Ladies and Gentlemen YOUR 2006 Fantasy Football Yatta!

*The bullet points are correct when you view whole article so go do that now. -PAJ
Aight, my Fantasy Football league, The Masters of Terror, had it's draft this weekend, and once again I chumped out and had to stay in Cali over the weekend. Yes, I am THAT guy in our fantasy league. Still, our Commish is really organized so I was able to draft via chat room and website with the rest of the Away team, which also included our only only female member and two-time champ, whose due date for her first child was the same day as the draft. Seriously, yo, when you're in the Masters of Terror you roll hardcore! If you're wondering about the picture of half naked Japanese men wearing fig leaves, sadly that is the logo of my team, Team Yatta. A few years ago I lost the "Shame Bowl" where I my opponent got to rename my team and choose my logo. I would have rather lost a hair versus hair match. A string of bad years has left me unable to get my autonomy back...did I mention that we're all a bunch of assholes too?

So there are several things I've learned about draft day over the years:

• Our league as a whole is pretty damn good, so you CANNOT afford to take chances against those fuckers. To even have a chance in our league you have to play it close to the vest, you cannot take chances or they will make you pay. If you don't come correct, they will steal your handcuffs, take your favorite players, and leave you scrambling all day and eventually all season long.

• You must draft your running backs early, no matter what the overall ranking cheat sheets say. You have to follow suit or else you're fucked.

• You must throw your fan loyalty out of the window. You know why? Because odds are your favorite team is gonna suck the year you build around their players. Also we all know who our favorites are and we use that to the greatest psychological advantage possible. That being said HOW BOUT DEM COWBOYS?
  

• There is always a Quarterback run. Sometime around rounds 4-6 The bottom half of the top 12 Quarterbacks will go in a hurry. If you get shut out you'd better get lucky with your top picks. Last year, I got stuck with Chad Pennington, Kurt Warner, and Tim Rattay as my quarterbacks. I thought I had recovered from that when I traded for Daunte Culpepper after the draft...then he got hurt. Never again.

• Stay away from any team highlights or NFL Film Yearbooks the week before the draft. Though entertaining, it's all propaganda to make even the shittiest team look good. You don't want "The 49'ers: Heading for a Gold Rush" or "The Jets: On the Runway to Success" or the "Vikings: Cruising to Victory" clouding your judgement. I should have learned the year I was drafting from Phoenix and I picked second-year Cardinal, Thomas Jones over a rookie Ladanian Tomlinson. It's one of the times I wish I could punch past-me in the face.
  

• Keep the Drama Llama at bay!!! For me the Drama Llama likes to come spitting my direction in August. I've had two drafts that coincided with the beginning of the end of different serious relationships. Needless to say, I wasn't hardcore enough to pull off good drafts those years. Stupid Drama Llama!
  

• The last and most controlling rule for motivation, If you fuck up at all, it will be a punchline for the rest of your life...channel the Zamundan concession workers who meet Hakeem in "Coming to America"...the rest of your life!

So here's how it went down. We have a 12 team keeper league with Individual Defensive Players (IDP). We keep two players each from the previous season. My keepers this year were RB's Tiki Barber and LaMont Jordan. So my running backs are solid, but older, so the guideline for the first pick was best young player available. Here's how the first 10 rounds played out.

Rounds one and two: our keepers

Larry Fitzgerald, Cardinals WR Rd. 3.04 (28)
Players selected before my pick: Reggie Bush, Chester Taylor, Chad Johnson
Players selected after my pick: Warrick Dunn, Randy Moss, De'shaun Foster, Reggie Wayne, Jamal Lewis
Thoughts: I was really hoping for Reggie Bush or Chad Johnson, but Fitzgerald had a monster year for the Yatta last year. I was seriously thinking about Moss though, just because as long as he is in the league he will be my favorite player.

