Lost: Catch 22

I don't know what to think about this one. It had it's moments, but I hope the story isn't becoming mired in another wayward plot.

But no Others were present except Juliet. And that's cool, because they've gotten way, way too much screentime this season.


Desmond, Charlie, Jin and Hurley walk through the Jungle in the rain, while Charlie and Hurley argue about who's faster, Superman or Flash.

(Seriously -- we don't even need to have this discussion. Everyone knows that a post-Crisis Flash would stomp Supes if both of them had to remain on the ground. End of story.)

Charlie's still raving about his love of Superman when he steps on a wire. One "WTH?" later, and he's perforated through the neck with an arrow. Dang, that looks like it hurt!

Desmond says he's sorry, and Charlie dies.



Desmond sees flashes of Hurley picking up a cable buried in the sand, then something blinking in the sky, then the picture of him and Penny. He sees Jin and Charlie holding a parachute, and someone's feet hanging. He hears Charlie talk about Superman. He sees Penny's face.

The flashes stop. Desmond is on the beach with a fishing pole. Charlie's alive. Des drops the pole like it's hot and goes running to find Hurley and ask him where the wire is.

Hurley asks if Desmond got into the bad mushrooms, or if this has to do with his juju. Yeah, it's juju -- and Desmond says someone's coming.



Flashback!

Desmond is reading the Bible in a small, bare room, when a monk enters with clothing for him.

The monk says that candidates for the monastery are tested with a vow of silence. Some for a week, some for a month, and some even longer. He never thought Desmond would last, but he did. The monk welcomes Desmond as one of his brothers.



Desmond and Hurley go see Jack and make some small talk. Desmond wants to borrow a first aid kit.

Jack offers to look at what's ailin' him, but Desmond says he's taped plenty of ankles and he can take care of it himself. Perplexed, Jack gives him the kit.

Hurley wants to know who's gonna get hurt. Desmond says its just a precaution. Riiight, Juju Boy.

Hurley says that if he's going to take Desmond to the wire, he wants to know why. Desmond fesses up that he saw flashes of a sequence of events. Hurley taking him to the wire was the first one. If he tells Hurley what comes next, it will change it, and the event won't happen.

Hurley thinks that's what they're trying to do -- prevent something bad. "Not this time," Desmond muses, as he sees himself kissing Penny.



Sawyer goes to Kate's tent, looking for a little sugar. In a shot for Lost fanboys everywhere, we get to see Kate's black thong panties as she pulls up her jeans.

Sawyer asks Kate if she told Jack about the two of them, be he's more interested in her tits than the answer. Kate says she didn't, but that he knows anyway -- he saw them in the Others cameras.

Since the cat's out of the bag, Sawyer suggests Kate give him a little afternoon delight. She shoves him out of the tent.

"What?" Sawyer says. "You need me to make you a mix tape?"

BEST LINE EVAR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



Desmond tells Hurley that Jin has to go along on their little trip, but he doesn't know how to convince him.

Hurley tells Desmond to "watch the master," and strolls over to Jin. A few seconds later, we hear Jin say "camping?" You know, sleep under the stars, have a campfire -- all the stuff the Lostaways do anyway? But Jin agrees -- the camping trip is a go.

Desmond goes to talk to Charlie, who's suspicious -- is this related to the Visions of Doom? Des says someone's coming, but Charlie doesn't believe that either. Charlie's still pissed about being told he's gonna die, but when Des tells him he won't (with another flash of the hobbit getting an arrow in the neck) and that he can bring his guitar, Charlie agrees to go.

Charlie, Desmond, Jin, and Hurley walk along the beach whistling the theme to "Bridge on the River Kwai." Did anyone get an arrow in the neck in that that movie?

Hurley and Jin uncover the wire that runs into the Jungle, and Hurley points out that the last time he followed it, he almost got kabobbed by one of Rousseau's death traps. Desmond says they'll camp for the night.



Flashback!

Desmond and the monk are putting wine bottles into crates, and the monk jokes that Desmond's allowed to talk now.

Desmond asks about the name the monastery uses for its wine -- Moriah. It's the site where Abraham was asked to kill Isaac. Not the greatest analogy to sell some tasty vino.

The monk says that God spared Isaac, and that it was a test, and that maybe Desmond underestimates the value of sacrifice.

