So You Think You Can Dance- The Top 14

Time for another Tortilla Chips and Milk recap of So You Think You Can Dance:

If you missed it last week, Musa and Natalie lost their mojo, Travis and Martha couldn't coordinate, Allison and Ivan shot up the ranks with a hot tango, Benji and Donyelle further cemented their hold on the title of "America's Sweethearts". We lost bad mood Aleks and Ben who had the unfortunate circumstance of not being Dmitry, and not falling off the stage during his solo.

Okay we have two hours for seven couples, does this more quirky backstage footage of the dancers? Longer routines? Oh, I know how about a half an hour of filler crap! You know what would even make the viewer feel even more special? How about you don't even bother to edit a clip specifically for the show, how about you just pick it up from off the cutting room floor, assholes! I mean the dancers don't even do their intros at the beginning of the show it's so blatantly filler! I'm going to watch Hasselhoff now...
(25 mins. later)


Okay finally we get the solo intros and we're ready to go...but wait first we have the return of Lil C and his crew to a Krump number...I think they called it "Let's Scare the Piss Out of the Red States!"

What's so awesome about Lil C doing Krump is that you can't criticize him, because he invented the style. You can like it or dislike it but you can't say it isn;t krump. Krump is whatever he feels like doing. He waves to a buddy, he says it's a krump wave, so it comes to be! Man, I would love to have a style of dance called the Paj and have it sweep the nation. I would go to seminars and dancers much more talented than me would learn a Paj routine, get every move right, then I could throw a tantrum and yell, "WRONG!...this is how you PAJ you hack mofos!" and then do something totally different. Oh man, I've done that daydreaming in print thing again...damn.

Our first couple for the evening is Heidi and Ryan. They rebounded out of the bottom three the previous week with a dance that resembled the African Ant-Eater Ritual from "Can't Buy Me Love" This week they get hip-hop. They aren't all too psyched about it, but to get into the hip-hop feel of things they decide to adopt street names. Seriously. Ryan is Hakeem Smith, Heidi is "Shedawn"? Whatev. We go through the usual "Will the dancer who specializes in style x, be able to perform style y?" scenario. Heidi looks like a cross between Meg Ryan and Reese Witherspoon in the rehearsals, well, if said actresses let inner skeezer out. It's enough to get Shane Sparks to say that "Heidi is a little freaky, a little wild...she been hidin' out" Best line on the show ever.

They're dancing to Afro-Rican? They're still around? Oh shit, its a jam from back in the day! Wow, it's old school freestyle, but they didn't label it such...it's just "hip-hop". It's lots of booty shakin' and the steps are quicker than any of the other hip hop routines I've seen on here. Heidi let's her freaky ass loose so much she looks like Amy Poehler on crack. Ryan...is there. Solid job by him I guess.

The crowd goes nuts. Nigel thought they did an admirable job following the Krump and their personalities showed through. Mary calls Heidi a funky "little white girl" and loved it. Dan thought it looked like a cheerleading routine because they hit everything too perfect. He's kinda right actually, but that really goes to Heidi more than Ryan. I thought it was really fun to watch.


Next, we have Travis and Martha, who have gone from the couple to beat to run of the mill in the last two weeks. Technically, they are probably the strongest pair in the competition, but I find their chemistry and personality lacking when it comes some of the other couples. They get Salsa which should be an opportunity to show some chemistry. Travis isn't too pleased with the choice though, since they've yet to do a ballroom dance.

Ron Montez is the Salsa choreographer who is looking to accentuate the chemistry between the two. They just seem so blah through the rehearsals and really don't seem comfortable with the intimate style of dancing that salsa requires.

They look smooth out there, but something is really missing. Cat compares Martha to Tina Turner. Nigel thought technically they were sound and Martha has a great figure. He thought Travis was too sharp in his movements and that took away from the heat. Mary thought it was fabulous, but Martha's feet were turned in when they should have been turned out. Mary also thought Travis could have been a little more masculine. Hehe. Sorry that was 8 year old me. Dan thought it was hot, and he thought it built through the routine. Snore. Bottom three for me just because of the bland factor.

