American Idol the Top Ocho with J.Lo

This week on American Idol Ryan iforms us it's Latin Night! Sweet! It'll be like traditional Catholic Church chants yo! I can't wait to hear all these songs in a dead language. Ut est quam nos volvo combibo!

Our guest legend is this week is Jennifer Lopez. Jennifer Lopez? Maybe this is "junk in the trunk" week instead. Anyway I guess we'll be getting songs from Ricky Martin, Shakira, Enrique etc. Should be fun. If one of the guys were smart they'd snap up "Cup of Life". J.Lo's first lesson is that Latin music needs passion and that the goal is to make 'em feel ya.

Melinda Doolittle is really excited to sing Sway and J.Lo wants her to pump up the sultry side. Melinda bashfuls that she's so not sexy.

Anyway she'd be sexy for a 50 year old, because that's the vibe I'm getting here. She just looks like she's ready to sing for a benefit show. Sounds good as usual.

Randy thought it was solid. Paula thought she was smooth and sultry. Simon finally gets to sink his chops into Melinda saying it was louguey and cabaret and that she came off as much older. He keeps it going and calls the performance wooden and lazy. Sounds like it was a warning shot to the Doolittle Camp to make sure they call in.

Lakisha the legend ignorer is up next wearing a red and black cleavage showcase. Oh good lord, she'll be singing Conga...just like they've done anytime they want to put Latin flavor in the show. J.Lo has to give her lessons on how to properly pronounce Conga. As if I didn't hate the song enough already. J.Lo gives her help with her steps from the less is more school of dance.

Of course Lakisha opens the song and mispronounces Conga. Sigh. Well she is definitely more animated than she's ever been. Still, I can't control my rage at having to sit through this song. HATE HATE HATE. This song is flippin 20 years old. They were doing so well with the variety of songs this season too.

Randy gives it the hot yo hot. Paula actually criticizes this week and calls it safe! Simon agreed with Paula because it wasn't a singers song and it;'s a fun song but not fun for us and that the dancing wasn't very good. WORD!

Chris is singing "Smooth" and he can't seem to find the right key and that he can't
pronounce munequita. Oh good lord...

Man he sucks tonight. He's off key immediately and just sounds like ass. Now Rob Thomas didn't really add much to the Latin flair of this song, but next to Chris, he might as well be Roberto Tomas kickin' it live from Little Havanna. At least he's got a bad ass chain. Whatev. He's just awful and I we've already gone through three of the best singers.

Randy thought it was cool. Paula said it was hot and he's sexy. Simon preferred Chir to Lakisha and Melinda because it seemed contemporary. They are officially in protect him until the final four mode.

We cut into Haley the naked's session with her doing a run from "Turn the Beat Around" Seriously how many more f'n times are we gonna have to hear this song on this show. I know the singer was Hispanic, but is this really Latin Music? Didn't Diana Degarmo sing this on a disco night? Oh man my patience for this show is wearing thin. Well at least Hailey should be wearing interesting. Blake does a beatbox cameo to help Haley get the tempo of the song down. Hailey, you never let anyone into your spotlight time on IDOL! HATE!

Well she comes out wearing shorts so tiny that we can all guess her choice in feminine grooming. The songs a mess and she she's pretty much reduced to shakin' what her Momma gave her...again.

Randy keeps it real and calls it karaoke and it could have been in any bar. Paula said Haley had fun. Simon calls her on her shit and says she has an interesting tactic of wearing the least amount of clothes possible. He says that she can't outsing everyone and that her vocals were rushed. To her credit Haley walks of the comments like a champ.

Oh jeez Phil is singing "Maria, Maria" which means Latin for the guys so far means songs where Santana plays guitar. Phil gets distracted by J.Lo and she's not even bending over or anything. She tells Phil to concentrate.

It's not fair really to be objective because I hate this song so much. I swear in it's heydey it must have played every five minutes on every radio station since it crossed over just about every format. Anyway he screeches for the absent Carlos Santana and it's thankfully over.

Randy thought it didn't come together. Paula liked the vocal except for the end. Simon thought there was no originality, it was lifeless flat and nothing he could get excited over. In the "cloying move of the week" Phil totally out of nowhere mentions his daughter bought a stuffed cow and she named it Simon Cow. Shoot me now. What's next Phil, chanting U.S.A. after your song next week?

Jordin is up next and not too soon. Maybe this will breathe some life back in the show. Not so fast, me. We catch that she'll be singing "Rhythm is Gonna Get You", by the Miami Sound Machine...again. I mean wasn't Gloria Estefan night a few years ago good enough? Retire this stuff already show! J.Lo has an epiphany that Jordin evokes memories of Michael Jackson. Wha huh? J.Lo tells her to rock wit the song (all night). Ugh. I'm sucking as bad as the show this week.

The song starts and uh muh guh I so get the Michael Jackson reference. With the tempo slowed down and her soul stylings the song sounds a helluva lot like "Thriller" . This performance is totally out of a Miami Vice episode where they would have club singers cover popular songs of the day. I can just imagine Sonny and Rico setting up some gun deal with his cheezy Jamaican accent and Sonny's white jacket and teal shirt looking oh so radioactive. Still Jordin's perfomance was the least offensive for me so far tonight.

Randy says she's got the "Yo" factor on blast. Paula loves the fact that she's authentic. Simon is worried because he's not seeing a progression and that it was just "okay".

(Too Many technical problems this week with the screenies)

Let's see Blake was droopy, Sanjaya wasn't terribe, though his facial hair was.

Bottom three was Hailey, Phil and Chris

See ya Hailey.

Hopefully next week I won;t have these technical difficulties.