Lost: Enter 77

Not as much fun as last week, but still better than anything involving Super Jack.

Sawyer is chillin' on the beach, and the Lostaways extras enter carrying a ping-pong table.

Ping-pong table? Yeah, I'm confused too. Apparently Jin found it in the jungle -- it got blown out of the imploded Hatch.

Sawyer asks about the implosion explosion, but Hurley doesn't have any answers. "Look, Dude, all I know is the sky turned purple. After that I don't ask questions. I just make myself a salad and move on."

Like it makes any *less* sense than anything else on this show.

Sawyer asks Hurley if he's seen Kate. Nope, but hey -- ping-pong table!

Paulo wanders by with a magazine from Sawyer's stash. I'm convinced Paulo is an extra that just refuses to go away. Maybe a crew member who keeps randomly wandering into shots.

Sawyer's still pissy about his stash being stolen when he was off chewing fish biscuits. Paulo tells him if he wants his shit back, then come and take it.

Kate, Sayid, Locke and Rousseau have been following the directions of Eko's stick for two days. Sayid wants to stop, have a fruit snack, and re-evaluate this incredibly stupid idea.

Wandering through the jungle, Sayid hears a noise, and finds ... a cow? Like a moo cow? WTH?

Hey -- it's weird, but he may have just stumbled into what this show needs -- MORE COWBELL!!!!

Sayid hears a whistle. The cow is trained to follow a whistle? Can you train cows? Anyway, Sayid and the moo cow follow the noise and find a little farm, and a little farmhouse, and a creepy one-eyed guy. Yep -- it's Patchy.

Gee, we first saw ol' Patchy three episodes ago, and I'd already forgotten him.

Sawyer watches the Lostaway ping-pong team get ready for their first big game. One problem though -- no ball. Sawyer's got balls (ba-dum-dum) but in exchange, he wants his stash back.

Nikki protests, but why in the hell do we care what she thinks? Who is she again?

Sawyer offers to play 'em for his stash. Their best player against him, one match, winner take all. Jin and Sun talk amongst theirselves in Korean. Apparently their English immersion lessons are a bust.

Sun makes the bet: If Sawyer wins, he gets his stash back. If he loses, he can't give anyone a nickname for a week. Since Sawyer's nicknames are one of the only amusing parts of this show, I'm rooting for the hillbilly.

Sayid and Locke study the farmhouse, which has a big satellite dish on top. Sayid says a dish that big could broadcast for thousands of miles, but Rousseau says its not the radio tower she saw before.

Of course it's not, Frenchie -- you saw a radio tower. This is a farmhouse that gets Dish Network.

Sayid gives up his gun, and says he's going to go talk to Patchy, because Iraqis with a penchant for torture are always the first people you send as diplomatic emissaries.

Rousseau's all "Seacrest OUT!" and she leaves. She's survived this long by not messing around with weird guys in eyepatches -- why should she start now?



Flashback!

Sayid is choppin' broccoli ... choppin' broccoli! at a restaurant. Another guy tells him that there's a rich dude out front who wants to talk to him.

Sayid makes small talk with rich dude, who really liked his dinner. Sayid introduces himself as "Najeif," and says he's from Syria. Liar.

Rich dude, who's name is Sami, isn't buying it. He knows Sayid is Iraqi, because he is too. He wants Sayid to come work at his restaurant, and offers to double his salary.

On the Island, Sayid walks towards the house, gets distracted by a kitty cat, and Patchy shoots him. Some commando. Patchy's screaming about how he didn't violate the truce and how the Others said he could stay and Sayid's all "stupid a-hole -- you shot me!"

Patchy comes out of the farmhouse, and Locke and Kate charge in shooting like A-Team extras. Is there a massive Dharma ammo dump on this Island? Why doesn't anyone ever run out of bullets?

Patchy, who is wearing a Dharma uniform, drops his rifle and surrenders. He tells Kate his name is Mikhail Bakunin, and that he's the last surviving member of the Dharma Initative.