Corey Dillon, Patriots RB Rd. 4.09 (45)
Players picked before: Joseph Addai, Chris Chambers, Mike Bell, Torry Holt, Anquan Boldin
Players picked after: Tatum Bell, Donald Driver, Matt Hasselbeck, Laurence Mulroney, Hines Ward, Roy Williams
Thoughts: I got the second to last primary back available, the plan was to get Mulroney as a handcuff in the later rounds, but no one was willing to risk getting shut out of RB's this year. I think having a good back-up will actually be good for Dillon, I'm just hoping he stays healthy. If he has a good year, I'll be tough to beat.

Plaxico Burress, Giants WR Rd 5.04 (52)
Players Picked before: Picked after Roy Williams
Players picked after: Santanna Moss, Jeremy Shockey, TJ Houshmandzadeh, Joey Galloway, Derrick Mason, Wali Lundi
Thoughts: I thought about getting Brandon Jacobs here, since EVERYONE was going after backs. Burress makes a great #2 option as a WR and Eli should be even better this year.

Marc Bulger, Rams QB Rd 6.09 (69)
Players picked before: Dominic Rhodes, Joe Horn, Jake Delhomme, Eli Manning, Dante Culpepper
Players Picked After: Fred Taylor, Keith Bulluck, Todd Heap, Cedric Benson, Michael Vick, Jake Plummer
Thoughts: I got in on the Quarterback run in the middle, I was really hoping for Delhomme or Eli, and my experience with Culpepper would have made it tough for me to pick him. Plus, I hate the Dolphins more than any other team. It was either Bulger or Trent Green and I chose Bulger because of the turf factor. Well, that and the coin came up heads.

Donte Stallworth, Eagles WR Rd. 7.04 (76)
Players Picked before: I got the next pick after Plummer
Players picked after: Matt Jones, Ahman Green, Jonathan Vilma, Alge Crumpler, Brian Urlacher, Zach Thomas, Ray Lewis
Thoughts: My first questionable pick, Stallworth is a real Gamble as my #3 reciever. I thought really hard about Ahman Green or a linebacker. Travis Henry and Chris Brown were still on the board, but I don't know jack about the Titans. A decent year by Green would have meant at the very least, trade bait. Since the LB run happened, I decide to push IDPs back to the later rounds. Oh crap, I should have picked Jacobs here.

Brandon Jacobs, Giants RB Rd 8.09 (93)
Players picked before: Lee Evans, Vernand Morency, Trent Green, Mike Peterson, Terry Glenn
Players picked after: Troy Polamalu, Eddie Kennison, LenDale White, Terrence McGee, Ben Watson, Lofa Tatupu
Thoughts: I was sweating bullets that someone would swipe him. I have insurance for Tiki now and a potential keeper if he blows up this year. I didn't consider anyone else in this spot.

Mushin Muhammad, Bears WR Rd 9.04 (100)
Players picked before: I picked after Tatupu
Players picked after: Chris Cooley, Antonio Pierce, Jerious Norwood, Steve Merriman, Jason Witten
Thoughts: Moose was too good to pass up at this point. Even with shitty Bears QB's he still puts up good numbers. He's probably a better #3 reciever than Stallworth.

Kellen Winslow Jr. Browns TE, Rd 10.09 (117)
Players picked before: Reggie Brown, Drew Brees, Laverneaus Coles, Michael Clayton, Mick Barnett
Players picked after: Keenan McCardell, Aaron Brooks, Deion Branch, David Givens, Antonio Bryant
Thoughts: I could have probably waited a round or two but I really wanted him as a TE. If he's recovered from his injuries I have a steal even this early. If I had to do it over again I would have taken Aaron Brooks as my backup QB, Antonio Bryant was looking good too, I thought he would have slipped another round.

The rest of my team turns out like this: Donnie Edwards LB, Phillip Rivers QB, Verron Haynes RB, J.J. Arrington RB, Doug Gabriel WR, Shelton Quarles LB, Julian Peterson LB, Takeo Spikes LB, Nate Kaeding PK, Bubba Franks TE

I'm pretty solid all the way around. Barring some horrendous luck or an itchy trigger finger I should be okay. As promised, I'll keep sports talk on Tortilla Chips and Milk to a minumum. I'll be covering the Masters of Terror in our sister site Funky Chicken Sports Then you can see how the Yatta rolls!

Tags: Fantasy Football