Another monk comes in with a guy, and explains that guy arrived at the monastery and said it was urgent that he speak to Desmond.

Guy punches Desmond in the nose, apologizes to the monks and leaves. Desmond bleeds and apologizes to the monks too.



Kate's munching on some oatmeal in the Lostaway's "kitchen" when Jack arrives and starts making himself some food.

Kate bats her eyes, flips her hair and makes small talk about how strange it is to be back on the beach. And OMG, the Queen of the Universe *knows* Jack saw her and Sawyer having hot zoo sex and is trying to pick him up anyway? With oatmeal?

Jack asks to borrow her spoon, and she *licks it* before she gives it to him. Shameless hussy! He says good night and leaves Kate, and her tongue, in the kitchen.

Kate hears giggling and sees Jack and Juliet getting cozy in Juliet's shelter ... with Kate's spoon, even!

Kate stomps into Sawyer's shelter, knocks him down and starts yanking off his pants. He asks if she's crying. She tells him to shut up and do her, already.



Hurley, Jin and Charlie sit around a campfire. Charlie plays his guitar, and Jin tells ghost stories, in Korean, with a flashlight stuck under his chin. Hurley toasts Dharma-brand marshmallows.

Away from the rest, Desmond mopes over his picture of Penny.

Charlie brings Desmond some dinner and asks about the girl in the picture, and how Desmond could leave a bird like that behind.

"Because I'm a coward," Desmond says. "I tried to run away and she tracked me down. 'With enough money and determination, you can find anyone,' she said. Now I see it through different eyes, thinking that she actually meant it, that she never gave up. That maybe she spent the last three years looking for me."

They head the whup-whup-whup of a helicopter, and everyone stops. "Rescue?" Jin asks.
Then the helicopter starts making strange noises, like its going down, and then they hear a splash.

Hurley says they have to go find the crash. Jin sees a blinking light in the sky -- just like the one in Desmond's flash. It's a beacon, like someone ejected from the crash.

Charlie's having none of this nonsense -- Hurley argues they've got to find whoever ejected, because Desmond said someone was coming. Desmond agrees they've got to find her.

Charlie refuses to go into the Jungle at night because of Rousseau's traps. Really, he's one scared hobbit. Desmond argues some more, but then agrees to leave at first light.



Flashback!

Desmond knocks on a door that is opened by the guy who socked him in the nose. Guy tells him to buzz off.

A woman tells guy to let Desmond be, and Des calls her Ruth and says hello.

Inside, they sip tea and make small talk about Desmond being a monk. What Ruth wants to know is why Desmond dumped her a week before their wedding.

He says he had a calling. She says the closest he ever had to a religious experience in the six years they were a couple was when the Celtics won the cup.

Desmond explains that he was scared about the wedding, so he got drunk. He asked God if he was doing the right thing, and that's the last thing he remembers. When he woke up in the street, a monk was standing over him, and said "Can I help you, brother?"

Desmond says that's when he knew he was supposed to leave everything he cared about behind and sacrifice himself to a greater calling.

"Well it's a good thing a bloody shepherd didn't help you or you'd be out with the sheep," Ruth says. "The next time you want to break up with someone, Des, don't join a monastery. Just tell the girl you're too bloody scared."



Juliet hammers something, and she and talk make small talk about how her daddy taught her how to hammer, and Jack's daddy taught him how to drink.

Sawyer walks over. "Hope I'm not interrupting. You two arguing over who's your favorite Other?" Pie I love Sawyer.

Sawyer challenges Jack to ping-pong, joking that if the Lostaways don't play every 108 minutes, the Island will explode.

Sawyer's winning when he asks Jack if it's weird to be back. Jack says Kate said the same thing last night. Sawyer asks if he had dinner with Kate, but Jack says he was with Juliet.

Sawyer wins the game, and Jack asks for the best two out of three.



Desmond, Charlie, Jin and Hurley trudge through the Jungle. Charlie asks for the next flash, and Desmond says there isn't one -- they find the beacon.

Charlie accuses him of lying, and Desmond says that if saving Charlie's life three times won't earn Charlie's trust, nothing will. And Charlie is being a suspicious little shit, even if he's Doomed to Die.

Hurley sits and says he's gotta rest or he's going to have a coronary.