Locke checks out the farmhouse, which isn't a farmhouse at all, but a large, well-equipped station -- it's The Flame. Mikhail offers to check out Sayid's wound, saying that he was with the Soviet Army in Afghanistan and got some field medicine experience there. Besides -- he's the only guy who knows what shelf the first aid kit is on.

Sayid wants to hear Mikhail's story. Locke and Kate are bored, so they rummage around. Locke finds a manuscript written in Russian, with red editor's marks. Is that supposed to be significant? I don't read Russian. Kate finds a fridge chock full of meat.

Patchy says he grew up in Kiev, and then joined the army and was assigned to a listening post. After the Cold War ended, his unit was decommissioned. Out of a job, he answered a classified ad and ended up working for Dharma. He's been on the Island for eleven years, and the Flame is designed to be Dharma's link to the outside world, hence the big satellite dish.

Locke finds a computer room, with a game of chess up on the screen. He starts to play.

Patchy tells Kate and Sayid that the Dharma folks were wiped out because the started a war with the Others, and that the Others kicked their asses. He survived because he didn't fight. After the battle was over, Patchy says the Others swiped two of his moo cows, and told him he could stay if he didn't leave the valley. He says the Others didn't care about the satellite dish because it hasn't worked for years.

Flashback!

Sayid goes into a restaurant. The Eiffel Tower is in the background -- OK, we're in Paris. Sami's there with some men, and he and Sayid make small talk.

Sami's wife, Amira, enters, and he introduces her to Sayid. Her arms are badly scarred. One of the men at the table asks her if she's sure Sayid is the one, and when she says she is, they proceed to stomp his ass. Guess she didn't like his cooking.

Patchy sews up Sayid's arm and talks to the cat, who he calls Nadia. (Same name as Sayid's honey/torture victim) Then he offers them some iced tea. He's very pleasant, for a freaky one-eyed hermit.

Patchy checks on Locke, who's losing to the computer. He tells him not to bother -- he's been trying to beat the computer for a decade, but the computer cheats. Locke starts another game.

Kate doesn't understand why the Others would let Patchy stay. Sayid explains that it's very simple -- Patchy's not Dharma, he's an Other. Kate's ready to rumble, but Sayid tells her to wait -- Patchy's not alone.

Now playing for the Lostaway Ping-Pong team ... Hurley! He asks if there's going to be a mercy rule -- if he's ahead by eleven points, Sawyer will give up. Sawyer says sure, and even lets Hurley serve. Hurley easily wins the first point. The Lostaways cheer.

Patchy serves tea. Sayid asks him about the big wires outside the farmhouse, and he says the run to the different stations, and one runs to an underwater beacon for the submarines. Patchy says Dharma had a sub, but that he expects the Others have smashed it by now.

Sayid tells Kate that explains how the Others snuck around them and stole the sailboat. Patchy perks up, but Sayid says they lost the sailboat to the Others -- he's just glad they got to kill one of them.

Game's over -- Patchy pitches the tea at Sayid. He and Sayid rumble, and Kate kicks him and points her gun at him, although she probably can't get a shot off without hitting Sayid. Patchy surrenders again. Patchy is a wimp.



Flashback!

Sayid wakes up in chains. Sami comes in with a magic murder bag and a bowl of water, which he gives to Sayid.

Sami asks him if he was a torturer for the Iraqi Republican Guard, and if Sayid recognizes his wife -- she was one of his victims. Sayid plays dumb.

Sami says his wife was accused of hiding an enemy of the state, and was tortured for three months. And he knows Sayid did it.

Sayid admits he was in the Republican Guard, but says that he's never seen Amira before, and that he didn't torture her -- maybe she saw him in the hall?

Yeah, sounded dumb to me, too.

Sami says Amira recognized Sayid at a glance, and that Sami wants Sayid to admit what he did. If he doesn't, he's gonna get chopped up into bits.

In the Flame, Sayid ties Patchy up. He tells Kate and Locke that there's a horsey outside, and its saddle is for someone much shorter than Patchy. That person must still be at the station. He thinks the Others sent someone out here to check on things when the sky went purple and they lost communications.

