Wrestlemania XXIII: the stream of consciousness blog

This was the year I was going to give up watching wrestling. After the fake Rosie v. fake Donald fiasco a few months ago, I was done. Something happened though which I thought I'd never see again. The WWE actually built up compelling old-fashioned wrestling story lines to build the matches other than the Trump and McMahon hair vs. hair challenge. Everything else was laid out so well I could ignore the whole Donald vs. Vince mess.

The main event will see John Cena wrestle Shawn Michaels where it's all about the championship, nothing else, which is how it should be. In the co-main event Batista takes on the Undertaker in a fascinating match because according to the wrestling news outlets, the plan was for Batista to end Undertaker's Wrestlemania unbeaten streak. After the build up it seems like that's not going to be the case. Will there be a passing of the torch? The Money in the Bank ladder match promises to produce the next champion from the winner of this match sometime in the following year. The New Breed vs ECW Originals is probably the swan song for the true ECW era. Still I never thought I'd ever see guys like Tommy Dreamer and the Sandman 10 years after ECW's peak even sniffing a Wrestlemania. So here goes a live blog, cause that's how the TC and M rolls, suckas!

We cut into Ford Field in Detroit the crowd is announced at over 80,000 Aretha Franklin plays and sings "America the Beautiful" on the piano. Aretha got a choir waiting in the wings but they shoulda stayed their asses home, she's got this...

They open with an amalgam of the "All Grown Up" promos and which did an awesome job in building up this show as a legit event. You've got to give it up to the WWE they really know how to build the anticipation . It's much more effective than using the Pussycat Dolls for hyping up the NBA game of the week.

The King and J.R. kick off the show and the King touts that there are more people in Ford Field for tonight's event than there were for the Super Bowl. Well duh, the ring is smaller than a football field.

Money in the Bank Match

Holy crap! We're starting out with the Money in the Bank ladder match featuring The Hardys- Matt and Jeff, King Booker, Fit Finlay, C.M. Punk, Edge, Randy Orton, and my favorite Mr. Kennedy. Kennedy! The last high profile ladder match on a WWE PPV, Joey Mercury had his face smashed like a watermelon ina botched ladder spot. I'm excited to see what they pull out, but I never want to see anything like that again.

Interesting, they are letting the prospective announce teams build up their own "brand's" superstars. Smackdown guys are hyped by JBL and Cole, Joey and Taz had the mic for C.M. Punk and JR and King introduce Edge and Randy Orton. Kinda like a six man booth. The producers are gonna have a tough time keeping them from talking over each other I'd bet.

C.M. Punk is the first one busted open just two minutes in the match...so far they aren't keeping more than four of the eight men in the ring at once...oh man, they tease the same fulcrum spot that smashed Joey Mercury's face in, not cool...Kennedy takes the first nasty bump when he missed the Ken-ton bomb and hit all ladder...we get Hardy on Hardy action early, at the top of the ladder...Edge almost speared the field ...C.M. Punk does the old Terry Funk whirlybird ladder spot, heh...Edge does the first off-the-ladder-to-the-floor spill...Oh my god Jeff Hardy climbed the top of the ladder and did a legdrop on Edge who was draped across the ring apron breaking the ladder underneath, absolutely sick...

Edge is stretchered out...now Orton runs off three RKO's...C.M Punk gets the RKO off the ladder...looks like they are gonna weed out the field by stretchering them out...now Booker gives Orton the bookend off the ladder...Booker gives up the briefcase to save Queen Sharmell, chump...Matt Hardy gets a Celtic Cross on the ladder from Finlay...now we get the midget, I take it back, I hate wrestling! Kennedy meets the midget at the top of the ladder and gives the leprechaun the Green Bay Plunge off the ladder.Kennedy smashes Punk in the face with the ladder and grabs the briefcase for the win. Mr. Kennedy is now Mr. Money in the Bank. Bank!

Good match, but there wasn't a definitive "Holy Shit!" spot. Shelton Benjamin was missed here. I'm glad Kennedy won, it should make for interesting times on Smackdown.

Kane vs Kali

Smoke break time! Hopefully it'll be over when I get back...it's not which sucks...Kane did slam Kali which was a first, nobody really cares though...Kane gets the tree slam shortly after...Kali covered him with his foot. Kane did what he could, but this match was teh suxors.

Kali grabs Kane's chain and chokes him out. This just means we'll get more Kali in the future. Total waste of time.