Now we have Dmitry and his partner of the week. Ashlee is sure that the hat o' doom is going to screw them with ballet, lyrical, or contemporary...and she's RIGHT! Dmitry and Ashlee get assigned to Brian Friedman, who is really going to Sidd and Marty Krofft their asses good.

First both of them are deficient with contemporary, Brian points out that Dmitry has been toxic when it comes to partners. Ashlee jokes (I think) that Dmitry goes to counseling every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday. Brian's story this week is that Ashlee is a doll in a toy store. Dmitry is a rogue magician ringleader from the circus and he uses his magic wand and brings the doll to life. Hmmm... Dmitry's magic wand in a toy store. He wants them both to play crazy. Somewhere Emo Ben is laughing his ass off.

The song their dancing to is "Dance Dance" by Fallout Boy. See this song is kinetic enough that if they screw up a step they can just fake it and no one should be able to tell the difference. The costumes are really not helping them, with Dmitry being made to look like a buffoon and Ashlee looking like a 3 year old beauty pageant contestant. Dmitry does his crazy magician thing and Ashlee does her doll thing and they are actually pretty hot together when they dance. In the most perverted thing I've seen on the show Dmitry freezes Ashlee all bent over with her back arched. What kind of doll and what kind of toy shop is this?

Dmitry carries frozen Ashlee over to the jidges and Cat starts to say something to the effect of "Ashlee do you need Dmitry's wand..." then it tails off. Nigel snarks that we already know Dmitry's a magician since he's made two of his partners disappear. He really protects the pair and says the technique is overshadowed by the entertainment value so screw it. Mary drools over Dmitry again and says they pulled it off. Dan calls them out and says Ashlee and Dmitry didn;t really play their characters. Nigel steps up and says they did what they were choreographed to do. It ends with Nigel and Mary telling Dan to talk to the hand. Okay, I like Ashlee and all, but the shilling has got to stop! Oh yeah, the whole time Ashlee has to go through the judging with her lipstick making her lips look puckered when they weren't. It's really creepy.

Musa and Natalie are next and ready hopefully give the audience some of the steamy goodness that was missing because of last week's quickstep. They get Disco with choreographer Doriana Sanchez, who pretty much defines hit or miss on this show.

They start out modeling for the next Britney Spears giving birth statue. What we see are lots of lifts and spinning and turning and, seriously Natalie is wrapped or being turned by Musa almost every second of this clip. Strangely enough, the "They are so doing it " vibe is gone. Now they are more goofy than anything. Kinda like Britney and K-Fed.

It's disco dancing for a few seconds then it's trick after trick after lift. It's kinda hot but over the top at some points, especially the lift where Natalie pretty much shows off the whole package.

Nigel loved Musa's strength and Natalie filling in the gaps, Mary thought it was "Hot Stuff" like the song. Whooo. Dan said i that if sex sells then they just made a million dollars. Natalie then makes the Dr. Evil motion with her pinky...knock it off! Lots of muggin for the camera on mainly Natalie's part. She's really starting to bug.

Now it's time for Ameriker's Sweethearts Benji and Donyelle. They pick a card out of the hat o'doom. The graphic says Viennese Waltz. Donyelle reads it as Vietnamese Waltz. Oh good lord! I don't think this was planned at all, but do they really need a hook to make them even cuter? The Choreographers then make them waltz and then serve them dog! No, but they are appalled that they didn't know that it was Viennese, so then they waltz and then get served tiny sausages. Once again the choreographers have to find some way to bring the manly side of Benji out. They really drag the Vietnamese joke out way too long.

Benji is patronized by pretty much everyone as they try to make him a man's man. Donyelle even suggests that he hang out with Dmitry all week. Wow way to emasculate your partner like that D. Is it just me or is Benji's act getting tired as well?

They waltz to...oh no Bryan Adam's "Have You Ever Really Loved a Woman." That's it I'm done with them until the songs over really I can't. Don't believe me? It happened during American Idol too.This really isn't my night. For what it's worth it was a fine waltz. Ho Chi Minh would be proud. Holy Crap there's a lot of ssquee-ing from the crowd. Nigel reveals that D, might have a broken toe. He says it was bloody marvelous. Dan said they are the most entertaining couple he has ever...and is drowned out by the squees. They mug for votes by having Donyelle squeeze Benji's pec...yuk.

