Don't depress me, "Survivor"

T-minus two hours to the "Survivor" premier, and things aren't looking good. In fact, it's looking like the first immunity challenge will be something involving shark-jumping.

I have a strange relationship with "Survivor." Since I'm gonna blog about it (a lot, it appears) I feel the need to explain.

For years, I was the one who didn't watch reality TV. At all. "Read a book," I'd sneer, as the cooler kids planned tiki-themed watching parties and gossiped about Jeri and Colby.

I didn't know Richard Hatch was the naked guy who didn't pay his taxes, and I was happy that way. I didn't bother "Survivor," and it didn't bother me.

Fast forward to 2003. My father had a series of illness and mishaps that led to a slow decline. He spent nearly seven months in hospitals and rehab facilities, and that meant I did too.

As time passed, he lost interest in most of the things he'd enjoyed -- even football. Desperate for anything to talk about besides test results and infection counts, I latched on to the last thing he'd rouse himself for -- "Survivor."

It was "Survivor: Pearl Islands" -- yeah, the one with that Rupert guy in the tie-dye shirts. But my dad *loved* Rupert, and every Thursday he'd get a little stronger, a little more alert -- at least from 8-9 p.m. So I watched "Survivor" too, and we could talk about how many fish Rupert caught or how rotten Johnny Fairplay was and try to forget about all the other stuff.

And when he died, we even arranged the funeral so my husband, my mom and I would be home in time to watch Rupert. I haven't missed an episode since.

It's the strangest things that keep you sane.

So don't fuck with me, Mark Burnett!!!!!

I know why you dropped the race bomb -- "Survivor" was slipping in the ratings, and needed some press. And you got it.

But was this the press you were looking for? ABC News reports that white-supremacist Web sites are buzzing, and according to Yahoo, internet searches for the terms "Survivor protest" and "Survivor racism" are way, way up.

Way to brand, jackass.

I don't agree with your little race war, and I didn't like it when the teams were separated by gender or age, either. There's ethical reasons, but there's a basic one for me, the watcher -- it's boring!

For some reason, "Survivor" contestants tend to cling to the people on their first tribe like they've been BFF from age five. Last season, Casaya was so disfunctional CBS should have flown in Dr. Phil. This group *hated* one another. But they stuck together and merrily voted all the "outsiders" off after the merge. The race thing? Yeah, it will probably only last three episodes or less, but it will make this tendency that much worse.

Foregone conclusions aren't much fun.

So I'll watch -- damn you Mark Burnett, I always watch! But don't expect me to be nice about it.

War is hell.