Backstage we see Eugene Cryme Tyme, Extreme Expose, and Mae Young and Moolah and the SLICKSTER!!! The Doctor of Style!!! I love wrestling again! They're doing a dance off in the back! Here comes Dusty Rhodes! Jimmy Hart! Irwin R. Shyster! Ricky the Dragon Steamboat! Ron Simmons closes it with "Damn!" They made something out of nothing and turned it into a lot of fun.

Man, I miss Slick. If the Doctor of Style was before your time, here's a sample of just how awesome he was. Watch this clip of "Jive Soul Bro". You won't regret it. I wouldn't lie to y'all, 'cause honest-ay is the best polic-ay!Seeing the Twin Towers, Big Bossman and Akeem, the African Dream strut to the ring to that song was a sight to behold

United States Heavyweight Title Match: MVP v. Chris Benoit (Champion)


MVP comes out with a squad of cheerleaders. This is the guy who Benoit had beaten in less than five minutes in a series of matches less than a year ago. I don't know if I've ever seen him win an actual match. His opponent Chris Benoit is one of my favorite wrestlers and this should be interesting. Benoit is rumored to be going to RAW after this so he might do the job tonight.

Looks like Benoit is going to put MVP over tonight, giving a lot of technical exchanges to his opponent. Benoit is making MVP look like a champ so far...MVP does belly to back suplex with Benoit's arm behind his back, that's new...Cole and JBL are hyping MVP's technical skill, this may be Benoit's crowning achievement as a wrestler, making MVP look like top notch talent...hmm, Benoit hits the swan dive and pulls it out. Well, I guess you can put the MVP push on hold.

Trump does a backstage skit with the Boogeyman. I hate wrestling.

The Fink is out to introduce this year's Hall of Fame inductees. Jim Ross, Nick Bockwinkle, Curt Henning, Mr. Fuji, Afa and Sika the Wild Samoans, The Sheik, Jerry Lawler and Dusty Rhodes. Very touching moment and a nice break in the action. Small note on the H of F inductions last night. One hour was way too short. Now I'm gonna have to shell out money for the full length DVD. Haters!

World Heavyweight Title Match: The Undertaker vs. Batista (Champion)

The Undertaker and Batista is up next. Man, that's early in the show, for both a World Title Match and a match featuring the longest running star in the WWE, the Undertaker. I expect them to put on a hell of a show because of this. Maybe Batista will look halfway decent in this match. I'm betting the streak stays intact to Batista, but if it were me I'd send Kennedy into the ring right after to cash in. In.

Undertaker has a spectacular entrance to Gregorian chants and at least 20 torch bearing druids. IT sure beats his entrance to Limp Bizkit's "Rollin". He comes out ols-school Taker style with the hat and trench coat. Man, I hope the producer's of HBO's soon to be "Preacher" series is watching this. Undertaker would make a perfect Saint of Killers. He's got his game face on and I love that they are treating the 14 match Wrestlemania winning streak as something important in a sporting sense.

The match starts out as a hard hitting brawl...it's one sided Batista so far, he even hits a shoulder block off the top rope. Batista looks better than he ever has...crowd is almost all Undertaker...Taker pulls out Old School early and hits it, good back and forth so far...Taker does a SICK guillotine legdrop with Batista hanging off the apron. Undertaker follows it up with PLANCHA! They've definitely turned it up for tonight, which is all you can ask for as a fan...our first table spot of the night has Batista giving Taker a stampede powerslam off one table to another... whoa Taker hits the Last Ride and the crowd explodes, just gets a two count, Batista responds with a spinebuster, Undertaker rises up, Taker hits the chokeslam, two count only, Batista with a Batista Bomb, Taker kicks out! Taker hits the tombstone! R.I.P. Batista! Taker wins. This was the first match that really felt like a Mania Match and hell it delivered. We're only at the halfway point of the show. The streak lives! Hell of a match.

Eight Man Tag Match The New Breed (Marquis Cor Von, Elijah Burke, Matt Stryker, Kevin Thorne) vs. The ECE Originals (Rob Van Dam, Sabu, Sandman, Tommy Dreamer)

The ECW tag match is up next. The ECW originals all spill out of the crowd. I can only imagine what this crowd would be like if Sandman was allowed to do his "Enter Sandman" entrance. Not looking forward to seeing this one...the crowd is kinda dead for this as well...three minutes in and no weapons, this isn't the ECW I knew and loved...hot tag to RVD, I forgot how talented this guy is...5 Star Frog Splash! Originals win!!! I didn't see that coming. I am genuinely happy to see this. Tommy Dreamer has tears in his eyes. It's surreal seeing Sabu, RVD, Tommy Dreamer and Sandman celebrating in the ring. The WWE chose not to piss on the old time fans of another organization and I couldn't be more psyched! I love wrestling again!

