Survivor: Blackmail and Betrayal

Coming back from the Tribal that revealed the Horse Boys as Jackasses, Mookie and Alex come to the brilliant conclusion that Dreamz screwed them. They also realize that they're Dead Survivors Walking.

Gee, ya think?

Dreamz bitches to Stacy about not being told about the vote switch. Stacy manages to convince him that they had to be sure Alex wasn't feeding him "misinformation," but somehow I think that any information that Dreamz gets into his skull becomes misinformation of one type or another. Stacy gets Dreamz to buy this line of B.S., to the point where he says it was a good idea.

Earl gloats about booting Edgardo, and says the power is on the Syndicate's side now. Don't get too comfortable, Earl, or you'll start getting the Evil Edit.

Stacy's happy that she doesn't have to stress, and states the obvious -- Alex and Mookie's days are numbered. "They'll be lucky if they get fed," she snarks, and oh, there's the French press bitch we all learned to dislike. I knew she was in there somewhere.

The next morning, the Horse Boys are still bitching about Dreamz, and say that he should at least come over and apologize. Yeah, because if he does that, you're not going to jump his shit?

Interestingly enough, in a minute or so, Dreamz does wander over, wondering why he can't hang with the Horse Boys no more. So Mookie and Alex jump his shit, accusing him of screwing them over. Dreamz claims they were *all* outwitted, but then admits to voting for Mookie, which causes the Horse Boys to melt down again.

OK, I tried to listen to Dreamz's explaination. Twice. It didn't make sense. I'm not even sure it was in my native language. He needs more subtitles.

Dreamz says in confessional that he lied to the Horse Boys about being outwitted, because he needs their votes in the end game. Dreamz makes my head hurt. He's either one of the best Survivor players ever or the African-American Rainman.



Reward challenge time!

The Survivors will be split into two teams. One person in each team will be on a platform launching balls from a big rubber band. The rest of the teams will be on a big muddy field, trying to catch the balls in a "catch basket." First team to catch five wins reward, which is a big basket of product-placement bath and body goodies, and a night in a luxury spa to enjoy them.

Our teams: Orange is Yau-Man, Boo, Cassandra and Mookie. Green is Alex, Stacy, Earl and Dreamz.

Yau-Man launches long. Stacy holds her ball a bit and it bounces in and out of Earl's basket. Boo outgrabs Dreamz to score, and Mookie catches Stacy's ball to put Orange up 2-0.

Someone rags on Earl about missing, and he says "I am physical -- it's the placement of the balls." You know, that statement could be taken entirely the wrong way.

It's all about the balls, baby.

Buncha people miss, and Cassandra's got Earl in a choke hold. Dang, girl! Earl complains to Probst, who says it's up to them to decide how physical to get. Game on!

Dreamz scores for Green. Next toss, Alex and Boo are in a push fight when Boo slips and starts screaming in pain. He can't stand up, and he's rolling around in the mud and grunting that it's his ACL -- ouch!



Probst calls for the medic. Boo stands up, moves the knee around a little and you can actually hear a pop. Owie, owie, owie -- I hate watching stuff like this! He bounces around some more and declares himself ready to play. Boo is hecka hardcore!

Alex makes a point of knocking Boo out of the way of the next ball. Asshat. Dreamz scores. Mookie scores. Dreamz scores -- we've finally found something he's good at.

Stacy shoots one toward Alex, who's tripped from behind by Cassandra. All she's doing is kicking ass! Mookie scores.

Mookie's ragging on Yau-Man to fire the balls his way. Yau-Man shoots a ball at him, but Alex catches it to tie the game.

Boo misses. Dreamz catches *another* ball to win for Green. He rocked this challenge.



Poor hurt Boo gets sent to Exile Island because "he's been living the life of luxury," but I think it was so he could get a chance to find the Hidden Immunity Idol.

Boo's clue (giggle) is that the HII is on Bula Bula's beach, near a single tree and easy to find. Boo admits his knee hurts like hell and that he's nearing heat exhaustion.



On the seaplane to the spa, Alex says he's going to try to "wriggle" back into the alliance. When were you *in* the alliance, idiot?

Everyone soaps up, gets foot massages and has a big dinner. Fun, fun, fun.



Stacy says it's awkward having Alex hanging around. Alex starts talking himself up, saying what a gentleman he is and how he isn't showboating -- if he ever had anything to showboat about, that is.

Stacy snarks "sometimes" in response. She really is a bitch!

Alex asks Earl what the voting order is, but Earl ain't talking. Alex says he thinks Mookie wants to go, and Earl says that’s why he might not go first, because he wants to go first. Nice!



They head back to camp the next morning, and Mookie's bitching about how they smell like apples and strawberries and how he doesn't want to hear about their reward. Mookie hates everyone who ain't Mookie.

Mookie theorizes to Dreamz that Yau-Man has an HII, because Yau-Man hangs around camp a lot and has had time to look for one. Good guess!