Locke, who's been sitting on his butt playing chess, says there can't be anyone here -- he's searched the place. Sayid throws back the rug to reveal a trap door.

Flashback!

Sami and Amira visit chained-up Sayid, and ask if he's ready to admit he's been a bad boy. Sayid denies it again, and Sami smacks him with a stick a couple of times. Amira stops the beating and says that's enough for today.

Sami gives one of those "I'm gonna make you bleed" smiles and says he'll see Sayid tomorrow.

Kate and Sayid explore the basement, which is filled with plastic explosives. Nifty. Sayid finds the Dharma operations manuals.

Locke is supposed to be watching Patchy, but sits down and starts playing chess again! OK -- when did Locke turn dumb?

Locke wins his damn chess game, and looks very happy. The game disappears, and there is a video of the guy in the Dharma training video. He says "Manual override achieved. For pallet drop, enter 204. For station uplink, enter 32. For mainland communication, enter 38."

Locke enters 38 and the guy says, "The satellite dish is inoperable. Communications are down. For sonar access, enter 56."

Locke enters 56, but the sonar is down too. "Has there been an insurgent of this station by the hostiles? If so, enter 77."

Locke is about to enter the numbers when Mikhail comes up behind him and puts a knife to his throat. Did I mention that Locke has a chronic case of stupid??

Kate gets attacked from behind and loses her gun. Guess that case of stupid is contageous. Sayid breaks up the fight, and covers the attacker with his gun.

Kate recognizes the attacker as one of the Others who was at the dock when she and Jack were captured, and socks her one. They take her upstairs, only to find Locke being held hostage by Patchy. Mexican standoff?

Everyone shouts a lot, and Patchy and Other chick argue in Russian. Sayid tells them to shut up and Other chick yells "Just do it!" Guess she thought she was in a Nike commericial?

Patchy shoves Locke away and shoots Other chick, killing her. Locke grabs the gun. Patchy head butts Locke, but then gets beat down by Sayid. Patchy surrenders *again* and tells Sayid to kill him.

Hurley apologizes for beating Sawyer so bad at ping-pong. Sawyer says he got hustled. Hurley starts to explain he played a lot of ping-pong in the mental institution, but stops. He gives Sawyer some of his magazines back, because he says Sawyer is a guy who needs stuff.

Sawyer asks if Hurley's gonna psychoanalyze him, but Hurley tells him not to worry about Kate -- she's with Locke and Sayid and she'll be OK. He starts to give Hurley a nickname, stops, and tells him to get bent.

Locke goes back to the computer, and enters 77.

Sayid calls for Rousseau, and asks Patchy if he ever was a part of Dharma. Patchy says he wasn't part of Dharma, but the rest of the story was true -- he moved into the Flame after "the purge."

Rousseau wants to know if Locke and Kate are dead. She doesn't have much confidence in this bunch of jokers. Sayid says they're gathering useful stuff from the Flame, and that now they have a map to the Others' subdivison.

Patchy says he's gonna kill Sayid the first chance he gets, and Rousseau says they should kill him first.

Flashback!

Amira enters Sayid's cell with a big gray kitty. She says that when she and Sami arrived in Paris, she was afraid to leave their apartment. So she would sit at the window and watch the cat. One day a bunch of kids caught the kitty and started to torture it, so she had to leave her apartment and rescue it.

Kitty loves Amira, but once in a while it will forget it is safe and bite or scratch her. But she forgives it, because she knows what it is like not to feel safe, too. And all she wants from Sayid is that he admit what he did.

Sayid admits that he tortured her, and that he's sorry. They both cry, and Amira forgives him.

She says that she's letting him go. Sayid wants to know why, and she says she won't be like the children who tortured her cat.

Sayid refuses to kill Patchy.

Locke and Kate come back -- Kate has flashlights and supplies. Locke's got nothing but stupid.

Sayid asks him what he was doing and he says playing chess. The Flame blows up in a big boom. Sayid's like "OMGWTFBBQ?" and Locke says the computer said to enter 77, so he did. Locke's case of stupid is terminal.

As they leave, big gray kitty watches Sayid. I don't know what happened to the moo cow.