The O.C. The Graduates (Paj likes the show again)

Okay I stopped doing the O.C. recaps after a whopping ONE because I really hated what the show had become...mainly it's "All About Marissa and her Shitty Choices" Sound familiar Grey's Anatomy writers? Anytime a show becomes centered around a character that is pretty but intolerable, it's hard to stay a fan no matter how great the supporting cast. It happened with Smallville even though Lana is a hottie and it happened with The O.C.

Last episode every dumb plotline had been wrapped up. The hospital was done. Summer got into Brown. Seth applied to RISD (Rhode Island School of Design, which all but one of my readers already knew). Ryan isn't Theresa's Baby's Daddy. Kiki hopped off and then back on the wagon. Carrying over we just have Volchock and the car he and Ryan stole sorta and Marissa who has one more pity party to throw. Oh yeah and Seth burned down his family's office building, by smoking a doobie and forgetting to put it out (amateur!) Which leads us to this...

Split scene with Kirsten and Sandy, Ryan and Seth, discussing the consequences of Seth coming clean about the Newport Group. Sandy knows the truth but doesn't know how to confront, Seth is AGAIN confronted with telling the truth about something he did or lying like the lying lying liar that he has always been.


Ryan steps out to get the car which is down the block outside the house they scoped...which in realville would have been staked out by the cops. Instead it's staked out by perp #2 Volchock. HE tells Ryan he ditched the Benz and needs some get away cash to get out of town and tells Ryan he will bring him down with him for stealing the $120,000 car. Volchock also floats out the idea of disappointing Ryan's Mom when she gets into town...hey guess what Ryan you're the sucker again and it's all because of Marissa. Dumbass.

Phantom Planet sings us in. By the way if you want an autographed poster of the band I have one laying around...long story.


The girls are setting up for graduation. Marissa, Summer, and Taylor are rehashing Prom night. Taylor is worrying about her valedictorian speech. Summer snarks that Taylor needs to get "leid". Taylor comes back with not so subtle innuendo that her Korean Take Out date and his Korean Take out friend enjoyed as Taylor called it a "Korean barbecue"...she says other stuff...I'm stunned that in the 00's high school girls would be so open and flippant about an inter-racial threesome. Looks like I picked a shitty time to be in high school...and Asian for that matter.
Meanwhile Julie, former Queen of Awesomeness drops by with a surprise package from the often punched in the face Jimmy Cooper. It's for Marissa and it's flat so it's not a bomb. Damn.

Dawn arrives at the Cohen residence fresh from Albuquerque. She's alone, with no Sam Elliot look-alike...sadly Slutty Waitress didn't make it either. Dawn is sober so she may not be mentioned again this recap because sober Dawn is boring.

At the Roberts' residence Caitlin Cooper arrives for graduation. She says she's in town to ask Dr. Flashdance (Micheal Nouri, onscreen paramour of Steelworker-Dancers) Newport's Nip/Tuck guy if she can be rewarded for "turning her B's to A's" as in grades by having her potential step dad turn her "A's to B's" as in boo-B's. Once again High School at the wrong time. Dr. Flashdance flounders and Caitlin lets him off the hook. HAH. Anyway she's in for graduation and she may not get mentioned again this recap because "just in for graduation" Caitlin is boring.

One of my favorite elements of the show which they have neglected for almost two seasons is the father-son relationship between Sandy and Seth. I mean when they were ON they kicked Jimbo and Brandon's Minnesota Walsh asses! Any they have nice pre-graduation scene where Seth asks Sandy not to do the following cheer...complete with rocker hand
"Check out my boy Cohen, can you believe how he's growin', the competition away he's blowin'" Awesome! Hard to believe that it was once a spontaneous cheer though. Seth and Sandy hug. Seth's like oh by the way...I burnt down your business smokin' a j. Sandy is impressed by Seth growing a spine, so there's no ass whoopin' only more huggin'.

Summer and Marissa discuss Marissa's dad for a bit. Apparently Jimmy the thief is sailing yachts for rich people now and he wants Marissa to join him, working as a laborer. I was hoping she would say my dad owes some guy lots of money so he's selling me into slavery, but no luck. Damn. Marissa whines that she has nothing else and would rather peel potatoes than stay and see everyone else move on. Summer gives her blessing and makes her promise to sail to Rhode Island. More hugs.

Volchock and Heather-Train. Engineer Heather calls him on the fact that he's still hung up on Marissa. Apparently he has to see her before he becomes Bandito Volchock after he crosses the border. I sense the crazy coming on.
Graduation scene. Ryan gives Marissa his blessing about the year at sea. Ryan offers to drive her to the airport and says that he wants to make sure she really stays gone because I can't keep getting sucked into your pathetic drama forever. No wait that's actually me saying it. He does say he wants to be the last one to say goodbye...if this were Grey's Anatomy the drumbeats of doom would be playing.