So when Yau-Man goes fishing, Mookie and Alex rummage through his stuff and find the HII. That ain't nice! How would you like it if someone was pawing your stinky boxers?

Stacy and Cassandra toast a "long and prosperous" game with pineapples. Do we have a hidden secondary alliance?

Mookie and Alex wander right past Stacy and Cassandra, who duck into hiding. And Mookie's got a plan -- they wait until Tribal, and ask Yau-Man if he's got the HII. When he says no, they force him to turn out his pockets. When people see the HII, they'll get all upset and stuff, and the Horse Boys will get to stay.

What?? I've seen underwear gnomes with better plans!!!

Alex talks about how good it's going to be to go out swinging. Key words in that sentence -- go out. You're still gonna lose, and you still suck.

Stacy shifts and snaps a branch -- yep, just like in a cheesy movie. Whoops!

Alex think he's screwed ... again.

But since he's proven himself to be a sexist, stupid asshat on national television, and he's got other problems outside of that, he should appreciate any screwing he gets.

Stacy admits she and Cassandra couldn't hear what the Horse Boys were saying. Ha!

Plan B! The Horse Boys corner Yau-Man and ask if he wants to tell everyone he's got the HII or if he wants them to do it. Yau-Man's a cool customer, though, and he doesn't get rattled. He tells them to do what they think they've gotta do. Mookie tries to intimidate him, which just makes him even *more* sucktastic, but Yau-Man calmly says he doesn't think it's going to change the game anyway.

Yau-Man tells Stacy the Horse Boys are trying to "blackmail" him. Stacy gets hecka pissed that Mookie and Alex went through Yau-Man's stuff and runs to tell the others. Everyone gets cranky at the invasion of privacy.

Earl's laughing because he realizes that no one's focusing on the fact that Yau-Man has an HII, but he would have liked the information to stay a secret for longer. Dreamz bitches that anyone with an HII is dangerous, so he, Cassandra and Stacy will be on a different level. Poor Boo. Why does no one remember Boo?



Immunity challenge time! I could go into a long, complicated explanation of this game, but they're basically playing Battleship.

Dreamz and Boo choose the exact same squares, with Earl sharing two of them. Weird.

Dreamz fires first, hiting *himself,* Boo and Earl. Way to go, Brainiac. Cassandra hits Yau-Man and herself too -- did someone explain how to play this game to them?

Mookie hits Earl, but not himself. Way to go! Earl hits Alex, Cassandra and Mookie.
Yau-Man hits Boo, Dreamz and Earl, knocking Earl out and making it clear where Boo and Dreamz's last square is. Stacy hits it to knock them both out of the game.

Alex fires a miss. Cassandra whiffs. Mookie knocks out Cassandra.

Yau-Man hits Mookie and Stacy. Alex misses again. Stacy picks a square that was already chosen and misses. Mookie hits Alex, and then gets knocked out by Yau-Man.

Alex hits Yau-Man -- his first hit! Stacy knocks both Yau-Man and Alex out, winning Immunity. She then gets confused and tries to wear the Immunity necklace as an oversized belly ring.



Back at camp, Alex and Mookie chow down on fruit and pout. Alex says he's going out swinging (again), and that he's going to be totally honest (that'll be a first) and point out that people like Yau-Man can't be trusted (WTF?)

Dreamz tells Earl that Mookie should go. Earl points out that Mookie's checked out mentally, and Alex is the bigger threat. Dreamz insists Alex can't win immunity, but there's luck involved. See Stacy and her new belly ring.



Sigh. Boo, I want to love ya, but ... did you hurt your head and not your knee? Boo insists to Earl that Mookie or Alex could have found the rehidden HII, even though Boo's got the only clue.

For some unknown reason, Cassandra and Stacy buy the line of bull, and want to split the vote -- giving Alex and Mookie three votes each. Tie, and then vote out Alex if no HII is played.

Earl and Yau-Man agree this plan is *dumb,* but they agree to it to make the Syndicate happy.

At Tribal, Alex says the physical reward challenge showed how hard people are willing to play, and that the snakes and rats have come out.

Sue Hawk wants her twenty bucks, damnit!!

Mookie whines that there were two alliances, but that the Horse Boys were taken out by backstabbing and trickery. He feels like an outsider. Awww, poor baby.

That coulda been the end of it, but then Mookie keeps babbling and says the Horse Boys could have found a way out of their plight when they "found" the HII in Yau-Man's bag.

Probst does his best wide-eyed shocked face. "You *found* it?" Then he snarks that Mookie and Alex are about as "snaky-ratty" as you can get. Ha!

Yau-Man says his privacy was invaded, but it doesn't matter, because he won't have to use the HII for a few rounds, anyway. Probst tries to push him on that, but Yau-Man is smarter than Probst and he knows it.

Time to vote. So much for going down swinging?

OMGWTFBBQ? Is that Alex voting for Mookie? Smell ya later, Mook!



Next week: Molesting chickens for fun and profit.