Lost: Left Behind

OK, one of the most annoying things on Lost is Kate. I hate her "I'm so special" entitlement issues, I hate her near-constant whine and I hate how everyone and their dog is supposed to be madly in love with her.

But you know what I hate more than Kate? Flashbacks about Kate.

Why can't Kate be the next thing Locke stuffs full of explosives or tosses into the super-deadly security barrier?

Kate's handcuffed in the game room when she sees someone approaching. She grabs a pool cue and hides by the door -- like they're not going to expect some dumb stunt out of her. I would.

Kate takes a swing at Juliet when she enters, but Juliet breaks out her black belt in Other-fu and flips her. The sammich Juliet was carrying smashes to the floor.

Juliet tells Kate she was just bring her something to eat and walks out.



Flashback!

Kate's crappy car craps out in Iowa, and she gets it towed to a gas station where the mechanic tells her it's going to take *three days* to change a fan belt. Where in Iowa is she? No-tools-ville?

Hey! It's Cassidy! Sawyer's old squeeze and con victim is trying, and failing, to do the jewelry scam that Sawyer taught her, and the truck driver she's trying to con says he's going to call the cops.

Kate jumps in and saves her, claiming that the gold chains are real and buying one. After the truck driver walks away, Kate asks Cassidy for her money back.

Cassidy wants to know why Kate helped her, and Kate says something about girl power. Cassidy counters that Kate really didn't want that truck driver to call the cops. She offers to take Kate into town, if Kate buys the first round.



Locke comes into the rec room to tell Kate goodbye and that he's sorry. He's an honorary Other now, and he's leaving with them.

Kate babbles a bunch of stupid questions about Jack and brainwashing.

Locke explains in small words that someone like Kate might understand that he doesn't want to leave the Island. He says that he made a case for her with the Others -- that she was strong, honest and reliable.

Sorry, Locke, but that's dumb. Kate is none of those things.

Locke says that the Others told him who Kate was, and what she had done. And they're not big on forgiveness. He wishes her good luck, and leaves.



Sawyer's chillin' on the beach when Hurley comes by and tries to go all Jason Bourne on him. "Dude, don't look at me and pretend we're not talking."

Hurley says that the Lostaways are spooked after Nikki and Paolo bit the big one and that since Sawyer's kind of a tool, they're considering voting him off the beach. Where's he gonna go -- Exile Island?

Hurley tells Sawyer that if he doesn't want to get banished, he needs to make amends. And since he doesn't do any work around the joint, he should start now.

Sawyer reminds Hurley that he's not allowed to use nicknames for "three days, 10 hours and 15 minutes." So he tells Hurley that he is rotund, annoying and that he should buzz off. He does not use a nickname while doing so.



Do you notice in the screencap here that the credits are *still* running? That's how many people are on this freaking show now. The credits take half the episode!

Kate lies on the floor and eats the remains of her sammich. It doesn't look like a very good sammich -- not grilled, no little toothpicks. Juliet gave Jack much better sammiches.

Someone opens the door to the rec room and tosses a canister inside. It starts filling the room with smoke. Kate covers her mouth and nose with a napkin, coughs a lot, and then passes out. I hope it's fatal.



Flashback!

Cassidy counsels Kate on the fine points of being a fugitive, and asks what she did. Kate acts cute, and then immediately tells a *complete freaking stranger* that she killed her stepfather.

Tell me why the federal marshals haven't been able to arrest someone this dumb?

Kate, who's decided to spill her whole damn life to someone she just met, tells Cassidy exactly how she offed stepdaddy, and that she's in Iowa because she wants to see her mommy, but that the feds are watching mommy's house.

Cassidy, who may be almost as dumb as Kate, immediately offers to aid a fugitive, saying she'll help her find a way to see Mom. Cassidy gets all sappy and says she's doing it because she met a guy who sexed her up and taught her cons, and then dumped her. And that one of them deserves something good.

I guess Cassidy's still a bit bitter about Sawyer giving her the slip.

Kate wakes up in the jungle handcuffed to an unconscious Juliet. I'm beginning to love the Others -- they've got a great sense of humor.



Sawyer decides to fend for himself and tries to fish. He sucks. He sees Sun and Jin nearby with their fishing nets and smiles at Sun, who gives him a dirty look back. I guess you need to apologize, redneck.

"Ain't going to get the Korean vote," Sawyer says to himself.

He catches a big fish and tries to gut it, but gives up and goes to find Hurley and tells him he's ready to try to make amends.

