It's rare that I throw a tantrum in grocery store. Okay fine, every few months or so I throw a tantrum in the grocery store, but I'm working on it. Well, I had an honest to goodness. "NO! How could they DO this...but ti ti ti...NO!" moment today in the Asian foods section of my local grocer. I've had a long week so I wanted to treat myself to my favorite dish. "PAJ's Ground Beef and Rice". So, I was gathering the three main ingredients and I'm looking in the sauces section, when my eye which is trained to see this:
Instead gets an eyeful of this:
THEY F'N CHANGED THE LA CHOY SOY SAUCE BOTTLE! The ridges on the bottle are fucking gone! The La Choy bottle has had ridges my entire life and now they are gone JUST LIKE THAT. My culinary sentimentality is in hyperdrive right now. I mean, I bleed La Choy and I feel like my loyalty has been betrayed. It really isn't just about aesthetics either. It was effective, practical, packaging and they had to go and fuck it up.
I swear you don't know how many times I've asked friends or significant others to pick up some soy sauce for me. After saying, "Paj, I am not the Mayor of your shit" they ask, "What kind?" I say "La Choy" and they respond with an I'm-intimidated-by-anything-ethnic-I-can't-read-a-label-with-six-goddamn-letters "Huh?" Then I clarify, "the bottle with the ridges" and then they say "Okay."
What the fuck did they replace it with? A smooth bottle with Chinese characters. Oh yeah, that's really distinctive packaging for SOY SAUCE motherfuckers!!!!! What, a dragon or chopsticks was too much trouble?!?! How about next you add a goddamn bowl of rice...FUCK!!!
This is such BULLSHIT!!! Right, you might not think this is a big deal, but how the hell am I gonna make sure that my next dumb-ass girlfriend doesn't come strolling' home with a bottle of punk-ass Kikoman???? That's a blowup just waiting to happen with me and my hypothetical girlfriend. I can just see it now, I get pissed off, she cries and I have to pull the Tim Meadows doing Ike Turner "I'm sorry, baby...I didn't mean it" which I loathe...and it's ALL YOUR FAULT LA CHOY!!!!
What am I supposed to do, keep the last bottle with ridges that I have and transfer it out of the new bottle with a tiny-ass funnel? I have to fight the battle of Principle vs. Laziness every time I run out of soy sauce now? Fuck you, La Choy!
Seriously, I'll always stand by you, La Choy, but the first time that I'm going to town on a stir fry like Iron Chef Kenichi and that new smooth bottle of La Choy slips out of my hands...mark my words ...it's on beyotch!
Friday, July 21, 2006
La Choy Soy Sauce has a new Bottle
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5 comments:
I thought all soy sauce tasted the same... next time i'll get la choy and see if it's better than the usual kikoman.
I'm not sure if vertical-running ridges would be condusive to extra-gripability. Seems like if they ran horizontally, it would matter.
Anyway, I hope time erases some of the pain of this grevious betrayl and leaves you with only fond memories of your good times with La Choy.
Dude you got this.
You just gotta put the ridges in yourself.
Like say you carry a knife on you and when you are driving home or something you can cut the ridges into the bottle, that way it'll be ready every time you need it.
And there was so much too stuff in that blog I can't even pic out my favorite bit. But the refereceing the "I'm not the mayor of your shit" blog was gold.
Just remember Paj everything has to change eventually it can't stay the same forever!! and uhh.. its Soy Sauce .. I mean I love the stuff to :P, but come on now.. just breath for me hun.. just breath
It's not like you can keep your bottle (which I totally think you should do, btw) and avoid the potentially catastrophic fight that will forever scar your hypothetical relationship. Damn, I've never laughed harder. L
I am SOOOOO with you on this change! I enjoyed the bottle for the sheer ingenious design! How was I to know that the last frikkin' ridged bottle I threw in the recycle bin was THE LAST ridged bottle I would ever see??!! I'm now reduced to emailing all my friends and relatives to check out their current bottle of soy sauce. I WANT A FREAKING RIDGED BOTTLE!!!! Is this TOOOO much to ask??!!??
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