The actual graduation happens and like any graduation that isn't yours, it's completely a snore.
The Cohens and the Roberts have a nice graduation sitdown dinner. It's one nice last moment before the cast shakeup that has to happen after this season...since they can't all go to OC U. can they? Marissa tells Julie she's leaving. Caitlin says she's staying. Julie gives her a Marissa a pearl necklace...heh

Ryan's graduation gift is a car from Dawn. It's really cool old Land Cruiser (I think) and Ryan totally appreciates it like he's totally forgotten he's driven three different $90,000 Range Rovers on the show.

Taylor says her goodbyes to Summer and Seth...sadly there's no threesome.

Volchock calls Marissa on her cellphone. She answers it and says she's never speaking to him again even though she totally could have just looked at the caller ID and not answered. Volchock says he needs to see her one last time or he'll spill the beans on Ryan. Sadly, the cell phone does not explode and kill Marissa in the face. Damn.
Marissa and Ryan decide to get out of one last jam together. You know they ONLY episode that the adventures of Ryan and Marissa didn't leave me in a blinding rage was the one where they went to LA and rescue go-go dancer Hailey out of the club. Seriously, this better not suck.

Dan leaves. Sandy makes sure that Seth is cleared with the D.A. and visits his old Public Defender's office which he realizes he misses. Seth gets the RISD acceptance. Marissa and Julie bury the hatchet about screwing Marissa's boyfriends both figuratively and literally. They have a hug. Sandy and Kiki talk about being empty nesters and all the sex they'll have. Ryan gets some money for giving a pawn shop guy a pearl necklace. He gives Volchock the money but cock blocks him from talking to Marissa. Caitlin says she's staying so she can rule Harbor.

The kids spilt up from everyone for one last hangout. Marissa decides to take them to the model home where they first bonded until Ryan burned it to the ground. They actually splash around in the pool and have fun and act like kids. Strange concept for this show. Sadly, Marissa does not crack her head on the side of the pool and drown. Damn.

They snack on In and Out Burger. I'll bet Ryan gets his monster style. That's how the cool kids roll. They talk about what would it be like if Ryan had never moved there. Seth would still be virgin dork. Summer would have stayed shallow instead of totally ruling! Sadly, I think Marissa would have been Marissa. Summer admits that she had the hots for Ryan but it was "EW" when she found out he was from Chino. Ryan replies with an excellently delivered "Biotch!" They have to leave...more hugs.

Marissa and Ryan share a tender moment in the poolhouse. She FINALLY apologizes for everything. Sadly, Ryan does not take a gun and shoot her in the tummy. Damn. As they leave it turns out Volchock has been waiting the whole time.

Seth tells Summer that he got into RISD in for the winter semester. They then mess around in a cardboard box.
On the ridiculously barren drive to the airport Volchock's van pops out and he tries to ram Ryan's car off the road. Volchock has been taken over by the Crazy.
Crazy Volchock yells for them to pull over. Like they can hear him going 80 miles per hour. The Van is totally owning the Land Cruiser in this fight. I actually yell more than once "SLAM THE F'N BRAKES RYAN!!!" I then punched myself in the face so it's all good. More ramming more screeching. More yelling to stop and lookout. Sadly, Ryan's car doesn't flip over and critically injure Marissa. Wait ... IT SO DOES!!!!!
OMG OMG OMG!!!! Ryan smashes out the windshield and drags Marissa out. So what if it was the driver's side that was smashed in? Ryan's okay and Marissa isn't. Could this be finally happening. Ever since I yelled to Oliver "Shoot her! Dammit, shoot her!" I've been praying for this moment. It looks like it might actually be happening!!! Car on fire. Leave her in RYAN!!! He doesn't but he carries her out and we're reminded onscreen of all the other times he's carried her prone body like that. Tijuana, that one time, the other time...don't care she might be dead!!!!
A cover of "Hallelujah" plays in the background just like the end of season one. Now a good cover of "Hallelujah" is enough to give me chills, but I am absolutely covered in goosebumps right now. Ryan wants to get help but Marissa splurgles that she wants him to stay. Flashback to season one. More "Hallelujah" and then Marissa dies.
R.I.P. Marissa. May the afterlife be filled with guys from the wrong side of the tracks whose lives you can fuck up. Great season finale to save an otherwise miserable season.

Tags: The OC, TV