Perky Gravitas

So people have been in a tizzy over Katie Couric for months now. But all the debate over whether she was too perky, or had the resume for hard news, and was that photo altered boiled down to this: She's reading the news, and she's got boobs. Is the American public ready for that?

But I would have thought, given all the questions and hype, that CBS would have stuck to hard news, at least for the first few newscasts. Let's prove that Katie's has got what it takes.

Now the James Horner theme and Cronkite voiceover make the cut, but she's so so very happy to be here! And here's what's news tonight -- Tom f'ing Cruise!



Look -- it's a baby. Wow -- there's a news flash for you. And for some reason, we don't get to see the bronzed poo. Very sad. But scoop or no, celebrity news was *not* the way to kick off the Couric era. And the cheesy clip of Prince Charles' baby shots beforehand didn't convince me that this is some sort of grand tradition at the Tiffany network.

Having another sorta-celebrity (Morgan Spurlock of "Supersize Me" and "30 Days") provide the commentary didn't help, either. Neither did showing some skin with the in-front-of the desk shot at the end of the show.

"Good evening. I'm Katie Couric, and this is the CBS Evening No-News."

But best of luck to you, Katie, and for the record, I think your sign-off should be an over-the-head finger snap with "I'm out, bitches!"