Hurly laughs at Sawyer for smelling like flounder and because he can't gut a fish. Give him a break, Hurley -- do you know how many Survivor contestants never learn how to clean a fish?

Hurley tells Sawyer to apologize for calling him names, which he does, reluctantly. They set off to do good deeds.



Kate tries to slip a knife out of Juliet's pocket without waking her. Geez Kate -- the woman is drugged and handcuffed, and now you're trying to get into her pants?

Juliet wakes up and grabs Kate's wrist. They bicker, realize that neither of them knows what going on, and Kate tries to use the knife to open the handcuffs as Juliet bitches at her.

Juliet says she was making tea when they gassed her. Kate suggests going back to Othersville, but Juliet says no way. Kate gives her shit for being an Other, and says that they've got to go back.



Flashback!

Cassidy, in Kate's clothes and a brown wig, knocks on mommy's door, and is frisked and hauled away by a bunch of federal agents. Kate watches from a distance.

Later, Cassidy comes back to the hotel Kate's holed up in and says that the Thelma and Louise act better be worth it, because the federales are hecka mad. She wants to know why Kate needs to talk to her mom so bad.

Kate says that her stepdad used to beat her mom, so she blew up his house. Made it look like an accident, took out an insurance policy -- mom was set for life. Then she turned Kate in to the police. Kate wants to know why mommy betrayed her.

Cassidy agrees to keep helping her.



Kate's trying to get a trail back to Othersville in the dark. Juliet's pouting -- she wants to hole up until morning and avoid the rain that's coming.

Kate bitches that the rain will wash the trail away and tries to drag Juliet on a nature hike.

Later, they're walking side by side. Time for some bonding. Kate asks why the Others would have handcuffed them together and dumped them and Juliet says Ben likes to play mind games, but she doesn't want to talk about it.

OK, who besides me thinks Juliet's in on whatever Ben's doing and she's a plant just like Ethan was? I don't trust her -- she's like a demented blonde cheerleader turned Goebbels. With sammiches.

When it starts to rain, Juliet refuses to budge and says that she hopes Kate's not dragging her back to Othersville to find Jack.

The Queen of the Universe is all "Excuse me? Are you questioning my brilliant plan to wander aimlessly around the jungle in the dark?"

Juliet snarks that she was there when Jack told Kate not to come back for him, and now Kate's ruined his chance to get home, too.

Technically, Locke did that, but since Kate was the one who brought Locke to Othersville to find the sub ... yeah. She's got a point.

Kate punches Juliet in the mouth. Chick fight!!

OK, two of the "hawt" babes of Lost, handcuffed together, fighting. In the rain. This scene couldn't be more dedicated to fan fiction 'shippers and adolescent boys if they fell into a vat of chocolate pudding.

So they fall to the ground and wrestle around like they're on an old episode of G.L.O.W., getting all wet and muddy. A million screen captures are made. The fight ends when Kate dislocates Juliet's freakin' shoulder, then claims she didn't mean to.

Stomp, stomp, mechanical screams and screeches. Yep, it's old Smokey, and the monster that killed Eko is headed their way. Kate and Juliet drag themselves to their feet and run like bunnies. The monster gets close, flashes lights (but there are no scene flashes in them like before) and then moves away.



Sawyer and Hurley watch Claire care for Aaron. Hurley says that Claire has a lot of influence among the Lostaways, and that if she vouches for Sawyer he'll get to stay.

They banter back and forth about how Sawyer's never done anything bad to Claire and babies. These two play their scenes together very well -- it's entertaining, even if it's not doing a damn thing to advance the plot. Besides, I'm with Sawyer on the topic of babies -- they're loud and smell funny.

Hurley gives Sawyer a blanket and tells him to take it to Claire and show an interest in her kid. Moms love it when you ask about their babies.

Sawyer heads over to Claire and very painfully makes small talk, calling Aaron by name and finally saying that he's not as wrinkly as he was a few weeks ago. Then he claims he doesn't like blankets and gives the one he's carrying to Claire. Hurley gives him the big thumbs-up.



After the monster leaves, Juliet and Kate pick up their bitch fest right where it left off, only now, Juliet gets to complain about her shoulder, too. She tells Kate to help her pop it back into its socket.

Kate refuses, which is kind of bitchy of her, considering she was the one who dislocated it. Juliet whines that it hurts, and that if it wasn't for Kate, she and Jack would be on the submarine home.

Kate pouts, then proves she's a moronic, self-centered wench by saying Jack told her not to come back for him to "protect" her.

