The Rant: Grindhouse

Aight suckas, let me get this out of the way first. Grindhouse is an ass kicking rollercoaster of a movie that if you have any plans of seeing at all, you MUST see it at the movie theater! It's another event movie, where the crowd's reactions are an essential part of the Grindhouse experience. This goes double for Quentin Tarantino fans. Very few directors make movies that evoke the kind of laughs,cheers, or uneasy noises. Grindhouse is no different. In "Planet Terror" and "Death Proof" along with the fictional trailers, Rodriguez and Tarantino have created an exploitation-celebrating, house party jam. They throw everything, and I mean EVERYTHING at you (even a B.J. McKay and a Hooper reference). The best way to enjoy something like this is to be there with as many people as you can.

As usual this is not a review, just some impressions. I'll do my best to avoid spoilers, but I'll throw the warning out anyway.

The double feature is framed with seventies graphics and movie ads so immediately you know you'll be stepping into an alternate universe. The feature presentation music (the same that was used in the Kill Bill movies) will probably stay in your head for days.

The pace for Grindhouse is set perfectly by the fictional Machete trailer which is a nitrous shot of guns, knives, decapitations, explosions, and titties. It's the perfect setup for the world you'll be in for the next three and a half hours.

I never thought I'd ever say this, but the world needs more Rose McGowan movies. She was absolutely smokin', even with the machine gun leg.

Freddie Rodriguez's El Wray has one of my favorite character traits. He's supposedly some mysterious badass whose name, once revealed, immediately demands respect, admiration, and/or fear. Kinda like how every hood in Beverly Hills knew Dylan McKay. In this case it's due to intentionally lazy storytelling, but still I loved it.

Nobody plays overwhelmed and eventually doomed cop/soldier/savior from the future better than Michael Beihn. Nobody. His death scene is Planet Terror is "can it, cracker it, and call it a snack" good.

My favorite plot device in "overrun by monsters" movies is the break in the action where the protagonists have found momentary safety and after they catch their breaths, assess their situation, they decide that NOW is the best time to do the hibbidy dibbidy. Try setting up that scenario the next time you have a chance to get clam...it works!

Of all the gore and body parts abound in Planet Terror, it was the Marley Shelton scene with her hand in the car door handle that made me turn my head. Seriously, I could handle all the various forms of castration in the movie, but a broken wrist is the thing that almost sends me to Pukesville. Go figure.

Fergie Ferg is in the Grind Hiz-ouse! We get to hear her talk without her affected street voice and its refreshing. What happens to her though ain't so flossy flossy. I guess her Daddy should have told her more than "If you ain't got no money, take your broke ass home."

It's in the trailer so it's not so much a giveaway, but the El Wray scenes shooting zombies while riding a pocket bike are just priceless.

Seriously, without any salacious intent, I want to see more of the Crazy Babysitter Twins!

It was strange seeing a legit Rob Zombie trailer at the beginning of Grindhouse (Halloween) and a fictional Rob Zombie trailer (Werewolf Women of the SS) during changeover from Planet Terror to Death Proof. If you held the two together out of context could you tell the fictional one apart from the real? And yes I would believe that Nicholas Cage would play Fu-Manchu.

Out of the fake trailers I liked "Don't" the best. I always found the movies where they tell you exactly where death is like "The People Under the Stairs" kinda silly.

I'm writing this over a two day period. I wanted to let "Death Proof" soak in for awhile, because in the the theater I was actually fidgeting during the first twenty minutes or so. I was over stimulated from what I saw in "Planet Terror" and I was going nuts during all the female shit talking.

Halfway through "Death Proof" I found myself rooting for Kurt Russel. Not because he's right or anything, but because he does such an awesome job with this role. You can't help but pull for him. I find myself doing this with certain actors like Christopher Walken and Kevin Spacey.

At some point it will hit you that Kurt Russell is totally getting owned by Mimi and Joanne from "Rent". I had "Take Me Baby or Leave Me" in my head during a good portion of chase scene.

"Death Proof" tends to hammer home a theory about women I've had for a long time. Women are more likely to fuck with someone else's ride than men. You know all that car bashing you see in the previews? It's not even those chicks' car!!! The whole second part of the movie was centered around Zoe Bell conning some local rube into letting her drive a 1970 Dodge Challenger under the premise that she was going to buy it. When she does get to drive it she decides to fuck around on the hood just for shits and giggles. Total disrespect for the car's owner. During the car chase with every sideswipe and ram I'm thinking "Those bitches better be payin for that". Seriously, it really pissed me off and made the heroines of "Death Proof" less sympathetic.

Anyway, after thinking about "Death Proof" the more the choices made sense, but it was really difficult to sit still during all that talky talk.

Tags: Grindhouse