I've had a week to get over the loss of Emo Ben and I have now decided that the PAJ voting block of one will firmly stand behind Allison and Ivan. I really think they are fun and arguably have the most genuine chemistry of all the couples. Plus, I mean this in the most non-pervy way possible, I could watch Allison dance all day. The hat o'doom gives Ivan, the hip=hop dancer, and Allison the contemporary dancer West Coast Swing. HA! I can just imagine Benji, Heidi, and Dmitry all stomping and huffing in the background, Allison and Ivan take it in stride even though this is their third ballroom dance.

Choreographer Ron thinks Allison and Ivan need to tone it down and dance sleenky. Meanwhile Allison and Ivan are into their second bag of pixie stix. Now Ron does a really underappreciated thing with Ivan. He uses a transition to allow Ivan to do what he would normally do if he were dancing with a girl, which in this case is a hip-hop glide move. This is the sign of a great teacher. He knows that Ivan's talented but intimidated by a different style so he lets him back into his comfort zone. Even if it's for a few seconds, this has got to do wonders for his confidence level. Ron is highly optimistic and says they are going to be one of the best.

They do the swing to Pat Benatar? Oh please let me get that "Love is a Battlefield" shimmy out of my head. Okay, it's the same plan as last week. Ivan don't screw up and let the girl with the millions of tassels shake it and bring this baby home. For the second straight week, it works. Accentuate the strengths of this duo, which is Allison. Nigel thought it was great and thinks Allison is fantastic and mentions the phone call from Ivan's dad. Mary loves the pair and says Allison would be the winner if it ended tonight. Dan says that it didn't even look like a routine that they were just free-styling and that was just fun to watch. Agreed!

Now it's Jessica and the "guy who fell off the stage." Would pronouncing "G.W.F.O.T.S" as "James" be that much more retarded than spelling it "Jaymz"? I guess I'll stick with Jaymz since it's shorter. He prays to the hat o'doom for hip-hop, while Jessiker is hoping for Latin Ballroom to show off their spices or something. Jaymz gets his wish and they get hip-hop and Immediately Jessica puts on her bitch face. Shane immediately thinks Jaymz is over his head when it comes to hip-hop. Really? I think Jaymz is over his head when it comes to NOT FALLING OFF THE F'N STAGE! Shane also points out that Jessica not only sucks at popping, but is afraid of it. Okay, where's that wild and zany girl she promised us last week? I ain't seeing it. Shane blurts out an exasperated "You guys are sucking today" Jessica says he's a drill sergeant but an encouraging one. They have a love hate relationship with a scarf.

Heh they are dancing to Zapp and Roger, another old school jam. Okay Jessica has her hair all braided, while Jaymz looks like a Golfing Pimp. It's painful to watch. Their expressions are all wrong. It looks like vaudeville at points. If hip-hop is the dance of the streets, this is straight from Main Street, Honkeyville! Absolute friggin disaster. Nigel though they danced it well, but calls it hip=hop by numbers. Jessica says ballerina...poppin...she loved it and she's "gonna take some few classes when she gets home". Look at that hellion go! Mary thought it was a great performance protecting them a bit knowing it was difficult for him. Dan says they faked it but didn't make it. Then Jaymz finally reveals why my hatred of him has not been unwarranted. He says that as a jazz dancer and a ballerina that he'd like to see poppers and lockers learn their styles in three days. You've got to be kidding me. First of all dozens of poppers and breakers that are more marketable and more entertaining than your misspelling, pretentious, falling off the stage ass don't make it past the first stage of auditions for that very reason. Poor Jessica cuts him off but she can't stop the flood of assiness. He starts to whine that he only had three hours to learn that routine. ENTITLEMENT ALERT!!!

Sorry Jaymz, you cannot argue your way out of suck! Nigel promptly reminds him that all the dancers are put through the same thing he was. That's what the show is all about, he adds that other dancers who have been fish out of water have been outstanding. If they aren't in the bottom three tomorrow night I'll write him love poems for the next week.

Tags: So You Think You Can Dance, Reality TV, TV