Charlie finds a hula doll, and realizes that it's not Rousseau's, because there's not a giant rock flying at his head. Desmond looks up, sees a black backpack stuck in a tree, and uses Hurley as a stepladder to reach it.

He dumps it out, and they find a copy of Catch 22 in Portuguese and a satellite phone that doesn't work. Desmond opens the book, and finds a copy of the photo of him and Penny.



Sawyer gives Kate a tape -- the best of Phil Collins -- and tells her its her mix tape.

He asks if Kate jumped him last night because she saw Jack cozing up to Juliet. She denies it, and Sawyer tells her "You ain't got to use me, Freckles. All you got to do is ask."

Charlie asks Desmond if he thinks it's Penny who bailed out of the helicopter. He says he'd hoped so, and now he knows so.

Charlie wants to know why he didn't tell them, and Desmond says he couldn't change anything or it wouldn't happen. Charlie wants to know why they'd want to change anything that could lead to Desmond finding his girl and them getting rescued. Desmond agrees reluctantly and it starts to rain.



Flashback!

Desmond is singing and getting drunk on the monastery's wine when the monk finds him.

The monk is hecka pissed -- each bottle is sells for more than 100 pounds, and the monastery has only bottled 108 cases this year.

Desmond jokes that its a good thing the monks have taken a vow of poverty then, but the monk says they've also taken a vow of charity. Monk says that Desmond's not cut out for the monastery.

Desmond offers to take the penance, but the monk says it's gone beyond that -- he's fired. Desmond argues he has a calling, but the monk says God has bigger plans for him, and that he's spent so much time running away that he doesn't realize what he's running toward.

Desmond asks what he's supposed to do now, and the monk says "whatever comes next."



In the rain, the four continue their trek. "Who's Penny?" Jin asks.

"She's a chick Desmond used to date," Hurley says. "He thinks she fell from the sky. So now we're going to go save her life and she's going to get us rescued."

Jin and Hurley stop. Hurley says, "Dude, even if I spoke Korean it wouldn't make any sense."

Less talking and more rescuing! Desmond tells them. Hurley says he's not the Flash.

Charlie and Hurley start bickering about the Flash and Superman ... just like in Desmond's flash. Duh ... duh ... DUH!!!!

Desmond sees the arrow and follows the wire to where Charlie stepped.

"What the hell?" Charlie says.

"Charlie, duck," Desmond says and tackles Charlie. The arrow misses him.

Later, Jin and Desmond argue about where the beacon fell, and they split up to look for it -- Charlie and Des and Jin with Hurley.

Charlie asks Desmond if he knew about the arrow the whole time, and Desmond admits he did.

Charlie asks why Desmond wanted him to come, and he says because Charlie was in the flashes.

Charlie's hecka pissed that Desmond was going to sacrifice him to get Penny back. Desmond says he was supposed to let Charlie die, and he didn't. And he wants to know what good saving Charlie over and over has done. Maybe it's a test, and Desmond has failed.

Jin yells and they run to see a person in parachute gear dangling from a tree. Hurley yells, but the person doesn't respond. Desmond whispers to Penny that he's sorry.



Flashback!

Desmond gives his robe back to the monk, who has a picture of the woman from the jewelry store in his office. Very curious ...

The monk asks Desmond to stick around for a bit and help Brother Martin take some wine into town.

Later, Desmond loads cases of wine into a van while Martin thanks a woman for her family's generous donation to the monastery. It's Penny. Desmond stares at her.



Desmond remembers his first encounter with Penny as he tries to help the parachuter. He climbs up the tree.

"You better drive safe, Miss, this vineyard only makes a limited number of these cases a year."

Desmond pulls a machete from his waistband.

"Is that so?" Penny says.

"Aye. It's because the monks are lazy."

Penny laughs, and Desmond tells her he's an ex-monk -- he got sacked.

Desmond cuts the parachute down.

Penny thinks it's good that he got sacked, because then he can go with her to Carlisle. It's it sacreligious to hit on an ex-monk?

Charlie, Hurley, and Jin hold the parachute and Desmond cuts the ropes and the woman drops into it.

Penny gives Desmond her hand, and a romance begins.

The woman moans. Desmond jumps down. "Get away from her!" He goes to her. "I'm here. I'm here, Penny."

He takes off her helmet. It's not Penny.

"Desmond?" the woman says.