but she's not talking about Doc. I want to take my lighter and light my nose hairs on fire.

George is recruited to be the lookout while Izzy is going over her master plan. She's going to pull the plug on the heart machine, meanwhile she'll keep him alive long enough for Dr. Burke to save the day with the necessary transplant. George has the "Oh shit" face going on.

We see Ball Dipper leave the hospital and immediately we hear gunshots. Puss Boy ducks underneath and hides behind Hottie while she mutters "Okay we're done" Bailey runs outside to assess the scene. Izzy is about to cut the cord while Bailey finds Ball Dipper dead. She then runs to see Burke shot and bleeding on the sidewalk!!! Holy shit!!!! We hear the snip of scissors.

Two more hours tomorrow!

P.S. I'll put the screencaps in tomorrow.

Tags: Grey's Anatomy, TV