Juliet takes an evil glee in popping her balloon. "We have cameras on the cages, Kate. All of them. He saw you. You and Sawyer. The reason Jack told you not to come back wasn't because he didn't want you to get hurt. It was because you broke his heart."

Kate puts on her "I'm so sensitive and hurt" face and helps Juliet with her shoulder.



In the morning, Sawyer and Desmond go boar-hunting, because Sawyer's got hearts and minds to win and people like to eat.

Kate wakes Juliet up and says it's time to start walking to Othersville again.

Flashback!

Cassidy dumps a bowl of chili on Kate's mommy at the diner where she works. When Mommy goes to the bathroom to clean up, Kate's waiting.

Mommy asks Kate why she shouldn't shout for the fed waiting outside, but Kate's all "Why don't you love me? I'm super-special!"

Mommy says she thought Kate had come to apologize for killing her husband in cold blood. Kate says she won't apologize, because stepdaddy was a bad man. Mommy says she loved him, and that you can't help who you love.

Mommy tells Kate if she ever sees her again, she'll turn her into the feds.



Kate and Juliet trudge through the jungle, and Kate's still trying to prove that she's loved by all, especially Jack. She claims Juliet doesn't understand him.

"I know where he was born. I know what his parents did for a living. I know that he was married and who he was married to and why he got a divorce. I know how his father died. I know his height, his weight, his birthday and his blood type. What do you know about him, Kate?"

OK, you can google. What does that prove, Juliet?

Kate hears the monster again and tells Juliet to run. They run, but fall into a convenient mud pit. The adolescent boys rejoice.

They get up and run some more, but Kate stops when they get to the security barrier that fried Patchy.

The monster gets closer. Juliet pulls the handcuff key out of her pocket, unlocks it and runs to a keypad on the barrier. Girl had the key the entire time? I told you she was up to no good!!

Kate stands and looks stupid for a while. The monster gets closer. She finally moves onto Juliet's side of the security barrier. The monster leaves before it crosses the security barrier.

Kate gets pissy that Juliet had the key. Juliet says that she'd been left behind by the Others, and that she thought if she could make Kate think they were in it together that she wouldn't get left behind again.



Sawyer serves up tasty pig to all the Lostaways. He asks Charlie to remember this at the vote, but Charlie's all "what vote?"

Sawyer confronts Hurley for running the lamest con in history -- he tricked Sawyer into being a decent person. Dude -- you're the one who fell for it!

Hurley asks him if it was nice being nice, and says that with Jack, Locke and Sayid gone, the Lostaways are looking to Sawyer to be their stand-in leader. "When Paulo and Nikki died, we all looked to you. Then again, you did try to steal the diamonds, but we wanted to look to you. Look around, you made everyone happy. Just for today, they can eat boar, laugh, and forget that they're totally screwed. And you did that for them, Dude, you."

Sawyer says he doesn't want to be the leader, and Hurley says Jack didn't either.

Happy music montage! Sawyer looks around at everyone eating and having a good time. Sawyer makes a plate and Hurley takes it to Desmond. Sawyer gives Claire a plate and takes Aaron. He looks over and smiles at Sun, but she doesn't smile back.



Kate and Juliet arrive at Othersville. Juliet says she knows where Sayid is, and that Kate should go get Jack.

Jack's unconscious on the floor of his smashed-up house. WTH? Kate and Juliet woke up a day ago, had a chick fight, ran from the monster and had bonding time. Jack's still asleep? Did he get the super-duper knockout gas?

Kate cries and apologizes to Jack for ruining his chance to go home. Jack ignores her apology and asks her where Juliet is.

Face it Kate -- he's just not that into you!

Flashback!

Kate thanks Cassidy for her help and offers to help her get revenge on the guy who dumped her. Cassidy declines -- she's pregnant, the baby is Sawyer's and she still loves him.

Kate says Cassidy should call the cops on him, but Cassidy asks her if she'll ever forgive her mom. Kate tells Cassidy her real name and leaves.



In Othersville, Jack and Juliet sorta nuzzle. Sayid says he's looked around and there are no weapons and no trail -- it's like the Others vanished.

Jack suggests they take whatever looks useful and leave for the beach before the sun sets. Sayid says Juliet can't come along. Jack says she's going to -- the Others left her behind too. So the unmerry band sets off for home.

Why does no one listen to Sayid? He was right about Ben. He was right about Michael. He's gonna be right about Juliet, and he's probably going to end up going Republican Guard on her ass. I hope he finds a reason to torture Kate too.