Hair vs. Hair Match Bobby Lashley (representing Donald Trump) vs. Umaga (representing Vince McMahon

Now for the special attraction match. Vince v. Donald, Umaga v. Bobby Lashley. I love the fact that they have Trump as the baby face in this match, but it's Trump that the people want to see lose. I mean McMahon has had everything done to him that you could imagine from being beaten within an inch of his life last year down to peeing in his pants. Seeing Vince humiliated just isn't a big deal. Plus as far as hair vs. hair matches go, I was more excited when "#1" Paul Jones put up his hair against the hair of Boogie Woogie Man Jimmy Valiant's old lady Big Mama. Chanting "Bald Headed Geek" at that old Great American Bash ruled!

Armando doesn't get to do his intro. Boo. Trump enters to, nothing really. He does make it rain like Pac Man Jones, though. I think this could be one of those rare matches where the crowd wishes that both sides would lose. The only guy who gets a pop is special referee Steve Austin. Makes you wonder about what the real drawing power of this match.

This match is a snoozer...five minutes in not much until Umaga hits Stone Cold with a Samoan Spike, that was dumb...Shane McMahon attacks Lashley, even dumber...Shane hits trashcan Van Terminator coast to coast dropkick. Shane puts a referee shirt, Umaga hits a splash, Stone Cold pulls Shane out at two only to get another Samoan Spike, what a clusterfuck...Trump's has had enough and mounts Vince...Stone Cold ducks a third spike hits Umaga with a stunner, Lashley follows with a spear and it's so long Umaga. Lots of dragging out of the actual shaving...snore

After Vince leaves, Austin stunned teh Donald!!! Trump didn't sell it all that well though he was up pretty soon afterwards. I hate celebrity wrestling matches.

WWE Women's Title Match: Ashley vs. Melena (Champion)
Diva match before the main event. It's a "lumber-jill" match. See a lumberjack match is where they have wrestlers surround the ring keeping the participants from escaping. Since all the participants are female...I hate wrestling again.

Melena does a giant swing! Melena also gets the duke with a Bob Backlund-esque saddleblock with a bridge. Lumberjill catfight! It's a nothing match but it was short and better than Kali v. Kane.

Main Event WWE Tile Match: Shawn Michaels vs. John Cena (Champion)

Wow, after an impressive montage intro the match has more big match feel than the last 10 boxing PPVs I've ordered. This is reminiscent of the Ultimate Warrior vs. Hulk Hogan build up where it's anyone's match to win between two fan favorites. I love it I can suspend disbelief for the next half hour plus and treat this like sports.

Michaels' entrance is rather pedestrian, nothing like his zip line entrance against Bret Hart. Cena on the other hand comes in from outside the building in a Ford Mustang breaking through the arena glass. He gets enough boos to make it audible. We also get an attempted Wrestlemania streaker who is dispatched, ignored and side stepped by the announcers.

Five minutes in Cena hits a big clothesline and is greeted with deep seated Boos. Definitely a Shawn Michaels crowd...Holy crap, Michaels hits a moonsault plancha and pins Cena's back against the table, Cena looks like J.T. Smith in the old ECW intros. The human back wasn't meant to bend that way...Cena is selling a knee injury...ten minutes in the match and it's all Michaels, he's working the leg like Ric Flair...this match is turning into an old school NWA match and it's awesome...Cena is making a comeback at it is raining boos, Michaels is busted up. "You Can't See Me" is also booed...we get a ref bump as Cena ducks sweet chin music. They should have kept this match free of this stuff. Michaels counters an F.U with a DDT...Michaels gives Cena a piledriver on the steel steps! Ref is still out and Cena has a gash in his scalp. Substitute ref comes in and Cena kicks out. Michaels hits the flying forearm, kip up and hits the flying elbow. Tuning up the band...Cena cuts off sweet chin music with a clothesline...Cena after two attempts finally hits the F.U. KICKOUT! Some great exchanges and an STFU is escaped...Michaels hits the superkick. KICKOUT!STFU in the middle of the ring out of nowhere! Shawn taps!!! Oh man what a hell of a wrestling match. I love wrestling again!

Tech Tags: Wrestlemania